Erederyn

The University of Queensland partnered with AUREA to conduct research on aromantic experiences! The project is called AroUQ, and it'll hopefully be published sometime this year.

1 hour ago, roboticanary said:

Only the quizmaster needs the paid bit so if one person has it that is fine. I am pretty sure @erederyn already has what we need so no-one would need to buy anything.

That's right, I already have the jackbox games. I'd just host it and everyone else can join on- they don't need to have the game themselves.

20 hours ago, The Gray Warlock said:

I sincerely hope it works out for you. I don't know what your relationship with your parents is, but I think they just don't want to see you get hurt. Maybe cut them some slack.

Thank you. Of course my parents have a general concern, which I totally understand and don't mind and we have a pretty close relationship. But their questioning of my situation been disproportionate and persistent and specifically about the fact that I'm doing this with a friend. For example, my younger brother moved in with his girlfriend and got married after they had been dating only 8 months and my parents didn't question him and were excited for him. I've had a close relationship with my friend for 14 years and my parents also know her well and really like her, but now that I'm planning this with her, they're being this way. So that's why I find their attitude frustrating and amatonormative.  

I don't have experience with it myself, but there's an aspec blog writer I follow who writes about limerence from time to time: https://sildarmillionjournal.wordpress.com/tag/limerence/. Maybe you find it relatable and helpful.

I haven't read them myself, but the Bowden Anime Club books by Hailey Gonzales has an alloaro character: https://haileygonzalesbooks.wordpress.com/take-me-to-your-nerdy-leader/. This page also has a section on stories/fanfic with allo aro and non-asexual aros: https://aroworlds.com/allo-aro/.

I had posters of cats and mythical creatures like unicorns and Lord of the Rings posters 😁

Had fun with these! I also really wanted to get aro villain but did not, alas.

First: Nonhuman aro

Second: Appearance headcanon fodder

Third: Swords

Fourth: Aroallo flag

4 hours ago, tyledgarlic said:

what company had those? that sounds sooo good!

The caju/cashew apple is from a Brazilian ice cream company called Maipu. And avocado I would get from a local paletero/popsicle vendor or an Asian grocery store (I think Magnolia was the brand). I've been wanting to try and make it at home, though, since they're not easily accessible where I live now.

I generally prefer fruit-based ice cream: mango, avocado, and caju (cashew apple) are my favorites 😋

I'm sorry that you're experiencing this, it's definitely a stressful situation. I second not having to come out. I understand that you'd like to speak your truth, but you're not obligated to come out in the first place and sometimes it's better not to. It depends on how safe you feel and how much energy you're willing to put into this, but you can already see that they're not accepting. If you think it's worth it and it's something you're willing to put effort into, then sure you can come out and try to educate them, but might be best to not have high hopes of them understanding or accepting you. Finding support elsewhere is also a good idea. 

Also, this may not be your intention, but I'd be careful with potentially implying that asexuality and aromanticism are more palatable or acceptable compared to other LGBTQ+ identities and orientations by saying that aphobia doesn't make sense while homo- or trans- or other queerphobia might make sense with their religious views (and this erases the many Christian folks who are LGBTQ+ themselves or supportive of LGBTQ+ folks). Sure, there are some aromantics and asexuals who don't identify as queer or LGBTQ+, but as nonmerci stated, many people consider anything that deviates from normative heterosexuality problematic. Bigotry often doesn't make sense, anyway. 

19 hours ago, Holmbo said:

This sounds like such an awesome set up! I'm a bit jealous. Cohabitation is one of the main things I want as a relationship. So when your parents don't understand at least you know there are other aros absolutely getting it.

For sure, I do feel supported by fellow aros and other friends as well! And I hope you also manage to find what you're looking for. A year ago this seemed impossible for me, but things ended up working out. So you never know!

18 hours ago, roboticanary said:

Also the whole how will you split up the furniture thing seems really wierd, like. it isn't that hard to split dozens of items roughly equally between two people, or maybe they expect you to saw a sofa in half. Sounds really like a sort of 'we dont like this, better try to find a reason'.

Hope things get better for you, and good luck. Cohabiting with a good friend sounds really cool and you deserve to be excited about it.

Yeah, I find the comments odd, and it's more annoying because they didn't question my younger brother this way when he married and moved in with his girlfriend of 8 months (at the time) 🤔.

And thank you, I'm very much looking forward it and trying not to let my parents hamper that, although I'd like their full support. It might just take time for them to come around.

  Just need to vent.

Recently, one of my best friends, who is the only a-spec person I know IRL, and I officially decided to live together. We're not necessarily going to have a partnership, but we are planning to live with each other long-term and plan certain aspects of our lives together.

I'm not out to my parents, and they're not the most queer-friendly people, but I told them a couple months ago that this was my plan. They didn't outright say anything negative about it, but they keep talking about my future as if she's not going to be a part of it. Finally I told them that I'm serious about this plan and that because we both want the same things out of life (e.g., not getting married/having romantic partner and wanting to live with friends, among other things), that this is going to be long-term. That I'm planning on "settling down" with her. But still, they talk as if it's temporary. "How will you split up your furniture when you move out after a year or two? Why not just get an apartment for yourself and she can live in her own apartment somewhere close to you?" And other things about our relationship not being "permanent enough" (which no relationship is 100% guaranteed to be permanent anyway) and automatic assumptions that this is just a temporary thing until we each find romantic partners/spouses.

My friend and I have been close friends for many years, so I'm very excited that this is finally working out for us. I want to be able to talk to my parents about my plans and be excited about apartment hunting and all that, but I'm frustrated with their attitude. It feels pretty invalidating and not fully supportive. I'll have to keep drilling it into their heads that this isn't some phase or transient "stepping stone" until I get married 😩 Amatonormativity once again being a thorn in my side

There's AroWriMo: https://arowrimo.tumblr.com/

Carnival of Aros could potentially be considered an event?

To add onto the others, there are many behaviors that are considered romantic ("romantically-coded") which don't necessarily have to be. For example, holding hands, cuddling, even kissing. There's this idea that those things are done only in a romantic relationship or with romantic intent, but as long as everyone involved is comfortable with it, that shouldn't have to be the case. What could be helpful also is to note that behavior =/= attraction (and vice versa), so you can continue to have the same dynamic even if your feelings or type of relationship have changed.

If you want to dive deeper into these ideas, you could look into relationship anarchy. There are even some discussions/threads here on the forums: 

I definitely find one-on-one time important with friends. I like hanging out with groups of friends, but I agree with Nix that sometimes the conversations can be more shallow. Sometimes you need time to have certain conversations with a friend that you might not have in groups. I also find it necessary for bonding and forging deeper relationships, otherwise my attention gets too scattered.

On 12/15/2021 at 2:11 PM, Mark said:

An issue with the Digging Deeper part is that many parts of it are rather US specific.
Most obviously is health insurance reference.

Imperialism and colonialism does not need to involve settlement or other forms of mass (even forced) migrations to change societies.
Rather understated is the role religion, especially Christianity, in terms of colonialism.
Marriage, including monogamous marriage, long predates romance. With romantic marriage and amantonormativity replacing arranged marriage. It's also notable as recently as the 19th century, maybe into the 20th.
A connection with "capitalism" fails to explain how amantonormativity exists within Eastern Europe, the former USSR and China.
 

Yeah, for sure. My intent was less so on a broad international perspectives because I wouldn't be able to capture all the different nuances. Some others have commented also about how amatonormativity is different in Eastern societies, for example, and that maybe the term isn't even truly appropriate outside of Western contexts anyway. 

On 12/13/2021 at 2:04 PM, Mark said:

A couple of things which might be worth adding would be
Mononormativity: the belief that exclusive dyadic relationships are the default, preferred, or normal mode of human relationships, especially intimate ones.
Romantic Coding: the belief that certain activities and behaviours are an essential part of romantic relationships and should not happen in other forms of relationships.

Other examples under "Structural/Institutional" Are social events, including those connected to employment, where attendance "with a partner" is the expectation or there is a substantial discount to tickers/membership for couples.

Nice suggestions, thank you! I'll try to incorporate them when I get the chance

Well, do you think you're experiencing jealousy because you might have romantic feelings for your squish/friend? Experiencing some romantic attraction doesn't automatically mean you're no longer aro (that's why aromanticism is a spectrum!). But you can also experience jealousy over friendships, so it doesn't necessarily signal that you have romantic feelings for your squish. Perhaps you worry that this girl might end up taking up more of his time and attention and that you'll potentially become less important, which can trigger feelings of jealousy. Or maybe the jealousy is indeed because you have some romantic feelings and this is now becoming clearer. But even if you are jealous because you do have some romantic feelings for your friend, you can still be aro if you feel that it still describes you and your experiences!  

1 hour ago, Holmbo said:

This is cool. Would you consider posting it directly on the webpage as well? Cause I think it can be more accessible than only as a separate document.

Thank you! I've now also added the text directly onto the post!

This part stood out to me, and I really appreciated this being pointed out: "Single people should, in theory, be the purest embodiment of American values of self-sufficiency and individualism. That they’re not speaks to the fact that we don’t venerate the individual — we venerate the individual family." ~Amatonormativity and the sacred nuclear family~ 

On 12/2/2021 at 9:30 PM, Holmbo said:

It's like to be an adult one has to be so subdued and passive. 

I agree, it's sad that we're supposed to be "serious" just because we're adults and that being mature so often means being restrained and reserved. Playing and being silly and having fun is necessary for adults too! I really try to keep that spirit of being playful and not taking myself too seriously. If I'm out on a walk and come across an empty playground, I will most likely go and play ? Cannot resist the swings. Extra points if there's a zip line haha. 

Two disadvantages that immediately come to mind. Many apartments don't allow for sharing, so finding a place with friends is hard. In the country I lived before, there weren't such restrictions (at least not in the state I was in). Also, there aren't any local aro groups and very little knowledge about aromanticism in the country I live in now.

The good thing is that being not getting married is pretty normal for the most part here, so people don't get on my case for that. It's still pretty (amato)normative here, though. 

It really depends on the couple. If I'm good friends with at least one of them, I tend to be okay with it, and if I like my friend's partner or I'm friends with both of them, it can be a fun time. My close friends who are in relationships/coupled up tend to be mindful and respectful of making me feel included usually, which I'm thankful for. WIth some other couples who act as if there aren't any other people in the world, though, then yeah, I do sometimes wonder why I'm even there. 

38 minutes ago, MulticulturalFarmer said:

It's tough for me because things usually are fine in the beginning, but then you kind of realize that you get less "care" if you will as opposed to the person they are in a relationship with. 

I get this sometimes too, it can indeed be a reminder that you're missing or getting less care. Not necessarily getting less care from that specific person but less care in general. For example I need regular physical contact, but with social distancing, I haven't been able to get that, so then when I see my couple friends cuddling each other or holding hands, I feel extra touch-starved.  

12 hours ago, aroace_auncle said:

I can't emphasize enough how informative and well-executed this was

Thank you for your nice comment! 

8 hours ago, aroace_auncle said:

“A Ok” has been my favorite so far, in terms of hearing other peoples’ experiences. On the other hand, if anybody knows of any fantasy / story podcasts with aro/ace characters I’d love recommendations. 

The D&D podcast by aspec people called "Deck of Many Aces" is a fun one! It's mentioned in one of the lists above. There's also this list: https://innbetween.tumblr.com/post/633084990879662080

6 hours ago, Ikarus said:

Do the people sound like they are reading scripts, that would be weird....

I would say that with "Sounds Fake but Okay" they're definitely not reading scripts. They're sometimes actually a little chaotic hahah.