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Atlamillia Pixie

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Posts posted by Atlamillia Pixie

  1. I'm good with romance in real life, for my friends and family. While I personally don't get what all the fuss and drama is about, I'm happy they are happy. But I'm also the first person to recommend that people break up if they are having problems. Don't stay together if your miserable, just get out and be done with it. 

    I'm okay with romance in fiction (especially if is well written and the sexual tension is delicious) but adding romance for unnecessary conflict or having it coming out of nowhere for the sake of having a romantic subplot/ romantic partner for the protagonist is *sigh* dumb, makes me sad, and gives me a headache. 

    Any and all romance directed at me specifically makes me uncomfortable. I have never been more uneasy and on edge than I did when I was with my ex. I'm never doing that again... 😖

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  2. Similar to what others have said, finding out I was aromantic lifted so much dread and pressure off my shoulders and I was happy. I was happy after breaking up with my ex and being friends again, but knowing why the relationship didn't work made it so much better, so freeing. 

    No more worrying about how get into a relationship, how to act to once I when in a relationship, and no existential dread for the future about how to be someone who isn't me 24/7 (I am romance adverse when it comes to romance directed at me, in case it wasn't obvious). Amatonormativity was a bitch and I'm glad to be done with it. Ah, the euphoria from that thought alone.

    Oh, and the figuring out that I am aromantic really helped with gaining some self confidence and having more sex positive attitude for myself. I was already was sex positive for humanity in general, but it gave me the swift kick in ass to finally be comfortable with myself being a sexual being. So, yeah, being aromantic is amazing, at least for me.

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  3. I would tell a younger me that she is Aromantic, she is not broken or too young to understand. It's simply not in the cards for her and that's okay. Friends, family, and pets have all of the love she will need. She is built different and society needs to catch up. Oh, and wanting sex/ being allosexual while being Aromantic doesn't make her a terrible person or is "lesser/worse" than wanting sex in a romantic context. All she had to do is communicate clearly about what she wants and embrace her most authentic self. 💚

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  4. I got to agree with @nonmerci that trying to explain aromantism is difficult to say the least, it's part of the reason I'm not out to my family. Getting the dismissive "oh, you just haven't met the right person yet" or "oh you grow out if it eventually" kinda sucks. I know they mean well and that they want me to be happy, but they don't realize that  not everyone wants/ needs the same things to be happy. I don't want nor need romance/ romantic attraction/ a romantic partner in my life to be happy and that's valid af.

    I have not run into the "wanting sex without romance" problem yet due to the pandemic, but it seems inevitable... unfortunately. 

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  5. My favs are probably "Wonderful Christmastime" by Paul McCartney,  pretty much any version of "Carol of the Bells", and "Christmas Can-Can" & "Nutcracker" by the Straight No Chasers.

  6. I am the youngest of 2 with an approx. 3 year age gap.

    The only other family member I know is GSRM/ LGTBQPIA+ is my dad's one cousin and I have only see him at big family gatherings for wedding and funerals and such and I don't really know him that well at all other than the fact he is a drama teacher.

     

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  7. Hiya!

    I can only speak to my experiences, which may not reflect the experiences of others, so take what I say with a grain of salt.

    I was never sad that my relationship ended, in fact I was happy that it ended. I dated a guy for 13 months, and we had a mutual break up. When we did break up, we were still friends for about 2 and half weeks. Then it finally clicked in his head that this was not a break where we are friends for a while to sort some stuff out and eventually get back together. This was a break up and were we never going to get back together. That's when he finally had his heart broken and was upset for months. I would have been upset that I lost a friend, but he was kind of an ass after the heart break hit and I was pissed at him for being an ass. We only started being friends again recently. For reference, we broke up 8 months ago, we didn't start talking again until about a month ago. While he was heart broken, I was happy to be out of a romantic relationship. He is alloromantic, I am aromantic, which I'm pretty sure is why we took the break up differently.

    TL;DR I don't think it's weird for an aromantic to not be upset about a break up, but they might be sad that they lost a friend in the process if the break up didn't go well.

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  8. The only time aromantism comes up outside Arocalypse is when my other GSRM/ LGTBQIA+ friends and we start talking about our experiences or sometimes my straight friends will ask a question about it, but that's not often and they are respectful about it so I don't mind answering. Since I'm only out to about 7/8 people, all of which are my friends, it does not come up often. 

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  9. Hiya!

    Let me start off with "been there, done that, have the t-shirt" with the dating a friend thing only to realize later I'm aro. That's 13 months of my life I'm never getting back, and to be honest we should have broke it off 2 months in, but amatonormativity is a bitch and we both suffered for it. Haha, I can only hope your ex took it better than mine. My ex and I are finally learning to be friends again 6-7 months after the break up. 

    Similar to you when I was looking for info, I found the term lithromantic and it fit at the time. However, I am now wondering if I am lithromantic or if I was just suffering from amatonormativity. Idk if its due to the lack of in person socialization due to the pandemic or if it is due to the fact that I am aware that I am aro, but I am not wanting a romantic relationship like I was a year and a half ago. So, yeah, idk. All I know is that I'm aro and I'm happy. 

    I wish you the best of luck in discovering more about yourself and finding happiness!

  10. I can't remember when I heard first heard the term aromantic (probably in high school or college, idk), but I remember first questioning my romantic orientation back in September 2018 and I have been identifying as aromantic since March 2020. So this has been a process that happened in my early 20s/ college years. Definitely too young to relate to the 30 somethings and older who are functional adults and a little too old to relate to the high schoolers.

  11. Just because someone is LBGTQA+ does not mean they are understanding/ respectful of all identities and orientations.

    Now with your friend specifically; I agree with @Autumn that you friend is ignorant/self-centered at best and purposely hurtful/manipulative at worst. Your identity matters and so does your boundaries. You set the boundaries you are comfortable with and have certain expectation on what you need from them as your friend. If your friend is not respecting that, then you two need to have a serious talk if you want to remain friends. If your friend can't understand why you are upset or uncomfortable, then you may need to evaluate having a relationship with them at all.

    I can't guarantee that everything will work out for you and your friend, but you have to do what is best and healthy for you above all else. I wish you the best of luck in how it works out.

     

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    • Thanks 1
  12. 26 minutes ago, parodace said:

    Well, yes it's pointless. I again just keep saying the same things. The scale isn't the main thing of the guide and people outside aspec community don't care about amatonormative it is or not because they already live in amatonormative society.

    But that reinforces why aromantic awareness important. That not everyone abides by an amatonormative frame work and those who don't are able to have complete and fulfilling lives without romance/ romantic attraction/ romantic relationships. The fact that we can have meaningful relationships people without romance entering the equation is an important concept that people outside the community do not understand easily. Like @Mark said, wouldn't showing a lack of hierarchy in relationship types help establish this idea in non-aspec people?

    I understand that you have a concept that you tried to demonstrate and not everyone (myself included) has agreed with how it is represented in your graphic. But I have to ask and I apologize if my question comes off as callous, when you uploaded your graphic did you want input/ feedback on how well your message was received and how to present the best version (or at least a better version) of that message or did you not want that? Most everyone above has explained their take on the spectrum of relationship types and some have offered up an idea on how the variety of relationships types could be better represented.

    Ultimately, it is your graphic and if you choose to leave it as is, then any critiques it invokes are something you can consider or ignore. As a creator and a member of the community, wouldn't you rather make a graphic that furthers awareness and tries to facilitate understanding rather than misrepresent how aromantics see the relationships they have with other people and how people outside the community should understand aromantics?

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  13. No I don't wish I was alloromantic. I like being aro and I am proud of my identity.

    Being allo seems like a pain in the ass and leads to a lot of heart ache. To be fair, there are instances where romantic love works out, but even that seems like a lot of work and a hassle. I felt so much better knowing that I did not need to deal with any of that once I figured out that I was aro and realized that it wasn't in the cards for me. 

  14. I agree, marriage only if it makes sense for legal/financial reasons and even then I'm totally sold on the idea. A wedding sounds like a pain in ass that is steeped in archaic and stupid traditions. Eloping might be doable but I can guarantee I would get backlash for doing it from certain family members and doesn't seem worth the hassle. 

    Kids on the other hand are a hard pass. Too much work, too much money, too much sanity lost. Pregnancy sounds like a bloody nightmare. Even the best parents can have terrible children and I can guarantee I would not make a good mother as I have no patience for children for long periods at a time and I am too much of a good person to do that to anyone, my biological child or adopted. I'll stick to cats thank you very much.

  15. Hiya and Welcome!

    To be aromantic does not equal being asexual and to be asexual does not equal being aromantic, although one can be both. In my case, I am aromantic and heterosexual. It is possible that you can be aromantic and allosexual (allo meaning you feel that type of attraction, in this case feeling sexual attraction), but this is something that you have to decide for yourself.

    Similarly, each person experiences aromanticism differently and only you can decide if you are aromantic or not. Maybe have a look at the FAQ pages if you have not already. https://www.aromanticism.org/en/faq While not everyone subscribes to/ uses a label, they can be helpful when you are trying to figure yourself out. I know it was helpful for me when I was trying to figure myself out.

    As far as coming out goes, do what you feel is comfortable. You do not have to come out if you don't want to or if you feel it would not be well received or if it might be unsafe to do so. You do what is right for you.

    I wish you the best of luck finding yourself and hope you find happiness in what ever you do. 💚

    • Thanks 1
  16. The two or three people who have shown interest in me I ended up ghosting. Only one of those was on purpose, due to other reasons that did not include asking me out but caused me to not want to be his friend anymore. The other two ended up being ghosted by shifting friends groups at college. None of these had awkward consequences cus people graduated or we stoped running in the same social circles. These were before I figured out I was aro.

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