Ch0c0

Welcome to Arocalypse ? You could be aromantic now or somewhere on a less romantic spectrum. You can only tell if you check your feelings today and your past squishes. A useful way I found was questionning how and why the attraction began. Social or intellectual admiration (charismatic or successful people) and lonelyness (stuck with someone/interest) may play a major role in squishes. I mistook these for romantic attraction more than once...

I don't know whether we really need to be proud of it. That's a bit too patronizing for some of us imho. Pride is militant speach. Like any battle, militantism is for the people who can spend some energy on others. Some of us still have to deal with some interior struggles and just focus on them. From my experience troubles occur when we are not aware, in denial or -worse- adverse to our orientation/identity. I'm trying to start slow by accepting it. Like they say in meditation 'contemplate without judgement'. Then look at what I want myself (start fresh) and look at the pros of my orientation. The goal is to try to be neutral about that weird part of me. Maybe loving it one day. When the first steps are done, then go confront the world. I've felt bad for years because I went into the world unaware, feeling inept and not shielded by self-love.

One thing about myself I like is that I became independent (intellectually and financially) even though I started as a shy overprotected child with a strong education.

From a practical point of view a word to qualify those who do not desire a close relationship at all would be very helpful. I find microlabels useful but problems arise when these labels recycle words that already exist and have other meanings. IMHO the word platonic itself is a minefield. When looking at Merriam Webster there is an obvious confusion between the lack of romance and the lack of sex in the relationship. Before I discovered aromanticism in this forum I was confusing platonic love and asexual love, also in my own language. Most people do. This makes my conversations with 'uninformed' people irl very awkward.

I'm 30+. I only learned about aromantism a few years ago so I did not really 'overthink' it until recently. Earlier I was not thinking enough about it. I forgot about romance before it even started to feel relevant for me. Aromantism was overall consistent with my feelings but I had some moments of doubt in the past. My (almost non-existant) sexuality and other types of attraction got me confused a few times. I gave up on amatonormativity a long time ago. I feel sufficiently isolated from the Collective now ? to understand my own identity. I feel like I have enough evidence to comfortably call myself aromantic today.

Hi and welcome Wildlife! I thought that I was in love in the past. I was probably just confusing romantic attraction with aesthetic attraction and intellectual fascination (for romance and for the other person's charisma). I never really wanted to stay with these crushes for long nor build a relationship. I may have felt posessive at times but I would not miss them when not seeing them. It felt quite cold, like a kid sulking, unable to catch a butterfly, then moving on to the next bug. While I actually feel dedicated and attached to my close friends, family and pets. So that did not seem romantic to me. I identify as aromantic but I could be wrong. You can always ditch your label if a label no longer fits your evolution.

The author wrote some LGBT stories and a webcomic before. https://www.webtoons.com/en/challenge/heartstopper/list?title_no=329660&page=1 I haven't read it.

I don't look for a partner but for more intimate friends. That is already too difficult to find. If I find somebody who wants a serious relationship and can respect my boundaries I may actually consider it. Yes I feel quite desperate.

I get irritated in front of cliché characters. It would be good not stay into the clichés that nourished my internalized bi and arophobi. Bisexuals don't just click with anyone and aromantics are not superficial people only looking for one night stands. Amen to that. Sound like the story of my love life... This is a very pragmatic reason why I did not have lots of sex.

Why would it not be allowed?

Get along with people who are not talking only about romance. Go with people who share your other interests. Be clear with others about the things that trigger you. If you don't want to come out as aro, just say that you don't want to talk/be reminded about relationships right now. Even romantic people have the right not to seek romance at times.

Same remark about discord servers! If you really want to get involved you can stay there (sometimes for long). In some you can even feel 'useful'. I no longer have time for this since I'm working from home. But I got involved in some local initiatives (going grocery shopping for disabled people, making masks, spreading awareness on social network, keeping in contact with the elderly, cheering for the doctors and nurses with my neighbours every day,...). In these volunteer networks we have some additionnal contacts face to face but mostly from far and on the social networks.

Possibilities

Maybe you don't like other people being too obvious about romance and showcasing their relationship? I hate when people use romance as a social status booster. But when you are in the position yourself you would not be bothered by it because you feel that it is genuine.

This is nice art but... I find the facial expression confusing with the hearts. But I thought about this: when discovering a text from a loved one: first feeling happy when seeing the sender (hearts) then surprise or being attentive. Her face althought seems quite scared <-- "Hi, I hope you wont mind but Mom said she would join us on our next lunch.") then feeling happy (hearts), hopefully...

Welcome Dark ?. You may find some relatable topics here.

Of course I miss a lot of things because I'm myself. I have never been in a relationship because of how I saw it until now. Although for me it is on the same level as: I have crap reflexes so I'm not a good gamer. Never gossipping about romance, I was never like the cool kids. On the other side I feel blessed about some things. I practice easily different languages and it has open so many doors to me. While some people spent their energy dating I was studying and being dedicated during my career. It lead me abroad to experience other cultures while my old classmates where struggling with low incomes and divorce.

My ideal career would be in sustainable development and would allow me to have more contact with both nature and people. About recycling and reuse, there are a lot of upcycling initiatives in my city, from furniture to clothes or electronic appliances. This is good because it reduces the overall carbon footprint, relocalises workforce and provides cheap products to people in need.

I'm often more afraid of reality than fantasy. There was one social riot scene in the movie Germinal that shocked the hell out of me when I was 14. It was a very realistic French movie. A teacher showed it to us at school (this guy was nuts) because it was relevant for the history of our local mining industry. I had my guard down as it was at school so I was not expecting too disturbing content. It hit me harder because of that. There was sex and enough violence to make it 18+.

I really don't know where the line is for me because I have not even thought about crossing it...if this makes sense?

I don't think that anyone around me really believes me when I say that I'm aromantic. They pretend to accept it, out of respect, but still hope or think that I am wrong. This includes my parents, best friends and therapist. Time is unrelated as I'm over 30 now. I just do as always: continue living my life the way I want even if this makes me look 'weird' to others.

You are what you are and that is perfectly fine. It would be boring if everyone exactly fit into cases. You can choose the label that fits the most or a label that will allow you to reach your relationship goals. "Maybe if we became friends this will lead somewhere?" Have you tried projecting yourself long term into this somewhere? Would you like it? I also pondered whether I was completely aromantic or not. I feel other kinds of attration to people (intellectual, aesthetic,...) who make it very confusing in a romance context. I have chosen my label looking at my past, present but also future.

Romance indifferent or slightly positive when it is about other people. Slightly romance repulsed when it's about me. I don't use this label: even said with a big smile the 'aromantic' label is usually enough to discourage potential suitors.

I like hugs from my parents and from my closests friends, althought I originally disliked them. I don't like kisses in general, even on the cheek. Actually this may be being too close to somebody's face that I hate the most. Unfortunately it is in our local culture to greet people with 2 to 3 kisses on both cheeks. One is perceived as a rude asocial if you don't do it, even with colleagues at work. Shaking hands turned out to be the big boss's exclusive right so doing this would be pretentious. I usually just touch cheeks to cheeks or go close and make the kiss noise, like some other people do. I tried French kissing and really did not understand the hype about it. I don't like cuddling in general. Occasional passionate hugs is ok but not more than that.

1) I would like to see aro that can not be considered as loosers and aros that display a lot of strong love feelings. 2) There is a manga translated in French "Aromantic (love) story" about an aroace mangaka. I have not completed it so I'm not sure if she is really aro though. Some people try to fix her which I find quite annoying.