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Everything posted by DogObsessedLianne

  1. I'm hoping to be at Liverpool Pride this month flying the aro flag!
  2. I think it can depend on a case by case situation, and of course how confident you are in your orientation (as well as time, how much you need to explain how much energy you have). I always have certain go to explanations for example getting them to imagine how they'd be in a romantic relationship with the sex or gender they aren't attracted to (it's amazing how many times that doesn't work, esp with cishet men), or the positive approach of getting them to think back to their best friends or besties before romantic relationships were prioritised in their life. Again, you can deal with idiots, but my experience is that it can take more than one chat to explain to the average person. I have the attitude that it's no secret I'm aromantic asexual but I don't speak to strangers about it and only personally bring it up for a reason, and then I always like to make people feel they can ask sincere questions. It is a difficult issue though, and LGBT groups do need to be educated primarily in some ways. There is no overnight solution.
  3. I must admit that I think there's different levels of awareness. Often even in queer/quasi support agencies they can be ignorant of aromantic and asexual orientations, it's one of the big problems generally with the LGBT+ term because you'll get everything from LGBT to LGBTQI, it's rare that As are even considered, and definitely the awareness of split attraction is definitely not made aware in these circles, be it aromantic allosexual, alloromantic asexual or another combination (my QP is homoromantic heterosexual for example). But my aromantic asexual orientation is neither a secret or do I tell everyone
  4. Unfortunately it goes much deeper though. In a nutshell, one is my brother the other guy is a brother by another mother that stems from forever. My sister-in-law has them in the friend category, I'm in the (less important) in-law category - unfortunately she'll soon realise I can punch my own weight when needed but I do care about how it would affect others (unlike her who only cares about herself). Oh yes! And they expect me to want to change nappies telling me, "it's not all fun and games". I mean, isn't that the benefit of being an aunt or uncle that we get the fun stuff, just like she gets the fun stuff with my dog but it's me who picks up, goes to the vet and generally does all the owner stuff. I know many in my family will say, "give us a poo bag", but I wouldn't expect it.
  5. Sorry I need to rant to fellow aros sorry! Has anyone else really been affected by the changes in dynamics when friends get romantic partners, get married, have kids, then of course you don't get invited to stuff because you're not in the "have a kid gang". It probably doesn't help that I was originally mates with the lads, and as soon as the girlfriends (now wives) come along they not only change the dynamics but they are also the organisers (most cis-het men I know are awful at organising) who just don't appreciate where you were in the dynamics of the group before they came along, esp being a woman. I am sure I'm just "Rob's sister" to them, and so you end up feeling left out or "left behind".
  6. I might share this article for pride month with my Facebook friends. Even though it could be better, I think the article is mostly spot on as any imperfect article can be and is a question that needs to be addressed in society.
  7. Oh, she's always apologising when she's being intense!!! She can be needy when she's perhaps not been having the best day mentally, but we seem to have agreements in place.
  8. I do find personally that the emphasis on romantic relationships at the expense of the quality of friendships has a serious knock on effect for any singles aro or otherwise. And as a church goer I can say that this emphasis largely infects these places also - like people are friendly when you visit, but they are with their husband, wife, family etc etc etc as a self contained unit. It's like after you leave school your friendships become a lot less intense and important as you "grow up" and expected to find your romantic partner etc etc... A rare example I've found is local rugby clubs (the small friendly type), but often people are there a lot less as "romantic or family items" but a lot more people attending as individuals who mingle better (like we did in school). However this is particularly certain generation male oriented and certainly not as successful for me as a young female!! As for finding groups, I'm yet to find any social group that is of the school-intensity of friendship. I also organise a local ace social group, but even there the friendships are not to the closeness as you'd like. It's an adult attitude that needs to be addressed ideally, and that is far from easy
  9. I do think there is a need for visibility, because how can people accept us if they don't know about us. It is work though dealing with the questions, but again if they don't get answers then they definitely won't understand. It does help in some ways the online presence though. It can give a safer space for people to find out about themselves. Becoming confident with ourselves is always a precursor to any coming out and everyone is in a different situation. For example my church is looking to become an official inclusive church and I feel that as an aro ace person I potentially have a lot to give to that from a double A awareness perspective (who also happens to be in a same sex QPR) and I'd happily work with others and come out for this greater good. But everyone is in a different situation and our situations are changing over time. It would be more important though I think if there was no online presence (say back before the internet in person visibility would have greatly helped others). So in a nutshell I think it's a complicated question with a complicated answer!
  10. Hi. I'm aro ace and my QPP is homoromantic with romantic attraction to me. I am generally chilled with her attraction to me and I love her companionship. I don't want her to get frustrated and she's concerned about "scaring me away". Is anyone else in a similar situation who could give handy advice etc. Thanks.
  11. I'd happily enter a platonic marriage or a civil partnership (of which I've never really understood the difference but that might be because I'm aro). I don't fancy living alone, I generally find I grow more as a person if I live with others be it family, friends, whoever! I also see the legal benefits and security with marriage. Obviously with all laws there's pros and cons, but I generally think that the legal recognition of marriage is ultimately to try and protect people's rights even if it doesn't work perfectly 100% of the time, the basic idea is for good even if no set up is perfect. Also, if I got married I plan to try on and possibly alter my mum's wedding dress, have a service at church as we start our lives officially together as partners in life, then a non-formal bbq! Basically all the formal rubbish is purely optional, and I'd only kiss in the same way that I'd kiss my family. Basically, it's what the partnership makes of it.
  12. I suppose marriage or civil partnerships depend on each personal circumstance. I see them both as in the sight of the law but I'm aware that laws change all the time and can vary from country to country and between cultures. I personally would like to see my committed partnership as equal in the law's eyes, but I see that it might be different with poly arrangements as well as the need probably being different. So many different factors at play! I used to not understand poly arrangements because even at school I usually only had one primary best friend, but I recently read something about how a poly arrangement when bringing up kids can actually be beneficial to the kids who benefit from multiple adults to look to and less strain on funding than only two parents (who then can't spend time with kids due to working). It was interesting. I usually use the straight man/woman concept to try to explain to allos, but it's still amazing how many don't get it!
  13. Usually in the same way a young boy would idolize a sports player. Most of my celebrity squishes are admirations for particular rugby players (I admire many paralympians also like Ellie Simmons - she actually got me watching swimming of all sports!!!), or how a cool guitarist would be admired which is my other usual category. And I used to have a massive squish on both Buffy the vampire slayer (though not Sarah Michelle Gellar) and Spike from the same programme (but not the actor). It was all about how cool the characters were. I had a massive squish on Stacey Dooley when she was on Strictly last year, she just came across as fun and overly likeable. I also like watching some of the dancers because they are beautiful to watch dancing. Obviously I don't understand the chemistry side of things that the judges harp on about all the time though!!!
  14. Hi. I've only just found this site. I'm already on AVEN and have known about my asexuality for nearly a year now, basically since I first heard about asexuality and it all suddenly made sense! My aromantic orientation wasn't so straight forward though. Prior to finding out about asexuality I thought I was a "rubbish bisexual", then I thought I was a "rubbish biromantic" - like I "liked both men and women the same" in a sort of awkward sort of way. I was always ok in relationships while things where at the "best friend" stage, but as soon as things became more intense I generally found myself either "like a straight woman being romantic with a woman" or "like a straight man being romantic with a man". I just thought I was disfunctional. I've never been a "happy single" as I've always felt like "the extra one" while others concentrated on their more important romantic relationships and I was always the single extra, like they had grown into more important relationships when I still wanted to bond in a friendship bracelet sort of way! So I've found this to be the hardest thing and wish people would value friendships as they did before they moved onto ronance! I just always wanted that "best friend" of any gender that I could share my life with but it always came with stuff I just couldn't understand. I'd happily marry a best friend someday, but just as two committed best friends before God and law (yes, I'm also a christian but if you're not just read "before law"!) I have recently agreed to get into a QPR with a friend who is homoromantic with the clear statement of what could be expected from me. I still love people, but in a "brother/sister from another mother" or best friend sort of way as I did back at school, and I've slowly realised that all my previous relationships were based on these type of affections, and all the celebrities that I admired were exactly that, usually sports people who were cool and admirable players (or a couple of cool guitarists). So realising all this has sort of been an a ha moment where suddenly it all makes sense! I know there's a lot here but does any of this make sense? Tbh I'm not big on forums, I get a bit muddled on them if I'm honest, but I'm glad you're here.
  15. I've only just found this site! I'm near Liverpool and due to health limitations not particularly mobile, though on a good day Manchester might be possible. I already meet with my Liverpool ace group (I'm aro ace) and I've just authorised an aro non-ace person to join the group so I'm hoping I'll meet her at some point in a future meet. But if something here gets organised I'd like that. I'll also mention it to this other girl.
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