Ch0c0

You may stay in close touch with your friend if it does not bring awkwardness or jealousy in their relationship.

If they chose to leave you on the side, you can choose to remain there for your friend when in troubble. lt won't satisfy your emotional needs but it can give birth to a strong long term relationship.

Hello and welcome Sofia

One word comes to mind for her: entitlement ?

Romance was invented to promote durable 1 to 1 unions when/where convenience marriage arranged by families are no longer a vital necessity.

6 hours ago, Bluebird said:

I also think that being aromantic had a huge effect on why I became atheist too. In the catholic church, I feel like there is such a big pressure to get married in the church, and honestly, as an aromantic person, to me, getting married is not a huge sacrament that the church makes it, it is just like a legal agreement. Also, I think that parts of the church (not all, just some parts of it) invalidate LGBT communities and I just don't want to be a part of that. 

I can relate with this. The strict (patriarcal) view on family and LGBT pushed me out of the church too.

Hello Puppy

I think that I may understand it theoretically.

Although the border between toublesome obsession and romantic infatuation is still unclear to me.

Welcome to Arocalypse -Nyah ?

When young I have never thought about marriage and family. I was never big on dolls and babies.

Marriage is the thing that I would consider last, after lover and even children.

So far I have been attracted to:

• a weird but social type
• a troublesome badass 40+ weed smoker type
• a kinda looking like my father when he was joung type
• a georgeous plump woman type
• a gender non conforming type

So at this point I guess I don't really have a type.

People use it either way and it is confusing. There is the same debate for ace and ace-spec.

Also in both cases, some people will feel erased (aros) or not included (grayros,...) which is unfortunate.

I'm not a fan of romance but sometimes I get invested in unlikely couples or romances between characters that have to fight for their right to love.

I hate what I would call 'social' romance (high school movies, soaps,...) when social status and gossip is more important than love itself. But can we even call it true romance?

Priviledge does not stop with queerness. Am I the only one feeling so unconfortable about discussing priviledge in LGBTQIA+ spaces - or any other thematic forum? We can never factor in everything and people will feel frustrated about it. I do because I think that I have been way more discriminated on other fields than about sex/gender/romance topics.

I like music so much that I would fall for them. It's a kind of aesthetic or sensual attraction I guess.

I live in the city so I feel pretty far from nature right now. It was better when I had a cat, rodents and turtles. It's not the same than contact with wildlife but it was great nevertheless.

Hopefully I can afford to adopt animals again in the future. In the meantime I make do with houseplants like aloes and other succulent plants.

I'd rather go bungee jumping than get married.

sceptical

Only child.

Impossible to say whether I had a family member LGBT+ because one did not admit things like that. There was although one that we suspected to be very sex averse and another without much romantic interest.

1. Having some psychotherapy ongoing on topics that could explain or reinforce aroness. At one point I had to decide that, symptomatic or not, it has been a part of me since my teens so I could identify with it.

2. Not feeling invested in aro community advocacy, while I'm honestly more active in the asexual community even though it is not my primary orientation.

3. Not being fully romance adverse in art or litterature.

Hello.

Don't take the criticism and drama to heart. You care about the situation so you are likely a good person. But you are the way you are, full stop.

If you don't like your situation you could try getting some help but from a professional.

I don't think that it is that unusual to loose interest when you realize that a case is closed. It helps to turn the page. Some people are quicker than others doing so. Some other people need another romance to forget the first one, one month or one day later (those last can also be the target of sarcasms).

I don't have romantic attraction but my other attractions are also strongly influenced by some key parameters. The first parameter is mutual respect and the next is dialogue. If I can't get some kind of reciprocity I get hurt and that shock simply cuts the line. My therapist told me that I have issues with 'rejection' and tbh it explains a lot of things about me. But it rather means that I'm oversensitive and certainly not heartless.

I think that sadly alloro people don't always worry that much about reciprocating exactly their partner's feelings. If you care about that, you probably qualify for a try in a relationship.

Now it depends the most on your partner. It's better to be honnest with them from the start. Some may want to have exact reciprocation or feel unloved. Some may like somebody who complements them and offer their own kind of love.

8 hours ago, Oatpunk said:

The thing that really concerns me about this is that she would live with you because you can "be her help anytime"? That sounds like a massive red flag to me, and adding that to how you perceive her to prioritize everything else over you, it just doesn't sound like a very healthy relationship.

What I would perceive as fair as aromantic would be more along the lines of 'always have your back' or 'fight alongside you'. For me, aromanticism manifests with independance and not missing people all the time (no annoying texts lol). Most people could interpret it as not caring.

On 8/17/2020 at 3:04 AM, FaerySilverwings said:

For me it seems like most of my squishes, the few times it's happened, are rooted in that social/intellectual sphere to some degree or because that person was nice to me in a way that made me feel like I actually mattered to them and they weren't just humoring me being around as a misfit of the group (and this sounds so... sad? to realize that I get so perplexed by people being that sort of nice that it sometimes sparks squish-ness).

I'm in a similar situation. There aren't only negative aspects about it. You are not 'jaded' by relationships/friendships and so you can cherish each one and invest yourself in it. It makes you a valuable friend/partner on the long term. And you have time to enjoy them to the fullest.

Hello and welcome to Arocalypse Here is something chill.

It's true that here we don't always post back quicker than light... but that doesn't mean that the answers aren't food for thoughts.

Being a French speaking native I pronounce it the French way too.This may be an English forum but it looks so French that I can't help my accent.

• aromanticism = aromantisme (FR)
• aromantic = aromantique (FR)
• apocalypse = apocalypse (FR)