Crimson Square

Banned for including mirrored letters in your name

Banned for being the first person to ban someone this July

Banned for having a truly awesome character as a profile pic.

Banned for banning someone in the past ten minutes.

Banned for not appreciating the quadrangle with the minimum circumference for a given area and for missspelling "being".

Banned for use of an abbreviation (for the words profile picture) that has more letters than what was abbreviated has words.

Banned for having only three out of five strips of the aro flag visible in a profile picture.

13 hours ago, Lokiana said:

Interesting to hear about this from a demi-bi perspective, because I'm also super picky about who I have sex with because for most of the reasons stated above, and I'm in a romantic relationship.

I am... not demi-bi? I just have a plethora of issues that make acting on sexual attraction not something I'm willing to chance, a lot of the time?

Trying to add to this from a slightly different, but still aro and bi perspective:

- in my case, I already was attending monthly meet-ups for a bi group when I figured out I was aro, and knew the group's generally rather determined to be welcoming - also to ace(-spec), trans and enby folk. So I just kept attending those meetings, as well. I am currently default-aro-person there. Also Unofficial Hugger. One day, I'm going to figure out how to talk about this intersection to this group. They're interested in listening. I am also the default alloaro person in the ace aro group where I attend meet-ups. So... uh... I get a lot of Default Person With This Intersection?

12 hours ago, Jot-Aro Kujo said:

-I tend to be affected very negatively by the intersection of aro and bi stereotypes. "Heartless, manipulative player who doesn't care about anyone and uses people for sex" is a stereotype that's very commonly associated with both bisexuals and aromantics, and pushback against these stereotypes from both communities can, unfortunately, often result in throwing actual bi aros under the bus. It's very easy to feel like you're a traitor to your orientation by just being yourself, which can be hard to deal with.

- the bi group whose meetings I attend has Opinions about slut-shaming and a lot of poly folks attending, including most of the orga team, as well as me loudly complaining about this intersection of stereotypes, which - helps against me being affected, a lot of the time, but sometimes, this is still something I also feel.

12 hours ago, Jot-Aro Kujo said:

-Despite the stereotype that allo aros have lots of sex, and the stereotype that bis have "more to choose from" or whatever, for a lot of allo aros it's actually very difficult to access sex. If you're romance repulsed, not the sort of person who likes parties or bars, and don't use hookup apps, there's really very little opportunity for sexual encounters, and a lot of allo aros have never had sex at all even at ages when most other allosexual folks would have. Many allo aros also are extremely selective about who they hook up with, for fear of the possibility of their partner """""catching feelings""""" and then blaming them for not reciprocating- Even when a relationship is explicitly agreed to be only sexual, not romantic, there's still sort of a societal expectation that if one party changes their mind, the other party has some obligation to accept this.

Seconded. The thought of someone else liking me romantically and getting blamed for not reciprocating when all I wanted was to be friends quite literally can make me shiver in fear, not even because of romance repulsion, but simply because I get attached and losing people over something like that is a horrible thought. I also don't deal well with noise and the thought of being vulnerable to a stranger is nightmare-inducing. Although those are issues that come from stuff that has nothing to do with either my sexuality or romantic orientation or me being trans. Although me being trans probably makes casual sex even more of a potential nightmare-I-won't-bother-with.

- My bi-ness often doesn't seem to... affect my day-to-day life because while the attraction is there, it's not something I really feel comfy acting upon, most of the time? Which might or might not change. That said, it's still an important part of myself.

12 hours ago, Jot-Aro Kujo said:

-Sexual attraction to men and women can feel different, and some bi folks may be attracted to one gender more than the other. Without romantic attraction, aesthetics may play a larger role- And I don't mean if someone's "ugly" or "hot", I literally mean aesthetics. I tend to be attracted more to women because women are generally more creative in how they express themselves aesthetically, whereas dudes in general kind of fluctuate between "t-shirt and jeans" and "blazer and button-up" which is a pretty boring range of looks, and I'm just too dramatic for that. I don't care what your face looks like but if you have the same haircut as 70 other guys at my school I'm probably not all that interested, hon

I have barely more than no knowledge of aesthetics and also - well, I strongly suspect that if I feel any aesthetic attraction towards humans (I can confirm I find soap bubbles really interesting to stare at, as well as falling snow and dust), then it's much, much less connected to my vision than to my hearing. So - aesthetics don't play a large role for me. (I also can't see more than blurs when something's more than ten cm from my face if I'm not wearing glasses, and tend to use my ears to navigate situations at least as much if not more than sight, so. I have no idea how much that plays into this.)

12 hours ago, Jot-Aro Kujo said:

-Fictional characters are often more attractive than real people, because there's just so much less trouble involved. A cute girl might fall in love with me, or ditch me for a romantic partner, but Mai Valentine and her hot motorcycle have never and will never do me wrong ?

- I do not get attraction towards fictional characters at all and never have. I also have never understood people being long-term attracted to celebrities instead of occasional flashes of attraction. The closest I've come was someone with a really, really hot singing voice, alternatively long-term "I want to read everything this person has written. Ever." (which is probably a very different sort of attraction if that's the right word, even.) It's just. I don't feel this and it feels fake, but other people say they're experiencing this so often I'm just going to assume it exists? 

13 hours ago, Jot-Aro Kujo said:

-The constant struggle between bi purple and aro green vs. the knowledge that people see purple and green paired in a pride context and assume it means aroace...

- I just run around with ALL THE BUTTONS in a pride context. All the flag buttons for everything that describes me and also some more self-made ones and a few extras for good measure. (I like buttons.)

That said, I was wearing 30+ on a single shirt, so. This is kind of only an option if you're willing to clink a bit? Is the character in question willing to clink a bit?

I also have a baseball cap with both aro and bi button placed right beside one another, slightly overlapping...

13 hours ago, Jot-Aro Kujo said:

-When you're young it can be easy to mistake sexual attraction for romantic attraction, or to start dating someone because you feel like it's what you're "supposed" to do. This can lead to a lot of discomfort if romance repulsion arises, and, eventually, possibly messy breakups. There may be a long period of time between realizing you don't love someone and actually breaking up with them, either due to fear of negative consequences for not doing the "socially correct" thing by having a partner, or due to hope that you might develop romantic feelings eventually.

Seconded. There also can be a disconnect between what you want and what the other person wants that's - well, if one person wants a Buddy To Talk About Stuff To (and also hey, sexual attraction!) and the other wants A Perfect Romantic Partner Who Behaves According To Stereotypes, then. Well, this disconnect is going to get messy. (Neither of what was wanted would have resulted in a very functional romantic relationship on its own, but I still maintain that wanting a Buddy To Talk About Stuff To would have at least worked for a functional relationship of some sort.) 

Other stuff:

- The attractions that actually play a role in my day-to-day life are platonic attraction (potential friend!), sensual attraction (I will headbutt friends until they start playing with my hair. It is very effective. Also I tend to offer hugs to people a lot. I also want to and tend to ask a lot whether I'm allowed to lean on people/dig my fingers through their hair/cuddle them/etc) and I-have-no-name-for-these like "I want to listen to this person's lectures forever and have them teach me everything about maths/ancient history/etc". If we're counting attraction towards not-people, then aesthetic-"staring at snowfall/soap bubbles/drifting dust" and "I want to learn this"/"Mathematics is so beautiful I love it I wanna do this forever this is great." Those are the ones I tend to act upon. I suspect the exact list is different for everybody (I have the feeling my mathematics-experience, especially, is very far from universal)l

- Potential therapist as well as people in queer contexts telling me either that aro people don't exist or some lovely variations on us being cold-hearted and unfeeling have happened. They're annoying. It gets worse when it's a bloody conference for queer organizations. (One of the topics was asexuality and aromanticism, I was one of the people speaking from our group, and while most of the room was asking good questions and was generally very supportive… not everyone was?)

4 hours ago, Kadence said:

Welcome to Aropocalypse, it sounds like you've contributed a lot to the aro-spec community already lol you're definitely more of an activist than I am

Most of my contributions happened due to me not having impulse control and just somehow stumbling into doing stuff. I maintain that it shouldn't quite count as activism unless it happened more deliberately than I did anything, but the evidence against me is starting to… somewhat pile up?

4 hours ago, Kadence said:

I totally understand the math bit. I super passionate about writing fiction and fantasy and I do joke to myself about writing being the closest to being in love I've ever gotten lol. I also slip into weird, semi-poetic rants and I'm told I talk like I'm writing a book, so I understand that haha

Ooh! Fellow fantasy fan! What do you like to read/write? 

On 4/6/2020 at 8:01 AM, Korbin said:

Been meaning to ask for a while now, but does anyone feel that their aroness interacts with how you express your gender?

Huh. I have never really thought about this in detail before?

Aroness definitely interacts with me experiencing gender, to me - @Jot-Aro Kujo and @nonmerci kinda already discussed the romance expectations that are way too often associated with femininity, and I'm trans vaguely-guy-ish. Most of my friends as a teenager were cis girls who… performed to that? So - me being aro and perceived as a girl in my friend circle's discussions was kind of hell, and dysphoria and romance repulsion had a lot of Not Fun Interactions in any discussion involving crushes (Who Is Your Crush?) and any discussion involving romance.

Gender expression, though -

My hair's short because I like it short and I experience both sensory overload and dysphoria from it being long, which is a hellish combination; I dye it occasionally because it's fun. Most of my dress sense is either me trying to be comfy, copying my 70+-year-old Dad (who is probably not the greatest role model concerning gender expression), trying to Look Like A Proper Teacher (which I will be, some day. And I like dressing to the stereotype. It's fun.), trying to Have Fun, or any combination thereof.

So - I'm genuinely not quite sure whether my aroness interacts with my gender expression? Maybe in that how I dress and act is centered around me - being comfy, having fun - and not about attracting anyone's romantic attention? It's more that me being aro takes out a possible factor from my gender expression than that it contributes directly, I think. (Unless you count me really really Liking Aro Buttons etc.) Taking out a possible factor is a type of interaction, though?

So - hi, I guess? 

I should probably say something about myself.

My name's Sal, I'm aro, bi, trans/non-binary/vaguely-male-ish-gender-is-complicated, use he/him and they/them pronouns (as well as er/ihm and neo-pronouns, depending on language), a university student in Vienna, from Austria, someone who's first language is German, neurodivergent but not quite sure how specifically, really into math, into fanfiction, and someone who hasn't been online for a couple of months until very, very recently.

Some elaboration:

When I say I'm into math, that means I study it, dream about it, and frequently joke that my feelings towards math are the closest thing to romantic feelings I ever have experienced, even though looking at it more seriously they're more orthogonal to any description of romantic feelings I've ever seen than not. I might accidentally slip into math jargon and am used to people getting annoyed with me over this, so I try not to. I still might. Please be nice if you mind. I also might apologize if I catch myself even if you don't mind. Please point this out to me. (Learning what people want as a response is. Hard?) 

I kind of - don't quite get romance, and I like quoiro in the sense of "what the fuck even is romance", but I mostly use aro, aromantic, and aromantisch for myself, depending on language.

Concerning fanfic, I'm semi-responsible for Gen And Aro Prompts over on AO3 due to creating the prompt meme and having Official Removal Powers; I really, really hope more people contribute!

If you want to add a prompt, you can do so anonymously; and any prompt that is gen (= Does Not Involve Romance, might, say, be focused on familial relationships, or an adventure prompt, or…) and/or contains Aro(-spec) Characters (so a prompt about a cupioromantic protagonist and their romantic life would be Totally Fine and also probably potentially awesome if fulfilled) is allowed, same for any story falling under these conditions.

That said, since it has happened and I removed several of them today (… after months of not looking at the prompt meme, I'm… sorry for that?) - please, please don't put any ace-focused romance stories into the collection; I know there's some prompts that are written in a way that means people could fulfill them by writing an ace-focused romance story, and as far as I know people just… copied an ace-focused prompt, forgot about which collection they were submitting to, exactly, wrote a romance story months later, and put it into the "Gen and Aro" collection… which, of course, is not meant for any romance, unless it's aro-focused, even if it's ace-focused. I'm pointing out ace-focused romance stories specifically because… well, those were the only non-aro romance stories submitted so far. And they were usually really nice ace rep and I dislike being in a position of either a) doing something that will limit the visibility of nice ace rep stories or b) having non-aro-focused romance stories in a gen and aro prompt meme meant for aros, because those are not good choices.

That said,  gen ace-focused prompts/stories fall under the gen part of Gen and Aro Prompts and I'm happy to see them, and there's also quite a few of them already there.

IRL, I regularly participate in the Ace Aro Vienna meet-ups (when they're held… so not right now, because Corona), which are for aro(-spec) and/or ace(-spec) and/or questioning people.

I kind of tend to get shuffled into the Official Welcoming Committee/Hug Giver/Person We Let Speak At Official Things role, which is part of how I kind of ended up doing a radio interview on Aromanticism and Asexuality. (The other part was me being the only person from our group who had any time/energy to do this…) - Which. I was not the best person to speak about asexuality (at all), obviously, and any questions about personal experiences are equally as obviously aro-focused, but the ace members of the group were mostly fine with what I said, and I am a lot more confident about what I said about being aro due to… well, being aro? If anyone wants a link to the interview, I can give it. (It's in German.)

… I also got labelled an activist in that interview, which. I am still not sure whether that fits. Also I really, really hope to meet more people who are doing stuff like this, because a) How Do You Do That? And b) hopefully there will be someone else from Austria who is doing/is interested in doing this because I do not want to be Austria's Foremost Alloaro Activist By Default Because There Is No One Else. Which… it currently looks like this might be the case.