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Posts posted by Ch0c0

  1. I'm 30+. I only learned about aromantism a few years ago so I did not really 'overthink' it until recently.

    Earlier I was not thinking enough about it. I forgot about romance before it even started to feel relevant for me. Aromantism was overall consistent with my feelings but I had some moments of doubt in the past. My (almost non-existant) sexuality and other types of attraction got me confused a few times.

    I gave up on amatonormativity a long time ago. I feel sufficiently isolated from the Collective now 🤖 to understand my own identity. I feel like I have enough evidence to comfortably call myself aromantic today.

    • Like 1

  2. Hi and welcome Wildlife!

    I thought that I was in love in the past. I was probably just confusing romantic attraction with aesthetic attraction and intellectual fascination (for romance and for the other person's charisma). I never really wanted to stay with these crushes for long nor build a relationship. I may have felt posessive at times but I would not miss them when not seeing them. It felt quite cold, like a kid sulking, unable to catch a butterfly, then moving on to the next bug. While I actually feel dedicated and attached to my close friends, family and pets. So that did not seem romantic to me.

    I identify as aromantic but I could be wrong. You can always ditch your label if a label no longer fits your evolution.


  3. 1 minute ago, yurihands said:

    asking their knowledge about it beforehand

    This seems wise 🤔. After all we pay them so I figured that I would not spend any more of their expensive time discussing these topics. You can go see different people for different reasons as well.

    • Like 1

  4. On 5/25/2020 at 1:50 AM, yurihands said:

    I actually have to be honest. My therapist has helped me a lot, but whenever it comes to queer topics I feel super disconnected from him.

    I can relate. I had similar issues with my current therapist. At first I tried to educate her...did not really work. I just stopped bringing my aromantic identity during the sessions as it was the least of my problems. I consider getting another therapist if I want to discuss relationships again.

    • Like 3

  5. I get irritated in front of cliché characters. It would be good not stay into the clichés that nourished my internalized bi and arophobi.  Bisexuals don't just click with anyone and aromantics are not superficial people only looking for one night stands.

    On 4/19/2020 at 6:40 AM, Jot-Aro Kujo said:

    Despite the stereotype that allo aros have lots of sex, and the stereotype that bis have "more to choose from" or whatever, for a lot of allo aros it's actually very difficult to access sex. If you're romance repulsed, not the sort of person who likes parties or bars, and don't use hookup apps, there's really very little opportunity for sexual encounters, and a lot of allo aros have never had sex at all even at ages when most other allosexual folks would have. Many allo aros also are extremely selective about who they hook up with, for fear of the possibility of their partner """""catching feelings""""" and then blaming them for not reciprocating- Even when a relationship is explicitly agreed to be only sexual, not romantic, there's still sort of a societal expectation that if one party changes their mind, the other party has some obligation to accept this.

    On 5/25/2020 at 1:14 AM, felinelicks said:

    Some of the people I've been most attracted to were people I didn't initially think were hot, but they had the kind of personality I'm drawn to and it changed the way I perceive them.

    Amen to that.

    On 4/30/2020 at 3:08 PM, Scoop said:

    Also for me I found when I was younger if I was attracted to a person and realised I didn't want to date them then I assumed I wasn't actually attracted to them at all. Because romance and sex are the same you know! *sigh* It's so easy to doubt your attraction. 

    Sound like the story of my love life... This is a very pragmatic reason why I did not have lots of sex.


    • Like 1

  6. Get along with people who are not talking only about romance. Go with people who share your other interests.

    Be clear with others about the things that trigger you. If you don't want to come out as aro, just say that you don't want to talk/be reminded about relationships right now. Even romantic people have the right not to seek romance at times.

    • Like 1

  7. Same remark about discord servers! If you really want to get involved you can stay there (sometimes for long). In some you can even feel 'useful'.

    I no longer have time for this since I'm working from home. But I got involved in some local initiatives (going grocery shopping for disabled people, making masks, spreading awareness on social network, keeping in contact with the elderly, cheering for the doctors and nurses with my neighbours every day,...). In these volunteer networks we have some additionnal contacts face to face but mostly from far and on the social networks.

  8. This is nice art but... I find the facial expression confusing with the hearts.

    But I thought about this: when discovering a text from a loved one:

    1. first feeling happy when seeing the sender (hearts)
    2. then surprise or being attentive. Her face althought seems quite scared <-- "Hi, I hope you wont mind but Mom said she would join us on our next lunch.")
    3. then feeling happy (hearts), hopefully...

  9. Of course I miss a lot of things because I'm myself. I have never been in a relationship because of how I saw it until now. Although for me it is on the same level as: I have crap reflexes so I'm not a good gamer. Never gossipping about romance, I was never like the cool kids.

    On the other side I feel blessed about some things. I practice easily different languages and it has open so many doors to me. While some people spent their energy dating I was studying and being dedicated during my career. It lead me abroad to experience other cultures while my old classmates where struggling with low incomes and divorce.

    • Like 1

  10. My ideal career would be in sustainable development and would allow me to have more contact with both nature and people.

    About recycling and reuse, there are a lot of upcycling initiatives in my city, from furniture to clothes or electronic appliances. This is good because it reduces the overall carbon footprint, relocalises workforce and provides cheap products to people in need.

    • Like 2

  11. I'm often more afraid of reality than fantasy.

    There was one social riot scene in the movie Germinal that shocked the hell out of me when I was 14. It was a very realistic French movie. A teacher showed it to us at school (this guy was nuts) because it was relevant for the history of our local mining industry. I had my guard down as it was at school so I was not expecting too disturbing content. It hit me harder because of that. There was sex and enough violence to make it 18+.


  12. I don't think that anyone around me really believes me when I say that I'm aromantic. They pretend to accept it, out of respect, but still hope or think that I am wrong.

    This includes my parents, best friends and therapist.

    Time is unrelated as I'm over 30 now. I just do as always: continue living my life the way I want even if this makes me look 'weird' to others.

    • Like 1

  13. You are what you are and that is perfectly fine. It would be boring if everyone exactly fit into cases.

    You can choose the label that fits the most or a label that will allow you to reach your relationship goals. "Maybe if we became friends this will lead somewhere?" Have you tried projecting yourself long term into this somewhere? Would you like it?

    I also pondered whether I was completely aromantic or not. I feel other kinds of attration to people (intellectual, aesthetic,...) who make it very confusing in a romance context. I have chosen my label looking at my past, present but also future.

  14. I like hugs from my parents and from my closests friends, althought I originally disliked them.

    I don't like kisses in general, even on the cheek. Actually this may be being too close to somebody's face that I hate the most. Unfortunately it is in our local culture to greet people with 2 to 3 kisses on both cheeks. One is perceived as a rude asocial if you don't do it, even with colleagues at work. Shaking hands turned out to be the big boss's exclusive right so doing this would be pretentious. I usually just touch cheeks to cheeks or go close and make the kiss noise, like some other people do. I tried French kissing and really did not understand the hype about it.

    I don't like cuddling in general. Occasional passionate hugs is ok but not more than that.

  15. 1) I would like to see aro that can not be considered as loosers and aros that display a lot of strong love feelings.

    2) There is a manga translated in French "Aromantic (love) story" about an aroace mangaka. I have not completed it so I'm not sure if she is really aro though. Some people try to fix her which I find quite annoying.


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