I'm 42/m(cis)/hetero, never married, never had a serious relationship. In 20s assumed I'd eventually get married, have kids, had crushes, etc. Whenever I'd be interested in someone, it'd be the typical butterflies in stomach, sexual attraction stuff. (Definitely not asexual) But whenever anyone reciprocated I'd lose interest. Fast forward to mid-30s and the same thing happening over and over, finally decided to just take plunge and get into a relationship just to get into one, get past the losing interest because I wasn't sure if it was just fear of commitment or really a lack of interest.
Have had 2-3 of these relationships, each broken off by me or the partner because I didn't want to move the relationship forward for various reasons.
I'm currently not sure if I just am not interested in these relationships unless I'm with the right person, or if it has to be 'easy' or... ugh. Not sure what other option that doesn't make me feel like a selfish prick. Is aro the wrong label for me given that I start these relationships with feelings, even though I don't continue with them? How can I know whether this is an 'identity' that I can embrace vs having one of those attachment types instead (dismissive-avoidant and similar seem applicable)?
