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Status Updates posted by El011

  1. So 3/4 grades are now uploaded.

  2. Being bisexual and also greyro is the most frustrating thing ever because with non-lgbt aro people it's like if you call out anyone's homophobia you get verbally berated and treated like you just committed a fucking hate crime and everyone's like "we're all one big happy aro family" but there's literally no space for you to talk about your own experiences without someone getting upset or saying it's gross if you kiss a woman in public 

    but also if you talk about being aro/greyro in the lgbt community you get SO fucking many unsolicited comments on how it's probably a mental health issue or how you're using people for sex even from people who don't fucking know ANYTHING about you

  3. So how do I change my profile pic?

    1. 2 Spirit Cherokee Princess

      2 Spirit Cherokee Princess

      Click on the big "E" on the upper left.  Note that in spite of the Accepted file types listed, png & gif are the only types that work on this site. 

      You can also change the background by clicking on Cover Photo on the upper right.  While it looks like only the top is visible, the whole image appears when you click on it.  (Feel free to try that on my page.)

  4. i s2g people are like "all aros are valid, we're a community" until a gay, bi, or lesbian aro calls out homophobia and straight privilege in the aro community

  5. so identity question. does anyone else ever hear love songs and fantasize about singing them to their future spouse and getting kind of teared up? also if this definitely does not sound like an arospec thing let me know, i definitely will not take it as invalidating.

    1. Show previous comments  2 more
    2. El011


      btw when I say I won't take it as invalidating I mean it's ok to say that I might not be aro lol

    3. NotHeartless


      Alright, but I can't tell if you might not be aro or not. I take people for what they tell me. ;)
      Maybe you just need some more time to figure it out or you might fall into a grey area. Only you can know it.

    4. cyancat


      alas, no uwu. but that may just be a very specific thing that i wouldn’t necessarily do because songs are a key part of my inner world? that place that i honestly wouldn’t even share with the closest of people to me, so i think it’s a matter of me not seeing it as a romantic gesture.

      tho, like heartless said, there are aros who at least like the idea/fantasy of romance without necessarily being able to experience it themselves. me. that’s me OTL. so even if you do think about that sort of thing, that doesn’t necessarily mean you aren’t aro! sometimes there’s a drastic division between fantasy and reality for people

  6. Why do some people find it validating and positive to be told they're way more hated and oppressed than they actually are? 🤔

  7. there's this aro guy on youtube who talks about his experiences being aro but not ace (he's straight) and has talked about straight privilege in the aro community and used his privilege to advocate for others and talks about aro experiences and i have the biggest sexual crush on him omfg 😜

    1. aro_elise
    2. El011


      His name's Nik Hampshire. He's out of my age range for who I'd actually be willing to fuck but he's really toned and I have a thing for tattooed men with long hair.

    3. aro_elise


      ahhh i watch his videos, they're great!  i'm not attracted to him but he's super cool, i'd be friends with him.

  8. i think it makes more sense for everyone if aros and aces form a community separate from the lgbt community, but it annoys me so much how people who share that opinion feel the need to be assholes and assume negative, untrue things about us - esp aros who like sex/aren't ace - because they don't want to engage us in good faith and actually learn something. like since when do you HAVE to be in a romantic relationship with your sexual partner to treat them with respect and dignity and care about them as a person? if they said that about someone non-aro it would immediately be recognized as slut shaming, because obviously not all sex (fwb, hookups, orgies, swinger's parties, sex clubs, one night stands, hiring a sex worker) comes with an expectation of romantic commitment and as long as you are open about it and as long as everyone's clear on that it's totally fine. but apparently it's just SO much worse somehow if you don't feel romantic attraction. even though, imo, if you ARE openly aro and prefer noncommitted sex, it's actually morally better because you're being more open about your boundaries, needs, and desires and making sure everyone involved feels respected and cared for whereas non-aros who have noncommitted sex aren't communicating their needs on that same level.

  9. imagine being a cis person who erases your nonbinary partner's binary alignment and then calling a nonbinary bi person a biphobe because he called you out on it. the Cis are fucking wild.

  10. not to be That person but i feel like a lot of language used on aven is super clinical sounding. like how everyone refers to people as males or females, or to non-ace people as sexuals. like "she's a sexual female" or "I'm surrounded by sexuals." Calling people sexuals, especially, is just really dehumanizing imo. it sounds like everyone is talking about animals rather than other humans and it gives me the creeps. has anyone else noticed?

    1. Show previous comments  2 more
    2. asexualpanda27


      That's interesting. I took a look at the link, and I had never heard that side of it before. Thank you for sharing it with me! I'm asexual, so my opinion doesn't really matter, but I do think that using the term "sexual" can be confusing since it's used so broadly. To me it also implies that ace people can't be sexually active. Same with romantic. That could be talking about romance in general ("That picnic is so romantic!") or the Romantic era in literature or describing someone as a "hopeless romantic" (which I am even though I'm aro). I've always used "allo" or "alloro" and no one has corrected me, but if someone told me that they prefer to be called something else I would respect that. It's probably a preference thing for most people. I do agree that AVEN can be a mess sometimes. I think it's important to remember that language is complex and ever-changing. Right now terms are in a state of flux because the asexual/aromantic communities aren't very well-known and there doesn't seem to be an widely agreed-upon consensus of terms. We're all doing our best to find a word or words that feels right. We're just working with what we have. @Neon Green Packing Peanut

    3. El011


      i don't like allosexual or alloromantic either btw. i feel like they group marginalized people with oppressors and imply that non ace and/or non aro people are a coherent privileged group with shared experiences and that's obviously going to be wildly untrue for lgbt people, women, poc, intersex people, disabled people, etc. also, a lot of people act like there's a certain level and frequency of attraction and relationship to sex (and romance) that you must have in order to be "allo" which sexualizes people without their consent and is actually just super creepy to assume about someone. i use the term gray aro because i find it useful to describe what i'm looking for in a relationship and how i feel about attraction, not because i think there's an inherent difference between me and someone non-aro or that they have privilege over me. we should just say non-ace or non-aro, those terms don't assume or imply anything besides that the individual doesn't identify as ace and/or aro.

    4. Neon Green Packing Peanut

      Neon Green Packing Peanut

      @asexualpanda27 @Finn

      I agree with both points. Unfortunately terms that change or emerge aren't always going to be the best options, and given additional information, hopefully those terms are simply points to revise from.

  11. question does licking salt off ur hand actually help when u get a rlly bad cramp and can't move ur foot my only other solution is yelling ow over and over

  12. why are my posts being hidden?

    1. 2 Spirit Cherokee Princess

      2 Spirit Cherokee Princess

      I was able to go to a couple of your posts before this one & see them.  I have noticed that there's a Hide toggle on all posts, touching the Submit Reply button.  Maybe you hit it by mistake?  I have no idea what it's there for.

    2. Momo


      Other than two specific posts which you should have gotten feedback from staff for, it looks like you hid your own posts. If you're sure you didn't do it yourself then you should check your password and account security. We allow users to hide their own posts if they wish to remove them from the site.

  13. just got a 98% on my midterm

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