Autumn

I'm actually not as bothered by ambiguous representation as a lot of other people seem to be. I absolutely do think it can be done poorly, awkwardly, or for less than fantastic reasons; but I also think ambiguous writing can be powerful and, to me at least, a lot more appealing sometimes than a boxed in story. (Unpopular opinion, but I personally had no issue with how Good Omens wrote the main relationship; it was everything I wanted to see on screen and I don't see how having some characters/relationships be open to interpretation/head canon is so terrible, it allows viewers to more easily project/relate to something) We definitely need more stories - mainstream ones especially - where orientations/identities are spelled out and explored, and the writers of the Big Companies like Disney certainly are avoiding any overt rep because they're Like That. But just as a viewing experience I didn't have any issue with how Elsa was written either - the second film was about her learning about the origin of her powers, her relationships (outside of familial ones) weren't really the focus. (A third film, if made, I do think would have to shed more light on that though, not that I trust Disney to do so particularly well) So while I fully understand why some people might be bothered by ambiguous rep, and certainly encourage more explicit rep, I also just... like ambiguous relationships, and stories getting to focus on other things. I also don't equate ambiguous rep with queerbaiting, since that pretty specifically requires the marketers/writers to promise explicit rep for sales and then not come through. I just take it case by case, some ambiguous rep is sloppy and avoidant, other times it's well handled and I like it plenty. (Ambiguous rep in shows that already deal with Relationship Drama as a focus I raise my brow at a lot more than in stories where that's not really included to begin with)

Without knowing your friend a lot better, it's impossible to say with any certainty. Mixed signals generally require intent, otherwise it's really more of a case of miscommunication (which, can still hurt just as much, but comes from a different source). I can say though it's definitely not uncommon for aro folks to enjoy romantic coded actions, or see certain intimate actions as not being inherently romantic, so it's very much possible your friend thinks of those actions as what she wants out of a close friendship, and feels comfortable with it since you know/accept her aro identity. If you feel like you're being lead on/receiving mixed signals though, I think it's entirely fair to bring it up with your friend. Ask maybe about how she sees the actions, what she wants from the relationship, etc. (But like, without being accusatory/making it an interrogation, since the mixed signals could still be accidental). That would be my take on it anyways, hope you're able to work things out!

I guess my main question would be: do you actually want a partner, more than could you get one. If so, why? If you only want a partner for financial or other pragmatic reasons, then you should look for someone who also wants the pragmatic elements of a partnership if you already know you'd gain nothing from the social elements. Arranged partnerships for practicality are more frowned upon now then they used to be, but I don't see any reason why you'd be unable to find one. As long as the person you partner with is looking for the same thing and you're upfront from the beginning, I'd don't think you'd be being cruel. Yes, most people do want partnerships for social reasons first and foremost, but there's always exceptions. I don't know if this helps at all, I'm a little unclear on the intent behind the questions, but hopefully you can find what you're looking for!

Like others have said, you could definitely include side characters or referenced characters in different kinds of relationships, even if it's just like...the MC's friend asking if what she wants is like other people they've met have. Even if there's no space for a fully fleshed out character that's alloace or alloaro, you can have other references to those relationships existing. Maybe in flashbacks to other people some of the main characters met, or the like? Although if it's exclusively a story about 1 character's coming of age, I don't think you need to worry too much about showcasing every possible orientation? Unless the compare/contrast element is a strong part of the coming of age I guess (but then, maybe I'm not one to say, since I write 90% of my casts to be openly aro-spec and then never try to explain anything...)

Correct me if I'm wrong - this is meant to be phrased more as a real question - but with identities such as demiboy/girl and boy/girlflux existing, doesn't that mean agender sort of is - or can be - a spectrum? Since not everyone who id's as such does to the same extent or the same way? Obviously it is part of nonbinary, and if no one who at all id's with agender would consider it a spectrum then it's not, but I've been under the impression it could be? I like the orange and blue one too - it not being unidentifiable quickly as connected to the other communities never bothered me, since again it can be its own separate thing and so I don't think it really needs to take from the other ones. But I'm not really invested in the flag debates like some people, the other ones I've seen (such as @Magni's!) I think look lovely as well and are great choices. (Although I never did like the literal smooshing of the aro ace flags, any other original designs are fine by me though). The aro flag is consistent enough to offer community for me personally, so a singular Official aroace flag isn't as critical for me.

I was born aroace myself, but I've been lurking around the aro community long enough to know you're not the only one who became aroace due to some notable event in their lives. If you find the label useful in describing your experiences now are glad for it, then I'm happy for you and welcome you to the community! Like the person above me I believe you and think that's totally valid.

For me it's not so much that I used a wrong spelling, but the word has a lot of vowels and shapes my eyes didn't like so I had to keep looking at the word real close to make sure I typed right or didn't misremember for a while. Once my brain adapted though it hasn't given me trouble

Arrow-cah-lipse

I like how I can be passionate about creativity, and that I try to be patient and kind/helpful when interacting with others.

There isn't one that I'm currently aware of...it'd be nice if there was for the people who see it as 1 thing for themselves and not 2. Aroace is the only one I know of, or I guess you could id as a 'perioriented aro' or 'perioriented ace' but that's more of a mouthful. You can personally use aro or ace to refer to both, the same was pansexual/panromantic people just say pan, but there isn't anything that exclusively means 'aro and ace' other than 'aro and ace/aroace'. Unless a term was developed that I haven't seen, in which case I'd definitely be interested to hear about it as well!

I assure you, having intense squishes (or however you choose to define those experiences - we still massively lack clear, consistent, and varied language for the very nebulous experiences of relationships and feelings) doesn't make you any less 'legitimate' of an aromantic. If you id as aromantic, and that's the label that makes you most comfortable, then you are 100% 'legitimate', because the label is really just there to help people explore and understand themselves. I don't think I've ever had squishes quite like that, or if I did it was as a kid, but that's only a relevant part of my own personal aromanticism. Everyone's experiences with it look and feel a bit different, and they're all just as valid and legit. It's just what you've experienced in life, and it's just a label that can help you describe or understand those experiences. I definitely understand not relating completely to the community you're a part of - especially when you're new to it - can make it easy to question things, but the whole community is incredibly diverse as far as experiences and relationship goals/desires goes, so you don't need to worry too much! (There are def other no-romo aros who get intense squishes and other forms of attractions as well, it's all good!)

I'm assuming 'preference for x' would typically be used as 'boyfriend/girlfriend' in this case? In which case the main equivalents I'm aware of for qpps are mostly gender-ambiguous (zuccini, partner, qpp etc.). You could say you prefer men or women or what have you in general, though people will of course usually assume romantic/sexual generally. If the preference is associated with an attraction of some kind some people will occasionally use things like homoplatonic or biqueerplatonic I think? If it isn't associated with the attraction there aren't as many terms (at least not that I know of). But if anyone else knows of some I'd be interested to hear them too.

I definitely identify as romance repulsed/averse. My understanding of the terms are that they describe how you feel about yourself in a romantic context/ about having romance directed at you, and don't (necessarily) have to do with how you perceive romance in media or other people's romances (though that can be a factor in choosing or not choosing a label too). For me, the thought of anyone having romantic feelings for me is awful and uncomfortable, and even more so the thought of someone thinking I have romantic feelings towards them/interpreting my actions that way. It's surreal and distressing. With media, the repulsion isn't always as strong (or at least not as easy to set off at its full power), sometimes the Media Feels are more neutral/indifferent, but definitely sometimes overtly romantic or I guess particularly Typical (or amatonormative?) romance does make me feel kind of eeuughh and alienated from the story. And in role-plays characters expressing too much interest in my character could border on distressing too, I haven't tried to rp a romance before so I'm not sure how much that would set off the repulsion, but I expect that it would at least a bit if it went too far. The repulsion part of my identity is honestly as big a part of my personal aromanticism as the not feeling attraction part, as that is a large part of me I was looking to explain when I first started really thinking about Possibly Not Being Straight.

I'm definitely interested in helping this come about! I can write and organize well, so if someone gathers the info I can figure out how to phrase it on the doc for writing out the page itself. I basically know how to cite things from college, but if someone more practiced at it wants to handle that, that could be good as well. I've never edited or used Wikipedia in any way other than 'reading pages that already exist' so that would be a learning curve, but I feel quite certain I could figure it out if there isn't anyone else who already has that experience.

There's always archer imagery (arrows, bows, quivers). I believe the aro community has claimed griffins? And also possibly frogs. Yellow roses are a semi-common symbol since they traditionally symbolize platonic affection while other roses are for ambiguous or strictly romantic purposes. Aro ghosts or space themes would be cool, not because the community really claimed them but because...ghosts and space are nice lol. I think I've seen a few people say we claimed aardvarks? I'm not sure though. As for other flags, the alloaro and aroace flags have become more common, so seeing some of those would be pretty cool! And of the flags used by the spectrum would be good, like the cupioromantic or quoiromantic flags.

I do think you have to tell her, but be gentle about it and do your best to pick a calm moment (no moment will be perfect, but like, avoid dragging her aside while she's busy or something like that). It isn't wrong that you can't love romantically, and it isn't wrong that it took you a while to figure it out, feelings are complicated and the societal idealization of romance makes contemplating a lack of romance unpleasant or even difficult to think of at times. And it's no good to be sacrificing your own mental well being for someone else's, no matter your relationship with them. But it is a sensitive topic and often hard for allos to understand, so my advice would be to emphasize you still care about her well being, and must have liked her enough to mistake your feelings as a crush, but that the romance part of the relationship can't work anymore. She'll probably still take it hard, and if you're really concerned about what she might do I would definitely reach out to one of her close friends or family members and tell them beforehand, or right after, to make sure she has a support net if she needs space from you. At least, that is what I would assume to be the best course of action. Full disclosure I have not been in a relationship myself, so if anyone on here who has can give more detailed advice or correct anything I've said please do. But I do firmly believe that you need to fine some way to end the relationship, because you deserve better and truthfully if you're miserable in the relationship it will eventually show, and that will affect her enjoyment/perception of it too. Hope this helps somewhat, and I hope things improve for you soon! The aro community is here for you, so feel free to reach out with any more questions, concerns, etc.

Hi there, While I can't tell you what label fits you best, since that is entirely personal, I can say that not having crushes is a very common aro experience (since being aromantic is just not feeling romantic attraction), and that the label is open to be used regardless of age, social prowess, or level of mental health. Like other labels, it also doesn't have to be set in stone. Possibly someday you'll experience romantic attraction, and possibly you won't, either way the best you can do is seek what makes you happy/comfortable with your current understanding of yourself. I know that with society set up as it is, realizing that romance might not be for you can be scary, and it certainly does add some more layers and potential difficulties to maneuvering it. But if love is something you want, there are many other forms it can take, and there are people out there receptive to different kinds of affection, even if they're harder to find. Friendships deeper than the often casual relationship associated with the term can take just as much work as a romantic relationships, but if both sides put in the effort it can work out. As far as coping with being alone goes, it depends somewhat what you want out of life. Some people can find happiness focusing on a career or hobby, while others need some kind of social outlet as the focus of their life even if it isn't a romantic or intimate one (finding a club/community/circle of friends you regularly interact with, doing volunteer work to feel generally involved with other people, etc.), so what works best for you might be different than what would work best for others. Regardless, know you aren't alone in this struggle. I've seen so many people in the aro community, both people only just coming to grips with their identity and people who have id'd as aro a long time, try to find ways of maneuvering a very romance-centric society. We're all here for each other, and if you need more help/have more questions or anything else, absolutely feel free to reach out to us. Hopefully this helps somewhat!

"Would you consider the phrase "platonic relationship" to be a synonym of "friendship"?" Not exactly? Truthfully I spent most of my life using the word 'platonic' to mean 'non-romantic' in an all-encompassing kind of way, not a specific kind of feeling or relationship (which is why I was initially confused by squishes, aplatonicism, and everything else talking about platonic attraction and the like). That's still how I initially think of it whenever it's used casually, but I try to keep in mind more the other ways people use the word. "Do you consider all friendships to be platonic relationships?" Yes, generally speaking. I mean I also think a good romantic partner should also function as a friend, so probably it's more accurate to say my stance on that is somewhat in flux. But usually if someone refers to someone else as 'their friend' I assume it means platonic in one way or another. "Do you consider all platonic relationships to be friendships?" Not by my usual standard, since I also considered feeling 'neutral' or 'nothing' towards someone as being 'platonic' in the 'not romantic' sense, and people have platonic partners that they may not label as friends, though again this circles back to my apparently unclear/shifting definition/understanding of 'friendship' in the first place, since usually my standards for it are just general things any healthy relationship should have??? So I don't really get how other people talk about it a lot of the time. But I would also generally think of familial and work relationships as platonic.

I voted "something else" because I'm honestly not sure if I experience squishes or not, or if I want a qpr or not. Part of me kind of wants a low-key qpr regardless of platonic attraction, but also it feels rather Non-Essential, just something that if I had I would probably like. If I do get squishes then it would probably be 'rarely', making me 'grayplatonic' if I had to choose a phrase. But since squishes are platonic and all my feelings for people are platonic, in general, I only have a loose idea of what feelings to call a squish and which ones not to (currently anyways)

I'm a month off from 20 so I wasn't sure if '15-20' or '20-25' was ultimately more accurate but eventually went with 15-20 since I'm technically still 19.

Hi there! Not sure if these count since they are all in the 'planned idea' or 'first draft' stages of existence, but I have several stories in the works that includes aro and ace spec characters. Some of them are novels (one novel series is an urban fantasy where one character is aroace, and one I'm realizing is probably bisexual greyromantic, possibly demi). My fantasy short stories series that I started has an aroace lead (most the rest of the cast I haven't decided orientations for yet). As for none novels/written works I do have an aro-spec superhero that will eventually be an origin novel followed by a comic book series (her 'sidekick' and eventual best friend is aro-spec too). And I have a film idea that's based on the concept of 'fantasy buddy cop style film' where one half of the main duo is aroace (I do admittedly write a lot of ace aros simply because it comes more naturally to me by far, but I am starting to branch out a bit!). So there are some medium-future to far-future stories coming up depending on when I'm able to get them done. Your webcomic sounds really cool by the way! I'll check it out some time, I totally agree the media needs more rep for the aromanticism and asexuality. Unfortunately because of the lack of rep I don't personally know any currently existing recommendations for that. But I'm also really interested to see if others have any!

I'm actually almost never around people who are part of a couple? At home anyways, so I often forget about the whole kissing tradition. I never thought of it as Holiday with specific traditions, just a sort of free for all celebration. Of course it's also my bro's bday so it's always just been a family event for me. But I can def see how it could be hard if the people you know are all going off with their partners. It feels like romantics try to make every holiday about being with their partner, so maybe it isn't surprising they do that to to New Years as well.