Emerald Cheetah

So a guy from my work asked me out via text today. He started by asking me to take his shift then said to make up for it, we should "hang out". I have some complaints with how he started out this date request (basically by putting me in a bad mood). But anyways, I didn't realize he was actually asking me out until he suggested that we could go out to dinner and that he would pay the bill. Then I started freaking out. I ended up coming out to him, but still offered to hang out with him as friends. He didn't take my offer which kind of annoyed me because apparently I'm only a romantic option ? 

The last time I felt like this was when I was asked out in 9th grade, and that was before I learned that I was aro. It's such a terrifying feeling. It's like a mix of fear, confusion, shock, stress and a squeamish feeling, not quite akin to disgust, but on its way there. ? 

ah the amatonormativity. Did any other options ever occur to them? *cough* Aromantics *cough* Oh wait. That's right! We don't exist.

 https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B9oOX0M0UPx7cHB6NlE1YUpVcG83NjVjYUJUZHdKTkdGX0tn/view?usp=sharing

p.s. I hope the link is viewable. Usually when I post one, I always find a way to mess it up ? 

Happy Friendship Day!! ?  

gave my mom permission to read the first day of my Spain journal and instantly regretted it because I recalled that I had written about my aromanticism in the journal ?and I believe I mentioned it on the first day too. Luckily I think she just glossed over the term assuming it was some slang since most people have no idea what aromanticism is. This is one of the times that I'm thankful the word is so unknown. 

Today while in the car my mom told me about someone's pregnancy announcement and she said something that really triggered me. She said "It's cool that he's found somebody". It's such a simple phrase and perhaps I'm selfish for feeling this way because I should be happy for the couple but when she said that, I felt all kinds of hurt. I felt once again like I was going to be lonely forever, and that statement also reinforced the idea that my mom would not accept me if I told her about me.

On May 28th, everyone at my college got their room assignments as well as their college roommates and I was soooooo excited. I got assigned to this girl who was majoring in Meteorology. This was something I had long awaited and even though I hadn't met her, it was like a first step towards friendship to me. or towards enemy...ship...whatever you call that. But I really hoped we would become friends in August when we went to college! I'm not sure if most people pack this much hope into their college roommates but I was extremely hopeful that we'd become close friends. However today I went back on to Access Plus (the site that gave me all that important info) and her name was gone. She had left our room and gone to another residence hall. Most people probably wouldn't have cared but I actually kind of felt a pang in my chest and couldn't believe that she would leave. Well actually I totally understand. There are better residence halls closer to campus but it still hurt. I had so many high hopes all ending in friendship and they just came crashing down. Is this what the squish equivalent of heart break feels like??

Played hangman today and I slipped in the words Zucchini and squish because I could. Nobody noticed that I used two Aromantic terms in a row but whatever because I knew ?

OMG I FORGOT. FEBRUARY 15th WAS SINGLES AWARENESS DAY. Happy Belated Singles Awareness Day everyone!

Last week was a difficult week emotionally. Just randomly, a friend of mine said I was heartless, and not because I'm aro. She doesn't know I'm aromanic really. She said it really casually but it also hurt a lot. I felt like I was being gender stereotyped for once and that hardly ever happens. Just because I'm a girl, doesn't mean I have to express my emotions all the time like society wants me to. I'll express my emotions when I want to and to whom I want to. There were other events where I felt particularly lonely but I think this week will be a better one. ?

I just read a post on Instagram that says "Imagine a boy that stares at you and smiles even when you aren't looking because he's so in love with you."  My first thought was: "Uhhhh, CREEPY!" ? I'd be so uncomfortable! I read the comments to see if anyone agreed with me and all of them were "I wish"  and "if only" type comments. 

So yesterday I was at a friend's birthday party and I was carving a pumpkin. I was the only teen in the room (the others had finished carving) besides two adults who were having a very interesting conversation.

For some reason, they were talking about their past relationships and one of them talked about her most recent ex who stalked her so much that she had to get a restraining order on him. At the end of the conversation they turned to me and said something along the lines of "Be careful of the boys you date!" and I was just thinking "ohhh you don't need to worry about me!" ?

So one of my friends got dumped by a guy she kind of wasn't dating (but pretty much was dating) and she spent half of lunch complaining about it. All of my friends were like "Wow he's a jerk" but I just wanted to roll my eyes because this has happened before. I kind of wanted to support the guy because I'd be uncomfortable too if a girl was sobbing on my couch. I think women don't understand that men are taught to be logical not emotional. So Of course he wouldn't know how to respond to an emotionally charged situation!!!! Why am I the only one that can actually understand these kind of things when I've never dated?  ?

#AromanticProblems