techno
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Everything posted by techno
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oh god i haven't been active here in about five billion years. how's it going everyone happy pride!!
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i'm nearing the end of my college career now, and as i'm trying to figure out what comes next, this is the problem i am facing. i have great friends here, but because we'll likely go our separate ways some day, i can't help but dwell on the fact that every phase of life is fleeting. the first step is deciding what you want from the rest of your life. the second step is figuring out how to achieve it. i don't even have the first one figured out yet.
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@Coyote I'd never heard of that concept before, but from a cursory glance, it would seem so!
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Yeah sure! It's about separating love from humanity, or love from goodness or kindness. We're all likely familiar with the prevalent idea that love is what makes us human, but what I see talked about less is the idea that being capable of love is the same as being a good person. You can love someone and still hurt them; you can treat someone with kindness even if you don't like them at all. We can't choose whether we feel love or not, no matter whether that love is romantic or platonic or something else or what-have-you. But we can choose to be kind and to do what's right. Moses Sumney talks about this as well. The kinds of love you feel or do not feel and in what quantities don't determine your value as a human being. Love, to me, is an arbitrary concept. And we don't solve amatonormativity by shifting the focus merely onto a different type of love; we don't do right by each other by simply repackaging the same rhetoric used to alienate us ("Love is what makes us human!") in a different wrapping. A narrative in which any form of love is pure or universal or a sign of being a good person will always be one in which one of us is left behind.
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Returning to the initial question of what we can do besides wordsmith, I think the push to constantly create new terminology is both a result of a rapidly expanding community and a desire to somehow wordsmith our way through intracommunity differences. I guess you could call it growing pains? What happens, at least in community spaces that I've been involved in, seems to be that people begin to take notice of some sort of difference or disparity in aro experiences and narratives, and try to create the language to concisely name and talk about that disparity (for example, as others have mentioned in this thread, aromantics who don't want a qpr or similar relationship feeling alienated by those who do). I don't see the problem with this, on a surface level; if people want specific terminology to talk about their experiences, then more power to them. I personally do consider myself nonamorous, in the "not wanting a qpr or similar relationship" sense. The issue comes when we try to make the terminology we have exhaustive, intensely specific, applicable to all and not up for interpretation. And that's never going to be possible. For me, the seemingly never-ending onslaught of new terminology, while it can often be used to point out the diversity of aro experiences or to shed light on unequal representation within the community, does very little to actually solve whatever problem it's meant to address. People can use whatever labels for themselves that they feel comfortable with, and I'm never going to take that away from them; however, we need to address the root causes of problems rather than simply create terminology to attempt to patch them up. The focus should be on creating spaces where all arospecs feel welcome to talk about our experiences without having to box ourselves into a corner--that's what we can do besides wordsmith. As for how we do that? I don't know, and I don't think anyone does, or else we would have done it already. But for starters, casting all other terminology aside, what are the main goals of aro activism? When you strip back all of the word salad, what's left? Heteronormative/amatonormative society largely doesn't understand or accept us, regardless of any distinctions we choose to make between one another. In my opinion, a core tenet of aro activism should be dismantling the idea that love, in any form, is normative or necessary in order to be a valid human being capable of good and worthy of respect.
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since i was last active on here i like. came out to a bunch of people.
would that be interesting to talk about?
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hey siri??? if some hypothetical aroace individual has never actually properly come out to someone throughout 4 years and now they've internalized so much fear about it that it's become a control issue and they don't know how to explicitly divulge this information to anyone? asking for a friend
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Baby steps? Perhaps they can start by telling someone online outside of Arocalypse, someone they'll never meet in real life (if this hasn't happened already). Then maybe they can mention to someone open-minded (a classmate, a coworker, a loose friend) that aromanticism/asexuality exists. Then work up to coming out to friends and/or family.
You've got 835 friends on here rooting for you!
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is the papo meme officially dead? do i need to change my profile pic or am i going to go down with this sinking ship??
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hm. it's only the second week of summer vacation and i'm already getting bored. what do i do??????????
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What Are You Listening To/Post A Song
techno replied to Tal Shi'ar's topic in Aromantic Pride and Culture
Apologies for the yelling towards the beginning and stuff, there's only live recordings of this right now, but I love this song with all my heart. -
several years ago, not long before i started identifying as aroace, my parents put up this archway/trellis/gate in our garden, and i was outside with one of my best friends one days when she said she could imagine me under that arch with a future boyfriend, and she said she had this mental image of the ideal boyfriend for me, though she couldn't really describe that image. i didn't have a mental image, and trying to conjure one up didn't really work. obvious aro moment.
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i literally have an aro side blog and yet i just reblog 99% of aro stuff onto my main. why am i like this
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in high school i had this blog where i would write about stuff and then send it to my friend group and in 2016 i EXPLICITLY outed myself in one of my posts (i literally told a significant portion of my aro/ace story and then outed myself!) and to this day 99% of the people who i used to send it to have no idea and i think that proves that most of them only pretended to read anything i wrote, or at least only vaguely paid attention to it
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pros of the semester being almost over:
- semester is almost over
- i can go home
cons:- drowning in final papers
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@Jot-Aro Kujo thanks!!
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also today in my adolescent literature class i had an epiphany: i've found myself relating to/projecting onto/even writing so many fewer female characters than male characters for multiple reasons, but there was one piece i was always missing: romance/falling in love/being motherly or nurturing are such INTEGRAL parts of so many narratives written for girls and women, even some held up as feminist icons, while there are many more male characters who either evade the romance narrative entirely or their personal narratives aren't totally centered around it.
feminism has failed me! and that's the tea.
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Yes exactly I have so many issues with that and especially that to counter-balance that every female character that I have are so opposed to romance and really independent and all when I don't have this issue with male character. Some of them aren't interest in romance but some are really romantic but it doesn't bother me as much. I'm so glad somebody noticed that.
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aro culture is constantly being a stepping stone for your "friends" until they find a romantic partner and decide they don't need you at all
consequently, aro culture is having this happen to you so often that you get used to it and just assume you can never trust your friends
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AJNXJWJDKQKDA at 7 AM i was sleeping and my roommate finally came back after a night of partying and a guy on our floor was putting her to bed (even though she could walk herself but okay) and then i heard them kissing for a solid 30 seconds and he was like "goodnight" (it's 7 AM my dude the SUN IS RISING) and said something and she goes "i love you too" and he leaves ajdhwjdkkwkd she's been off-and-on hating and loving this guy all year and i know they thought i was sleeping but my romance repulsed ass was SCREAMING and now i feel like i'm harboring a dirty secret SOS my aro ass doesn't deserve this
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You have to, the world does not change for a tiny minority. It sucks, but what you are saying is narcissism, people think only of themselves, without exception. They are in the heat of the moment The last thing on their minds is you. You have to be more tolerant and forgiving.
What they are doing is normal. All you will install is resentment if they go with what you want.
This has very little to do with respect, more live and let live.
So long as you are not physically involved, then I advise you to drop it. Bad feelings will ensue
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i don't think you understand what i'm saying. all i was doing was telling a story of an awkward moment. they thought i was asleep, and i wasn't, so i felt uncomfortable. i'm not going to police their life.
stop commenting on my statuses if you're only going to lecture me every single time about how i'm being narcissistic when you don't even have the full context.
if this gets spicy i'm gonna have to delete ANOTHER status lmao!!
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so just wondering when am i gonna be able to have an aro community OFF of the internet
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@Zorcodtoa Saying "mood" is like a way of saying "This resonates with me" (although sometimes in kind of an abstract way, tbh), so "big mood" is like "This REALLY resonates with me".
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@mythlady Ah, I know what it is! I was answering someone else who asked if there was a word for the opposite of shipping, but I guess I didn't tag them! My bad, thanks for the explanation anyway!
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Gender Identity, Expression, and Presentation
techno replied to Neir's topic in Sexuality and Gender
For me it's kind of hard to explain. I've thought about my gender a lot from time to time, especially in connection with my orientation. I see myself as a girl, other people see me as a girl, and while I'm cool with whatever pronouns, she/her is what I'm used to and what I prefer. But while I suppose I identify as female, and I do feel connected to womanhood and femaleness in many aspects, in other ways I don't identify that strongly with womanhood. Part of that comes from my orientation and not feeling as connected to my gender, I guess, because of it. As for physical presentation, I mostly present myself anywhere from androgynous to the androgynous side of feminine, if that makes sense, but if I had my way I'd present a bit more androgynous all the time. Most of that is personal comfort/style preference/just the way I like to look and what I think flatters my body type (hyper-feminine clothing typically doesn't). As for other forms of expression, it gets a little complicated and a lot more subconscious and I've been thinking through it a lot. I don't associate the way I think, feel, or behave with my gender, and it bothers me when people tie my personality or mannerisms to my femaleness (especially because that's usually sexist). But I often catch myself behaving slightly differently around people depending on their gender and the way I want them to think of me. I especially notice this when I'm hanging around guys. I think this comes from my orientation rather than my gender, because guys are much more likely to perceive me as a potential romantic interest or a threat to their existing relationships, and I want to avoid that, even if that means playing into the idea of being "not like other girls," as problematic as that line of thinking can be. Mostly, my identity and expression of gender are tied to my orientation and the way I want others to perceive me in all aspects, not just in my gender. I want people to see me as a girl, but I want that to not matter. I am a girl, but I don't want me being a girl to come with additional baggage that I have to keep working to cast overboard the more I get to know someone. -
I realized that in my four years of identifying as aro, I have not once actually actively come out to someone 100% of my own free will without feeling obligated or coerced into doing it.
Anyone who knows I either didn't have to tell or felt forced to tell.
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i live in fear of the day the Discourse finds my aro blog on tumblr
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hey aro "allies": boost our voices, maybe, instead of just preaching about how Valid we are
(i'm salty and also preaching to the choir, but then again that's not new)
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