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aroscorpio

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Posts posted by aroscorpio

  1. 5 hours ago, nisse said:

    oh no I think you're being very clear on why you want another term, and I completely understand why!

    and when it comes to flags, nothing can please 100% of people. I know several bi folks who finds solace in the flag*, but doesn't particularly vibe with it aesthetically. i love all the creativity surrounding folks making flags, i'm always blown away by the thoughts put into them. i think as long as new ones aren't being made for the wrong reasons i welcome any iteration of an aroace flag, same with terminology!

    and i wouldn't be surprised if this evolves, and aroace becomes obsolete. in which case i'll be an Elder Queer(TM) who uses the old terms, and loves all the young aroaces finding their own way and words ?

    *the Bi flag, that is!

    Elder Queer! I love that so much! And I’m glad to see how inclusive everybody on this forum is! ??

    • Like 1
  2. 13 hours ago, Magni said:

    ...there's another thread on this forum where had big conversation of what a-spec means, personally I as an agender person do not think agender should be included under a-spec bc while you would talk about ace-spec and aro-spec, you don't talk about agender-spec, so why would agender be part of a-spec? agender is part of nonbinary.

    Oooh okay - thank you for educating me! I’m sorry for making assumptions. I knew that it was a part of non-binary but I also thought it was included in a-spec, so I apologize for making incorrect assumptions.

    10 hours ago, Autumn said:

    I like the orange and blue one too - it not being unidentifiable quickly as connected to the other communities never bothered me, since again it can be its own separate thing and so I don't think it really needs to take from the other ones. But I'm not really invested in the flag debates like some people, the other ones I've seen (such as @Magni's!) I think look lovely as well and are great choices. (Although I never did like the literal smooshing of the aro ace flags, any other original designs are fine by me though). The aro flag is consistent enough to offer community for me personally, so a singular Official aroace flag isn't as critical for me.

    This is just a thing personal to me - but I’ve actually never been a huge fan of the orange and blue one. I don’t like orange very much so I guess that could be why, but I agree that I think it’s because it doesn’t look consistent with other ace-aro stuff. And I’m a huge fan in general of the aromantic flag, so there’s that! ?

    11 hours ago, nisse said:

    Same here!! I kinda love it ngl, it's also pretty self-explanatory (as long as the person knows what aro and ace means), which is a big plus for me personally. 

    This is also why i love the orange-blue aroace flag that's going around - it's one for us who view it as one whole orientation. AFAIK some folks view their own as separated (i believe they've been referred to as oriented aro/ace?), which is a valid stance, so it's kinda neat to have a flag just for us! and since folks who don't view it as one whole orientation usually use aro/ace or similar, it works well in my mind ?

    I’m glad to hear that they work well for you! I’ve just never been a personal fan of the term aroace or the aroace flag, but that’s just a personal thing - I’m not trying to invalidate them in ANY way, I hope that’s clear.

    • Like 1
  3. 12 minutes ago, Queasy_Attention said:

    Ah, I feel this way too-- I felt it a lot when I was first questioning myself a few months ago. 

    I think the main part of it is that I like having a word to describe a part of myself that I've previously felt shame or confusion for. I felt the same way about my bisexual label, or my bipolar 2 label. Having a solid name for something meant that it was legitimate, that I had tangible proof other people would understand my experiences, and gave me a solid justification for the way I felt and acted in my past beyond "well, I guess I'm just a stupid crazy person." 

    This feels very similar. Being aro has affected the way I act and feel in quite a few ways, and being able to find a word and a community that describes those feelings and actions feels really good. It felt empowering to look back at the way my past relationships went and say hey, maybe there's a reason that I didn't feel the way I thought I was supposed to feel. It felt exciting to look back at the books and shows and stories I'd read, watch, and write, and say hey, maybe there's a reason that I like these specific tropes and write these characters this way. I read about many other people's experiences and their stories resonated with me. I connected with them in a way that I've never been able to connect with anyone else before. All those feelings really make me want to be Aromantic and fit within that label-- even if I might not be 100% black-and-white "aromantic."

    I'm young, I'm only 23, so for all I know I could experience romantic attraction sometime within my life. I'm still trying to come to terms with that, because I really do love being aro and participating within this community. But reality is going to be whatever it's going to be, and if I'm not quite aro then I'm not quite aro. But for now, "Bi AroAllo" seems to fit me better than anything else, so for now I'm keeping it!

    Hopefully some of this helped you, and I wish you the best of luck in finding your truth :)

    Wow. You put it the exact way that I was trying to but couldn’t! And even though I don’t have a lot to say in response I’m soaking up all that you’re saying, and you’ve helped me a lot!

    • Like 1
  4. 9 hours ago, hermi1e said:

    That makes total sense. A lot of people ID as a label, even if it only partially describes them. Someone might prefer the label "gay," even if they have occasional attraction to a different gender, because it almost always describes how they feel. You are allowed to use aromantic as an umbrella term for yourself if it fits best, even if someone else might put you under a different label. 

    If you are worried though, it might be good to ask urself some questions:

    Why are you doubting that you're aromantic? Are you experiencing romo attraction, or do you think you might have in the past, or are you not sure if you are/did, or did a romo situation present itself and confuse you, or do you think it could be plain old imposter syndrome? 

    What about the aromantic label do you identify with or like? Maybe it's the simplicity, or maybe it entirely describes how you feel, or maybe it almost entirely describes how you feel, or maybe others have used it to describe you, or maybe you find the community appealing, or maybe you're used to identifying with it. Idk, these are just guesses :)

    Why do you think you don't want to identify with another label like greyro? Maybe they all feel foreign or you don't relate to any of them, or maybe you've heard negative things about them, or maybe you feel they're too complicated, or maybe you're not sure which to choose because multiple fit you, or maybe you're worried others don't understand them, or maybe thinking about them overwhelms you? Again, idk what you're feeling rn, so you get to answer this :) I'm just throwing out ideas, in case that helps.

    Please remember that it's ok to not have it figured out yet, or to have a temporary label. Thanks for talking about what's up, because that's a really good step in learning more about urself and sorting things out. i wish yoo the best!

    Awee thank you! I guess the main reason that I’m having doubts is because I’m the past I used to think I had ‘crushes’ on people, but I don’t really know if that’s what is was. Like, I got giddy and nervous around those people but I never really wanted to, like, kiss them or hold their hand or anything like that. I think it was much more likely a squish, ya know? And most of the time it’s been on fictional characters. Although, I’ve also never seen a relationship as a goal or something to work towards, and I don’t understand why it’s such a focal point to so many people. I’m not afraid of things like ‘dying alone’ and I think being single forever sounds awesome, my main fear is just that I don’t know how to be 100% certain that I didn’t feel romantic attraction to those people. Then again, I don’t even know what ‘romantic attraction’ is supposed to mean, ya know? It’s just confusing. And idk why I feel so strongly that I WANT to be aromantic, I just really seem to connect with everything about it.

    • Like 1
  5. Hiya! So, here’s a kinda weird thing that I’ve been worried about. I’ve been questioning a lot, which is normal since I’m still new it all of this, but I’ve been identifying as aromantic, and I’ve thought my past experiences to death and I’ve pretty much discerned that they weren’t ‘romantic attraction’ but still I have this, not really curiosity or question of if I’m maybe greyromantic or something like that. There is absolutely NOTHING wrong with greyromantics, it’s just not what I want for me. Idk if this sounds weird but I’ve been IDing as aromantic, and I WANT to be aromantic, not greyromantic or quioromantic (I hope I spelled that right?) and any of those kinds of identities. Like I said, there is ABSOLUTELY NOTHING WRONG with people Identifying as such if they feel it speaks to who they are! People should be free to always be themselves and, if they want a label, use the one that speaks to them on a deep level and they feel describes them perfectly! I just feel like the idea of being ‘aromantic’ speaks to me more than the others, but I’m afraid that I’m wrong about it, even though it’s something I desperately want to be true. Does that make any sense and has anyone else felt that way? -aroscorpio

  6. 46 minutes ago, Jot-Aro Kujo said:

    When I mentioned infantilization of asexuals, what I meant was a little different from what aromantics get. I was talking more about the "Ohhhh you're such a naive innocent baby uwu" kind of infantilization. Yes, aros are often treated as if it's a phase we'll someday grow out of- But nobody's ever treated me like I'm innocent and naive for not dating. I hope that makes sense?

    Oh no no yeah I hope it didn’t seem like it came off that way! I totally get what you’re saying completely. And also I haven’t been out as aromantic for a long time and I’m still not out as asexual, so I’m sure you know more about it than me!

    3 hours ago, Violet Stars said:

    Hmm... you could probably find it on Amazon, bookdepository, Barnes & Noble... pretty much any place where books are sold. It shouldn't be that hard to find. It is VERY in-depth and comprehensive, even going so far as to discuss romantic orientation as separate from sexual! I would highly recommend it!

     

    I will definitely check it out! Thanks for the recommendation!!

  7. 1 hour ago, Violet Stars said:

    Same here! I'm glad I'm not the only one.

    I think it's because what everyone is discussing here—romance is a far more universal part of life than sex. Sex is seen as NSFW, something to discuss behind closed doors. Romance is not, it's expressed openly and publicly. Therefore it's a much bigger aspect of everyday life. 

     

    I'm not out to most people I know either, but I still heard the dreaded "you'll understand when you get older" when I ever expressed disdain for romance in any capacity. Part of the reason why I believed I was straight for such a long time as a kid was because of all these things people told me. When you're a kid, you haven't learned to question the beliefs of the adults around you. I discovered my aroace-ness when I was 12, almost 13. And it was all thanks to a book at my local library, The ABCs of LGBT+ by Ash Hardell. If I hadn't found that book or Ash hadn't included ace and aro-spec identities I would probably still be unsure about myself. Or maybe not, since a friend of mine mentioned asexuality once after I had discovered it. But even though I was still very young, I could've found my identity a lot sooner if I heard less of that. Mind you, I was a kid, but people should be encouraging children to explore their identity, not discouraging it.

    This infantilization is not exclusive to aces. Regardless of whether someone identifies as aro or not, society treats anyone who isn't looking for romance as having something wrong with them. Sex is an important part of our culture, yes, but romance even more so. And being aro has taught me that whenever you try to form a definition of humanity, you're going to leave somebody out. 

    It’s good to hear of someone who get the same way about all of this. If I’m being honest I’m even still questioning some about my identity in regards to aro-aceness. If you’re interesting in that you can read my other threads but it’d be a lot to reinstate in one comment. ? But I may check out that book, actually! Do you know where I could read it?

  8. 12 minutes ago, Mark said:

    Some of these ways include "being safe for work", acceptable to any age along with a general lack of concern in respect of appropriateness or consent in terms of romance.
    There's also ways in which romance is more "public" than sex such as getting "in a relationship", engaged or married being announced and celebrated.
     

    There are situations, such as religion,  where non-sexual romantic relationships amongst adults can be considered acceptable.
    Which is not the case with non-romantic sexual relationships. 
    Thus the situation of aros being dehumanised can be more extreme for allosexual aros, (Assuming aro aces don't get lumped with other aces and infantised.)

     

    kinIt can be the case that queer communities are more interested in questioning heteronormativity than amantonormativity. Similarly kink and non-monogamous communities can question sexual norms whilst endorsing romantic norms.
    The effect of this "package deal" is to assume that all aces are also aro and that all aros are also ace., IME the ace community is better at challenging and debunking the former than the aro community is with the latter.
    I've even a fair few "relationship anarchists" conflate sex and romance.

    I haven’t been out for a while so I haven’t been infanticised or discriminated against yet - but I do think that aromantics would likely suffer the same kind of infanticizaton in the sense of “You’ll understand when you’re older,” “You just haven’t found ‘The One’ yet.” Or “You’re just a late bloomer.” In the same way that asexuals do. I feel like it would be worst against aroaces, that’s just my opinion though.

    7 minutes ago, Planet said:

    I don't have anything insightful to add but I just wanted to say that this is a question that has puzzled me for a long a long time and I'm happy to see people talking about it. :) 

    Yes! And welcome to the discussion! ?

  9. 3 hours ago, nisse said:

    Honestly, I think it's in large part because romantic love is seen as intrinsically human. Do you remember how a big part of ace activism was convincing others that they (as in, allo-aces) weren't unfeeling robots because they can still fall in love? 

    And I don't think this is intentional on their behalf, at the very least not in those "early" days (when asexuality became more widely known, thanks to the internet). 

    A lot of humanity and the definition of being human and the human experience revolves around romantic love, in my experience. Finding "the one" to spend your life with, romantic love as a powerful feeling in stories, all these dating apps and pressure to find someone. I think a lot of people can wrap their mind around not feeling sexual attraction, but they cannot even begin to imagine living without romantic attraction. 

    i said this in another post on here as well (i think my introduction post?) and i've found that this is true for lot of aroaces! it's very fascinating, and worth discussing - for funsies, between us aroaces, not as a ~discourse~thing, lol.

    Yeah! I’ve had what I used to think were crushes in the past but now I’m almost certain they were just squishes, because 90% of them were on fictional characters and the other 10% I never even thought about dating or kissing - I just got giddy and excited when I saw or though about them and I wanted to talk to them more and befriend them. Doubly certain because hearing about how alloromantics generally feel about romantic love is “I need it, I want someone to share my life with! My dream is to find ‘the one!’” Like, I guess it could be okay maybe but it sounds more like a burden to me. I thought I had crushes like I said, but apparently crushes go in a way different direction than what I felt. I’ve never once thought that I want to “spend my life with someone.” That’s what my friends are for, ya know? I’m still actually figuring all this out though, and it can be hard. I’m pretty certain I’m aroace, though.

    2 hours ago, Jot-Aro Kujo said:

    Agreed about identity politics and "humanity" playing a lot into it. Romance is everywhere in a way that sex isn't. Hell, think about this: One of the nastiest ways asexuals are often treated is infantilization, where they're compared to children because they- like children, supposedly- aren't interested in sex. But kids are still people, right? After all, even kids fall in love. Everyone knows tales of puppy love, of the childhood friends who have been together for as long as they can remember... But who doesn't want romance? Well... In the eyes of society, no one, not even kids. Which isn't to say that the infantilization of asexuals isn't mega fucked up, but the point is, alloromantic aces hit closer to the target for "considered emotionally human" than aros do.

    It also largely has to do with the fact that the queer community at large is used to being able to just tack "-sexual" onto any word and there you've got your orientation. God forbid people acknowledge that sex without romance is a thing, right? Or that attraction is nuanced, and sex and romance aren't a package deal?

    EDIT: Also, if you want to help with this issue and show support for allo aros, I strongly advise NOT putting things on your pinterest that include every flag other than the aro flag, and definitely posting things that do include the aro flag. Try reaching out to artists and asking them to include the aro flag, too.

    Pretty much, yeah! I’d agree with you. I don’t understand why romance is such a part of ‘humanity.’ Like, I love to see other people happy but I’ve never once looked at a couple and thought, “I want that.” ya know? Honestly I don’t even know if they attractions are separate for me personally because I started identifying as ace just a few months after I started iding as aromantic. But as for the Pinterest thing I definitely should reach out to them! Especially if they make something I really like and wanna see more of, but wanna see aro represented in it.

    2 hours ago, ScarfOfSexualPreference said:

    I’d also say that there are probably very few of us who know we’re aro.  And people who might be but don’t know because the term isn’t as widely known just makes it a vicious cycle. 

    Exactly! I was never interested in romance but I thought I was just a “late bloomer” for the longest time.

    1 hour ago, emmafriendly said:

    Whether we like it or not, humans tend to draw comparisons of an unknown thing to something we already know about to make it make sense. It's easier to do it for asexual than aromantic, simply because the comparisons, however flawed, are more plentiful. Think abstinency or religious figures like priests who don't have sex. Comparisons like this that help allosexuals bridge the gap between what they already know to asexuality are few and far between when it comes to helping alloromantics make sense of aromanticism.

    I think this is a contributing issue to a lot of aromantic struggles, representation included, because why would alloromantics represent something they can't understand? Living with a different relationship to romance, or none at all, is so foreign and almost unbelievable to alloromantics. I think that's also the reason I (anecdotally) have seen a lot of aroaces say that their aro-ness affects and shapes them way more than their ace-ness.

    Precisely! I always hear people talking about how “he’s so hot” or “she’s so sexy” and that just doesn’t make sense to me. I can find people aesthetically appealing, but I don’t think I’ve ever looked at someone and thought that they were ‘hot’ and that I’d like to go out with them. On that note - fricken dates’ man! I don’t really get the point. Way cheaper for someone to just chill at home with their romantic partner, right? And why would you pay for food for someone you hardly know? Also, this in regards to my ace-ness, do people really look at someone and think “yeah I’d f that” cause that seems horrifying and dehumanizing to me.

    51 minutes ago, aro_elise said:

    what i was going to say.  like, someone who identifies as 'bisexual' (and nothing else) is most likely also biromantic, but the former term is meant to encompass the whole attraction thing.  we generally don't see specific reference to romantic orientation unless it differs from sexual, for example i believe the most common combination is bisexual heteroromantic--i have encountered a few people who have identified themselves as such.  that being said, outside of the a-spec community, not a ton of people are aware of split attraction, so when someone includes ace representation, in their mind, they're not excluding aro--they may think that the two necessarily go together, or they may not think of it at all. 

    among those who are familiar with aromanticism as a separate orientation and (essentially purposely) exclude it, i don't know.  maybe it has to do with them not seeing it as valid, either as part of the lgbt+ community or at all.  

    Yeah I suppose that makes sense. I guess when people genuinely mean well, but I’d still like to see more rep, ya know? Also for a long time I thought asexual meant not attracted to anyone at all, so I do think that’s a big part of it. But yeah people who say a-spec aren’t LGBT make me want to bash my head against a brick wall.

  10. Hiya! So, just a question that was on my mind - why is asexual so much more represented that aromatic? No shade at all towards asexual people I promise (I’m pretty sure I’m also asexual) but basically what I mean is that, like - here’s an example. I have a hunch of lbgt+ stuff on my Pinterest, and there will be things for lots of different orientations/gender identities, like for example one of them was pride-colored cacti. I’m gonna say that probably 95% have asexual included (which is wonderful - I’m not saying that’s a bad thing at all) but only like, maybe 10-15% have aromantic. Like I said, no shade at all towards asexuals, but to me personally, my Aro-ness is a much bigger part of my identity and more greatly affects my day-to-day life than my Asexuality. Asexuality is a wonderful thing, and I‘m very happy to see it so represented! I’m just curious as to why aro is all but non-existent in things like that. As always, thank you! -aroscorpio?

    • Like 3
  11. 5 hours ago, aspecofstardust said:

    I've always used "aroace" myself. There have been many aroace flags created though, here's a wiki link about them: https://lgbta.wikia.org/wiki/Aroace

    The one I see most often on tumblr these days is the orange and blue one by aroaesflags, but plenty have made the rounds. 

    I would love to use a combination term for myself -- I feel like there are a lot of parts of my experiences and identity that I can't parse into either aromantic or asexual because for me they are so intertwined. I understand how for other people they might not be, and in some ways I experience them differently (especially related to repulsion) but a lot falls in a blurry in-between for me personally.

    Yeah, I guess I’ve just never really liked the fact that aroace doesn’t end in ‘romantic’ or ‘sexual’ because I feel like those suffixes tend to be ore recognizable and self-explanatory, ya know? But tbh I don’t really know how to know if my romantic and sexual attraction are intertwined instead of separate because I don’t think I’ve ever really felt either of them. ?

    3 hours ago, Magni said:

    I tend to view "aroace" as a single word encapsulating both, as opposed to "aro ace" or "aromantic asexual" which is just combining the two separate words into a phrase.  You could also identify specifically as "a-spec", which can be used for not differentiating the attractions you don't feel into different types, though that is more commonly used as broad umbrella term.

    Aspec would make sense, although I guess my discomfort with that would be pretty much the same thing as I said to the above comment, and also because aspec can mean several different things. (Agender is also considered aspec isn’t it?)

  12. 11 minutes ago, Autumn said:

    There isn't one that I'm currently aware of...it'd be nice if there was for the people who see it as 1 thing for themselves and not 2. Aroace is the only one I know of, or I guess you could id as a 'perioriented aro' or 'perioriented ace' but that's more of a mouthful. You can personally use aro or ace to refer to both, the same was pansexual/panromantic people just say pan, but there isn't anything that exclusively means 'aro and ace' other than 'aro and ace/aroace'. Unless a term was developed that I haven't seen, in which case I'd definitely be interested to hear about it as well!

    Well, if I find one you’ll be the first to know! I’ve thought about just saying asexual but making sure everyone knows it’s in a perioriented sense, but idk how practical that would be...

    • Like 1
  13. Hiya! So I’ve recently beet greatly entertaining the idea that I’m asexual as well as aromantic, and I was wondering if there was an actual term to mean I don’t feel romantic or sexual attraction to anyone. I’ve heard terms like ‘aromantic asexual’ or ‘aroace’ but those are just combinations of both of the terms. Not that there’s any shade against people who use those terms, I’d just like a catchall term to cover both.

  14. Hiya! So anyone who’s been following my posts will know that I’ve been questioning if I’m also asexual as well as aro, and I’ve been talking to people and doing a lot of self-reflecting. I’ve come to the conclusion that I think I’m even more certain that I’m asexual than I am that I’m aromantic (not to say I’m not aromantic. I definitely am) I don’t know for 100% certain, but I’m pretty sure I am! I just thought it was exciting to me and I wanted to share. ?

    • Like 2
  15. 15 minutes ago, Cheerio said:

    Hi! I just wanted to let you know that you're not alone in feeling like this! While certainly not all, plenty of aro people have also experienced intense squishes that you've described, myself included (which can be so confusing!). But it seems like you've been able to discern that your squishes (as the name implies) are not romantic likes "crushes" would be. You've identified with the term aromantic for a reason and that is 100% valid. The intensity of your squishes doesn't matter and shouldn't deter you from wholly identifying with a label that's been the most reflective of your orientation. The other member on this thread said it perfectly: feelings and their intensity vary among everyone in the community and therefore we all experience our aromanticism in different ways. However, we're all united under the label because it's a convenient way to grasp a very complicated part of our identity. 

    Aweee thank you - you guys have been able to reassure me so much and it really does mean everything to me. I mean that. Also, I was nervous to jump into this forum because I didn’t know how the community would be, but everyone here is so kind and welcoming! Thank you! ?

    • Like 2
  16. 2 hours ago, Autumn said:

    I assure you, having intense squishes (or however you choose to define those experiences - we still massively lack clear, consistent, and varied language for the very nebulous experiences of relationships and feelings) doesn't make you any less 'legitimate' of an aromantic. If you id as aromantic, and that's the label that makes you most comfortable, then you are 100% 'legitimate', because the label is really just there to help people explore and understand themselves. I don't think I've ever had squishes quite like that, or if I did it was as a kid, but that's only a relevant part of my own personal aromanticism. Everyone's experiences with it look and feel a bit different, and they're all just as valid and legit. It's just what you've experienced in life, and it's just a label that can help you describe or understand those experiences. I definitely understand not relating completely to the community you're a part of - especially when you're new to it - can make it easy to question things, but the whole community is incredibly diverse as far as experiences and relationship goals/desires goes, so you don't need to worry too much! (There are def other no-romo aros who get intense squishes and other forms of attractions as well, it's all good!)

    Awee thank you so much! I don’t have a lot to say in response but rest assured I’m soaking up every bit of information you’re giving me. ? It really means a lot to me! Thank you

    • Like 1
  17. Hi! So hopefully the title isn’t misleading. I’m not questioning my aromanticism - I pretty much know that I‘m aro - but what upsets me is that I feel like I don’t feel ‘as aromantic’ as other people. Like, I’m not Demiromantic, Quairomantic, ect.. I’m Aromantic, but basically what I’m talking about is people who say that they’ve never felt anything remotely close to a crush in their life (no shade against these people, I promise. I’m sure you’re all great :D) and I’m still new to actually identifying as aromantic. I know I’ve never wanted a committed relationship, or to get married or anything like that, but I’ve had what I believe to be intense squishes before (which I’ve written about in some of my other threads - feel free to check it out if you’re curious) but I’m still figuring out exactly what they were, because I never really wanted to be intimate with them, and I never pursued a romantic relationship with them, I just got giddy and nervous when I was around them and thinking about them made me happy. Now hearing about other people who have never once felt anything like this makes me start to feel like I’m not a ‘legitimate’ aromantic, or I’m not ‘wholly’ aromantic. I guess the fear is that I always do things in extremes, and I never half-ass stuff, so I guess I feel like I’m not ‘as aromantic as possible’ even though I so desperately want to be. If any of that made any sense. ? I’d love to hear you guys’ opinions about it. As always; thank you! ?

  18. 1 hour ago, Jot-Aro Kujo said:

    I feel very similarly, and honestly? That's ok. You don't need to label a relationship. You can just like... Be close friends with someone, if that's what you want. QPRs are great and an important term for people who feel that it's useful to them, but to truly dismantle amatonormativity we need to accept and recognize that you don't need to label something as a capital-R Relationship in order to have intimacy and loyalty. 

    Yeah! I usually don’t like the idea of a committed ‘relationship’ even if it is a QPR, but maybe something, like, more than a ‘friendship’ I guess, where we really care about each other and every now and then want one on one time, but not all the time. And no kissing or sexual intimacy of any sort, either. If that makes any sense. ? Maybe the best word would be ‘bromance’ but with a woman. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 

  19. 9 minutes ago, Queasy_Attention said:

    I feel the same. I'm on again, off again whenever I think about QPRs. I also really like the fact that I'm aro (now that I actually know that about myself), and I love thinking about how I don't have to tie myself to anyone, or combine my life with someone else's. That being said, I don't want to be completely alone either. It's a strange state of mind-- I want good friends, and I think maybe ideally I'd like someone who was a little more than a friend, maybe someone who understood my relationship to relationships and accepted that. I'm aroallo so really the dream would be to find someone down for a FWB-but-still-like-really-good-friends relationship? I feel you on the not wanting commitment, though, and I'd really hate to label any sort of relationship... 

    Shit's confusing, I'll drink to that :Yespapo:

    Yup! Although I’ve never really minded the idea of being alone - I think I more just would like someone to spend a lot of time with that shares my own interests and also enjoys spending time with me. Maybe just more of a “best-best friend”

    I don’t know though, it’s hard to say. ?

    • Like 2
  20. Hello! So, in my last post I was told about queerplatonic relationships, and while some aspects of it sounded nice, I’m still off-put by the idea of a committed ‘Relationship” with anyone. Idk, maybe I just have commitment issues, but as weird as this may sound, I desperately want to NOT want it. Like, when I was figuring out if I was aromantic, I really wanted to BE Aromantic, if that makes any sense. What do you guys make of this? Why does this ‘finding myself’ crap have to be so c o n f u s i n g ?

    • Like 4
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