aussiekirkland

1 hour ago, Mark said:

I think it's something best with friends. To have the emotional connection there...

I would have to agree. The only time I've ever been comfortable with sex was with someone I developed a deep friendship with first

On 08/02/2017 at 2:06 AM, Untamed Heart said:

To be honest, I nearly did use that line when I broke up with my ex, and avoided doing so partly because of it being a cliche (even though it was true)  

I basically used that line when breaking up with an ex, though I backed it up with an explanation (that I wasn't attracted to him and it 100% wasn't his fault) and how much I appreciated his companionship

8 hours ago, DeltaV said:

I like this Tanaka guy, can relate to him!

Then you should watch the anime! It's Tanaka-kun Wa Itsumo Kedaruge (Tanaka-kun Is Always Listless)

It's a slice of life about the laziest guy ever

@omitef I'm actually having consistent sexual relations with someone I'm not officially dating, and I see what you mean. We've actually been keeping it a secret from our friends so it's been weird going on a trip with everyone this week

13 hours ago, SoulWolf said:

Was that recent? I can imagine stuff like that happening like back when I was at school (conservative small town, late last century), but nowadays I'd kind of expect people to know better...

Actually it was recent, just over a year ago. That's why I couldn't believe it. My school was incredibly backwards though, given it was a religious private school.

4 hours ago, Dodecahedron314 said:

Speaking of which, what is it with the whole obnoxiously gendered prom culture thing? Is that a thing outside the US?

Prom/ball culture is a huuuuge thing in Australia. It's so gross and gendered! Sure a girl could wear a suit, if they wanted to be ridiculed. Not to mention of my friends was a lesbian and wasn't allowed to take a girl, so she took a gay guy so they could share the pain of homophobic private schools together. I couldn't even believe that rule existed, it was absolutely disgusting.

School balls are basically the final ritual for conforming to cis/heteronormative culture and hardly anyone seemed to be bothered by it???

4 minutes ago, Ace of Amethysts said:

@aussiekirkland You serious? That sucks.

The same thing happened when I was 9, and the girls in the locker room were nagging me about when I was getting a bra (same shit, different school). Stuff like that was super isolating because I was an early bloomer.

In my experience puberty is used as an excuse to sexualise and feminise young girls which I personally think is really gross. It certainly felt wrong to me, all the pressure to "be a woman" and "be desirable to guys".

20 hours ago, Cassiopeia said:

Oh, the never ending shaving debate. Treating shaving like an effort to cover up a secret is really harmful, especially for children. Pre teen kids should not be bullied into messing with razors and hot wax. 

As someone who was bullied into shaving at only 11 I second this.

I spent years hating my body for doing what it's supposed to do and only in recent years have I managed to unlearn it.

I used to absolutely hate female beauty standards, but now I just don't care anymore.

The other week we were talking about shaving and I showed a mutual friend my armpit hair and she was pretty bothered by it, which I took great amusement out of later.

I find that not adhering to almost any feminine beauty standards makes it easier to narrow down my pool of friends and not getting too close to people who are clearly sexist and/or homophobic.

23 hours ago, Ettina said:

 

The emotion isn't work, the relationship is. I totally get this, because every relationship requires work, especially if you live with the person. I argue with my parents and sometimes my brother, and we all work really hard to get along better, because we love each other and we live together. 

As someone who still lives at home I totally get this

4 hours ago, Ace of Amethysts said:

Don`t you dare mention that vile excuse for an intellectual. I legit hate that person so much.

Warning point in 3, 2, 1....

Hopefully not, because you only insulted someone who isn't on Arocalypse.

Something I don't understand about romance: why shows like the bachelor and married at first sight are so popular when they lack any sort of substance, yet shows with fantasy and action and intricate plots get swept to the side by the majority.

There's an abundance of ace and aro shirts and other things on Look Human https://www.lookhuman.com/

The fact that Australian tv is free is probably why it's so bad. They can't risk trying new things so we've been stuck with the same shit for a loooong time. I stopped watching tv years ago in favour of YouTube.

3 hours ago, Zemaddog said:

Unless you're up north, Australia usually has dry heat. It's rare for it to go above 50% humidity at 30°C where I live for example (although it did just that today >.>). I will agree that humid heat is not  great, but dry heat is top notch. 

As much as I hate dry heat, it helps when you're not constantly in a pool of your own sweat. I actually sweat more in winter!

5 hours ago, Louis Hypo said:

(en Français) "A life without love is like a year without summer,"

 

...fuck off

Anything over 20C is death for me, so that's fine by me!

I did the you might be aro if list and I got 44 yes and 6 no's

Well, I'm aromantic and would answer no to some capacity for every question. Does that help?

I think you definitely could be cupioromantic. I also think those questions are a great starting point for people questioning whether they're on the aromantic spectrum.

I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who opened up on this thread, I could relate to a lot of your experiences.

It's weird for me because I've been asexual my whole life and now I'm sexually attracted to my best friend who I've known for 7 years. I couldn't completely admit this to myself until now, because the shared experiences on this thread are undeniable.

@Untamed Heart @Hey you in the corner

I also had a relationship with a really great guy. We had a lot in common and seemed pretty compatible so I couldn't understand why I felt nothing for him even after giving it 9 months. "Fake it till you make it" definitely didn't work in my case.

22 hours ago, Cereal Tendencies said:

Ew! Who does that? How can someone gush about puberty?

 

Also how in the world did your 9 year old cousin manage to find herself a long-distance boyfriend?

 

Kids these days 

My thoughts exactly!

He goes to their sister school in Indonesia and came to visit her school once. She still thinks they're a thing 

The first guy I dated I had zero feelings for (romantic or platonic) and only dated him to get the whole "you won't know until you try" scepticism out of my life.

Every time someone asked me how great it was to be in a relationship and I said yes was a complete lie.

The other week my 13 year old friend on Miitomo was gushing about her boyfriend and I said I was happy for her. Honestly, hearing her talk about how he's started puberty made me want to gag a little.

The other day my 9 year old second cousin asked me if I had a boyfriend and I just said no while listening to her ramble on about her "long distance relationship" because I didn't think it was worth the effort coming out to a 9 year old.

This is just the first few things that came to mind, I'm sure there's way more.

At first I was going to say what others have said, that is to cut her out completely but I understand that going to school with someone makes these things extremely difficult.

When I was at school I had some toxic people in my friend group that I had to spend a lot of time with, so what helped me was emotionally removing myself from the situation. This has been a really important skill for me to learn, and I'm even doing it with my best friend's best friend (who lives with her) right now. She thinks we're really close but I don't like her one bit, and she doesn't need to know that because I'm preserving my relationship with my best friend.

Sometimes your social wellbeing is somewhat dependant on the other person and that really sucks, but creating a relationship where she thinks you're close but you can protect yourself from her emotionally and detach yourself completely without her suspecting anything might be a solution.

This might involve keeping the conversations between you light and smalltalky, and refraining from telling her any further personal information. Other than that you continue to be nice and friendly.

I know that this can be a really hard thing to do, and of course it's not for everyone, so I wish you luck regardless.

5 hours ago, mostlyjustlucy said:

Being repulsed by romantic feelings that are directed at me, however, is literally how I figured out I was aro at all. It feels absolutely awful as soon as someone expresses romantic feelings, or if someone else implies that someone might have romantic feelings for me, or implies that I have romantic feelings for someone. I'd always kind of assumed that the panic I'd feel when I got asked out was like, nerves and excitement. Turns out it was nerves and terror, but I was just pushing it away because I was meant to be pleased that people wanted to date me.

Same! I thought that romance repulsion I felt when someone asked me out or confessed their love for me was butterflies. Wow I was stupid!

I have a new headcanon. Tanaka from Tanaka-kun is Always Listless is definitely aromantic. Some quotes

Ohta about Tanaka: Hmm, I remember him saying love was bothersome.

Ohta about another character: You want to instill in Tanaka the passion for romance that he lacks!

Ohta: So you don't think about getting a girlfriend or anything like that?

Tanaka: Well, of course, the inappropriate curiosity all boys have is present in me, but not enough that it's worth the effort to act upon it. In other words, I'm interested in the erotic, but the process to get there is too much work.

I don't think it can get much more aro than that, even if it is out of sheer laziness ? I haven't even finished the show yet, those are just my favourite quotes so far