Neon

I love this. And, added bonus, it's pronounced "zee-romantic", and Z is the last letter in the English alphabet, so for a lot of people, it's literally an end of the spectrum.

Most of my music taste is explicitly romantic. I'm still aro. It's about attraction, not actions.

You have a conversation with her. You clearly lay out your feelings and wants and let her decide if that's something she wants as well. There's nothing you can do but talk it out.

Romance Is Boring - Los Campesinos

The Record Player Song - Daisy the Great

Girlfriend is Better - Talking Heads

Birthday Baby - Tori Amos

Universal Experience - The Klittens

I read the word and immediately went "that's me!"........then proceeded to try to ignore it for months before ultimately accepting myself lol

The idea that biological male and female humans have "different brains" is pseudoscience.

https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2021/03/210325115316.htm

https://www.nature.com/articles/d41586-019-00677-x

As for aromanticism and asexuality, could there be some general cause? Sure. But there's no reason to suspect that.

I was reading a fanfiction my sibling recommended, and the word was in there. I saw it and knew immediately that it was me. I didn't admit that to myself until months later though.

The doubt goes away with time. You have to consider the doubts, and go through why you know they are wrong. Eventually, they'll slow down, and when they do show up, they won't make an impact.

I would suggest writing down somewhere all the reasons you know you're aro. That way when the doubts say the same thing they said 2 months ago, you already have exactly why they were wrong and continue to be wrong.

Also, remember, labels and identity are fluid. You don't need to fit a dictionary definition to find meaning in the aromantic label and use it.

The "little" part just refers to the whole rest of the spectrum. You can see a non-exhaustive list here. So yeah, if someone felt romantic attraction rarely, they could absolutely refer to themself as "aromantic" and be entirely correct.

Overall, if the "aromantic" label helps you define yourself, then use it. The definition is better used as a guide than a rule.

37 minutes ago, Lei said:

I'm not sure if anyone else said this yet, but I feel like my asexuality and my aromanticism are so separated that I tend to "favor" my aro identity over my ace one. Like, obviously I can't imagine having sexual attraction and all, but I feel like being aro has impacted me more. Like, if I were just ace, everyone'll be like "Oh thats cool but you still have crushes right??" but then if I say I'm aro they'll be like "Oh...so you just...don't get crushes??" Cue awkward stammering and trying not to offend me but failing miserably. My asexuality hasn't really made me feel ostracized from everyone else, yk? Since I'm young and most of my peers aren't that worried about sex (can't say the same about sex jokes though). But everyone talks about romance and dating and I'm just here like "guys...aro here...ask me about my aro experiences pls i'm desperate..."

Also I really like the word "ace" and saying "Oh yeah I'm ace" just sounds so cool.

While my identities aren't entirely separate, they are very distinct and I absolutely favor my aro one over my ace one.

Not feeling romantic attraction is just more impactful and relevant to how I live my life than not feeling sexual attraction.

And yet almost everyone I'm out to irl describes me as "asexual" without even mentioning that I'm aromantic too.

1 hour ago, Ekaterina said:

I'm not in school and I'm not sure what GSA is (not a native English speaker). 

GSA = Gay-Straight Alliance. It's essentially just an after-school club for gay people. Many have started moving away from that acronym though.

I don't have a good suggestion if you aren't in school because that's where I help out lol. Maybe a local queer organization is taking volunteers though?

13 hours ago, Ekaterina said:

What kind of things are supposed to be done as part of the event? Since I'm new to the community. I can reblog awareness and acceptance-themed things on Tumblr, but not sure what to contribute here on the forum? Since we are an aro forum, we already have awareness and acceptance, so I guess I'll just try to be sending emotional support? 

If you are still in school and you have a GSA or similar, you can talk about hosting an info session through them. It's probably too late to do so this year, but there's always next year.

For aro vibes specifically:

Romance is Boring - Los Campesinos!

The Record Player Song - Daisy the Great

Girlfriend is Better - Talking Heads

For general songs about friendship instead of romance:

Don't Go Away - The Beths

Happy New Year - Let's Eat Grandma

Two Ribbons - Let's Eat Grandma

Brooklyn - Katie Malco

First off, yeah, they were rude. And, yes, your initial response, "that's not funny" was very good. You didn't overreact at all.

That being said, your expression of being upset should have ended after the initial conversation. Giving her the cold shoulder all night for an issue you've already resolved is also rude (though not on the same level imo), and just creates a new problem. If you couldn't not do that, which is fair, you should have excused yourself with something along the lines of "I'm not mad anymore, but I need some time to cool down".

On 9/18/2020 at 11:51 AM, Neon said:

Ha ha, yeah. I have only recently come to realize that people in relationships weren't just in them to fit in.

I just got a notification for this comment and holy crap it's fascinating how much my outlook on relationships has changed. Back then I was terrified to admit I was aroace to myself.

Now I think I've really grown into myself and my identity. I can talk about relationships far more positively and with more nuance than I could when I hadn't yet accepted myself.

I have a giant aro flag above my bed

When objectively toxic relationships are portrayed as super romantic. I read a book once where the love interest literally committed genocide because he was sad the MC died (it's kinda convoluted, she died and got brought back essentially) and I couldn't finish the series it was so awful.

17 hours ago, DreamSeeker said:

So kind of ironic but romance novels

I play piano and I find it delightfully ironic that my favorite era to play from is the Romantic Era.

2 hours ago, sleepytess said:

i eventually forced myself, rather than life forcing me T-T. in 2020 when i was 15 i picked up loveless by alice oseman (having it had just came out) read about 50 pages, had a breakdown, spiralled... and just tried to ignore the fact i was relating to an aroace character word for word... then i forced myself to pick it back up again almost 2 years later because i decided if i could get through the book... i'd just know... and i knew alright.

What happened with me is that my sibling sent me a fanfiction that causually mentioned aromanticism without defining it and started trying really hard to shove all the thoughts I had since I was 12 and heard about asexuality (thinking it included romantic attraction). That lasted until my mom had a surgery (it went very well, she's fine) and I finally looked up aromanticism because that was slightly less stressful. Lots of uncomfortable and scary feelings later, here I am, with my giant aro flag in my room.

3 hours ago, Isa1116 said:

Thanks. The thing is I have not really been doing my work at all? I keep trying but I can't. Multiple people have suggested that I have adhd and when my brother brought it up to my parents they just said I'm being lazy, which I am tbh. And I really shouldn't not be working because I am behind on so many assignments. 🙃

Like @hemogoblin said, you seem burned out and really down on yourself for something that is far from life-or-death, not remotely lazy.

The reason you need a break is to get the stuff done. Take it from someone who's been there, the only way you are going to start doing it again is if you take a real step back, not one where you still peak around the corner at it every 5 minutes.

If we can't convince you that you aren't being lazy (you aren't), then you still deserve a break. Your academics should never come at the expense of your mental health and sense of self worth. No matter what.

You aren't being lazy. And there is nothing wrong with you.

Please remember that school does not define you. It's one aspect of one part of your life. In 10 years anyone asking you how you did in high school or college will be laughed out of the room.

My advice right now is to put down the homework and set aside your worries about it and go do something with the sole intention of relaxing for a couple hours. Whatever that means for you. Go do it. School is not allowed in that time, so you aren't procrastinating. It's not an easy task but it's helped me when I fall into similar ruts.

Finally, a lot of what you said is very concerning. Do you have someone you can talk to about these feelings IRL? If you do, please contact them, I think it's a safe bet they can help more than we can.

34 minutes ago, sleepytess said:

i am aroace, i have known i was aromantic since i was Twelve (i made a post about that alone on AVEN here), denied it for 5 years, gave up trying to lie to myself when i was 17

I did almost the exact same thing lmao. For me it was 16 but that was only because of life essentially forcing me too.

That's so cool! I'm glad you were able to find some that resonate with you!

These are interesting but most of them kind of look very similar to the arospec flag (spoilered due to image size)

I've now come out to pretty much everyone, and it's kind of a mixed bag. Coming out generally means I can be my full self around someone, without them unintentionally invalidating me. But as nice as most of my coming out experiences were, there were absolutely people who just cannot accept it. Those relationships have become strained because it feels like I need to dance around who I am even harder than before.

My advice is to be very deliberate in when, how, and with whom you come out to. Figure out their exact feelings on aspec people before coming out if it's an established relationship. Also, be ready for someone to accept aspec people without accepting you are aspec. And after you come out, there will probably be an adjustment period for a lot of people as they try to understand if there are new boundaries/taboo topics.

I don't want to scare you, like I said, coming out was almost always excellent for me. But there were points where I didn't think it all through and those really hurt.