420.seven

@Prismatangle Yes. I understand that and making people feel this way is not my intention. I was just thinking about it because he described himself as mentally unstable and then mentioned if he can get his life and emotions together then maybe later we can reconnect. So he confused me. I don't like talking about the future. But, at the time I didn't understand why he wanted to push me away and said he didn't want/could handle a connection but then talk about the possibilities for later/not the right time. I know he can only explain this to me. But as you said, processing it is important and there is so much and many angles. If I offended anyone with my questioning it was not my intent and I apologize.

@Prismatangle well...it was a very loaded situation. but time in space is what is needed right now for both. I really need to reflect and that is why I am here. Beyond his aro side, he often described how he doesn't feel emotions (not only love) but happiness, sadness, etc. He said that he doesn't feel them like "normal" if he does at all. - what he said seemed related to alexithymia. So... I think there are more things and that he could be scared of the feelings that come along with a queerplatonic relationship because he is generally unable to identify his emotions. Which put this on a whole other level of complicated. But - regardless I cared and STILL care for him deeply and my empathy is at a level that I've never had before with anyone. It, in fact, scares me a bit. And I hope the support from this forum can help me process and learn.

I know that being aromantic is personal and that not all people experience the same way. However, I am curious if there are people that identify as ARO that don't like/cannot handle emotional intimacy and if there are ARO people that do like it? Also, I can curious if being aromantic affects your ability to handle the emotions of the other people (positive and negative ones) that are directed towards you. For example, appreciation, anger...etc. NOT romantic emotions.

@Coyote So is this person saying that knowing in the start would have helped. I don't know if he even knows about how it can be a whole spectrum. I told him I was demiromantic and he didn't know what it was although he identified at aromantic - maybe a lot of it has to do with the fact that many of the resources are in English. I am American and he is German. When I realized I wanted him in my life I started researching on my own. I think knowing things would have helped but there were many other factors that could have influenced our separation. Such as unhappiness with current life path (both of us) I will share what I wrong in another post about the situation. It was a post about mental illness and aromanticism I wrote this " Yes - I have been wondering this as well. I had a person in my life who identified as ARO. But also suffered from childhood neglect and he described himself as emotionally unstable and not being able to feel his emotions (happiness, sadness, excitement) and if he did he said he did feel it in a normal way. I personally don't think this side of him has to do with being aro because romantic people can also be emotionally unstable but... I haven't seen many places where it is talked about. I know romantic people can have fears of being emotionally close and intimate with people/vulnerability (friends/family/ etc..) So I wonder if it could be the same for an ARO person when they have a queerplatonic relationship/connection? I am asking this because he told me that the way he feels his emotions and how he generally doesn't feel things has affected his relationships with people including his friends. To me, it seems like there was a little alexithymia there but...I feel that could be completely independent of being aro... I just think all humans can problems with being vulnerable and emotional closeness. Outcome: He ended up pushing me away because he couldn't handle/wasn't ready the connection between us. He shut down/stop communication and out of my care for him I gave him what he said he wanted and I walked away. But I feel like... I lost a friend." Please let me know if you are open to talking about it." So maybe us knowing about queerplatonic COULD have helped but those relationships still offer a connection and a form of emotional intimacy that.... in the end, it seems like he couldn't deal. @Coyote also feel free to message me - I am new to all of this and I don't really have anyone to talk to about my situation because usually, I would talk to him about it. But I am giving it the same and time that it needs because it is the right thing to do.

Yes - I have been wondering this as well. I had a person in my life who identified as ARO. But also suffered from childhood neglect and he described himself as emotionally unstable and not being able to feel his emotions (happiness, sadness, excitement) and if he did he said he did feel it in a normal way. I personally don't think this side of him has to do with being aro because romantic people can also be emotionally unstable but... I haven't seen many places where it is talked about. I know romantic people can have fears of being emotionally close and intimate with people/vulnerability (friends/family/ etc..) So I wonder if it could be the same for an ARO person when they have a queerplatonic relationship/connection? I am asking this because he told me that the way he feels his emotions and how he generally doesn't feel things has affected his relationships with people including his friends. To me, it seems like there was a little alexithymia there but...I feel that could be completely independent of being aro... I just think all humans can problems with being vulnerable and emotional closeness. Outcome: He ended up pushing me away because he couldn't handle/wasn't ready the connection between us. He shut down/stop communication and out of my care for him I gave him what he said he wanted and I walked away. But I feel like... I lost a friend. I am demiromantic/sexual but I have trust issues and relationship anxiety and to me, this has nothing to do with my orientation but with my life experiences. Any advise/insight would be appreciated.

Yes - I have been wondering this as well. I had a person in my life who identified as ARO. But also suffered from childhood neglect and he described himself as emotionally unstable and not being able to feel his emotions (happiness, sadness, excitement) and if he did he said he did feel it in a normal way. I personally don't think this side of him has to do with being aro because romantic people can also be emotionally unstable but... I haven't seen many places where it is talked about. I know romantic people can have fears of being emotionally close and intimate with people/vulnerability (friends/family/ etc..) So I wonder if it could be the same for an ARO person when they have a queerplatonic relationship/connection? I am asking this because he told me that the way he feels his emotions and how he generally doesn't feel things has affected his relationships with people including his friends. To me, it seems like there was a little alexithymia there but...I feel that could be completely independent of being aro... I just think all humans can problems with being vulnerable and emotional closeness. Outcome: He ended up pushing me away because he couldn't handle/wasn't ready the connection between us. He shut down/stop communication and out of my care for him I gave him what he said he wanted and I walked away. But I feel like... I lost a friend. I am demiromantic/sexual but I have trust issues and relationship anxiety and to me, this has nothing to do with my orientation but with my life experiences. Any advise/insight would be appreciated. Yes - I have been wondering this as well. I had a person in my life who identified as ARO. But also suffered from childhood neglect and he described himself as emotionally unstable and not being able to feel his emotions (happiness, sadness, excitement) and if he did he said he did feel it in a normal way. I personally don't think this side of him has to do with being aro because romantic people can also be emotionally unstable but... I haven't seen many places where it is talked about. I know romantic people can have fears of being emotionally close and intimate with people/vulnerability (friends/family/ etc..) So I wonder if it could be the same for an ARO person when they have a queerplatonic relationship/connection? I am asking this because he told me that the way he feels his emotions and how he generally doesn't feel things has affected his relationships with people including his friends. To me, it seems like there was a little alexithymia there but...I feel that could be completely independent of being aro... I just think all humans can problems with being vulnerable and emotional closeness. Outcome: He ended up pushing me away because he couldn't handle/wasn't ready the connection between us. He shut down/stop communication and out of my care for him I gave him what he said he wanted and I walked away. But I feel like... I lost a friend. I am demiromantic/sexual but I have trust issues and relationship anxiety and to me, this has nothing to do with my orientation but with my life experiences. Any advise/insight would be appreciated.

Yes, that would be really helpful. - No the relationship was not experimenting - we met and he just connection - it felt natural. But we talked about being able to see other people. During our time together I was the only one that slept with other people. - No, I am straightish and he is bi (so I guess maybe it was a straight relationships idk) - straightish -demisexual/demiromantic. I am still discovering things about myself but...yea

Hm...I have been reflecting on a situation I was in... and I really have NO one to talk to... Has anyone ever been in a queerplatonic relationship that was also sexual but didn't realize it could have been a queerplatonic connection/relationship until after separation from the person? I now realize that it would have maybe helped this person and I deal with things better and talk about it if we would have known it was maybe a queerplatonic connection with sexual attraction. Everything just happened so naturally but it was very intense and I can only speak for myself but I didn't really understand what it was and based off what the person said they had no idea either. But... through separation, I am realizing many things... EDIT: everything we chose to do was based on the connection we felt towards each other.