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Everything posted by RepublicServicesVolunteer

  1. Before I discovered aromanticism and asexuality, I thought nothing of my lack of attraction. I thought I was "straight by default", and until sophomore or junior year of high school, I thought others were kidding with the whole "couples" practice. I learned of aromanticism and asexuality during my senior year of high school. It wouldn't have hurt or helped me to have known of the terms sooner. I didn't need to know them sooner. Discovering the terms gave me no revelations and it solved no problems (since there were none to begin with). I discovered each term in perfect timing.
  2. Even that is too much sex for me. My standards are so high, that if anyone so much as thinks about any relationship with me other than friendship or acquaintanceship, those people already do not meet my standards !!
  3. As others have said, ghost him. Ignore him. If you see him again, maybe try yelling at him the most foul of curse words and embarrass him to the point where he won't even want to acknowledge that you exist. That'll get the attention of those around you ! If he still continues, call authorities for a potential restraining order, etc. If he still continues, see if he can't be exiled from France (perhaps send him to TON 618 [the largest known black hole in existence]?). If he persists yet more, it'll be time to have authorities execute him (though this should ONLY be a last resort). It's understandable to feel guilty in this situation -- I don't blame you. HOWEVER: Him being "nice" is only a façade so as to psychologically trick you into thinking he's a good person with good intentions. If he gets you far enough into his grip where he thinks it'll be unlikely that you'll escape, his true colors will emerge, and he might even be WORSE than those creeps you may have seen on TV !! Also note that, as you mentioned in this excerpt, his "no" didn't sound very nice. That gives me a clue that he already has no good intentions in mind for you and is only trying to control you, while sounding "nice" only if you're agreeable (based on what you said, it sounded like he was only "nice" most of the time because you were agreeable most of the time...). His tone of voice with the "no" already revealed what kind of a person he is. If you want to know a person's true colors, don't give them what they want and see how they react. What I've said may seem harsh, but it's a wake-up call to the actual intents of these real-world creeps.
  4. I don't cuddle with people. The most intimate form of touch I've done is hugging, but I much prefer handshakes, fist bumps, and high-fives.
  5. A couple weeks ago, I was removing a full garbage liner from a garbage bin near a Starbucks area. I looked up randomly, and a girl was looking right at me, as in, she wouldn't take her eyes off me. She kept looking at me, taking her eyes away only briefly. At one point, she even smiled slightly while looking at me. Granted, I was sporting my spiky hair and trademark beard which made me look fairly aesthetically attractive. However, I couldn't help but wonder why she was looking at me. I had the feeling that she thought I was attractive, but when someone stares directly at me like that, I can't help but feel a bit uncomfortable. My only regret is not walking directly up to her and asking her "what gives?".
  6. You might be aro if, when a person looks at you like they're attracted to you aesthetically/sexually/romantically etc., you only look back at them and think "why is this person looking at me?".
  7. Here's a video that fascinates me about the states of humanity and of the world. Do you want this to be a reality? Even if this does become reality, remember, it's always darkest before dawn.

  8. Some years back, responses were shared from the "You Might Be Aro If..." list. Here are my responses. When you discovered the word “aromantic,” it felt like something finally clicked into place for you. Not really, per se. I’ve never questioned why I didn’t want romantic relationships. It wasn’t on my radar. Identifying as aromantic makes you feel relieved, free, happy, or more like yourself. When I first heard the term “aromantic”, I never felt relieved, as I never thought anything to be wrong with me. I did feel free, happy (and proud), and more like myself. When you discovered the concept of a “squish”, suddenly a lot of things made more sense to you. Kind of, I suppose. You have trouble telling the difference between romantic and friendly feelings. From myself, no. I make sure my intentions/actions are never seen as romantic by others. From others, yes, at times, but not usually. You’ve never had a crush on someone or fallen in love. I’ve never had a crush, and I’ve never fallen in romantic love. I have fallen in friendship-type love with those whose values are aligned with my own. You’re not sure if you’ve ever had a crush on someone or fallen in love. I’m pretty sure I’ve never had a crush or fallen in (romantic) love. You have trouble telling the difference between a crush and a squish, or between romantic and aesthetic/sexual/sensual attraction. I think this happened once in high school. I felt aesthetic attraction and thought, “Is this sexual attraction?” Nowadays, no, I don’t have trouble telling the difference. You have doubted whether crushes or love really exist, or if they’re just cultural constructs. I’m sure they exist, but they’ve simply never occurred for me. You find romance boring, annoying or upsetting when it appears in fiction, even if it’s written well. I don’t read much fiction, so I’m not sure. I suppose I’d be ok with a romantic subplot if it was completely necessary for the main plot. Other than that, it might be annoying to varying degrees, based on the necessity the romance has to the main plot. You once thought that having a crush on someone meant you admired them or really wanted to be their friend. No. I never thought about crushes much at all. You thought crushes were something you consciously decided to have, and selected an acquaintance or celebrity to be your crush, because everyone else was doing it. As I mentioned in the last point, I never thought about crushes much. You forgot which acquaintance or celebrity you were supposed to have a crush on. N/A — I never felt the need to choose someone to be my “crush”. If you’re not asexual, a “friends with benefits” relationship sounds ideal to you. I’m a sex-repulsed asexual, so HELL NO! You have trouble relating, or feeling involved, when your friends discuss their romantic relationships or romantic feelings. True, I usually don’t contribute or I try to leave the group if romance is the main topic. Thankfully, it’s been at least a few years since I’ve been in such a situation. Falling in love doesn’t seem very exciting to you. Romantically? Hell no! Falling in love with concepts that interest me? Of course! You don’t understand why other people make such a big deal out of having crushes or falling in love. Not really, at least not from my perspective. You don’t understand why people do ridiculous, irrational or over-the-top things in the name of love. Not really, at least not from my perspective. You don’t understand why finding someone sexually/aesthetically attractive would lead you to want a committed relationship with them. Not really, at least not from my perspective. Or, maybe you sort of understand those things in an abstract way, but you can’t really relate to them. If I look at it from the perspective of the person in love, it might be more understandable for me, though that most definitely doesn’t make it any more relatable. You have never had a romantic relationship - not because you couldn’t get one, but because you just never really bothered to try, or you liked being single better. I’ve never had a romantic relationship, ever. I’ve never bothered to try, out of lack of interest and the freedom I find in being unpartnered (I much prefer this term over the word “single”. The energy behind the word “single” is charged with the stigma of being unpartnered, yet being in the romance market for a partner sometime down the road. The energy behind the word “unpartnered” has a neutral charge when it comes to romance, and doesn’t seem to imply that one will ever want a romantic partner.). When a romantic relationship gets serious, it makes you feel cold, distant or uncomfortable. N/A — I’ve never been in a romantic relationship. If I were, I’d be cold, distant, AND uncomfortable well before the relationship would get serious. I’d feel these feelings if someone even merely mentioned that they’d want a romantic relationship with me! If I’m closer to the person in wavelength, I’ll still certainly feel uncomfortable, but won’t be cold or distant with them. I’d simply tell them that I don’t want a romantic relationship in general. Getting a romantic partner feels more like fulfilling an obligation, or something you’re supposed to do, than something you’re really enthusiastic about. I am so strong in my relationship with myself that I don’t feel obligated or pressured to get a romantic partner, even if society or other individuals in my life are attempting to pressure me into getting one (their attempts have been rendered futile). Your romantic partners always seem to be way more into the lovey-dovey stuff than you are. N/A — I’ve never been in a romantic relationship. A likable person suggests having a romantic relationship with you, and you’re indifferent to it - you’re open to trying it, but you won’t get disappointed without it. Other people may find your indifference bizarre or think you’re giving off mixed messages. This is most definitely false. True, I’m not disappointed without a romantic relationship, but I’m also NOT open to trying one. If the person isn’t coming on strong about the relationship, I’ll politely decline. If they are coming on strong, I’ll have to be a little harsher and a little more direct with them. You have felt guilty about not loving your romantic partner as much as they loved you, even though you sincerely cared about them and wanted to love them back. N/A — Even if this did happen in a hypothetical romantic relationship, I wouldn’t feel guilty, as I already have a solid relationship with/understanding of myself and what I want in life. You have felt suffocated, repressed or tense in a romantic relationship, even though you really liked your partner and they hadn’t done anything wrong. N/A — though if I were in a romantic relationship, my intuition tells me that this would be the case. When your last romantic relationship ended, you felt relieved and free more than you felt sad, even if your partner broke it off, and even if you liked them very much as a person. N/A — though if I were in a romantic relationship, my intuition tells me that this would be the case. You’re more excited by making a new best friend than by falling in love. Yes, though I’m even more excited by discovering my inner universe and learning more about myself via that. You wouldn’t mind marrying your best friend and spending your life with them, even though you’re not in love with them. False You’d rather spend Friday night having a sleepover party with your buddies than going out on a date. True, but I usually want to spend the night alone, where it’s quiet. You want a best friend much more than you want a romantic relationship. True It’s not so much the idea of being single forever that bothers you, so much as being alone or unwanted. Being unpartnered doesn’t bother me in the least! I also like to be alone with my thoughts a good portion of the time, so that doesn’t bother me — I’m a lone wolf! As far as being unwanted by others, that doesn’t matter as long as one is 100% happy and accepting of their truest, most authentic self. If others don’t accept you for you, they’re not meant to be in your life. When you accept your authentic self, you’re not unwanted. You want you! You are either oblivious to other people flirting with you, or feel uncomfortable or threatened by it. I don’t think I’m oblivious to people flirting with me (I used to be when I was a kid). Quite the opposite — I think I’m hyper sensitive to flirtatious gestures, and I do feel uncomfortable (and sometimes threatened, if I sense sexual intentions along with the gestures) when I think others might be flirting with me. You are sometimes perceived as flirtatious when you only meant to be friendly. HELL NO! I ensure that my intentions are NOT perceived as romantic by others. You live in a large community and see or meet hundreds of people around your age every year, but none of them have ever stirred romantic feelings in you. This was the case at university, and no one stirred romantic feelings in me there. I don’t live in a community like that now, so if it didn’t happen there, there’s no chance it’s happening where I am now. You recognize whether something is romantic or not by comparing it to other gestures, words and signals that your culture has taught you are romantic, rather than “feeling” the romance of it intuitively. Now that I think about it, I do think this is how I recognize whether something is romantic or not, but the recognition process happens very fast in my head. When you say or do romantic things, it feels like you’re following a script or copying romantic things you’ve seen elsewhere, rather than something spontaneous and natural to you. I don’t say or do romantic things, though I feel that this would be the case, were I to say or do such things. When thinking about what sort of person you’d want to date, your criteria are identical to what you would want from a best friend. I don’t want to date anyone, so no. There are no “criteria” for dating prospects because I want no dating prospects to come my way. The main benefit you get from a romantic relationship is either platonic, sensual, sexual, or a combination of those; the romantic aspect is okay but it’s not really the part you like most. N/A — I’ve never been in a romantic relationship. I’d get no benefits from such a relationship. You have trouble imagining romantic activities that you would enjoy, unless those activities are also fun or interesting for you on a platonic or intellectual level. If there’s romance implied in any activity, count me out! If I’m doing certain activities with a friend (or a group of friends), I’ll be fine. You feel like your closest friends and/or queerplatonic partners are better at fulfilling your emotional needs than romantic partners would be. Absolutely! Having just a handful of quality friends will meet some of my emotional needs (while quality alone time will meet the rest). You would rather be huggy, cuddly or emotionally intimate with all of your friends instead of reserving your intimacy for just one person. I don’t want to be huggy or cuddly with anyone. I’d say I’m only emotionally intimate with a handful of people. You would rather have a queerplatonic relationship than a typical romantic relationship. No. I’d prefer to remain unpartnered. You don’t feel as if you’re missing anything in your life right now; having a romantic partner might be nice, but you don’t need it or seek it out. As far as having a partner goes, no. I’m not missing anything (anything beneficial, anyway). No, having a romantic partner wouldn’t be nice for me. It would be suffocating. The idea of being single forever sounds awesome to you. One could say that. If you replace the word “single” with the word “unpartnered”, then I’d 100% resonate with this. You enjoy gestures and activities that are traditionally labeled “romantic,” but at no point during them do you actually feel attracted to whoever you’re with. If something is traditionally seen as romantic, don’t involve me. If whomever I’m with implies romance or anything other than friendship/acquaintanceship when I’m with them, I’ll want OUT of their presence immediately. You don’t enjoy gestures and activities that are traditionally labeled romantic, either because the romance aspect bothers you, or because all of them are just plain unappealing to you. Both — the romance aspect bothers me, it’s unappealing, and it’s repulsive. You avoid going places where people are likely to flirt with you, such as bars, parties, nightclubs, and concerts. I avoid these places anyway, because of the loud music and environment, but if I’m more likely to be flirted with as well at such places, that just adds one more reason why I’m glad I avoid those places. Thankfully, where I am, it’s easy to avoid places like these, since I haven’t seen any around my area. You’re not sure why other people enjoy romantic stories; you usually just find the lead characters to be annoying, boring or dysfunctional. I don’t care if others like romantic stories. As my grandmother has said: “different strokes for different folks”. As long as no one is forcing me to read or be engaged in such stories, I’m 100% neutral. I haven’t read romantic stories that much, so I don’t know how I’d define the lead characters. You like the idea of having a big wedding celebration more than the idea of actually marrying someone. Most definitely not. Big celebrations that revolve around me haven’t been events that I need in my life that much.
  9. @Warhawk Hello, and welcome to Arocalypse! I like your name and your profile picture. I have a bird at my house. She's an African Grey. I suppose I get what you mean about being seen as more mature because of a lack of interest in romantic/sexual endeavors. I don't mind it much, but you're right in that it doesn't make us any better or more special than people who do have interests in romantic/sexual endeavors. If you and I had those interests, we might as well be "immature" ourselves! Based on your profile name and that you like heavy metal, have you heard of the band Sabaton? I'm attracted to their music, as a part of me is intrigued by war, hardship, and discipline. P.S., I'm surprised that no one has commented here before I did, given that you started this welcome thread more than 5 hours ago.
  10. I'm curious: were you raised with a form of Christianity? I know some of the principles of Christianity revolve around families, marriage, and (I'm speculating) the "white picket fence" lifestyle.
  11. What a true, honest, authentic experience that was shared by the author of this thread!
  12. I have two aromantic moments. They're pretty well thought-out speculations. 1) In Home Alone 1, Kevin McCallister gets into a quarrel with his brother. Kevin's entire family automatically blames him. Kevin becomes so fed up with his family that he can be heard stomping from the upstairs area, saying "When I grow up and get married, I'm living alone!" My thoughts: If you get married, you won't be living alone. You'll have a spouse. Do you really want that? Also, I think amatonormativity is so ingrained in society that the concept of marriage is automatically paired with growing up. 2) Let's examine the word "bastard". It's used as an insult/swear word. A bastard is simply a person who was born away from wedlock. So, based on this definition, we're going to insult someone by saying that they were born away from wedlock? Why should that be an insult?? Methinks it has something to do with the fact that concepts like romance and (especially) marriage have been given so much societal importance as to be engrained into socially "normal" and "acceptable" practices.
  13. During a point at university, I was living with a roommate who had a girlfriend. One time, his girlfriend texted him (I think), and his phone died before he got the chance to respond. He put his phone onto the charger, but since his phone was completely dead, it took a few minutes before it would let him turn it on again. He was asking me what he should do, because he wanted to text her immediately out of fear of what she'd think if he didn't respond right away. He thought she'd be mad at him or something like that. I told him, calmly, not to worry. I told him: when you get the chance to respond, apologize for the late response and tell her that your phone died. If she's understanding, great! If not, that's a telltale sign that she's painfully shallow, doesn't care much about you, and that the relationship isn't worth it.
  14. @nonmerci What are some examples of pet names that you think are weird (perhaps another thread could be started on this...)? For the topic at hand, romance gets tiring in TV shows sometimes, especially if it perpetuates heteronormativity. For example, I've watched a TV show called "The Goldbergs". I enjoy the show and find it entertaining. However, when Barry, Erica and Adam all have significant others (of the opposite sex), I start to think that maybe we could have some diversity of romantic/sexual orientation here. Also, people talking about romance in real life as if everyone is interested in it or wants it annoys me to no end. This also includes judgment towards aromantic people for not being interested in romance.
  15. I'd definitely feel repulsed if I became involved in anything romantic (or sexual or sensual). I'm not repulsed by romance in media, but I do find it somewhat annoying most of the time. Edit: I'll take it back -- sometimes I actually am repulsed by romance in media and romance as a concept. I'm also extremely annoyed (sometimes even repulsed) by people calling me "cute", "hot", or "sexy". Cute? No. Hot?? No! Sexy??? FUCK NO!!! I'M NOT A SEX TOY!!!
  16. Now, I cannot tell you what to do -- you decide that for yourself. However, if I were in a situation like this, I would want to find a way out of it and live life independent from such a family. If you want to move out, wait until you are old enough. In the meantime, see if you can spend more time with friends or engage in more extracurricular activities. Based on your relationship with your sister, this doesn't sound normal. Perhaps a form of family therapy could help you all out.
  17. Earlier this morning, a pre-video ad popped up on my computer. My reaction went something like this: Young Woman Wearing Tight, Short Tank Top: If we went on a date, do you think I could turn you on? Me: NOPE! (Then I skip the ad and proceed to my video)
  18. In my senior year of high school, some friends of mine tried to pressure me into going to prom. One of them had suggested that I bring a date. It's a good thing I remained true to myself and didn't go to prom! Now that you mention it, this may have happened to me when I was a sophomore in high school. I was doing swimming lessons with the National Ability Center and a girl who was a senior at the time put her hand on my shoulder. I tried to show her that I didn't like that, but she didn't seem to notice my body language. Nevertheless, it never crossed my mind that she may have liked me in that way.
  19. What was/is it like in high school/college for you as an aromantic person? Heck, feel free to discuss what it was like regarding your sexual orientation in high school/college, as well. For me in high school and college, it wasn't too turbulent. I noticed others around me being involved in romantic relationships, but I thought they were "kidding", because they all seemed to be too young (up until 10th or 11th grade, when I finally realized they might not be kidding after all). Thankfully, no one tried to ask me out or anything like that. During those years, I was pretty much left alone regarding romantic/sexual attraction.
  20. I was looking through my high school yearbook, and there was a section where some students quoted pickup lines they used (I think). I was thinking about what I would say if I had to quote a pickup line. Here are my thoughts: Interviewer: What's your best pickup line? Me [thinking about a line that picks stuff up]: My best pickup line is a garbage grabber. It's straight like a line and it's AWESOME at keeping the grounds clean by picking up trash!
  21. To me, it sounds like this person has some sort of internalized trauma that they need to heal. Perhaps they have self-worth issues. Regardless, this issue is theirs, not yours. I wouldn't associate with this person anymore. I'd send them forgiveness from afar. Stay strong, my friend!
  22. Such a situation has never happened to me, but if it did, I might try being weird or strange to make someone uninterested in me if they had a crush on me. Who knows? I would have to experiment, I think.
  23. To me, there's absolutely nothing negative about aromanticism! When others shove amatonormativity, allonormativity, and heteronormativity at me, it's actually entertaining, since I know that I'm protected from them. No one has ever asked me out, but if it were to happen, I wouldn't hesitate to say "no!" without feeling guilty. Besides, I'd be serving such a person in a way, because if they were in a romantic relationship with me, they'd be held back from finding a better romantic candidate for them. Something else I find great about being aromantic is that, as said by others, I can focus 100% on myself and not have to put energy and attention into someone else's priorities. To me, that's just not authentic living.
  24. How did I deal with Prom in high school? I'll tell you. When I was a sophomore, I wasn't even allowed to go to Prom, since I was an underclassman (I didn't care, since I had no interest in going, anyway). When I was a junior, I was officially considered an upperclassman, so I was allowed to go, but I still had no interest (no one pressured me, thankfully). When I was a senior, it was a whole different paradigm. Not only was I "allowed" to go to Prom, but some folks tried to pressure me into going. A bloke in my grade level said that I should attend Prom in a tuxedo and have a girl accompany me (spoiler: their attempts to pressure me into going to Prom were rendered futile, and I ended up not going -- on Prom night, I stayed at home and did homework [what a nerd I was/am!] and laundry). The whole process was quite amusing for me; I fancied it a "psychological warfare" of sorts (a war which I WON!!!). Every time I reflect on these experiences, I recount the memories with fondness.
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