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In seventh grade I was such an asshole(cold, distant, rude, just generally awful) to every boy because I didn't want people to think I had a crush on anyone. Random tangent: So I have always been a huge reader, and in 7th grade we got mints every time we passed a quiz on the book we finished. This one kid was co-librarian and he (per his own words) absolutely despised me, and that was made worse by me constantly asking for mints. So this one day, I finish the quiz and his partner asked him to grab me a mint, and he tossed it across the classroom and I caught it(it's not bragging if it was an anomaly). Later that day, he was talking to his friend about how much he hated me, and didn't realize I was 3 ft away. I brought up what he said a few days later because I thought it was hilarious, and he acted all apologetic for a few days after. I still think the whole thing is super funny. Anyway, YMBAI you deliberately avoid situations that could be misinterpreted as romantic/having a crush on.

And it is a really good, though-provoking movie besides that.

So basically, I am doing a project for school that talks about the impact of amatonomativity. I told my mom about this because she had been helping me choose a topic, and her response was...less than great. She then proceeded to state that it is in human nature to "pair up." I told her that that completely ignores a lot of people (specifically I mentioned polyamorous relationships and she interrupted me before I finished with anything else). She responded that "there will always be aberrations" (I had to look up that word, and it does not have any definition that could really be excusable for use in that context). So yeah, that was great. But I have this topic for the whole year, and this conversation is going to come up again. How should I proceed?

Checkmate

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Ha ha, yeah. I have only recently come to realize that people in relationships weren't just in them to fit in.

Me too! I wonder if it's because I spent my entire life being bombarded with the definite romance in my future while sex didn't join the discussion until much later.

That sucks. Even as aro and ace, I see them as completely different things. Sorry that's happening to you.

Not exactly that I didn't get into the situations, but I tended to avoid them and didn't realize anything from them. I've never really hung out with the type of people who obsess over their relationships/crushes, and when they did talk about it, I kind of just went in my head "that will happen someday." Spoiler alert, it didn't.

Hi there! I am asexual as well as aromantic, so I can't speak to wanting a sexual relationship(though many aros do as they aren't asexual). For me, romance does seem like an awful lot of work, but that's not why I see myself as aromantic. In fact, some aromantic people do desire romantic relationships, just as some alloromantics prefer to be single. I consider myself aromantic because I have never experienced romantic attraction. I've never had what can be accurately described as a crush, and I don't fully understand romantic love. However aromanticism is a spectrum and people who identify as grayaromantic for example rarely experience romantic attraction, though it does occasionally occur. At the end of the day, only you really know. If aromantic is a label that works for you, that's great. If not, or you don't want to use a label, that is fine as well. Hope this helped at all.

Hi! I sort of wrote a mini-essay, but I hope it helps. I'm not sure if you've deeply explored aromanticism yet, but you may find yourself of the grayromantic spectrum. Grayromantic is where one experiences romantic attraction very rarely, perhaps only a few times in their life. This includes demiromantic, where romantic attraction only occurs after a strong bond is established. I personally consider myself aromantic because I have never experienced romantic attraction. In terms of "attraction," did you mean sexual? If not, it seems like you are describing aesthetic attraction, which is where you admire a person's physical traits separate from being sexually attracted to them. As an asexual person, I personally think people are just wonderful to look at, but I don't feel sexual attraction to them. If you did mean sexual attraction, many aromantic people still experience sexual attraction. If you haven't explored much already, there are some great online resources where people talk about their experiences much more eloquently than I can. Finally, only you can decide your label. If you think more about it and come to the conclusion that you are on the aromantic spectrum, great! If you don't, thats also great. If you use aromantic then decide it doesn't fit, that's fine as well. If you decide you don't want a label, that's perfectly fine.

For alloromantics: Online there's a bunch of signs that you have a crush/are in love, but the way I imagine them playing out is very similar to how I do react when thinking about things and people I love platonically. For example, I can get super into a book to the point that I am constantly reminded of it by random things and I always want to be reading it, but I don't want to date the book(not that I'm entirerly opposed to it). So besides the whole people vs inanimate objects thing, how do you know it's romantic attraction and not something else? Is it just instinctual for most people? (Sorry if it's already been asked, I didn't see it with a brief skimming)

Honestly, I kind of feel the same. I have a general want to talk about aromanticism, but I can't think of specifics so I kind of just read through forums.

The lasers are always on and they destroy anything you look at. I wish that I had more motivation to do my homework.

Hi! I'm a junior in high school, and I keep doubting myself despite a fair amount of evidence and feelings(or lack thereof), so I (kind of) get it. I've never dated anyone, but I have had what I thought were crushes, but were really just me thinking that a desire to be friends with a guy meant that I liked said guy (heteronormativity is great, huh?). Those totaled to six, 5 of which happened in elementary school. For a while, I mistook aesthetic/physical attraction for sexual attraction. I also realized that what I thought would be romantic feelings were actually applicable to nearly everyone and everything that I enjoy, and I don't think one can experience romantic attraction to a house. In terms of a relationship, I don't want a romantic one, but a QPR sounds great to me, especially since I want to adopt kids, and that is easier with a partner. However, I have a very low people tolerance, so living alone in the woods with a bunch of cats sounds equally good. I did some research for myself as well, and as it turns out, most people feel like a romantic relationship is a need for them, which blows my mind. It's also supposed to be fairly addicting, because of the affects on the brain. I hope any of this helped.