Eironwen

I completely agree. It’s hard as an aro to empathise with allo people’s experience and I think the issue is exacerbated by the fact that romance is everywhere, which can lead indifference towards romance to develop into annoyance towards it. In my opinion, the golden rule is that if it isn’t hurting anyone then there’s no point getting angry about it. Romantic relationships are an enriching experience for many people, and I’ve had to learn that even though I’m somewhat romance repulsed, romantic attraction isn’t inherently a bad thing.

An update: he got in touch today to say he’s had some time to think and was more in love with the idea of being in a relationship than with me, so he’d rather be friends as well. Which is completely unexpected but like. Amazing. So things turned out well in the end

Thank you both. You’ve helped put the situation into perspective. I agree that it was less harmful overall to be honest and break up with him than to continue faking it. I mainly feel bad because getting into a relationship in the first place was my mistake and it hurt him worse than me. But I guess it was just a mistake and I dealt with it best I could. I also don’t think his reaction was disproportionate. He was actually very reasonable about it, just understandably upset.

I guess I’m just looking for some support or wondering if anyone else has had this experience. I confused strong platonic and sensual attraction for somebody with having a crush. I think I got swept up in the common narrative that I might not ‘really’ be aro, it’s just that I haven’t found the right person yet, so I decided to give being in a romantic relationship a try. He had a crush on me so we got together, but I soon realised that kissing and especially acting like a couple in public squicked me out entirely. I stuck with it for two weeks because I thought I could learn to like it and I didn’t want to hurt his feelings, but nothing changed. I broke up with him this morning. The poor guy is in bits. Apparently he really loved me, which I find hard to comprehend because we’ve only known each other for a month. This isn’t even the first time this has happened - i had a friends with benefits relationship with this girl once but she caught feelings for me. I hate how being aro means people get hurt; even if you don’t get involved with anyone, inevitably someone will have a crush on you and you’ll have to disappoint them. I can’t undo the fact I’ve hurt him; he’s so sweet and he doesn’t deserve this. I feel like such an *ssh*le right now but I can’t just change my romantic orientation either. Anyway. Just needed to vent somewhere where people might relate. Also if anyone has any experience of successful aromantic relationships where romance hasn’t complicated things, please share! I could use some reassurance that such things actually exist.