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Atlamillia Pixie

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Everything posted by Atlamillia Pixie

  1. Valentine's Day was invented to get people to spend money and stimulate the economy after holiday season spending dies down in early January (at least in western cultures, I'm not super sure that's a universal thing).
  2. I'm good with romance in real life, for my friends and family. While I personally don't get what all the fuss and drama is about, I'm happy they are happy. But I'm also the first person to recommend that people break up if they are having problems. Don't stay together if your miserable, just get out and be done with it. I'm okay with romance in fiction (especially if is well written and the sexual tension is delicious) but adding romance for unnecessary conflict or having it coming out of nowhere for the sake of having a romantic subplot/ romantic partner for the protagonist is *sigh* dumb, makes me sad, and gives me a headache. Any and all romance directed at me specifically makes me uncomfortable. I have never been more uneasy and on edge than I did when I was with my ex. I'm never doing that again... 😖
  3. Okay, Rant time

    So, I saw my ex in person for the first time since we broke up more than a year ago. While we Dmed each other and participated in the same group group chats, got on group calls together, and participated in the same Dnd group in the mean time, this was the first time we talked face to face since the pandemic started. The reason we got together was to take graduation pictures with the rest of our friends. This gave us the opportunity to talk about the break up and the fallout that followed.

    We both left that conversation feeling so much better! Minus my aromantism (because that was absolutely a factor in why we broke up), we both talked through why we didn't work as a couple and why we chose to broke as well as how we handled each other after the break up. Amatonormativity screwed us both up HARD and he is alloromantic (which just goes to show that it hurts everyone, not just aros). He told me that never loved me romantically, he though he did because we were together as long as we were. I am so relived that I never broke is heart. 

    The both of us left that conversation being closer friends than when we started it and I'm glad we had it. I'm glad to have my friend back.

    1. Acecream

      Acecream

      That’s amazing💚

  4. Similar to what others have said, finding out I was aromantic lifted so much dread and pressure off my shoulders and I was happy. I was happy after breaking up with my ex and being friends again, but knowing why the relationship didn't work made it so much better, so freeing. No more worrying about how get into a relationship, how to act to once I when in a relationship, and no existential dread for the future about how to be someone who isn't me 24/7 (I am romance adverse when it comes to romance directed at me, in case it wasn't obvious). Amatonormativity was a bitch and I'm glad to be done with it. Ah, the euphoria from that thought alone. Oh, and the figuring out that I am aromantic really helped with gaining some self confidence and having more sex positive attitude for myself. I was already was sex positive for humanity in general, but it gave me the swift kick in ass to finally be comfortable with myself being a sexual being. So, yeah, being aromantic is amazing, at least for me.
  5. Today is the one year anniversary of figuring out I am Aromantic. Huzzah!  💚🤍🖤 

    I didn't think that I would be spending me first year as realizing I'm aro and being proud of it would be spent at home or mostly confined to my college dorm room ... but uh, 2020 was built different to say the least. 

    I am happy to be more in touch with myself and to know that I am not broken. I don't have trust issues for no reason. I don't have intimacy issues for no reason. I am not unfeeling for no reason. I am just Aromantic. I don't do the romance thing. There is no reason for it. Its just the way I am. 

    While I figured out the Aro thing, the thing I'm questioning is whether I am lithromantic/akoi(ne)romantic or if it was internalized amatonormativity (f*ck me, right?) at odds with my aversion to romance. And being home during a pandemic has not helped me figure that out. So, I'll figure that out once I can go outside and interact with people with out fear of catching a deadly virus or spreading it to my family. For now, I just vibe with my friends online and keeping finding more aro content online.

    Cheers! 💚🤍💛

    1. aro_elise

      aro_elise

      oh what's up, same orientations (and gender).  congratulations on a year, it's getting on toward 6 for me and i'd say each one was better than the last, in terms of my feelings regarding my aromanticism, and it can't get much better.  

    2. A User

      A User

      Congrats!!

  6. I would tell a younger me that she is Aromantic, she is not broken or too young to understand. It's simply not in the cards for her and that's okay. Friends, family, and pets have all of the love she will need. She is built different and society needs to catch up. Oh, and wanting sex/ being allosexual while being Aromantic doesn't make her a terrible person or is "lesser/worse" than wanting sex in a romantic context. All she had to do is communicate clearly about what she wants and embrace her most authentic self. 💚
  7. I got to agree with @nonmerci that trying to explain aromantism is difficult to say the least, it's part of the reason I'm not out to my family. Getting the dismissive "oh, you just haven't met the right person yet" or "oh you grow out if it eventually" kinda sucks. I know they mean well and that they want me to be happy, but they don't realize that not everyone wants/ needs the same things to be happy. I don't want nor need romance/ romantic attraction/ a romantic partner in my life to be happy and that's valid af. I have not run into the "wanting sex without romance" problem yet due to the pandemic, but it seems inevitable... unfortunately.
  8. My favs are probably "Wonderful Christmastime" by Paul McCartney, pretty much any version of "Carol of the Bells", and "Christmas Can-Can" & "Nutcracker" by the Straight No Chasers.
  9. I figured out the whole aromantic thing a few months before my 22nd birthday earlier this year.
  10. When I was in my "Say Yes To The Dress" phase in middle school I would image my dress, the cake, the decorations, the venue... never the spouse to be, he was always missing ... really should have been a sign of being aromantic in hindsight, but oh well.
  11. Personality wise: witty, intelligent, jackass with a heart of gold. Aesthetically/sexually wise: longer dark hair, clean shave, toned arms/chest/back. Tattoos would be a plus, not gonna lie.
  12. I am the youngest of 2 with an approx. 3 year age gap. The only other family member I know is GSRM/ LGTBQPIA+ is my dad's one cousin and I have only see him at big family gatherings for wedding and funerals and such and I don't really know him that well at all other than the fact he is a drama teacher.
  13. Hiya! I can only speak to my experiences, which may not reflect the experiences of others, so take what I say with a grain of salt. I was never sad that my relationship ended, in fact I was happy that it ended. I dated a guy for 13 months, and we had a mutual break up. When we did break up, we were still friends for about 2 and half weeks. Then it finally clicked in his head that this was not a break where we are friends for a while to sort some stuff out and eventually get back together. This was a break up and were we never going to get back together. That's when he finally had his heart broken and was upset for months. I would have been upset that I lost a friend, but he was kind of an ass after the heart break hit and I was pissed at him for being an ass. We only started being friends again recently. For reference, we broke up 8 months ago, we didn't start talking again until about a month ago. While he was heart broken, I was happy to be out of a romantic relationship. He is alloromantic, I am aromantic, which I'm pretty sure is why we took the break up differently. TL;DR I don't think it's weird for an aromantic to not be upset about a break up, but they might be sad that they lost a friend in the process if the break up didn't go well.
  14. The only time aromantism comes up outside Arocalypse is when my other GSRM/ LGTBQIA+ friends and we start talking about our experiences or sometimes my straight friends will ask a question about it, but that's not often and they are respectful about it so I don't mind answering. Since I'm only out to about 7/8 people, all of which are my friends, it does not come up often.
  15. Hiya! Let me start off with "been there, done that, have the t-shirt" with the dating a friend thing only to realize later I'm aro. That's 13 months of my life I'm never getting back, and to be honest we should have broke it off 2 months in, but amatonormativity is a bitch and we both suffered for it. Haha, I can only hope your ex took it better than mine. My ex and I are finally learning to be friends again 6-7 months after the break up. Similar to you when I was looking for info, I found the term lithromantic and it fit at the time. However, I am now wondering if I am lithromantic or if I was just suffering from amatonormativity. Idk if its due to the lack of in person socialization due to the pandemic or if it is due to the fact that I am aware that I am aro, but I am not wanting a romantic relationship like I was a year and a half ago. So, yeah, idk. All I know is that I'm aro and I'm happy. I wish you the best of luck in discovering more about yourself and finding happiness!
  16. I can't remember when I heard first heard the term aromantic (probably in high school or college, idk), but I remember first questioning my romantic orientation back in September 2018 and I have been identifying as aromantic since March 2020. So this has been a process that happened in my early 20s/ college years. Definitely too young to relate to the 30 somethings and older who are functional adults and a little too old to relate to the high schoolers.
  17. Just because someone is LBGTQA+ does not mean they are understanding/ respectful of all identities and orientations. Now with your friend specifically; I agree with @Autumn that you friend is ignorant/self-centered at best and purposely hurtful/manipulative at worst. Your identity matters and so does your boundaries. You set the boundaries you are comfortable with and have certain expectation on what you need from them as your friend. If your friend is not respecting that, then you two need to have a serious talk if you want to remain friends. If your friend can't understand why you are upset or uncomfortable, then you may need to evaluate having a relationship with them at all. I can't guarantee that everything will work out for you and your friend, but you have to do what is best and healthy for you above all else. I wish you the best of luck in how it works out.
  18. I've been an ISTP since I first took the test in high school and still am since the last time I took the test for college psych last spring.
  19. No I don't wish I was alloromantic. I like being aro and I am proud of my identity. Being allo seems like a pain in the ass and leads to a lot of heart ache. To be fair, there are instances where romantic love works out, but even that seems like a lot of work and a hassle. I felt so much better knowing that I did not need to deal with any of that once I figured out that I was aro and realized that it wasn't in the cards for me.
  20. I agree, marriage only if it makes sense for legal/financial reasons and even then I'm totally sold on the idea. A wedding sounds like a pain in ass that is steeped in archaic and stupid traditions. Eloping might be doable but I can guarantee I would get backlash for doing it from certain family members and doesn't seem worth the hassle. Kids on the other hand are a hard pass. Too much work, too much money, too much sanity lost. Pregnancy sounds like a bloody nightmare. Even the best parents can have terrible children and I can guarantee I would not make a good mother as I have no patience for children for long periods at a time and I am too much of a good person to do that to anyone, my biological child or adopted. I'll stick to cats thank you very much.
  21. Hiya and Welcome! To be aromantic does not equal being asexual and to be asexual does not equal being aromantic, although one can be both. In my case, I am aromantic and heterosexual. It is possible that you can be aromantic and allosexual (allo meaning you feel that type of attraction, in this case feeling sexual attraction), but this is something that you have to decide for yourself. Similarly, each person experiences aromanticism differently and only you can decide if you are aromantic or not. Maybe have a look at the FAQ pages if you have not already. https://www.aromanticism.org/en/faq While not everyone subscribes to/ uses a label, they can be helpful when you are trying to figure yourself out. I know it was helpful for me when I was trying to figure myself out. As far as coming out goes, do what you feel is comfortable. You do not have to come out if you don't want to or if you feel it would not be well received or if it might be unsafe to do so. You do what is right for you. I wish you the best of luck finding yourself and hope you find happiness in what ever you do. 💚
  22. The two or three people who have shown interest in me I ended up ghosting. Only one of those was on purpose, due to other reasons that did not include asking me out but caused me to not want to be his friend anymore. The other two ended up being ghosted by shifting friends groups at college. None of these had awkward consequences cus people graduated or we stoped running in the same social circles. These were before I figured out I was aro.
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