Hey everyone! I'm quite confused at the moment, so maybe someone can understand me or just post some thoughts about my situation… I’m an 18-year-old girl from Germany, so sorry, if my English is a bit messed up. About two years ago, I started wondering if I might be lesbian, since I was never in love with a boy or even had a crush on one. I couldn’t (and can’t) imagine having a boyfriend and last year in October, I came out first to my brother and then to my parents. I have to mention that I hoped that I could gain self-consciousness from coming out and… there were days, where I was super self-conscious about the whole LGBT-thing, I joined a CSD in a larger city nearby and visited an LGBT-youth group. But there were also a lot of days, when I was questioning whether I am really lesbian or just confused.
So, last week I found a comment below a german YouTube video and the girl wrote about her coming out as aromantic. She mentioned things like squish and QPR, so I put that into google, and when I read about it… I started crying, because I felt like “That’s the one thing I’ve searched for”. A squish is exactly, what I felt towards my best friend for two years or so. (One of the reasons why I thought, I could be lesbian). So now I’m pretty confused, whether I belong to this community or not, because I had this feeling, that I am right with this ace and aro thing, but a part of my mind tells me, that I’ve thought that I’m lesbian for two years now and that can’t be totally wrong, right? Also, what if I believe for two years from now that I’m ace/aro and then I find something new how to identify? How can I be sure?
And even if I’m right with ace/aro there is the question whether I’m ace, aro or both? (Basically I know, how I imagine my dream-future, but I am confused, how to label it. ) I think about my future like this: I’d like to live together with a girl (and maybe raise a daughter together), but our relationship… I’d like to cuddle and maybe kiss her but not having sex with her. Also our activities… things like traveling together or visiting the cinema are perfectly fine, but not as a date, but just spending time together…
So beside the labelling, there are some more questions: Assuming this thing that I imagine is a QPR, is it normal, that I can imagine a QPR only with a girl? I think, this is not logical since there is no romantic or sexual attraction involved, but somehow I can’t imagine it with a boy (It's like I'm aro and/or ace, but still lesbian?). Also I’ve come across multiple websites, where it said explicitly, that there are often more than two persons involved in a QPR, maybe some partners have also a romantic relationship too or there are just multiple QPP’s involved. Is this normal? Or just another possibility, but it’s also fine if you would like to have a QPR with just one partner, who is your only QPP (and the other way round)?
Thanks a lot for listening,