TripleA

On 4/5/2023 at 10:54 PM, hemogoblin said:

Aromantic people can have crushes.

no they can't.

a forum for aromantics (people who experience 0 romantic attraction) who dislikes being put with people who aren't aromantic (alloromantic or "arospec"), relatives/friends/partners of actual aromantics and those questioning if they're aromantic and want to discuss specifically having no romantic attraction and no desire for a romantic relationship as a result of the absence of attraction.

https://www.reddit.com/r/actuallyaromantic/

2 hours ago, roboticanary said:

cheers @TripleA 

The video is really well done, cool stuff

thank you, I'm glad you liked it

#1 Arrow Redesign

Green: Opposite of red, colour of romance

White: The variety of sexualities & relationships aros can have.

Black: Absence of attraction

The design is based on the popular arrow symbolism in the aro community.

#2 Dark Green Redesign

#3 Bright Green Redesign 

I wanted to make a brighter version of the Dark Green Redesign (#2) so the colours contrasted more and it would be easier to see for some people.

So far I have been getting good reception on redesigns 1 and 2 on reddit and so wanted to see what people here think. Constructive criticism is welcomed.

On 6/29/2021 at 11:24 PM, PyonPyon said:

Hello!
Damn, what you did is GREAT. Would you be interested in translating it into other languages?

Hey, I would be interested in doing so. I know some french but it's not good enough to do so myself. 

On 6/29/2021 at 7:40 PM, roboticanary said:

Wow, that document is a fantastic piece of work. It is great to see a survey like this become something so detailed. You have done an incredible job.

Not so much a problem with navigating the document but the age pie chart really confused me, I think because of the way the ages are ordered. Perhaps, especially if this goes into the video, it would be cool to see a simpler thing like how the ages are grouped in the text below.

I also noticed a few of the pie charts have only some of the responses labelled. Is that a stylistic choice to keep the chart from being to cluttered or am I missing something?

It was a stylistic choice to keep it from looking too cluttered and hard to process.

On 11/11/2020 at 7:35 PM, roboticanary said:

hi, this seems cool stuff, did you get a video out of this.

If so it would be awesome if you could put in a link, sounds like something I would be interested in seeing.

the video is here

On 6/29/2021 at 12:44 AM, TripleA said:

Update 29/06/2021:

I have finally finished the document analysing and discussing the data from the survey. I have yet to release the accompanying video for it but I hope you find it as interesting as I do. If you have any problems navigating the document or you think it has an error, don't hesitate to tell me in this thread or in my contact email in the document. 

I will update with the link to the accompanying video when it is ready, it shouldn't take too long from now.

Link to document

Here is also a downloadable PDF version

Update 29/06/2021:

I have finally finished the document analysing and discussing the data from the survey. I have yet to release the accompanying video for it but I hope you find it as interesting as I do. If you have any problems navigating the document or you think it has an error, don't hesitate to tell me in this thread or in my contact email in the document. 

On 11/11/2020 at 7:35 PM, roboticanary said:

hi, this seems cool stuff, did you get a video out of this.

If so it would be awesome if you could put in a link, sounds like something I would be interested in seeing.

I will update with the link to the accompanying video when it is ready, it shouldn't take too long from now.

Link to document

On 6/20/2021 at 4:16 PM, Alexander said:

I don't know if there is a term for that but I'm fine with both polyam and monogamous QPRs. Currently I'm in a monogamous one, for now. Maybe our relationship will became an open one in the future, you never know. But now we both are happy as it is.

The term is ambiamourous :)

There's a lot of intersections, especially when you consider that non-monogamous and aromantic people are heavily affected by amatonormativity. I labelled myself as polyamourous for a while (as well as polyaffectionate) until I found the term ambiamourous fairly recently. I would be in poly and mono qprs and other non romantic arrangements. My partner and I are mono but we like swinging, although it's hard to find people who aren't just mucking around or are just a single bloke pretending to have a girlfriend. I think I used polyamourous roughly around the time of questioning my romantic orientation in 2019. 

This survey will ask questions about what it's like to have autism & be asexual &/or Aromantic and the other way around with questions on orientation, discrimination and others. 

Data will be used to help make a YouTube video on my Aro/ace related channel about the Intersectionality between autism & being asexual &/or Aromantic as someone with autism who is Aromantic. All responses will be kept anonymous.

Link

3 hours ago, Mark said:

Whilst it's good that you have been able to compile this list I can see some issues:
This is a very short list. Only nine items.
None of these are professional or academic research. Which means they are not citable for Wikipedia (or similar).
 
Going through them:
Aromantic Gender Experiences: The survey demographics seems very skewed. With cis people, especially men, underrepresented. 
Allosexual Aromantic Survey Results: There's a specific bias of only including allosexual people. Again the demographics seem skewed. Both in terms of gender and sexual orientation.
Aromantic Friendship Survey: The person performing the survey themselves appears concerned about the age demographic.
Aspec PDA Survey: This is specific to "LGBT+ spaces" which could introduce several, indirect, biases. There's nothing in the results to separate the views of aros and allos.
Survey on Romantic Attraction: In terms of demographics of sexual orientation and gender this seems very skewed.
The Aromantic Spectrum in the Ace Community Survey: This is specifically biased towards asexuals, though did pick up a small proportion of allosexuals. There looks to be some good analysis within those limitations.
Romance and Sex Repulsion in the Aro-Spec Community Survey: Results: There's a breakdown by romantic orientation, but not by sexual orientation. There seems little attempt to correlate repulsion with orientation. Or to compare repulsion between the situations of romantic sex, romance free sex or sex free romance.
Romantic Ambivalence: This is about about identity labels. Specifically for people such as quoiromantics who may not fit "cleanly" into an "aromantic spectrum".
How Many People Are Aromantic?: This is specifically biased towards asexuals. With it being specifically noted that any allosexuals involved are unrepresentative. They conclude that aros are quite common. At one in every twenty three people more common than many recognised minority groups, including any of LGBTQ+.

Well I never said it was finished, and there's not a lot of stuff on Aromanticism in the first place. I basically have to work with what I can find at the moment. Also, there are many sections/sheets/categories, which you can access by clicking on the headings that should show up top on mobile and along the bottom on PC, there are more than 9 things sourced there, same for the asexuality document. 

20 hours ago, aspecofstardust said:

I'm highlighting aspec related research and content on twitter for pride this month @aspec_stardust! We're only 5 days in but plenty more coming that I think you'll be interested in including. I'll have a round-up post on my blog (aspecofstardust.wordpress.com) at the end of the month too. I also have most if not all of the pdfs for the articles I mention so if there's a resource you'd like to have let me know and I can send it to you.

That sounds great

Aromanticism

Asexuality

For a while, I've been working on a spreadsheet to compile research and experiences of asexuality, and I've just started one for aromanticism as well. If there is anything I could add to any of these, let me know and I'll take a look. 

Just staying inside cuddling under blankets

I got

67% aro

17% demisexual

8% not aromantic

8% alloromantic asexual 

0% aroace

Not at all; I relate to you on this, however my romance repulsion does overpower this. I feel I will always be curious as to what it would be like to be alloro and be in a romantic relationship and how it would make things easier for me in some ways. 

I also think what people see as romantic and what they don't see as romantic is different for everyone, even alloromantics. For example, I see the word 'date' as romantic, as well as 'boyfriend' and 'girlfriend'. These make me romance repulsed, so I prefer to use other terms such as 'partner' instead. I also really dislike pet names. 

I personally don't see kissing as a romantic thing, but more of a sexual thing outside of family, and I've seen other people like that online. Before my first kiss, I wasn't too sure if I would like kissing someone due to the fact that I am very particular in what I do and don't do, and being touch averse and demisensual makes it harder for me to figure it out. Holding hands is a definitive no for me. I just can't separate it from romance at all. 

However, I am very open to hugs and cuddling and I see it as a sensual thing I do with those closest to me, this includes close friends. I also like hanging out with people and I have never understood how people thought that was romantic, I had that a lot because a previous best friend of mine was a guy and I'm female (I'm not even straight but people didn't know that for a while). 

It's a complicated thing really. I don't know if, for me, there is a line or not. 

I believe your sexual and romantic orientations almost always line up with each other, unless you are alloace or alloaro (the SAM exists for alloaros, aroaces and alloaces). I've never seen an allosexual alloromantic person use the SAM in a way that doesn't hint at some sort of internalised homophobia, biphobia, lesbophobia, etc. And that's usually the case. Either that and/or they are confusing sexual or romantic attraction with another type of attraction such as platonic, alterous or sensual. 

For example, it could be that someone's attraction to the opposite gender/sex isn't strong enough in a romantic way for the person to realise they're actually biromantic as well as bisexual and not a bisexual lesbian. For example, my attraction to men isn't quite as strong as it is for women and that, along with other things, made me believe I was a lesbian for years. It was only fairly recently that I had sexual attraction to men and that was very strange for me, since I was convinced before that I wasn't and wouldn't ever be in any way attracted to them at all. I know the struggle of feeling ashamed of being attracted to men as a sapphic and feeling like you somehow betrayed lesbians because you found that you weren't a lesbian after all, and I dealt with a lot of internalised biphobia at first. 

Perhaps allosexual alloromantics could have different sexual and romantic orientations, but if that were the case, it would be fairly uncommon I think. 

I do believe QPPs can work where one party is alloromantic, but I think if I were in this situation, I would encourage my alloromantic partner(s) to find romance somewhere else, with someone else whilst still being in a QPP with me. As I am still allosexual, I would also seek to find sexual fulfillment with someone else. I don't know if people who aren't poly like myself can do that but I think it's unfair to stop people from fulfilling their needs, as long as both parties are informed of what's happening. But I do understand that people who are not poly could find this difficult. 

I also think it's a bit risky to be in this partnership due to both your parents' intolerance for gay people, but if you both are willing to take that risk, go for it. Just be careful. I think you just need to talk to her about what you both want from your relationship. 

English: Bastard, Shan't (Shall not)

French: Insouciance (being carefree)

Ukrainian: лялька/ljal'ka (doll)

On 4/2/2020 at 4:17 AM, Mau said:

Hello!

My local LGBTQ+ youth charity is looking to make a short resource on how health and education professionals can support LGB+ young people, particularly those who are questioning their orientation.

For reference, they have already made an equivalent resource for supporting gender questioning young people, which includes basic information and tips on: pronouns and names, clothes and appearance, toilets and changing rooms, listening and communication, transitioning, confidentiality, transphobia, and a short glossary of terms.

 

They are not currently explicitly inclusive of either ace or aro identities and none of the staff or volunteers are particularly educated on them as far as I know.

 

So far the main points I want to bring up with them to add are, in rough order of priority:

-- What aromanticism/the aromantic spectrum is, as well as and basic attraction theory.

-- Brief overview of interpersonal and familial issues aromantic people may face.

-- How mental health professionals and counsellors in particular can be supportive. Namely, aromanticism isn't a mental illness or personality disorder and seeking 'causes' for it is ultimately unhelpful at best.

-- How professionals can use aromantic inclusive language, including using less amatonormative wording and comments, ensuring that people know it's alright to be aromantic.

-- General questioning stuff which will probably be in there anyway: it's alright to change labels, providing young people with advice on how to healthily explore relationships and sexuality with an emphasis on not encouraging people to put themselves in uncomfortable situations to 'confirm' or 'fix' things (including setting boundaries, and both sexual and non-sexual consent). Etc.

 

 

These are my ideas so far. However, I am but one aro and would like to see what others would most want to see about their identity in a basic resource. Any suggestions for the glossary, perhaps?

 

If anyone has any ideas or questions feel free to add on.

I think there should be a distinction between aromantic people (those with no romantic attraction at all) and their issues and issues faced by greyromantic, demiromantic, etc. people.

I am not sex repulsed at all and am very romance repulsed. I am very sex positive regardless. Being romance repulsed does alter how I see sex - I would have sex with friends or just casually, or have fwb relationships, and I don't hold sex to some sacred entity that only can be experienced with a partner, and that's very heavily related with aromanticism and my romance repulsion. 

 If you're Aro and Ace, then both sex and romance repulsion could be related, but not really for alloaros (unless they have experienced sexual trauma perhaps).

On 4/11/2020 at 5:58 PM, nonmerci said:

I think women are very pressured about romantic attraction. Like, we are supposed to get married, wanted children, find TRUE LOVE...

Men also have this pressure, but they are also supposed to enjoy sex without romance, contrary to women...

 

So maybe there is a link?

I'm not sure if men are pressured to like sex specifically without romance, but they are pressured to enjoy all sexual advances made by women, whether that ends romantically or not.

Well it seems like I am a triple bladed dagger. I am an autisitic, very heavily sapphic, bi female already. Being autistic, bi and aro basically makes a part of my life based on not wanting, understanding or needing romantic advancements from men (or anyone else). I describe myself as neither masculine or feminine in gender expression; I do whatever and I believe I don't act fully 'female' or 'male', which is common for autistic girls as well. I only wear clothes to please men if I want to. There are two things more feminine that I never do and those are wear makeup and high heels. I mix mens and womens clothes all the time. I also enjoy mixing masculine and feminine pronouns and am mostly pronoun indifferent (I just dislike they, it and emoji pronouns).

I am not dressing ultra feminine all the time to get a date, and that's how I feel being aro may play a role, along with my autism and sapphicness.

3 hours ago, Kadence said:

I always find it incredibly interesting that most aro people who take these polls are female and the second most is non-binary. The non-binary one makes sense, we've done a lot of research on LGBT+ orientations and are more likely to have chanced on the word and explored it more open-mindedly but female... I guess guys are typically more 'queer-shamed' than girls so maybe guys are less likely to take pride in their aromantisim or maybe even discover it. I don't know, this is just speculation, but I am very curious and fascinated by this kind of stuff.

I think women tend to express their desire for romantic love much more than guys do (idk about enbies), so if we so happen to be absent of that, we are maybe more likely to express our absence of romantic desire, especially when fending off creepy men. We basically have to come out to try and avoid guys hitting on us. 

I like all of these things and I am touch starved I think but I'm demisensual so I don't want any affection with people I don't know too well or don't trust. It's important to know that I'm autistic and very touch averse because of it. All of these have no romantic intent for me, they're either platonic, sensual, alterous or sexual.

whilst I like kissing, french kissing still confuses me.

On 2/14/2020 at 8:21 AM, gardensnake said:

Just to be clear I got the picture that schromantic/schroromantic means that you are able to feel both alloromantic and aromantic crushes. What I've undestood that aromantics still have crushes that just aren't romantic but still crushes and they may not be completely platonic but some kind of strong feeling of friendship and desire to be close to someone. I don't know if every aros have feelings like that. 

My aromantic crushes have also been asexual and my alloromantic crushes have always been allosexual. So there's really difference between them but I admit that the term is confusing, it says:

And I'm not mix of the two, I just simply feel both of those separately. I don't feel aromantic and alloromantic feelings at the same time towards someone. It's either alloromantic or aromantic crush and I know some people may have difficulties to believe that. It makes no sense to me either but it is what it is.

I think the fact that you experience romantic attraction like alloros do still means you're alloromantic. I mean I wouldn't call someone who still experiences romantic attraction but is in a qpp aromantic. And I don't feel comfortable with people referring to squishes (which is the deep desire to either be friends or be in a qpp with someone) as crushes. crushes are romantic. I'd at least make the distinction by saying alterous crush.