NoMansGirlfriend

Well, I'll go all in and leave a tmi warning! I identify as ace. I never felt sexually attracted to people, swing from sex neutral to repulsed and have no interest in having sex with other people, but I do watch porn every now and then and try to, you know, do stuff. That being said, I never get to anywhere, because after about 5-10 minutes the activity bores the hell out of me and I go do anything else. Read a book, do laundry, sleep. Just. Whatever. Else.

Wait, what? Damn, I feel too ace again lol. I loved Titanic too as a child... because I liked the iceberg drama and was kinda into catastrophes at the time. The romantic was and still is more like... yeah... let's just ignore it completely!

Because it's this time of the year... (when I buy all heart shaped chocolates for 50% off the week after Feb 14th), I wanted to share another story. When I was in a relationship a few years ago (did what everybody does, I guess), my partner got me a huuuge bouquet of red roses for Valentine's day. I guess he thought I'd freak out and be all happy. I was embarrassed to death. Why?! Just why? So many, Oh my God! Best was, he gave them to me in public because me happily freaking out for others to see is awesome, I guess. I was just like... "Yeah... ehm... so many!" (Can I hide them? Give them back? Uuh, would be impolite, guess not.)

I wouldn't think too much of it, really. I have romantic dreams every once in a while too, but I usually never dream them as myself. I'm just someone else, dreaming a different life. Those I remember I actually enjoy, but I would never want all that stuff while being awake. Like, urgh, go away with all those emotions please!

Soo... If I dream of other people in relationships, my head is able to present it as cute and lovely and yadda yadda. I normally don't dream as myself. (And if I do, I slay zombies or some shit. The good dreams!) Last night I dreamed about getting asked out... And even in my dream, I hated it. So damn uncomfortable. (And cringy, oh, so cringy). Alas, even in my dreams I'm aro.

Oh my God, so much this. No, I will not date you. Yes, I'm happy right now and don't mind being alone. (OMG, did something happen to you?!? Were you abused? I'll be the best boyfriend ever!) No, you are not "the one" who will make me love being in a relationship. And why the fuck should I date you in the first place, if you obviously don't listen and don't give a fuck about my responses? You ain't special. Is it just me or is the dating culture fucking creepy, once you remove the odd urge to be with someone from the equation?