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Everything posted by Wildfires

  1. Because they are not on their own. I used to be the same. I'm much better thank you and I don't need another person to tell me I exist or define my worth. So yeah, that's what the difference is to me. Romantic people are crippled :D
  2. So what all polyamorous are aromantic? I don't quite agree, alhough it fits my own experience. As a friend pointed out to me lately though, we probably (not we aro, we everyone) confuse romanticism with passion. I don't feel passion anymore (I'll get back to that) but I do feel what I can only call love for many people. I don't make a difference between friendship and love (at least there's not a qualitative difference) but rather different levels of comitment, frequency in interaction and so on. Some of those friends/loves/lovers I have sex with and then I don't, depending on what we both want at the time. When I say I don't feel passion anymore, I think I used to (and no, I'm not entirely certain). I used to have the butterflies, to want to be the center of the others world, to spend time together and so on. As I see it, it all came from a deep insecurity which doesn't really bother me anymore. I discovered polyamory and things started making sense (why should I give the exclusivity of my capacity for attention and thoughtful relationship to just one person who is anyway incapable of giving me everything I need?) but I still felt passion, mostly during what is called "NRE". Then I healed most of my childhood issues and there's no passion anymore. I feel like Ive grown up and even though it looks like I lost something (something that looks like the ability to marvel and get engrossed in a person the way kids marvel at the world) it also really feels good. I'm more in control. So, I'm not sure if I'm right but since noone seems to agree what romanticism (and as a consequence aromanticism) is, I would I fit the description. Which gets me to my point : to me aromanticism is the lack of passion, not the lack of love. Feel free to disagree
  3. I started reading peoples replies and I was like "nope, nothing like that in my childhood" and then I remembered a few things and started laughing. There was this time when I was maybe 7 or 8 and two "friends" insisted I should kiss this boy (maybe he loved me I don't remember) and they went so far as to hold my arms and push me towards him : I kicked him and well, that's how I learned that being kicked there is quite painful for boys... Then there was my first actual kiss. I was 16 I think and I'd had a crush on the boy for month but when he finally kissed me my reaction was yyiiiicks! gross! what is that a snail on my lips or something ? and he was like 'you know what I want' but I really had no clue and it was so awkward I just left. He never spoke to me again. Thinking back, I guess he expected sex (maybe that's more of an ace moment actually). Also I never wanted children and I've been dreaming of a white knight coming to my rescue until I realised I was my own white knight and did something to get the hell away from my fucked up family. And I remember talking with one of my friends about the rest of the kids at school, not quite understanding what all the coupling was about and making fun of them because they would cuddle and kiss. I suspect on her part it was just being too young to understand the appeal. Me I just never grew out of it. I tried but it didn't really work for me.
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