Vhenan

2 hours ago, nonmerci said:

And we shouldn't say that one of them is wrong

Yeah, I agree. My main problem with this allospec line of thinking is that it's trying to gatekeep who gets to identify as aro or ace.

I've seen a few people (often allos, for some reason) saying that aromanticism and asexuality aren't spectrums, and that calling them so is watering them down. People who experience attraction no matter how small or rare would actually be allospec.

What do you think about that?
 Honestly, it just sounds like exclusionist rhetoric to me.

I found the word and started questioning when I was 14, but I was only able to accept myself as aromantic in august of this year. (I'm 18 now)

I don't think it's good. Sweet and savory things very rarely go together for me. 

Of course, It's fine! The whole thing about Queer Platonic Relationships is that you get to define it with your partner(s). It doesn't have any of the restrictions and expectations of a romantic relationship or a friendship. QPR's can be sexual or non-sexual, monogamous or not monogamous, involve romantic coded activities or not, and it's all valid.

I understand how sexual feelings can, sometimes, be mistaken for romantic. I occasionally get confused about what attractions I'm feeling too.

As for the word platonic: This might not be the most popular usage of the word, but I use "platonic" for anything that isn't romantic. For example, I have a non-romantic "crush" that does not fit the most common definitions of "platonic" because the attraction I feel isn't limited to wanting to be friends. It's very much sexual, intellectual, sensual, and aesthetic, but, instead of calling her my swish, lush, or whatever else, I say squish and, for me, it encompasses all types of attraction that are not romantic. It's ok to use words in the way that fits you best!

 I've compiled a list of my favorites. I know there are already many "aro songs" threads here but this is mostly for me.

I've classified them based on patterns I noticed. 

?ARO VIBES PLAYLIST?

For aros by aros

• "Aromantic" by Lee Porteus
• "Aromantic Moodboard" by Max Lizanich
• "For me" by Dearlie

"Romance kind of sucks" songs

• "Don't Fall in Love" by Danko Jones
• "Fighter Not a Lover" by The Neighbourhood Bullys
• "Romance is Boring" by Los Campesinos!
• "Heart Heavy" by Mother Mother
• "Crush Culture" by Conan Gray

"Love myself" songs

• "Good Thing" by Kehlani and Zedd
• "Alone and Unafraid" by Eliza
• "Soulmate" by Lizzo
• "Holy" Jamila Woods
• "Show Yourself" by Idina Menzel
• "my future" by Billie Eilish

AlloAro songs

• "Not a Love Song" by Bülow
• "sushi for breakfast" by BAYLI
• "Girlfriend" Bea Miller

"Friendzone" songs

• "Hello" by Martin Solveig
• "FRIENDS" by Marshmello and Anne-Marie
• "More Than Friends" by ASHS
• "Itsy Bitsy" by TIMMS

Rejection songs 

• "Never Fall In Love" by Jack Antonoff
• "it's not u it's me" by Bea Miller
• "Need Nothing" by VÉRITÉ
• "I Won't" by H.E.R.

Internalized arophobia time! (very sad but very relatable)

• "Love Love Love" by Of Monsters and Men
• "I Am The Winter" by The Family Crest
• "Cactus Tree" by Joni Mitchell
• "Alone and Sublime" by Mother Mother
• "A Diamond and a Tether" by Death Cab for Cutie
• "Doomed" by Moses Sumney
• "Plastic" by Moses Sumney
• "I Don't Know How To Love" The Drums
• "Lack of Emotion" by Skott

I still don't know how to classify these but they give me aro vibes

• "Sick of Losing Soulmates" by dodie
• "Oops!...I Did It Again" by Britney Spears
• "We'll Sing in The Sunshine" by Gale Garnett
• "Dancing With Myself" by Generation X
• "Me & the Rythm" by Selena Gomez
• "I Am Not A Robot" by Marina Ant The Diamonds
• "She Had The World" by Panic! At the Disco
• "I Can't Make You Love Me" by SOAK
• "Kalmia Kid" by Chloe Moriondo
• "Photoelectric" by Örvar Smárason
• "Turning Out" by AJR
• "before you go" by Moses Sumney
• "Tractor" by They Might be Giants
• "Love Song" by Sara Bareilles
• "No Lover" by Jetty Bones

Hi, Grace. Welcome! ?

Hii! Welcome to arocalypse. ?☺️

I'm technically grey aro, but I prefer using aromantic as an umbrella term. When I say aro I usually mean aro spec. When the distinction is relevant, I just say strict aros and grey aros.  

On 10/29/2020 at 6:05 PM, aro-fae said:

I consider myself aromantic much more than I consider myself aro-spec

I also feel this way. In my case, It's probably because the one time that I did feel romantic attraction was so short-lived and not very intense that it's almost irrelevant to me, so it would feel weird to make it a big part of my identity or label.

Since you only feel sexual attraction under a specific circumstance you are definetly in the grey area of asexuality but I don't think there is a term that describes your experience. Demisexuality usualy involves an emotional bond. Do you think you created a bond with her based on relatability?

2 hours ago, Finn said:

First of all that tells me absolutely nothing about who you're attracted to since you can be a gay ace or a het aro.

Maybe it doesnt't tell you about who they are attracted to because they don't want you to know!!! Aro people don't owe you jack shit. Why are you mad? 

There are many reason someone might want to use aro as their only label. Maybe their sexual attraction just isn't as important or relevant to them, maybe they're questioning, maybe they're not comfortable with their sexuality or they just don't want others to know. All of them valid and perfectly fine reasons. I don't understand why you are mad!

3 hours ago, Leton. said:

Careful with that. Many trans and/or non binary peoples don't like it, as it often slip into fetishism. And it's better to use "transgender" than "transexual" for the whole community  (even if some trans peoples use it, which is fine). Something about the etymology too?

Yeah. I saw that, but I just copied it from the site. My bad.

I've found these

Androsexual/Androphilic: attracted to males, men, and/or masculinity

Gynesexual/Gynephilic: attracted to females, women, and/or femininity

Skoliosexual: attracted to genderqueer and transsexual people and expressions (people who aren’t identified as cisgender)

Meh.

This isn't an aro thing and it doesn't have anything to do with the original question, but I thought I'd share my nonsensical insecurity around being lonely.

 I'm scared of being unable to form connections with people. I've had multiple disillusionments with "friends" and, now, it seems my "friendships" don't go any further than the surface. They're just fun people I talk to sometimes. I used to care a lot, and now I don't. I don't even feel lonely anymore and that scares me. Don't know why. I should be happy that I don't feel the need to have friends, but I'm not. ?‍♀️

1945

6 minutes ago, CharCharChar said:

I enjoy introspection and advocacy and talking to people. I want to be here.

Well, then, welcome! I hope you like it here. ?☺️

This might sound blunt, but you don't have to get involved if you don't enjoy it. I think it's pretty common and understandable to be more comfortable with one part of your identity than the other. I'm bisexual but that isn't nearly as important to me as being aro and I don't really feel comfortable in bi spaces so I kind of just forget about my sexual orientation. It's good that you want to deconstruct your arophobia, just don't feel compelled to participate because "it makes sense" to do so.

22 minutes ago, BlackBerry said:

I wish you find someone like she too

Thank you! that's very sweet ??

My relationship with romance in media also changed when I accepted myself as aromantic. I used to love shipping characters and watching romantic plotlines unfold. I mostly liked them because I enjoyed the idea of a "special" and deep connection between two people and I always had a sense of expectation that it would happen to me too. When I realized I was aro, romance lost a bit of its shine for me, because it felt like something I could never reach and that made me feel lonely. I spent some time being sad about it and then I realized that what I actually wanted wasn't a romantic relationship, just trust, and connection with another human being, and I was made to believe by our amatonormative society that the only way I could ever have a meaningful connection was through romance. So now I don't enjoy romance as much because I can't help but be annoyed at the amatonormativity but I can still enjoy a well-crafted storyline and now I like shipping characters as friends or platonic partners (I get super mad when they inevitably "fall in love" in the end).

Yeah. I've told my parents multiple times that I have no interest in getting married or having a romantic relationship, but they just don't believe me. When I told my friends in high school that I didn't have a crush they also didn't believe me and said I was lying. When I brought it up with my therapist, she said I was too young to know and that it would happen eventually. It's like people can't possibly fathom the idea that there isn't one single human experience. Having your identity questioned on the basis of "but it's a part of human nature" is annoying. But, you know what, I don't reallly care all that much anymore. Aliens are pretty cool.

Youngest child with one older brother. We have a 4 year age gap.

I have a pretty big extended family, with 15 aunts and uncles, and 19 biological first cousins (two of my cousins are adopted). I've never heard of any of them being LGBT+. But, who knows? I haven't come out to any of them either. The whole family is quite LGBTphobic. 

It is possible that you're a "late bloomer", but I think it is completly plausible to identify as aromantic from a young age. I started questioning myself around that age too and it would have saved me a lot of trouble if I had just accepted myself then.

If the label feels right for you, just use it! If you, later on, find that it doesn't fit you anymore, just change it. It's all fine. 

4 hours ago, ollie.is.gay said:

i’m super confused and i hate feeling like this; so out of control and isolated.

Big mood. I feel you. 

4 hours ago, ollie.is.gay said:

do i FEEL romantic attraction but not know??

I find that very unlikely. From what I understand, allos experience romantic attraction as a very distinc feeling, but I might be wrong on that. 

I've seen so many awful comments about aros online. People calling us heartless psychopaths and predators, saying that aromanticism is a curse or a mental illness or that we're just faking it for attention or to justify commitment issues.  Some of it was even directed at me. 
All of that has made me scared to tell people in real life that I'm aro. 

Do you think these comments are just internet discourse, and I shouldn't worry too much about it, or are they something I could actually encounter IRL?

First things first, let's just make it clear that you are the only person that gets to decide which labels to use for your feeling. That being said, I think you might have a squish. 

"A squish is a platonic crush, one where you like someone and want to be close to them, but not in a romantic way."

I'll describe my experiences with my current squish. Maybe you'll relate to it. Let's call her X .

X is my classmate in college. She's beautiful, incredibly smart, talented with art, and very vocal about her political beliefs. I admire her a lot and I really want to be her friend. I get nervous around her and I never know what to say so I just act super serious and nothing like my goofy self because I want her to think I'm cool too. Even though I like her a lot, I know I wouldn't want to be in a romantic relationship with X. My attraction to her is mostly intellectual, aesthetic, and sensual (She look really hugable lol). I don't think about her all the time and there's definitely no jealousy. I just want to be friends.

That's most of my expirience with squishes. I suggest you look into other forms of attraction and find what fits best for what you feel.

Good luck!!!