YXSHINN

@nisse Thanks for your input~ I think I've finally figured it out ✨ You've been of great help, big time!

@nisse Thanks for sharing your wisdom, appreciate it :))

3 hours ago, nisse said:

the general feeling of connecting more to their aro part than their ace part is a sentiment i've seen from a lot of aroaces (not all! but quite a few), especially the ones who hang out here more than AVEN.

I'm glad I'm not the only one! I'm technically ace, but most of the time it's not really worth mentioning or as important as being aro (and lesbian in my case), and I'm glad that's okay.

3 hours ago, nisse said:

not alloaro, but recently started using just aro myself! have you looked into non-SAM aro? what precisely it means is different for everyone, but for me at least  just don't connect with the ace bit that much.

I've looked it up and I relate to the concept a lot! Would it be okay to identify as lesbian as well? I've tried looking for a more in-depth answer regarding this, but I don't think there's any clear consensus among non-SAM aros (about using another label that isn't an aspec identity).

I've identified as aroace lesbian for a while, but I'm thinking about partially dropping the asexual label for a few reasons.

Even though I'm asexual (18F), me being a lesbian and aromantic has played a much more apparent role in my life than being ace. If I were to get into a committed relationship, my aromanticism would play a mcuh bigger role than me being ace. 

For a sex-indifferent ace, I do find myself relating a bit more to alloaros. I'm not opposed to my relationships having a sexual/sensual component (I'm rather for it, I guess). Not to the point where I'd get into one-night stands, but as an ace with an average libido, either a queerplatonic relationship or an alterous relationship with a sensual/sexual component would be ideal.

Living together with a girl as close friends, who I'm emotionally and platonically drawn to, whom I may or may not make out with lol.

So in short, even though I'm ace, I strongly relate to the alloaro community, and I was wondering if I could identify as such. As far as I know, I don't experience sexual attraction to people, but I will admit that I'm vaguely sensually attracted to women.

I'd appreciate it if there were any alloaros who could offer me some wisdom :)

So for a while now I've been oscillating between grayhomoromatic ace (ace lesbian) and aroace (specifically oriented aroace).

I'm 18, nearly 19, and I've never had a crush.

Until now I've actually identified as both. But when I think about it, I don't really have a reason to call myself "legitimately grayro".

I've never fallen for a girl, but I could potentially see myself in a committed relationship with one. Whether that relationship would be romantic, I'm not quite sure. 

It probably would be ambiguously romantic, or more on the emotional/alterous side. That or a QPR would be ideal.

I fantasize about it a lot, and I can't really stop myself from thinking about what it would be like to be in a relationship with a girl. I'm not romance repulsed either, so picturing myself in said relationship isn't hard, but maybe that's because I don't really register it as "romantic"?

The problem is, I feel like grayro would imply that I do experience attraction, which I obviously don't (as for now at least). Aside from mental illness, my experience with basic platonic relationships is pretty much null, as well as my lack of emotional self-awareness (I can't process my emotions very well.)

Most grayro's I've seen here talk about that "one crush they had on their friend" and simply don't relate to that. 

This is really hard, since although aromantic does fit me, homoromantic (lesbian) feels accurate as well, to a degree.

If I were to describe myself, I'd probably say "that I'm aroace, but if attraction would present itself, it'd be a girl, 100%"

Any advice? What sounds more accurate? I just don't know anymore.

Apparently love is 90% about sex, yikes. You're not in wrong for thinking that. Guess we aromantics are robots after all...

I'm kind of surprised I haven't seen any topics nor forums about this on Arocalpyse either (posted this on AVEN  too), so I decided to open one here as well and ask some questions aside from that, so it'd be great if some of you guys could help me out.

I also think it might be of more use if I asked fellow aromantics, so here goes nothing.

I've circled back into my questioning fase and I've been wondering about what relationship/friendship I'd want and if really I'm aromantic.

One reason is that I fantasize a lot, like every day. The fantasies seem nice, but on the other hand, "I don't even know how to friendship, maybe it's a stretch."

And I still haven't had a crush, but that isn't really all that surprising.

I'm also questioning my "sapphism" since I'm like, "girls are great," but then I realize that I literally don't like anyone, not even platonically.

So then I'm like, "maybe I have some kind of problematic attachment style and/or trust issues, maybe it's my anxiety?"

Or I'm just tricking myself into amatonormativity, once again.

Earlier this week I went online, trying to figure out what I really want out of a friendship/relationship and then I came across this term.

Romantic friendship (n.)

The term romantic friendship refers to a very close but non-sexual relationship between friends, often involving a degree of physical closeness beyond that which is common in the contemporary Western societies, and may include for example holding hands, hugging, kissing, and sharing a bed. The term was coined in the later 20th century in order to retrospectively describe a type of relationship which until the mid 19th century had been considered unremarkable but since the second half of the 19th century had become more rare as physical intimacy between non-sexual partners came to be regarded with anxiety.

Sounds like what I want (maybe minus the kissing), however the only issue I have with this is literally the term itself. Is that just me?

Like, "romantic friendship," huh?

In that sense, I could see why people would prefer QPR over romantic friendships, because I'd do that too. I'd just call it a intimate/close friendship. It is something more, but nothing less.

So my questions are:

1. What do you think of this term? Do you think it conforms to amatonormativity?

2. What do you consider as platonic gestures? Or do you think the intention behind it matters the most? (Please list a ton, if you like.)

3. And lastly, what do you think of my thoughts on myself? Do you think it's possible to identify as sapphic and aroace at the same time? (Not romantically, just when talking about alterous attraction...)

Please be as honest as possible, I'm trying to gain some good knowledge and maybe get a discussion going?

Thanks in advance~!

5 hours ago, anyareads said:

You (if you want)  can classify yourself as lithromantic, meaning you can feel romantic attraction but haven't, only in theory.

I seem to match different identities on the aro-spectrum, cupioromantic seems to fit me too. But thank you very much!

4 hours ago, Apathetic Echidna said:

You seem to talk about liking the idea of romance, but has it all been either in your head or from what friends have told you?

It has been more in my head, I fantasize a lot about it. When my friends talk about it, I'm kind of indifferent and I wish most of the time that I could tell them that it makes me a bit uncomfortable talking about romance or boys etc.

4 hours ago, Apathetic Echidna said:

If you start a relationship though you should definitely warn the person that you are unsure about your romantic spectrum and so you might react differently than they might expect.

Yes, I will. Thanks for the advice, I appreciate it very much.

A short description of me to help;

-I'm female.

-I'm 16.

-I'm asexual for SURE.

-I've never experienced romantic attraction YET. 

-The only thing I've experienced was alterous attraction, so I only wanted to be closer with someone emotionally, not romantically. That was when I was 11.

-I always feel disconnected from romance when I think about, but I really want to experience it.

-I don't mind being with a girl or a boy romantically.

-I don't experience sexual attraction, but I'm sex-indifferent, not repulsed.

-I would have sex with my partner if they wanted to.

-I want to get married, but can't see myself getting married when imagining it.

 

At this moment I'm on another journey figuring out my romantic orientation, now dangling somewhere between gray-biromanticism and aromanticism. 

I've never fallen in love before and I can only imagine. I don't know what it feels like, I only know that it makes people extremely happy and causesthem to have butterflies in the stomach and all that. 

It's quite odd since I first identified as heteroromantic, but then I started to have fantasies about being in relationships with girls (both sexually and romantically). The sexual part kind of made me uncomfortable, but I didn't necessarily dislike it from a romantic perspective. 

I also think I'm gray-biromantic because my attraction to boys and girls seem to be equally as weak/near to nonexistent.

But the thing is, I've never had a crush before (not on guys nor girls) so I wouldn't know. I've never looked at someone and thought, "Yeah, I could date them."

This whole crushing and falling in love thingy seems absolutely wonderful. When I asked people to describe romantic attraction, they described it as the most heavenly, unearthly thing ever and it honestly seems so nice, but I just can't relate at all. I want to, but I don't. I don't feel a damn thing.

The only thing I've experienced was alterous attraction, that was when I was 11.

I confessed to a boy that I "liked" him, however my 11 year old self said, "I like you, but I don't want to be your girlfriend, I don't want to have anything with you. I just like you as a person."

Looking back at that, maybe that was an early sign showing I'm aromantic?

But now, I'm hanging between this odd space of gray(romantic)-biromanticism and aromanticism and I just don't know anymore. I've also thought about being a bi-oriented aroace, but I kind of keep that aside.

 

Any advice?