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tryingnottomessthisup

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About tryingnottomessthisup

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  1. Okay so I want to clarify that I'm not aromantic or ace, and I might mess up some things up so feel free to correct me in places or delete this entire post but I wanted to ask aromantic people who will properly understand my "wife" I really really like this girl. I met her 2 years ago and we kinda just clicked? We're really close and I wouldn't date her, but I also don't feel comfortable calling her just my friend. We always kind of do these things that aren't super strictly friend things, like I'd never do them with my best friend, but with her they're fine. Shes really affectionate with everyone but it feels different between us? At least for me. She asked me out halfway through last year and I didn't say yes because even though I'm pretty sure I wanted it, it didn't feel right. We'd been calling each other "wife" for a few months at that point(feels weird putting it in quotations, but for claritys sake I will) . I had (and still have!) really intense feelings for her but they were never quite romantic and definitely not sexual. I got into a relationship with someone and hoped the feelings would leave but they never did, but as a result we kind of drifted a little bit. That relationship flopped and we're getting closer again. She came out as aromantic and asexual recently and that lead to me doing a bunch of research on it and discovering what a qpr is and I think I want that with her? But I have no clue if she'd want that, I don't think she feels nearly the same as I do. Plus she's dropping out of school in a few months and has been talking about "divorcing" me and even though it's a silly fake marriage, it actually kinda stings when she says it? And someone in our queer support group at school said "you know she can't really love you right?" when our "marriage" was mentioned and I got really really angry. Like I wanted to go over and yell at them angry. Idk I just love her a lot and I feel like if I ask her she might think I'm just settling for a qpr when I have romantic feelings for her but I don't! I wouldn't be settling because I love her so much sometimes I think I might die and I want to be there for her and make sure she's comfortable and safe for as long as I can. but I don't know if that would be okay for her and that's fine but I just feel uncomfortable feeling so intensely for her and not telling her and can feel myself pulling back, but I'm autistic and have never been good at expressing my feelings so I think she'd misunderstand if I tried to tell her. I don't really want anything to change between us but I want to be able to be able to have a solid way to describe what's between us, but I don't even know if she feels the same anymore . How do I navigate this without seeming insensitive to her or stepping over a line? Is it even okay for me to ask her as someone who still wants romantic relationships with people even if I'd still prioritise her over them? I'm just really confused and don't want to end up hurting her in any way. Geez I just realised how long this ended up being, sorry about that folks!
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