Kallie

I could never imagine myself marrying someone out of love, marriage has always felt like something I'd have to check off my list to be "a proper adult".

I really get that. Aromanticism gave me a new lense to look at my past experiences, one I can use to connect many things and feelings I wouldn’t have before, but once you adopt it, there’s no real coming back. It’s the “what came first: a chicken or an egg?” kind of situation, you don’t know if you feel a certain way because you’re aromantic, or if identifying as aromantic gives you certain feelings.

But I have to say that what matters the most is whether or not being aro makes you feel happy, comfortable. It doesn’t matter what came first, if at the end of the day aromanticism is the best way for you to understand yourself and your life.

YMBAI you didn’t know some people really are as invested into romance and finding a partner as fiction makes them out to be.

Until you mentioned it, I never noticed that I'm probably the only person I know, who actively checks up on my friends' other friendships :D

People usually share those things with me themselves, and then it's only natural for me to ask them about it next time we see each other, maybe talk about some conflict they had, etc. It helps to bring up your friends too, you can tell them about something that happened to you recently and ask what they think of it, and they would usually tell you about similar experiences. I'm sure if you do that enough, they will start asking about how your friendships are going too. 

I call myself non-binary, it allows me a lot of freedom and flexibility. I usually feel "neutral", but sometimes I can feel more fem or even masc too. I like that I don't have to specify that I'm agender/demigirl/genderfluid, just non-binary, and sometimes being non-binary means differents things to me.

Welcome, welcome! it's incredible to see people who discover yourself at your age, and I'm glad you've joined us

Adult aromantics as much part of this community as anyone else. 

Yes, I'm in High School and I'm on the aromantic spectrum! Discovering that was a very interesting experience, but I'm glad it helped me rethink some things about myself.

There are many other teens on the forum, and I hope you'll feel welcome here!

2 hours ago, Skylord said:

I had a similar experience with my mom at fourteen, I think she thought I was homo at the time

Dunno about my mom, but some of my friends though I was gay ХD

I've enver shown much interest in dating, but I would gush about female celebrities and fictional characters, and one time my friend asked me if I was a lesbian.

(this topic is made with aromantics in mind, but if you're arospec (greyro, demiro, etc), feel free to also share your thoughts)

We've had lengthy discussions on what romantic attraction is, but the current topic was created more for sharing our definitions for it, rather than our relationship with the concept. I'm not asking if you wished you were alloromantic, just do you want to understand what they're feeling? Do you think you would benefit from it? Or are you content with knowing the feeling is just out of your reach as an aromantic person?

First of all, there always will be some element of 'risk' when coming out to your friends of family, but please don't do it if you aren't sure you will be completely safe! And you don't have to come out to everyone at once or even call yourself aroace (think of saying "I don't want to date or have sex", just describe your feelings).

Back to the topic at hand, I completely understand your feelings. It had taken me several months of thinking and pondering before I could come out as non-binary to my friendgroup, there is a sense of responsibility that comes with telling someone your orientation of gender identity, I was afraid people would judge me, that I would have to prove that my feelings are real not just to myself, but to other people.

It's best to start by taking small steps. As I said, you could come out to only a couple of friends, and when you do, always think of the positive reaction you got from others. Be ready for the worst, but hope for the best. And if you aren't ready for that yet, there are other ways to express yourself: wear green or purple colors, use other symbols associated with asexuality or aromanticism, maybe casually talk about it with your friend or tell them jokes. It may seem silly, but it helps you build your confidence.

Many people feel like they have to change their presentation after they discover they're non-binary, but you don't own anyone anything. You can be nb and present however you want, even if the name/clothing/pronouns you choose are associated with the gender you were assigned at birth. Don't want to change your name yet? That's cool, I'm non-binary and only use feminine names. Change is only needed if it makes you happier.

I let people assume what they want, even when the topic comes up, I usually say I'm not interested in dating at the moment. I'm not out, but I don't hide either, if someone asks me about my orientation, I'll answer honestly. 

13 minutes ago, ScarfOfSexualPreference said:

Use a planner and personalize it!! I give my planner a theme for the week, and use different colored pens to keep it happy-feeling!

Aw, that's so cute! I usually use online spreadsheets for planning, but I always make them pastel.

And I prefer to set long-term goals, write only what I need to have done by the end of every week or month and do what I feel like each day.

This year many of us had to face the challenge of organizing our work/study process ourselves, and I thought it would be good to share what we have learned about ourselves and offer some pieces of advice for others. I'll start:

Always have your task in front of you. Have the right tabs open, put your textbooks on your desk, so you'd always see them. I've found that if I can't see what I need to do, I completely forget about it and move to something different. That's especially helpful for people with AD(H)D!

1976

Welcome! We're happy to see anyone here, whether you're sure in your orientation or not; hope this forum will help you discover what describes you the best

1967

It's okay? Not so bad that I would say no if someone offered me a slice, but not good enough to want to order it myself.

I never dreamt of marriage, for me it was just a thing that inevitably happens to any person, and even if I thought about it, it was very impersonal; it was never about how I would feel during that moment, just that I wouldn't want to change my last name if I get married (too much paperwork), and that I'd want my husband to be tall because it'd be nice if our kids got that from him. Though around the age of ten I began saying that I'd be happier if I lived with my friend and a couple of cats than if I got married, and I still see this as my ideal future

I use aro to mean exclusively aromantic and arospec for the spectrum. I also identify as arospec, because it allows me more fluidity in my orientation, I'm not certain where exactly I'm on the spectrum yet, I'm just non-alloromantic.

Ah, that's exactly how I feel!

Fiction exists to explore scenarios that we don't necessarily want to exist in real life or happen to us. I enjoy romance very much; if it's well-written, I can understand the characters' feelings and desires, maybe experience some of them myself, but I have never wanted to date nor felt that towards anyone I know. One explanation I liked was that you can enjoy watching two actors fall in love on stage, but would never want for one of them to love a member of the audience. Or that romance is similar to extreme sports: you watch it to experience the best parts of it from a comfortable distance, but don't want to join the sportsmen yourself.

This is more of an observation than anything. I have many alloromantic friends who entered their (long-lasting, mind you!) relationships after knowing their partner for a month or two, which seems absolutely crazy to me. A month is hardly enough time to get to know someone, and I don't think I would even consider someone a friend if I have known them for just a month. Which brings me to my title question: what do you think is a good time to decide you want to date someone?

I think the question here is "Is it okay if you mistake aromanticism for x/identify as aromantic because of y?". The same question could be asked about being too young, many people in the forum have expressed their worries about identifying as arospec only because they're kids or teens and haven't had the time to experience romantic attraction yet. Arospecs and many other members of the queer community feel the need to constantly prove themselves to the world, prove that they aren't just confused, too young to know for sure, mentally ill, etc. But I think that you can identify as arospec no matter what your reasons are, as long as it makes you feel better, it's okay; and even if later on you decide that the label doesn't suit you, the time that you spent identifying as aro still matters, because at the time that was what was TRUE TO YOU. 

Game: Guy comments on video games for two hours

INTP. I'm surprised there are so many INTJs here