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Beukennootje

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About Beukennootje

  • Rank
    Newbie

Personal Information

  • Orientation
    Aroace
  • Gender
    Female
  • Location
    Netherlands

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  1. I know that at least one of the two is bisexual, so I'll skip that route with at least one of them. If they start about it another time I will surely try to explain why it is so invasive. At that moment I was just too overwhelmed from all their questions to have the proper words to explain why it was so wrong. But back at home I thought back at it and then I got frustrated. It is hard to prove a negative. I think that is why it takes so long to figure out that you are aro. I mean I thought for years I was 'just a late bloomer'. The person that is in a relationship with a good friend of mine is bisexual. So I can't use the gender she isn't attracted to as an example. I am 'out' to the good friend she has a relationship with. I am not out to my whole environment yet. Just 2 people I told myself, because we are close friends. And those 2 people in this thread that asked questions. So my good friend said he thought it was weird she was this invalidating, because she is bi herself, so she should probably know what invalidation is herself. I agreed, but later I thought about the following: maybe it is harder to grasp aromantic if someone is bisexual. because that example of the gender they are not attracted to doesn't really work (I know this is too generalizing because there is more than strict female and male, but to make the example easier). But even then indeed she can at least just respect me and not invalidate me. @nisse @Leton. Sorry again for the late reaction. Somehow my notifications don't work properly, so I didnt saw you two replied.
  2. @Leton. @nisse Thanks for your replies! Sorry that I reply late, I was on a small vacation and had to work a lot after. Those people are not my closest friends, but somewhere between good acquaintance and friend or so. These people started asking me questions on my sexuality/romantic orientation, because they noticed I seem not interested. Otherwise I wouldn't have discussed it with them. But these people will be in my life, because one is in a relationship with a good friend of mine and the other shares the same hobby as I do, so I see him over there. The weird part with both is when I told them I am aroace they were like: hmm okay. And a few days later they came up with all these questions and start to invalidate it. I try to explain that I know myself pretty good and that experimenting won't change my feelings (and yes emotionally numb was also new to me). But I guess they try to convince me, because they have experience with crushes and relationships and everything. And I think they think because I don't have experience, that they can 'wake me up' romantically and sexually or so. That it is because I don't have experience. And I tried to explain that that doesn't make a difference, and they said they understood, but the next sentence contained experimenting again. So maybe they just really don't understand it or so. But if they keep repeating I have to experiment, I don't know how to explain it to them anymore. And I really can't do anything with "it might not be true, because emotionally numb". And what Nisse said: indeed I want people to accept. If they don't fully understand, okay. I also don't fully understand them. But I won't ever say that it might be not true that they have orientation X or whatever. But I wonder if they fully realise how invalidating their comments are. Wow, I think this whole text is not coherent at all. I hope you get it a bit.
  3. Hi all, I go here by the name Beukennootje. I am a 23 years old student from the Netherlands. I identify as aromantic and asexual. I came to the asexual realisation first a few months ago, and then I realised there was more than just asexual. I am also aromantic. I try to discuss it with some people and I notice I get reactions I don't have proper answers on. One of the people that I told I was aromantic and asexual was like: "but this also can be not true. I mean, you may have a boyfriend in 2 years. I also had periods I didn't found anyone attractive when I was emotionally numb." So I told her I definitely wasn't emotionally numb from puberty till now, if I ever have been emotionally numb. But she still was like: but you can also just say: at this moment I don't feel attraction to people. And at that moment I didn't know anymore how to respond. The person I talked to is biromantic and sexual herself, so I couldn't make the comparison with the gender she isn't attracted to. I also talked to someone that at first seemed understanding. But then started to ask like all weird questions possible about how I looked at people, how it came I never had crushes, everything about my sex life, if I masturbate and if so, what I think about when doing that etc. Like everything, which was quite uncomfortable. And after that he concluded that I maybe just have to experiment more with people/relationships/sex etc.. So I explained to him there is nothing to fix or solve, because there is nothing broken. And he went like: hmm yea that is right. But continued with that he still advised to experiment more. So I don't know what I have to tell him to make him realise that he doesn't have to 'solve' it, because there is nothing to be solved. How do you handle these kind of people? What do you say to them?
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