Kzupir

Hello, hello! I'm Kzupir, an aromantic asexual, but I haven't always identified this way. In fact, I only realized I was aromantic and asexual this year. I've been doing a lot of soul searching, y'see. I identified as asexual for a while in my early teens because I did not want sex, but switched to homosexual when I conflated my sexual fantasies with actual sexual attraction to men, which I never experienced. When I realized I couldn't experience sexual attraction, I finally accepted that being ace is who I am. My aromantic identity came after a harder struggle. I have dated twice before, and while I had fun, I always felt disconnected to my partners. I loved calling them my boyfriend and significant other, but I did not want to kiss them, cuddle them, or say typical romantic things with them. In hindsight, I just saw them as my best friend with the boyfriend/significant other label tacked on. And it wasn't the romance that I liked. It was the feeling of being special to them. A few years later, I developed a "crush" on my new best friend. I was so upset about this because I thought I wanted more with her. I felt so strongly about her that I even cried a few times after she told me she didn't want a relationship with me. But throughout all this, I still didn't want to do romantic things with her. I just wanted to support her, live with her, and be with her. And suddenly, I had an epiphany. How the hell is this any different from wanting to be her best friend? It wasn't. When I realized I was aromantic, I felt so relieved. Things made sense. Why I never wanted to do romantic things, why I even felt uncomfortable with the prospect of romance associated with me, why I never understood romance in movies, why I confused romance with a deep friendship. Now that I know it's okay not to want more in my relationship with my "crush," I am so much happier. I am excited to see who her actual boyfriend (or girlfriend, or significant other) will be. I will always support her and be with her, even if it's not romantically, and that's just how I like it. Thanks for reading my story. Cheers!