ScarfOfSexualPreference

Band

Thanks for all the responses! (Tbh, I hope he forgets about it by the time quarantine is over)

My first boyfriend had to ask me to kiss him. Yeah, I know, probably not so cool, but I wanted to take it slow, and by slow, I meant never, so if he wanted one he had to ask. Also, I wouldn't open my mouth and he had to ask. Honestly, I'm happy he asked, bc it would've been way worse if he just came in for the kill. I don't look back on it too fondly, but not because of the kiss itself, I don't think, but the romantic milestone it indicated. I don't want to be in a relationship again, and remembering my first one puts a bitter taste in my mouth. ?

I'm still young and waiting to make that definitive, "if I haven't felt it now, I won't ever feel it," decision, and I don't want to tell anyone until I do. I did tell my sister, because she was making bets with her friends that I was lesbian, and I had to put a stop to that. It's also nice for someone to talk to. But I wish I could just hang a sign on my neck that says "I'm aromantic" and that will ward all the people away. I don't want your love, leave me alone!

Hello and welcome! You're the only person who knows how you feel, but I was in a very similar situation and I'm, like, 80% sure I'm aro. I was in a romantic relationship for about a year and like Jot-Aro Kujo said, it's best to just tell them how you feel. Maybe you can go back to being friends, maybe (like in my case) it'll take a few months, but just talking about it is going to be huge. Good luck with your dilemma, and remember that you're never alone!

I, personally, don't think of romance as an action, though I do believe there are actions that may be perceived as romantic, like kissing and cuddling. I had a boyfriend for a year and we kissed, cuddled, and held hands. But I never really thought of him than more than a friend. So while I did 'romantic' things, I wasn't romantically interested, which was really hard for me to figure out, hence the 'year' part of that. I like kissing, hugging, and cuddling, but I would never want to marry anyone or be confined to a long-term relationship.

I'm completely with you, bc I'm still not sure about my sexuality too!

Thanks, it's nice to know someone is in my boat. How do I determine what's real versus what's fake? I know one thing I do in my brain is overanalyze, but that doesn't seem like a very helpful or healthy trait. How can I make a sandwich for myself without thinking that someone else is doing it for me? How do I do things for me if I don't know what IS me? Are there any places where I can go to start to figure this out?

Not sure if this is the best place to post this, so if anyone else can direct me to a better space to figure this out, that would be awesome. I don't know who I am. It changes every day, with the people I'm around and the places I'm in, and who I'm trying to impress. Sometimes it feels like I'm empty and filling my personality with the traits I "should" have. I've had this problem for a while, but I never really gave it thought but after finding Arocalypse I realize that others have opinions and likes and dislikes and habits and won't blindly follow anything anyone does. If someone is going to jump off a cliff, I'll jump off it too. It feels like I'm constantly taking in information on how to act, and act like everyone else, be it having a crush or enjoying ice cream. Sometimes I feel like a robot that exists only to serve everyone else, to be the extra in everyone else's story. Like a chameleon, I'll blend into my surroundings as soon as I can, trying to make everyone else happy, trying to help everyone else do their jobs, or serve their purpose. Maybe that's why I don't connect with anyone, or want to. I'm putting on a guise to make others happy. Oh, you like Korea? I will now! From the earliest moments of my childhood to today, I'll mold myself to everyone else. My best friend loved Littlest Pet Shops for a while, so it became my thing. When she dropped it, so did I. My parents wanted me to read, so I read like I'd never be able to again. Today I've been able to change my entire personality between classes, being bubbly and loud sitting next to my theater friend in Shakespeare, then being completely silent at a table in science which I know I don't belong in. So now, in quarantine, I'm realizing that without anyone to model off of, I have no personality of my own. I'm a chameleon in a pitch black room. Is this how others operate too? Am I just spiraling into some weird nonexistent hole that I dug myself? It wouldn't be the first time. If anyone can shed some light on this or point me in the right direction, I'd really appreciate it.

you have a degree in religious studies. (making an educated guess, sorry if I'm wrong) I wish I would always be happy

No more Virginians? Mrs. Potts from Beauty and the Beast

False. TPBM read a book in the last 24 hours

no one expected that

I love reading sensual scenes, but hate the idea of doing any of it

look at me, the winner

I'd rather never listen to music than get married

Bard might

Gerald

confusion

I used to think I was just awkward, but now I know that I'm legit uncomfortable with that romantic stuff

I'd definitely say that in writing, you need to have the character show that they aren't interested in a relationship, but instead, are attracted to people. Maybe have them get really close to someone and when the other wants to date have them shy away, or have inner thoughts avoid thinking about spending time with someone (romantically) and instead more sexually/platonically. Disclaimer: I've never felt attraction of any kind, I've only had it relayed to me, so you might be able to be better at the bi side of things Hope this helps!

I've recently started thinking of myself as grey-sexual and aromantic, but I don't think this guy realizes that... I broke up with a long term boyfriend recently and there's another guy who I think of as a friend, but not a close one. He asked me to go to the movies with him and eat fro yo after (when this is all over), and either I'm too arg to realize that this is a friend thing, or he's gonna tell me his feelings. AAAAAH! This is awful! I don't want to date him! I don't want to date anyone! I'm not out yet, and I don't think I'm ready to be, since we live in a small town and my parents are super connected so if anyone else knows then my parents likely will. If he tells me he likes me, what should I tell him I'm not interested?

My phone screen is literally the gradient of the aro and no one in my family has figured it out yet

Hello and welcome! I think a great first step for you to help you figure out more for yourself is to go over to the topic "you might be aro if..." It helped me figure out how others have felt and made me a lot more sure based on others. Just by those four points, I think those point towards aromanticism. It can look different for a lot of people though. I had my first kiss at sixteen, and I thought I wouldn't like it, but I ended up being wrong. You're a step ahead of me by finding this forum at fourteen. Just knowing that this was an okay way to live life was amazing for me. You should do what you feel comfortable doing and do what makes you feel happy! I wish you luck on your journey!!

I think aromanticism can be really hard to identify. I spent years trying to figure out who I was attracted to and I didn't even realize there was an option for... not. So I think it should be included in as many places as possible to help spread the word to questioning teens that this is an option too.