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Queasy_Attention

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Everything posted by Queasy_Attention

  1. Hey all! If you, like me, find yourself in the confuddling position of being aromantic and also loving romance novels (or movies, or shows, we don't judge), this is the place for you! I invite everyone who has a favorite piece of romantic media to come here and talk bout it! To kick things off, I'm rereading Pride and Prejudice right now. I think what gets me about this book is that the concept of marriage is so separate from how we view marriage now. It's integral to everyone's societal statuses. Lizzie's reward in the end is a happy marriage, but it's not just the fact that she loves Darcy that makes that marriage feel like a true reward. It's also the financial stability and the fact that she has a partner who she likes and who respects her, both of which were difficult to find and not certainties. I also love that era setting where every raised eyebrow stands for, like, a four paragraph essay. I'm both desperate to live in that world and thankful that I don't. I also have some lower-brow books that have little to no subtext or nuance, but I still adore them. Kiera Andrews has some terrifically sappy M/M novels. I think it's the central focus of the characters' sexualities that draws me, because that's something I can relate to. Most of the time, the romance is centered half on the situational relationship between the two characters and half on the fact that they're attracted to one another in a time or place where it's forbidden. And as I can relate to both platonic and physical attraction, I vibe with her books! I've also read some stinkers where the relationship is cookie-cutter set up and boring, and the characters only like each other because of some mysterious force called romantic attraction. If there's no reason for it and no reason why it's interesting or creates conflict, then I'm out. I also tend to like romance in written books rather than live-action shows or movies. When it's too set in reality I tend to get a bit uncomfortable. That being said, I did just watch the 2005 Pride and Prejudice and man that was good. So I guess it varies! How about you all? What's your favorite romance book/piece of media? What do you like about it? Is there anything you can relate to? Did your enjoyment of romantic media change when you figured out you were aro? Did it not? What are some of your favorite tropes? Least favorite? What are some of your favorite books? Least favorite? What do you recommend for others with your tastes? The questions are endless, and so are the stories! Pick a book or two and feel free to hang out and talk about your favorite butterflies-in-the-stomach moments. ????????
  2. Dope! I write fanfic too, and I've written aro characters for years, since way before I even had an inkling that I was aro too. I sort of reverse-engineered the concept as a reverse alloromantic-asexual, and I kept writing characters who were comfortably allosexual and extremely romance repulsed. Didn't realize until way later that that was all projection, lol! The kicker is that most of that stuff was shipping, too! Looking back at it now, it's pretty clear that all I was writing was a good friendship + physical attraction-- again, projecting my own point of view. Welp! Anyway, welcome to the forum-- hope to catch you around
  3. Oh hey! Aroallo over here, nice to meet you! I'm going back to school in the winter (I know, great timing) for the first time in about 5 years so I can finally study piano. I'm a music nerd too! ??? I'm such an outlier at work because I absolutely adore Christmas carols, and all my coworkers hate them lol. I like that they're catchy and easy to harmonize with, sue me! I also very much like baking and if you want to like swap recipes or share some hot goss about your latest bake hmu Anyway, I hope to catch you around the forums! This place is pretty nice and chill, I've had a great time here so far. Welcome!
  4. Okay, Really? A Newbie Gives Unquestionably Terrific Answers. Nuts! COMPOSED
  5. Can Revolution Overthrow What Keeps Everyone Enraged? Please, Educate! Read! BOOKSTORE
  6. Yo, welcome. I've never been on AVEN but I've heard people find this place to be a little more chill. Best of luck on your identity journey~
  7. Oh man, this has been bugging me for AGES. I've had a really hard time figuring out where I lie on the gender spectrum, mainly because a lot of people in queer internet spaces put so much stock into personal pronouns- specifically, on the hardships they face when they are not used correctly. But pronouns have never been that big of a concern for me! I'm totally fine with the fact that everyone in my life uses she/her to refer to me, since I'm afab. If they wanted to use he/him or they/them I would also be happy, but I don't need them to do that in order to feel comfortable. I also can't relate to the gender dysphoria that many, many genderqueer people go through. I've never really minded my own body. Again, it's a case of- well, if I had he/him parts, I'd also be happy, but I don't need them in order to feel like myself. At the same time, I can tell I'm not "just" female. Consistently since childhood I've felt a pull towards masculine presentation. I've resisted dressing in traditionally feminine clothing and preferred masculine or androgynous clothes instead, particularly for formal or important occasions. I refer to myself as a guy sometimes, and it feels natural. Sometimes I imagine my body as if I were a different sex- sometimes I wish it were. I also am comfortable presenting in a feminine way sometimes. And sometimes I like both. So I think I'm bigender-- or bigenderflux, if I wanted to get really specific about it. I like this label over "genderfluid" because it implies that two gender identities can exist at the same time, even if the proportions of which is more present tend to shift around. (Basically, I have some days where I feel more feminine and some days when I feel more masculine, but I don't constantly have "boy days" or "girl days" where I know for sure that I am one or the other, and being referred to as the opposite would upset me.) It's kind of tough. I've struggled to relate to (and honestly empathize with) a lot of my friends who are genderqueer, because I have never understood what it feels like to be misgendered. Obviously I believe when they say that being misgendered causes them pain! At the same time, I don't have a problem with any pronouns, so I have a hard time putting myself in the shoes of others who do. I just feel like everyone I see has such a strong take on pronouns and dysphoria, and I haven't seen or met anyone else who feels more easygoing about it like me. It makes me doubt myself and whether I even am genderqueer, whether maybe I'm just a cis girl who just wishes she was a boy sometimes, maybe because of the way men are allowed to exist in society in ways that women aren't, or because dicks seem more fun than their female alternatives? Idk!! It's really hard to parse out all my feelings.
  8. Yeah, this is very true! I think the closest case you can make for an aroallo character is the stereotypical "guy/girl who sleeps around a lot but never takes a relationship very seriously", a-la Barney from HIMYM, Joey or Chandler from Friends, Dean from at least the first few seasons of Supernatural. Unfortunately these types of characters usually culminate with finding "the one" that changes them and makes them want a relationship. Sometimes this is really cheap and comes off as "well, most shows have characters in relationships so let's add a love interest!" If it's well written and the love interest is a fully fleshed-out character who's a good friend in addition to being a romantic interest, then sometimes I'll get invested in the relationship, though. Still, it would be cool to see an actual character purposefully written as aroallo, in which sex without a relationship wasn't framed as some bad, shallow thing, or a symptom of someone's immaturity or fear of commitment. I think that's what usually bugs me about media-- characters in books/movies/TV-- that the lack of a relationship is portrayed as a bad thing, and the existence of sex without a relationship is framed as even worse than that.
  9. Up top! All a siren's gotta do is flash that side shave, D&D enamel pin, maybe do that thing where you put your arms over your head and your shirt rides up-- I'd drown myself in about four seconds.
  10. Hey, sorry for the spam of notifications, but I just wanted to say you're damn cool ??

  11. Nice to meet you! I love the mindset of being out and proud as whoever you are, to give other people a sense of security in their own identities. I want to be that person, even when it's hard sometimes. Welcome to the forums!
  12. Sorry to reply so late to this but lol welcome!! I had the same experience, going through relationships where some things felt right, but some things felt wrong. It really is surreal to not feel that big important something that everyone else feels and talks about all the time. I'm sorry you had to go through the "is there just something wrong with me" journey, that's never easy. But I'm glad you're here now!! Hope to catch you around the forums~
  13. Hey, welcome!! I've been getting more into reading since quarantine started, I've been devouring YA novels that I haven't touched since middle school, since right now I just need something fun and easy to read. It's so interesting to see the range in quality between them; there's some hot garbage and there's some really entertaining stuff! My ebook hold on the first Percy Jackson book finally came in today, I'm so excited to ditch Warrior Cats to read it lmfaoooo Also damn good luck with your PhD, I've heard that's a really tough area of study!! That's super impressive!
  14. Could be really strong platonic attraction? I get that a lot, where I'll get all nervous and giddy around someone like I have a stereotypical crush, except the last thing I want from them is a relationship! I just think they're really cool! That's just me tho, YMMV Welcome to the forums!
  15. I have an entire shelf of romance manga in my room. No plot, just fluff.
  16. TRUE TPBM has read at least three books this year
  17. 10-hour dinner. I probably wouldn't know who it was, I'd get free food, and I'd invite my friends along so we'd have a story to talk about for the next decade or so. Would you rather be able to fly, but only three inches off the ground, or be able to breathe underwater, but only for ten minutes?
  18. Aw, I'm sorry you ran into some trouble over there! I've never been on AVEN much, being aroallo myself, but I've had a great time on this forum so hopefully you will too! Catch you around!!
  19. Ohhhh man that's so good! I'm gonna keep that in mind for the rest of my life, wow, thank you!
  20. What's up!!! Music bros, I play piano ?? How long have you been a violinist??
  21. I've always struggled really hard with telling close people "I love you"-- I can tell my friends "I love you" just fine, but once I get closer to someone, this wall just comes up and I can't say it. I even struggle to say it to my family. I have a close friend with whom I have a sort of unofficial QPR (we're strictly non-romantic, she's not looking for a relationship and she knows I identify as aro, but we're still good close friends and we can cross non-platonic boundaries comfortably), and for a while I kept wanting to tell her "I love you", like I do to my other friends. But I didn't want to give her a mixed signal-- telling "her oh, hey, I'm aromantic and I don't want a relationship, and also, I love you!!!" So I couldn't tell her, and it felt kind of bad because I tell my other friends I love them all the time, and she's a really good friend so I wanted to give her that kind of love too, but I was too scared. Anyway the other day we were talking about a coworker's recent marriage and chatting about marriage in general and she said something like "I think I'd only get married for tax purposes honestly" and I just said "Oh my god, I love you so much right now," and she went one one knee and said "..... for tax purposes?" It was just so great, and I'm happy that now I've gotten past that barrier and I can give her the same kind of love I give the rest of my friends! Bwaaah!
  22. Yeeeesss!! I love trashy romance, but it totally pulls me out of the story when you're like, wait, what are you doing??? Like, if it's a "change my life for the better because this person inspires me" or "I'm gonna take a risk and make this person a big part of my life because I like being with them" then sure, that makes sense. But when it gets too ridiculous I'll bail, lol. Also I feel you on the realizing you can separate different kinds of attraction. Totally changed my perspectives on everything I've felt for other people. I don't even go past the basic split of platonic/romantic/sexual attraction, those three work well enough for me. Everything I've ever thought was romantic attraction turned out to be platonic and/or physical attraction, because all I wanted in the moment was to be better friends or be intimate with those people-- who knew?? Anyway hi!!! Welcome to the forums!
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