Erederyn

Those sound like some nice plans, folks. All the best, I hope you all can accomplish your goals! My plans/goals for this year are to become more involved with activism and building the skills required for this, get back into music (I completely stopped listening to music and playing the violin/piano because I felt "emotionally constipated"), be more patient and accepting of where I am in life now even if it's not my ideal situation, and to put myself out there more (instead of only lurking online and not interacting ?). Also to finally publish a research paper I've been working on for three freakin years and be one step closer to finishing my PhD ?

I get the struggle. I haven't used it myself yet, but I was recently recommend an app called Lex, in which you post short personal ads. It's for queer people and there are people looking for a variety of relationships/connections (romo, friendships, fwb...). Perhaps that's another option to try out!

Welcome! There are a lot of people here who enjoy writing as well :) I hope you find this space helpful in further understanding yourself and finding what works for you!

Welcome! I also know what it's like having lived in a conservative area and not having any in-person LGBTQ+ groups around, so online spaces are seriously a gift. I hope you feel comfortable and welcomed here. Learning survival skills sounds cool, I started getting a bit into foraging the past two years myself!

Hello Toast, I hope you can learn a lot here, there are definitely some interesting discussions! Welcome and nice to meet you ?

Relationship anarchy has been so instrumental in how I navigate my relationships now. I wish more people know about it mainstream! You're right in that the RA manifesto is inspiring, I like to read through it once in a while, thanks for sharing it.

Apparently the orange/yellow/white/blue flag is one of the most populars ones and is used on the aroace LGBTA wiki, so maybe that's the official one (perhaps someone else knows better?). But here's an explanation of all the aroace flags! https://lgbta.wikia.org/wiki/Aroace

I also identified as greyro for a bit before identifying as aro. I wasnt sure if I had experienced romantic attraction ever, but I knew I wasn't too into the idea of romantic relationships. I used the greyro label as a way to allow myself some wiggle room in case I was a late bloomer. It did help ease the transition for me and once I was a bit older, I felt confident that I was aro. Perhaps it goes another way for you, of course. Either way, sometimes labels are about the journey of self-learning. But like Autumn said, you can always change your label later. Labels are supposed to serve you and it should be something you feel comfortable with, even if it's a temporary description of you and your experiences.

Hello! I'm glad that despite the difficulties, you're becoming comfortable with your identity. Nice to meet you, and welcome to the community!

Hi Ava! The aro experience can be very diverse. But great that you're figuring this out about yourself, and I hope you feel welcome here. Nice to meet you!

That's a good idea to start asking people about their friendships! I also feel frustrated that my friends don't ask me about my relationships, but then expect me to talk about their romantic relationships. I had a queerplatonic partner for a couple of years and I have a couple of very close and important friends, but none of my friends ever asked for updates about them. I think you could just ask about how their friends are doing in general (especially if there are particular friends they spend more time with regularly). Maybe ask if they did anything fun the last time they hung out with their friend. (I do that with my friends, I just ask "Hey, how's so-and-so doing, by the way? Have you gotten to hang out with them recently?) I think it can be appropriate during this time with covid to ask people how they are doing with their friendships and close relationships. It might be sensitive, but if it's someone you know well and it's at a good time, it can be sincere and they could appreciate it. People might just not be used to it and could be surprised at first, but could like it.

Yeah, there's an Arocalypse discord! I'm not sure if we can just put the invite link here, so I'll PM it to you :)

Sounds good :) Happy holidays!

Welcome! That does sound pretty aro, but yeah, compulsive heterosexuality and amatonormativity can sometimes get in the way of figuring out one's identity. You're most welcome to use this space to figure things out and learn more about aromanticism and whether this is right for you or not. Plenty of people here are doing the same. Also, this is such a great description ? Nice to meet you and good luck on your journey of self-discovery!

Welcome! Figuring out one's identity can be a long and confusing process, but an identity/label doesn't have to be permanent. If identifying as aroace feels right to you now but you later on feel differently, that's okay! I hope you can gain some insight here on the forums.

That can be really frustrating! I've had similar experiences. I come from a very family-oriented culture, so I've had a lot of pressure to be romantically involved/get married and have children from my family ever since I've turned 20ish. It was really difficult at first and I would get into arguments with my parents, but I kept standing my ground. I haven't come out to them, but I've been firm about not wanting to get married/have children. I know they get disappointed and frustrated and they find it really sad that I won't be giving them grandchildren. My brother has taken care of that haha, but my mom especially still wants grandchildren from me and to see me get married. However, after many years of steadfastly telling them that this is not the life I want, they've become more (grudgingly) accepting of it (or at least less in denial). I even told my mom last year that I don't view partnerships as necessarily having to be romantic and that I want to focus on my friendships and on being an aunt. I could tell she didn't fully understand it and she was still sad about it, but she didn't argue with me or pressure me or tell me that I would change my mind. So that's some progress! It only took ~8 years haha. I hope that your family can come to accept you and what you want in life!

That is a good one, would love to play this in an orchestra!

I'm a fan of "Thank God It's Christmas" by Queen and "Carol of the Bells" performed by the Trans-Siberan Orchestra. After living abroad for some years now and going home for Christmas every year to be with family and friends, "I'll be Home for Christmas" has become a favorite, especially hearing them in the airports.

I'm grateful for my aroness and for the process of accepting my aromanticism. I've learned so much about myself, and I feel self-assured and comfortable with who I am. In a way, being aro and accepting my aroness has opened my heart in the sense of feeling more free to love and care for people the way that I want and also in the sense of being more accepting of others and treating them with more compassion. I feel like this post perfectly captures for me what I love about being aro and being part of the aro community. So glad to be a part of this community! https://asexualfitzroy.tumblr.com/post/637701655163453440/the-aromantic-agenda-is-a-good-one-go-and-think.

For me, one of the worst parts is that I find it difficult to have the kind of meaningful relationships that I want. I tend to feel like I'm more committed to friendships and that I take them more seriously than other people. I sometimes feel like I'm dispensible because I'm "just" a friend. I want to have close long-term platonic relationships, friends that I can make a life with, but some people think that's not normal or that it's silly to have those sorts of relationships. I'm sorry you feel that way. I don't want to give any unsollicited advice/comments so apologies if I overstep here and you can just ignore me if so ? It's totally valid to feel that way (I also used to feel like this), but you also don't owe people anything just because they feel something for you that you can't reciprocate. While it may not be what they want, it doesn't mean it's insufficient. Your feelings and your way of caring can be just as meaningful. You're not responsible for how they react and if they can't accept that you would prefer to be friends with them, then that's on them as well. You alone are not at fault here. And this isn't only for aro people, this is for everyone. It can be hard to accept this, and I also felt for a for some time that people "deserved more from me" but I now realize that that's not so and that I'm giving them as much as I can and that is still beautiful and enough.

For sure, there can be so much misunderstanding! Unless people know I'm aromantic, I can feel very uncomfortable being affectionate with people or doing things like going on nice dinners one-on-one with them because I'm afraid they might get the wrong idea. I get that feeling of "yikes" when someone misconstrues something I did as romantic and they try to reciprocate. So it's definitely important that people are on the same page to avoid any awkwardness. Funny how we can be so bad at something so important as clear communication sometimes ? But cultural differences certainly adds a layer of complication!

Welcome! This is definitely a good place for shared aro experiences, I hope you can glean some more insight into your aromanticism here. Totally agree with roboticanary that "a love life as colourful as a blank sheet of paper" is a great description, love it. Well, this can be very personal, of course, and can differ per person. You don't need to fill this part of your life if you don't want to. I think many people are quick to say "oh aros can still love their friends/family/pets/etc" but you don't need to do that either. Some aros find that they woud like to have some sort of partnership, often (queer)platonic. Others want to have a found family built on friendships. Some like to fill their life by focusing on hobbies, clubs, or activities. But if you don't feel any of these are necessary, then there is no need to force it. It's really up to you! Perhaps with time you'll figure out what works best for you ?

This is the Google Doc link, people should be able to edit/comment. Feel free to add your ideas/suggestions! https://docs.google.com/document/d/1fMNyUtLrL1YJx24nH1AYUoPdxsRcgWKiqcktcQ7ea-g/edit?usp=sharing

My romance repulsion tends to be triggered. So my base "setting" is romance indifference, but if someone pushes me into romantic situations or if someone is being blatantly amatonormative, for example, I can become romance repulsed. Depending on how strong it is, I can feel annoyance/irritation, cringe, disgust or even anger. I can sometimes even become romance-negative/anti-romance. I won't stand seeing or hearing about romance, which means I'll avoid any romance in media and I'd avoid listening to my friends talk about their romantic relationships. I feel the same way about the intention, Rony and aro_elise. Intention behind the actions can definitely influence how comfortable I am with something, and if someone is doing it with romantic feelings, I also feel super uncomfortable. I could hold hands with a friend totally fine, for example, but if they do it in a romantic way, I c a n n o t stand it. I agree! I see those as ways to express my care or even celebrate a friendship, and why shouldn't we do that? I do get that not everyone would be comfortable with that, but I think there could be some more normalization of doing these nice things with/for friends.