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About hermi1e

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  • Birthday September 14

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    likes boys, lithro?
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    mormonland (utah)
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  1. ooo i was gonna suggest this too! Another idea (?) is for her to discover her asexual and aromantic identities separately? Idk how ur self-discovery timeline is working, but mebe she could realize she's asexual but still not be sure if she feels romo attraction, or vice versa. Maybe this wouldn't be realistic for the time, because even she might conflate the two, but that could potentially establish the identities as separate. This story sounds awesome! I hope it gets out there, because I want to read it.
  2. It's totally ok to be aro in a romo relationship, as long as it's something u want. The main thing here might be communication, tho. Mebe let them know what romo activities ur comfortable with, how often u wanna spend time together, what ur attraction to them feels like, whenever ur uncomfy with smth, etc. Like @nonmerci said, it's best if they know what to expect from u and the relationship. Ur not leading someone on if they know what's goin down About ur identity: eeeee. This can be tricky. The main thing to focus on, imo, might be what type of attraction ur feeling. (Remember, tho this might sound obv, labels are meant to describe feelings.) If ur feeling romo attraction, this might help know if ur aro-spec. Untangling and labeling feelings of attraction can be time consuming and frustrating, but you'll figure it out. U got this! Feel free to talk more about this here, we're happy to listen and help out. Congrats on starting a relationship! i hope it works out the way u want it to.
  3. What if there were queer colleges, like there are historically black colleges and religious colleges and stuff. Legit, just one big gay college with Pride Month as a huge celebration and specific clubs/classes about different genders and sexualities in addition to other clubs/classes. And all the professors are LGBT and aware of LGBT issues and identities. No frat culture. Just gay bars, and drag shows instead of rushing fraternities.
  4. Yeeeees it was so accurate
  5. First of all, welcome to Arocalypse!! ๐Ÿ’š I personally am not aro, but i hear so many aromantics who say really really similar things. I think it's true that when you're aro, the most important relationships in your life are platonic ones (not for everyone, but i've seen that as a common theme). Also, although the concept of a queerplatonic relationship originated in the asexual community, it's definitely a huge part of the aromantic community too. You're not alone in this. In terms of what to call yourself: This may be pretty obv and i don't need to say it, but labels are made to describe feelings. If you're feeling romance-indifferent or romance-repulsed, then any of those can be your label. If your past experiences with romance has been "nada," you can call yourself aromantic, or you may be on the aromantic spectrum. I get why you want to combine how you feel about romantic vs platonic relationships when you describe your identity, especially in fewer words than "I'm aromantic and asexual and don't want a romantic relationship but I do want a very close platonic relationship." That's a mouthful. I'm wondering, what is the main reason you want a label/labels? Is it to explain to others why you don't want a romantic relationship? Is it to understand your feelings from the past? Is it to understand your own feelings in the future? Is it to clarify to your friends that you want close friendships? Is it to communicate how you feel to your squishes? (these are just a few guesses. only you can answer this question ) Please remember that labels are for you and only you. It makes sense to want a simple or clearer way to communicate it, but you are allowed to call yourself anything that fits you, no matter what. (E.g. i tell people I'm on the aro spectrum to avoid having to explain my microlabel. But i still identify with that microlabel.)
  6. hermi1e

    Am i aromantic?

    That does sound pretty aro to me Keep in mind that the short-n-sweet definition of aromantic is: no romantic attraction to other people. An aro can have romantic relationships, and relationships of any kind. An aro can like romantic media. An aro can want a romantic relationship, but just isn't attracted to anyone. An aro can be romance-indifferent or romance-repulsed. An aro can have crushes on fictional characters but not on people irl. An aro can still have sexual and platonic and aesthetic attraction to other people, just not romantic. Plus, there is the aromantic spectrum, in which there are exceptions to the no-romo pattern Such as having rare romantic attraction (greyromantic), only developing a crush after a close emotional bond is formed (demiromantic), having crushes but only wanting romance in theory, or not wanting it reciprocated (lithromantic), etc. Ofc, we cannot answer this question for you. You are in charge of what labels fit your identity and make you comfortable. Take care o yourself!
  7. That makes total sense. A lot of people ID as a label, even if it only partially describes them. Someone might prefer the label "gay," even if they have occasional attraction to a different gender, because it almost always describes how they feel. You are allowed to use aromantic as an umbrella term for yourself if it fits best, even if someone else might put you under a different label. If you are worried though, it might be good to ask urself some questions: Why are you doubting that you're aromantic? Are you experiencing romo attraction, or do you think you might have in the past, or are you not sure if you are/did, or did a romo situation present itself and confuse you, or do you think it could be plain old imposter syndrome? What about the aromantic label do you identify with or like? Maybe it's the simplicity, or maybe it entirely describes how you feel, or maybe it almost entirely describes how you feel, or maybe others have used it to describe you, or maybe you find the community appealing, or maybe you're used to identifying with it. Idk, these are just guesses Why do you think you don't want to identify with another label like greyro? Maybe they all feel foreign or you don't relate to any of them, or maybe you've heard negative things about them, or maybe you feel they're too complicated, or maybe you're not sure which to choose because multiple fit you, or maybe you're worried others don't understand them, or maybe thinking about them overwhelms you? Again, idk what you're feeling rn, so you get to answer this I'm just throwing out ideas, in case that helps. Please remember that it's ok to not have it figured out yet, or to have a temporary label. Thanks for talking about what's up, because that's a really good step in learning more about urself and sorting things out. i wish yoo the best!
  8. I recently read A Lady's Guide to Petticoats and Piracy by Mackenzi Lee, a YA historical fiction novel with an aromantic protagonist and a lot of feminist themes; the protagonist, Felicity, is trying to pursue a career as a doctor and avoid marriage in a time when women weren't allowed to do that. This book is a sequel to a VERY romantic book called A Gentleman's Guide to Vice and Virtue, which centers around a bisexual disaster of a protagonist going on a wild quest to find a cure for his epileptic boyfriend or something? I might be remembering wrong, but it was a lot of fun. I personally liked the first book better, but the aro rep in the sequel is great. One could probably skip the first book if ya read a synopsis or smth? Yeah.
  9. Idk if this thred is ded, but hi, hello, I'm also questioning as lithro. When I first started questioning, I did the appropriate Gen Z thing and scoured the internet for memes about the identity. And I think that the memes about lithromanticism say a lot: 1. The identity is underrepresented as shit. I get that it's a tiny minority, but for real. There are like 3 lithromantic memes on the internet, and two of them are comics. Come on people, we can do better than that lol 2. We're aware of the underrepresentation. This is clear, i think, bc half the memes are just explanations of the identity. I feel like the creators are either venting their self-discovery story (i think that finding ur identity feels more special when the identity is little-known, because it's more surprising or can take longer to discover it), educating questioning lithros (because it might be the only way baby-lithros ever learn their identity), or educating non-lithros to spread understanding (because there's not much understanding, obv). Educating others is great, telling ur self-discovery story is great. This is all great. It just makes me sad that we have to focus so so much on explaining and justifying ourselves and grasping at visibility. I'd love if we could make some content for ourselves. (I know there are some great lithro memes like this. I just wish there were more.) 3. We hate being lithromantic. This one is the worst, i think. I personally hoped for memes that displayed pride, and showed that a lithromantic could live a happy life. Instead, i found #lithromanticproblems. And guess what. The problem most lithros have with being lithro is being lithro. "That moment when your attraction fades lol." Idk, it makes me sad. Yes, it can suck to be lithro. But what if all the memes about lesbians were "That awful moment when you're a woman attracted to women lol?" Like, no. That seems like internalized homophobia and shame, not pride. I get that it's good to talk about the disappointment, but I'd also like to talk about how great it is to be lithro. Such as.... - We don't have to deal with the complications of actually being in a relationship. - Once we acknowledge that romance isn't in the cards for us, there's no pressure for us to pursue it. - We can focus mostly on other relationships, like friendships (this applies to a lot of the aro/ace community, i think). - We still get the dopamine-inducing experience of having crushes. Legit, just having a crush can reduce stress and increase self-esteem. - We can find ways to fulfill our own needs without romance, which some alloromantic people never learn how to do. We learn that romance isn't goin to make our lives perfect, and we can live fantastic lives without it. Basically what I'm saying is, can we make some memes about that stuff? ๐Ÿ˜‚ Ok thank you for listening to my meme ramble, byeeeee
  10. I know I'm v late to this thread, but I have a similar problem where I get avoidant when someone initiates romance, and my feelings for the person vanish if they like me back. I have two ideas for why this happens to me, personally, and maybe they could apply to you too: Possibility #1: Blake already talked about this on this thread, but Lithromantic is an identity on the aromantic spectrum that might fit you. Here's a link to more info: Linky link Possibility #2: Attachment disorder! I don't know a ton about this, but it's a thingy in psychology relating to how we behave in a romantic relationship, or basically any relationship. There are different attachment styles, for example, Secure, Avoidant, Fearful Avoidant, Preoccupied, etc. They're often influenced by ur relationship with ur parents when you were growing up, as well as past trauma. These can be overcome and improved to be more secure, such as through therapy. Here's a link about that too: linkety link link, and here's another: lonk. (These are both videos.) I hope these help. This sounds hella difficult, but you're gonna figure it out. Take care!
  11. That's a really smart idea! I haven't been able to look past the terminology (and I've also been kinda nervous about conveying how much i like him), so i really needed to hear that. Thanks so so much
  12. I think it's definitely ok. I'd also suggest it's possible *gasp* to... combine labels. *GASP* Basically, you could call yoself aromantic, and grey-bisexual. (Grey-bi kinda has a ring to it.) Please do whatever makes you comfortable and happy, and have a great day!
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