For reference, I am a lesbian (or at least I think I am.)
It has been a running joke among me and me friends for years that I have commitment issues, because no relationship I get into lasts very long.
At first I was getting into relationships that would consist of being in a "talking" stage for a few months, before dating for maybe a couple of weeks and breaking up, either because I felt trapped in the relationship and broke it off, or because I would start giving very dull replies and so they would break it off. Now its got to a point where even in the "talking" stage I feel trapped even texting back is a chore.
So far every time I lost interest I've had something to pin it on: mental health; exams; family life etc. but recently I've started talking to a girl who is litterally everything I thought I wanted in a relationship and at an ideal time because my exams have been cancelled due to covid-19. On paper this is the ideal situation, but already a couple of days into speaking to her I'm getting that feeling of dread when she messages me because I know I'll have to come up with a reply.
Another thing to note is I have only ever had two major "crushes" throughout school. One was on a girl who is now my best friend, and the other was on a girl who I have now become very close friends with. In both cases the sort of butterflys-in-my-stomach "crush" feeling went away once I became friends with them, so could it be that I was misinterpreting my feelings all along?
It could be that it is just commitment issues and I need to "find the right person" or whatever, but I wanted some anonymous opinions?
Thanks.
