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About Ravenclaw

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  1. This is a short list (with links!) of some research on aromanticism. I hope it helps! https://www.aromanticism.org/en/research Also, the person who created the term “amatonormativity” (Elizabeth Brake) wrote a book about it called Minimizing Marriage
  2. What about all those middle schoolers and high schoolers who are hit with “who do u have a crush on?” when with friends? The whole “You’re blushing! Who is it?!” thing, you know? How do they explain it to their friends?
  3. So I made a friend about a month ago, and the other day she was venting about her relationship struggles, then asked me if I had any relationship stuff I needed to vent. After talking for a bit, she is FIRMLY convinced that I am aromantic. I don’t think I’ve ever had a crush before, but there MAY have been one guy (maybe one more too) but when I described my maybe-crushes to her she said that they technically didn’t count as crushes, they were actually squishes. So I’ve been trying desperately to try and find out what romantic attraction actually feels like, what crushes feel like, etc., but the only answers I’ve gotten apply to how I feel about my family and BFFs, or are wholly incorrect (in that they say romantic attraction is when you are sexually attracted or aesthetically attracted to someone) (and those are DISTINCT, DIFFERENT types of attraction, which is exactly what I’m trying to find out: what differentiates romantic attraction and makes it its own entity). Can you please help me learn what ROMANTIC attraction is so I can finally examine whether I feel the label “aromantic” fits me or not? Also, I’ve been running into the problem that what is defined as romantic attraction includes wanting to do romantic things with your s/o, but what about people who aren’t into romantic stuff (ex.: those tough, hyper-masculine dudes) but are still in love? Also, the definition of what is romantic varies DRAMATICALLY from culture to culture, and even just throughout time within each culture themselves. So is romantic attraction just a social construct? I know that just because something is a social construct doesn’t mean that it isn’t real; social constructs can - and do - have real effects (like the legit chemical changes in the brain when in love). But it does mean that if someone were not socialized exactly right when it comes to that construct (romance/romantic attraction), they might not grasp, or experience, or react, or perceive, (etc., etc.) things the way people expect them to - hence being aromantic. (Btw I’m not saying that they are broken, wrong, socially inept, had lacking parenting, or anything like that. Just wanted to make sure I’m not accidentally giving that impression).
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