hart watcher

i personally only ever plan to come as aromantic out to close friends, and otherwise keep my family and coworkers in the dark. they perceive me as being queer, which is fine because i can maintain my aesthetic attraction openly while also just... not dating. it may come up one day, and i may change my mind and be honest... but it is for my personal safety that it remains a secret. so, here’s my question to y’all out of pure curiosity to see what people think on the subject of coming out etc: how do you feel about keeping your aromantic identity a secret? have you come out, and if so, to whom? friends - family - coworkers - etc? do you plan to never come out? if not, im interested to hear why, and if you think that may change or not. its sort of nice to see how other people relate & deal with this topic, personally!

every first kiss i had was incredibly awkward and unmemorable, even though they were fairly normal kisses by standard? i dont recall feeling gross because of the kiss itself, but rather that i was kissing someone,, ? i remember the bare bones of my first kiss w/ my first long-term boyfriend (if 6 months could be considered long, it felt that way lol) & he was also my first irl (i had only dated long-term thru long distance up into this point) romantic relationship. anywho, the kiss......... it was sudden, awkward for me, and i remember literally thinking “is that it? we must've not done it right because i felt literally nothing.” i remember then getting home and not even telling my roommate & best friend because i was so displeased with the fact that it had happened, lol. i really am missing most of the memory, tho, so maybe it is an aro thing? esp w first kisses i j kno how it happened ?

you can call me hart! i’m a nonbinary (they/them for now) 20 (almost 21!!) yr old artist living on the east coast of the us. i’ve been in the queer community since i was about 13, and have always majorly struggled with my identity. it feels like i’ve id’d as just abt everything - and i was miserable doing so. it was like the moment i settled on a label, i would find myself apathetic to the idea of actually being attracted to anybody. it was always just half-fun fluff for my brain... and when i would actually get into romantic relationships, i’d always find myself incredibly overwhelmed and either trying to end them as quickly as possible or forcing myself to stay in it for those that were perceiving the relationship (such as my family, partner, etc.) after breaking up with my last boyfriend in 2018, i decided to stop dating... because since i was 13, there had NEVER been a year of my life where i hadn’t dated someone for some period of time! this was an incredibly helpful year and a half, because while i still tried to convince myself of crushes etc, i had a lot of help from a good aspec friend. i still struggled with it for a long time, battling internalized aphobia... but i was slowly coming to a conclusion... i was aromantic - and acespec, but oh my gosh! i was aromantic! i had never been this content, this happy. i didnt miss romance throughout all this time, and i even feared being dragged back into it more than i feared “being alone.” i suddenly was sparked to do a plethora of deep diving research, and found so many wonderful resources that confirmed my suspicions... i was an aromantic asexual, as well as someone who experienced a load of alterous attraction very intensely! and i say was but, this is still me! proudly!! i love my aspec identity now, and i have never ever felt so comfortable in an identity like i do being aspec!! and especially being aro, which i’d consider my “main” id! thats sort of it - i know it was long lol, but this was a very intense journey for me, and im happy to have finally come around to what my heart really wants for me... some good ol’ friendship :)) thanks for reading!! ??