Welcome to Arocalypse!
I'm asexual, so I might not be the person to talk about this, but I'll just tell you my experience and maybe you'll get something useful out of it.
For years, I wondered if I had crushes on certain people. They were people I thought were great people and I wanted to get to know them better. I would think they were cool and then immediately be terrified of them because I wasn't sure whether I had a crush on them. But while I technically "fantasized" about some of them sometimes, it was always just fantasies about being their friend. It wasn't anything romantic (or sexual, but that's a different topic). And when one of the people turned out to have a crush on me, in talking to him I realized that I the way he felt about me was very different from the way I felt about him.
But like you, I still wondered about what romantic attraction really was. I still don't really know, but I think it's something that is real for most people and not for me. It took me a long time to realize that "this person's cool, I want to be their friend" is not what most people think of as a crush.
I personally don't like kissing, but some aros do. I actually did a poll about physical touch, including kissing, on this site a few months ago. Some people who like kissing said they liked platonic kisses between friends. Others said they like kissing because there's something sexual about it for them. One of the reasons it took me so long to figure out that I was aromantic was that I really like hugs and cuddling. But those things are not the same as a romantic relationship, and neither is sex. And for me, there isn't anything romantic about either of those things.
As far as trauma, I really think it's easier than people seem to think to tell if you have a fear of something or a genuine lack of interest (or some of both). (EDIT: I should say that even if you think this trauma caused you to be aromantic, that is still valid. I didn't mean to imply that it wasn't!)
Of course, ultimately, it's up to you to decide what labels fit you and what labels (if any) you want to use. It might take time, but you'll figure all of this out eventually. Or maybe you won't, and that's okay too.