NotHeartless

Then the only milestone ahead of me is death . Sorry, I have crude humor. But honestly, I'm always amazed those are considered some of *the* goals in life. Often takes me down a mental rabbit hole where I think too much about the human condition.

Person says "I like you" and I don't get they don't mean it in a platonic/friendly way. Every. Damn. Time. I'm too oblivious for this world.

I'm into horror games and currently play Outlast (probably sounds strange but I find it interesting and fun). Usually, I Iove Asian horror and RPG horror games especially. But I also enjoy relaxing titles: I play a lot of Animal Crossing (both the newest game for the Switch and the older ones like New Leaf and even Wild World). My favorite Sims game is the Sims 2 which I still play sometimes and enjoy immensely.

Valentine's Day practically does not exist for me and I don't celebrate it in any way. It's a day like any other day and since my birthday is in February, I always associated the month with mine and especially my dad's birthday. But I like some of the ideas you guys came up with here, like sending silly aro/ace cards to friends and the dinner idea sounds really great. Thanks for the input.

Your lines sound very familiar. I experienced the same issue. I couldn't solve it. In the end, it always ended with me breaking everything off when I tried to date someone. In cases I didn't break it off soon, it ended in an unhealthy on and off relationship because I couldn't handle the demands, yet still wanted to keep trying because my mind told me "hey, it's not *that* bad". Didn't mean I was happy. Do you feel happy with the woman you are seeing? I personally regret it because I've hurt people much more than it should've been necessary. That's why I'd say romo relationships don't feel or come natural to me (to you apparently as well). I can grasp it on an intellectual level, but not on the emotional. Can agree with Rose Grace though, I find the intensity level in romantic-coded relationships exhausting and could only maintain a "friendship-like romance". Then it is the question how the other person feels about it. It's a good thing she knows about your orientation so there may be more room for negotiation. Maybe you guys should talk about your needs and how they can be met. If you then still hear the voice that is telling you to get out, you should consider it. Her feelings matter of course, but yours just as much.

Hey, your plans and goals sound really good. It's always good to look after yourself ?. My first and biggest goal this year is to change my current major (pharmacy). It is okay, but I'm not really happy or satisfied with it. I'm playing with the thoughts of starting med school or becoming an elementary school teacher (I can imagine both very well). I want to start all over again, the desire is very strong to do so. Maybe also because of 2020. My second goal is to accept my orientation. I had been struggling with accepting it in the real world (online I'm all about "everyone is valid, be proud of who you are.") In reality, I had another attempt at a romantic relationship and, of course, it failed horribly (almost lost a friend because of it). Because I like romance and relationships in theory, but not in practice. This hasn't changed and yes, I hoped it would change. The experience showed me that I essentially tried it because I had the strong fear of being alone / being left alone. The experience of just being who you actually are...feels too good. I'm looking forward to reading more plans and goals. I really like the idea of this thread .

Pretty much... Source: r/aromantic

Hello Sam and welcome to the forums! Nice to have you here . I hope you'll have great conversations and people who understand you. But chances are very good . It's always cool to know someone who likes to write fiction with aro/ace main characters, I dig it. ?

Hello and welcome to the forums! As Holmbo said, the discord exists and it's nice and easy. But I understand your wish, sometimes I'd like to have a simple text chat here. You can also write personal messages, as you probably already know from AVEN. Hope you have a good time here with us .

I love animation movies and many of my favorites happen to have little to no romance (by now I know why): The Rescuers & The Rescuers Down Under - it's mainly about caring for others in a platonic and altruistic way. There is a bit romance between the protagonists but honestly, you can ignore it easily. The Sword in the Stone - one of my all time favorite Disney movies. It's about the legend of King Arthur but kid-friendly, with the likeable wizard Merlin and his pet-owl who want to help young Arthur to learn important life lessons. It's a funny and rather light-hearted movie, there is only one small scene with a bit romance but it's not outstanding. Mulan (1998) - the small romantic scene at the end doesn't tarnish the enjoyment of ancient, fictional China with brave Mulan and the funny supporting cast e.g. Mushu. The Jungle Book (1967) - mostly about the human Mogli who wants to stay in the jungle, but his friends Bagheera and Baloo only want what's best for the young boy. Only little romance when Mogli meets a human girl at the end, but that's it. Alice in Wonderland (1951) - the classical tale of Alice, interpreted by Disney. Zero romance. The Great Mouse Detective - Basil, a mouse who happens to be a detective, and his friend Dawson try to solve the mystery around a kidnapping of the toymaker Mr. Flaversham. Based on Sherlock Holmes but with mice! No romance. Oliver & Company - an emotional tale about family, friends and "home is where your heart is". Loved this movie as a kid. Lilo & Stitch - a story about Lilo, her sister and her best friend Stitch who just happens to be a galactic experiment. There is a lot of humor but also very serious themes like coping with loss, staying strong when times are tough, and bullying. Only very little romance which can be ignored easily. Brother Bear - about brotherly love, nature and finding your own way in life. No romance. Treasure Planet - such a great movie with practically no romance. It's about the boy Jim who gets involved with space pirates and needs to safe his family and friends. Futuristic setting and animation which left me awestruck. The Secret of NIMH - Mrs. Brisby, a mouse, sets out on a dangerous adventure to save her son Timmy who is very sick. It's mostly about motherly love and friendship. Moana - finally a modern animated movie with absolutely no romance. It's about a girl who wants to save her island and her people while meeting colorful characters. Castle in the Sky - a great adventure movie by Studio Ghibli. It follows the adventures of a young boy and girl in the late 19th century attempting to keep a magic crystal from a group of military agents, while searching for a legendary floating castle. The Emporer's New Groove - heh, well I loved this movie as a kid. It's silly, funny and mostly about a great friendship. Not really any romance. Could give you a good laugh when everything seems dull. I could name many more but it should be good for now . I enjoy these movies because they are about life in general and having or finding connections that are (most of the time) not romantic. To fulfill your dream, see who you are and what you want, going on fun and great adventures. To see what is important in life. Character development. All the things I like in a good story or movie. AND they show you can have a good, engaging movie without (or only little) romance! Yay!

Welcome to the forums, Toast! I'm sure you'll learn a lot here about aspec* identities but also, most importantly, about yourself. Make yourself at home .

I discovered I'm not "purely aromantic" but rather grayromantic. It's because I sometimes feel some sort of attraction which isn't really platonic but also not really romantic. Might be alterous attraction then (besides sensual, aesthetic and platonic attraction which I experience [except for sensual attr.] rather frequently). I also still have a hard time to distinguish platonic and romantic attraction because to me it feels the same. It's really indistinct since I take my friendships just as serious as an alloromantic would probably take their romo relationship. The latter makes me uncomfortable and I don't desire it even when I like someone a lot (to my standards). I think gray fits me the best that's why I use it.

Hello Dusk and welcome to the forums! Yes, people here are still active, don't worry . To get to the issue: It's really good you are open with your gf and talk about your aromantic feelings. If you don't want a QPR, that's fine. Reading your post, my gut feeling says yeah, you could be aro. It could also be you and your gf don't match very well, but you said it all resulted in it because of jokes. So, there wasn't a romantic desire in the first place. There wasn't romantic attraction, it was maybe more like "yeah, we should try that, we could try it, because we are such good friends" (wich is nice, really!). But to say it outright: I'm an adult of 25 years, I identify as aro since a few years and I would feel and react pretty much the same way you described it if I'd be in a relationship (that and I would feel so uncomfortable, I would probably break up already). There are two things which I'd advice you to do: First, see how it goes the next days or weeks and second, keep talking with your gf about your feelings (and vice versa). I don't think there will be a change in your feelings but just to give yourself and her enough time talk and realize the situation you guys are in. That's all for now, I'm sure other members will answer you too. I like puns, so it was a nice read . Hope it helps a bit and you check the forums again.

This is interesting because at a younger age, I felt the same empowerment. I was even proud of not having a crush and sometimes belittled the ones who did or were interested in romance in general (I had my own way of being arrogant). A lot has changed since then and if you ask me, the "single narrative" is an illusion. Everything is connected with everything, we humans are no exception. It's just not always easy to see. In fact, I can't exist on my own. I *now* could live alone, of course, but there are people who brought me into this life, who gave me life. There are people who helped me through hard times and without them, I wouldn't be here anymore. I learned my social skills through others, gained the knowledge I have through and from others. Everything I do has an influence on others and vice versa. I don't feel empowered by the single narrative because I wouldn't describe myself as a "strong independent person". Ever. I love my friends and I love the people I meet in my daily life. Your sentence, Holmbo: "In fact I want instead to be tied to even more people than the traditional coupled person. It's just not gonna be as tight with one specific person." describes what I want very well. So, I'm definitely community oriented. Hence why I'm sometimes disappointed with the egoism and the ignorance within us. On the other side, I'm happy I can live a rather individual life because in other times I would have been married off to someone to have social and financial safety. I think we need to be attentive not to shift to the other extreme. It's good we all have more freedom than our ancestors but in my opinion with freedom comes more responsibility for everyone of us. It's just that not everyone realizes it.

Oh, haven't seen this one. My results: 50% aroace 25% aromantic 8% most likely not aromantic 8% romantic, but asexual 8% demi Interesting. Been thinking I could be something along the lines of ace (though I don't use the label for myself). Funny how it's divided.

Hello and welcome. It's really cool you found your way to us and I know what you mean with the identity. Same here with my roommate. And I also love dogs. Have some ice cream :).

Welcome to arocalypse! I can only agree with Rony: Don't worry, English isn't my first language either, we're rather interantional here. And your English is absolutely fine IMO. It's very nice you discovered this aspect of yourself, so enjoy .

Yup, me most of the time. I don't like romantic subplots, they are boring and unnecessary and moreover, often badly written. I feel like I could write a more subtle and nicer romo subplot than some romantics (though it would probably would turn out like some "super best friendship" or "bromance" because that's what I'm comfortable with). I tend to feel repulsion often with those subplots, too. I try not to but I can't help the feeling. Nah, don't feel guilty, I'm allergic to the romance part but often find myself enjoying the "sexy scenes" (like a some passionate kiss which indicates there is something sexual between them). And yeah, I do enjoy them more if I find the actors or characters to be attractive, too! I'm picky though. Sometimes they do just as little as the romance part for me, it depends, but most of the time it has this dynamic for me. You'e not alone.

Hello and welcome to our community . It was hard for me to accept at first too, but I promise you it will get easier. We are here to support you.

Dude, you're living the life I imagined for myself at one point. Sounds awesome! I've thought about looking more into the poly community. I'm very attracted by having several people to connect with on different levels (and past experiences showed me I'm not a good fit for monogamy). Still have no idea how or when to start, but I'm thankful you shared your experience with us because now I know I'd definitely would like to have something similar in life. Oh and I can only confirm it's hard to find lifelong platonic friends, I know the struggle. For the introverts / extroverts question: For a long time I assumed I'm extremly introverted but my temper was disguised by mental illness. Now I'm way better, still think I tend to be a bit more on the introverted side (long-time contact with others can exhaust me, especially when I don't know them well) but I do enjoy spending time with people and don't live like a half-eremite anymore. I flourish sometimes when I'm with certain people. Finally: Welcome to our community, I'm sure you'll meet like-minded people (like me, ha) and hope you have a great time !

Hello, welcome from me too! Have some ice cream - even if it's already cold outside

Yeah, you're right - their relationship is healthy first of all and it shows in a wonderful way. I can imagine a lot of people around you say it's "a kid's show". They are not completly in the wrong, but it's a show teenagers and adults can watch and enjoy just as much as younger audiences. I'm always surprised how quick people are to say something is (only) for kids when it's animated or the like. I've heard critical voices about Steven Universe in regards of the pacing and the quality of the animation but otherwise, at least in my opinion, the strong points of the show overshine the weaker ones. Oh, personally I enjoy the songs of the show too . I'm also happy to meet a fellow SU fan here, most people in my enviroment don't even know about the show (unless I've told them about it ).

God, I'm sorry you had such a situation in class - sounds very unpleasant. Props to you for being so honest! I don't know why teacher feel the need to ask such questions... Speaking of teachers: In 10th class, we were asked by a teacher to write about our future life. You should have seen my face because I had no idea what I wanted for my future (expect going to university). At the time I was stuck in a relationship I actually did not want but it was very complicated. My thoughts were all about "After this ends, I do not want to enter another relationship, ever". Because I was afraid to face the truth back then and I wanted the stupid task to be over, I wrote something about going to university, owning a house, having my own library (because I love books so much), having two cats and a partner. But the moment I wrote down "partner" I did not think of a lover or someone I'm married to. It was more like "yeah, I'll move in with a friend". Back then I was friends with a girl I would have done it with and subconsciously, I've thought of her. I did not think it was strange at all, it felt very natural. Other situation(s): A boy made clear he "liked me" in 5th grade and I answered "You can't be serious" and walked away. That was very rude (especially because he apparently still liked me for several years after) but I couldn't handle his feelings and the situation, at all. It was horrible for me (took me years to realize WHY exactly). I comforted a broken hearted classmate in 4th grade, who was rejected by her crush on a class trip, by saying something along the lines of the boy who rejected her is stupid anyway - my honest opinion of the guy. And if I remember correctly, I even wore a green rainjacket...hmm! (I still own a green rainjacket, lol). I was taken by surprise (I was...14?) as Kim and Ron from the Disney Cartoon "Kim Possible" suddenly kissed and were a couple and I've always wondered if it was a mistake. Or why this needed to happen, why they couldn't remain close friends, etc. Their relationship actually started to feel a little more shallow after it and I've always wondered why I felt this way (liked the show as young teenager). I was always more open to talk about sex than romance. Though sex seemed very strange for a long time, too (unless it was fictional). The romance in Disney movies either went over my head or I just did not care for it. I liked Disney movies because of the songs, speaking animals, colors and settings but never for the romance. A classmate once asked me if I would like to have children. I replied: "No". Then she asked me if I wanted to marry. I said "maybe" but wasn't fully satisfied with my own answer and wondered why once again. Just a few situations I could think of right now, today I'm not surprised I'm writing in a forum for aromantic people . Oh, and welcome @Ivan-The-AroAce to our community! It's nice to meet you! I hope you'll have a great time, we support each other as much as we can .