deadarant

i think i'm finally coming to terms that i'm aromantic. i've been in a relationship that ended horribly, but i actually felt relieved because every moment i was with her just made me uncomfortable. it's been a few years since then and nothing has changed for me. i hoped that maybe i'm just socially inapt or socially awkward even though i'm perfectly fine with a group of friends. i hoped and still hope that maybe something would change. i still hope that maybe something is holding me back from loving someone, but i don't remember ever feeling attracted to anyone or ever having a crush. am i too young? am i socially awkward? am i depressed? or am i just aromantic? being aromantic is hard to accept. i don't want to feel alone all the time, i want to feel love, to have someone to make me feel better, but i can't. i don't even have a good friend to lean on, it's like i'm incapable of anything intimate. the thought of being aromantic scares me. will i ever feel love? and if not, how do i cope with being alone?