Giu

I think for me I try to remind myself that just because I'm not my friends' first choices because they have romantic relationships, doesn't mean I'm not a significant part of their lives?

Also sure, it kind of sucks sometimes, but I know that they'll still be there when I need them, even if it takes a bit more organising on their part. And, you can always put yourself first! Treat yourself like your own romantic partner; take yourself on cute 'dates' and go to that museum or restaurant or movie on your own, prepare your favourite meal and light some candles for the atmosphere for the heck of it (idk what people in relationships do lol). 

Finally, just because friends are largely busy, doesn't mean you can't still make plans with them and be close! And there's something to be said for teaming up with your best friend's SO to make their life infinitely more difficult  

I think for me a deep friendship is one built on dependability and trust. I have a few friends who I LIKE well enough, but I wouldn't feel right talking about certain topics, while I have a very small group of friends (weirdly they don't all know each other that well, except two who I've been friends with for the longest) who I can talk to about anything, and consider them family. Also I think deep friendships happen when you truly *know* each other. Not in a "I've interrogated this person and can recite everything that has ever happened to them" but like "you don't type like that, is everything okay or has someone stolen your phone" or "you made that one face you always make when you're upset. Talk or I will make bad jokes until you give in", you know?

I think it's hard for someone else to tell you what you want, and how you would know, but what I can say is that your wants and needs can change over time, and that's okay! And it's also perfectly okay to not know. Remember, if you want to get married you have your whole life for that, so there's no rush, and if it never happens then you can live a perfectly happy and content life without it. For kids, there might be a timeline to have them the traditional way, but there's always adoption, so again, you have plenty of time to decide whether or not you want to be a parent. 

You know yourself better than anyone else. Be patient, take things a day at a time, and you'll figure out what you want eventually! 

(Although, for me, I imagined the thought of having to rearrange my life and my home to compromise for a spouse/children and honestly the thought of that was repulsive. I'm the only human who needs to live in my home, other people can visit but also I need to be allowed to kick them out when I've had enough of them)
(that being said weddings look fun because I like attention and grand entrances, but the married life puts me off) 

I don't think you've done anything wrong! The important thing from here on out is to just consistently communicate with the other person about your needs, wants, and what you're able to provide to the relationship, and for them to do the same thing back to you. As long as you're both on the same page, then things can continue, and if after a few conversations you realise you both have incompatible expectations of one another, you can break things off amicably before they escalate. As they're already aware you're a-spec and are comfortable dating an aromantic person, I reckon you don't have too much to worry about, but maybe talking to them about how you feel is a good idea? 

In Welsh, "Popty ping" (microwave) and in English "Befuddled" 

INFJ, apparently! I used to get that as a teen, then for about a year I always seemed to get INTP but I retook a test last year as part of a uni assignment and got INFJ, so after a few attempts on various sites and getting the same result I think it's probably right! 

This is such a lovely idea! A thing I like about myself is how pragmatic I can be  

14 hours ago, GhostyPeppers said:

Im glad im not the only aro who had a "obsessed with romance at a very early age" phase. Tbh I feel like the media really makes it out to be like romance is the only reason to live sometimes, ANYWAY- I hope you find your place here! We're a very welcoming community! Ive definitely felt welcomed when i first joined and i hope you do too. 

Oh nice! I'm also glad to have found another aro who was obsessed with romance a a kid! Thank you for the welcome! ❤️ 

3 minutes ago, Queasy_Attention said:

Oof on the breakup, I'm impressed you managed to stay friends! (My two breakups ended up as charred bridges with no hope of repair.) I feel the same abt not having an IRL community, I've got tons of bi/non-straight friends to talk with, but I know approximately zero aro people IRL. This forum (along with r/aromantic tbh) has been super helpful and validating! Hope to catch you around

Hope to see you around too! And sorry about your breakups ending badly, that must have been tough to go through! ❤️

Hi!

I'm Giu, I just graduated from uni and I'm about to start my masters degree. I'm learning Welsh so if anyone out there can speak it please send aid. 

So my friends actually figured out that I was aro before I did - growing up I was always obsessed with having a relationship and getting married and having children just because that's what I thought people were supposed to do as adults, and when baby Giu had their first epiphany of "hey... maybe I don't have a crush???" they were shot down with "of course you do, everyone does" by many classmates and so went on to find the most appropriate crush for them. It was a very well-thought-out decision I can tell you. Since becoming an adult, I realised that the "everyone has a crush" was a filthy lie, and I don't experience romantic attraction (I'd already cottoned on to the ace thing) and so here we are. I've had a total of one relationship which lasted two weeks before he embarrassed me by breaking up with me so soon, but it's chill and he's now one of my best friends, so yay! Also it did help me realise that I only wanted to be in a relationship because I thought it signified I was an Actual Adult, but now I know that that was a filthy lie too. 

I wanted to get involved with the aro community online as unlike with being ace and non-binary, I don't have my own IRL community for this part of my identity, and while my friends try, they don't always understand what I'm saying when I talk about aro-specific experiences, and sometimes you need someone who just gets it.