Beelithic

Thank you again for your continued, well-thought-out advice! It does mean a lot that you're willing to put in this time and energy for a stranger. Unfortunately on my end, I got my answer. Yesterday morning (before I even received your response, actually) I reached out asking if we could have a conversation about the breakup and how we would like to define things henceforth. They never texted back. And after a year of dating them, I know my ex well enough to know that a lack of response is a full answer in of itself. Honestly, my hopes of continuing the relationship, or even building a friendship, was based on the uncertainty I had about how they felt about me now. Now that my uncertainties have been answered, I can move on. It hurt, yeah, but it's also relieving to finally be walking away from all the stress and second-guessing. Plus I have so many friends who have been wonderful, constant support through all of this, and I am happy to spend my life with all of the people who have proven to me multiple times that they will always be there for me. I think I'm going to leave this thread up, in case anyone else comes by dealing with a similar situation. And like you said, it does all come down to communication. Hopefully if an allo and an aro realize they're in a similar situation that my partner and I found themselves in, they can learn from this how to maturely address it, instead of it turning into a whole messy process like it did for me.

@pressAtoQUEER Thank you for the detailed and supportive response. I do have a habit of blaming myself too harshly for things that I do need to be reminded out of from time to time. Though, when I said that they're avoiding me, that was a simplification for how I'm perceiving their behavior post-breakup. About a week after the breakup, I asked if they were okay with me contacting them. They said yes, and that whether we developed a friendship or not was entirely up to me. The few times I texted them, they responded quickly and positively, and we would joke around like nothing changed. But over time I noticed that they never texted first, even if I left them alone for weeks at a time. Also they've turned down opportunities to see me in person (which I understand and have not pushed on.) Compared with how quick they were to seek me out during the relationship, it feels like they're putting more space between us. Does your advice still stand about letting go and not pushing for any interaction until they seek it out themselves?

@NullVector I am actually polyamorous by nature. This relationship was the first time I was ever wholy interested in one person, but I did offer at the start of the relationship, that if my partner wanted to be open/poly, I'd be down for it. They said they wanted to be exclusive, since at the time, I was the only person they were interested in. However, throughout the relationship, the two of us had absolutely no problem with the other flirting with or being affectionate with other people.

I am questioning-identity looking for advice on a specific situation. The past year, I was in a relationship with an aromantic partner. I used to identify as aromantic before I fell in love with this person, so I already understood right off the bat what kind of unique boundaries an aromantic person needs. I never expected more of their time or space than they were willing to give, and they openly appreciated me for it. They knew I didn't need them to love me romantically, and they were comfortable with my romantic feelings. As time went on in the relationship, they started saying that they loved me (non-romantically) more than they loved anyone else, and that they needed me in their life. They would joke about how we complimented each other perfectly as a couple. We talked about future possibilities (anniversaries, living together, how we would raise kids, ect) mutually and positively. I wanted to marry them one day, and assumed they felt the same. I got stupid and reckless; I started talking about future plans as if we had already finalized an engagement. It scared them, and two months ago they broke up with me, saying they couldn't commit to one person for the rest of their life. They've been avoiding me ever since. The breakup and their fear of commitment felt very out of the blue. And I'm still in love with them. What advice would relationship-positive aromantics give me about this? Should I accept the fact that I irrevocably messed up by disrespecting their boundaries, and let my ex go? Or do I have a chance, and if so, what should I keep in mind about rebuilding the relationship?