Cassiopeia

This isn't something I have really thought about. I guess when you experience something, you don't really talk about it or try to vivisect it to see how it works, just go with the flow. For me there is the "hmm nice" type of attraction, that happens quite often. Its not really attraction in a sense of it being an intense pull or an urge to engage in anything, more like recognition. Its kind of like aesthetic attraction, I just acknowledge the fact that the person is hot. Certain body parts do attract my gaze, but usually its not hard to keep it civil at all. It is attraction, I do want to look at hot people, but it can be super awkward if its unwanted or in the wrong situation. Suggestive eye contact? Okay. Randomly staring at someone's parts? Nope, try not to, cos its embarrassing, creepy, distasteful and rather pathetic thing to do. Nah, not really? Not like that anyway in my case. I don't really fantasize about irl people at all? More like general scenarios, stuff I wanna try, but with made up fantasy people? But not like "hmm, there is this hot person in my friend group, I like to imagine that we do X things". That is kind of weird? Objectifying? Anyway, it would feel gross. There is the "could do" type of attraction, as the "hmm nice" escalates. This usually includes some sort of indication of mutual interest, sexual chemistry, enthusiastic consent...its like a multi-person dance performance. Its hard to describe, as this is mostly body language, mood, and intuition. From this on usually its seduction, and I get new ideas as we go along. I can't really separate this type of attraction from sensual attraction. For me there is sensual desire on its own, but if we talk about sexual desire, I always want the sensual stuff as well. I can't really have sex without cuddling and hugging anyway. But it does not start with just looking at someone and instantly having an intrusive thought about them in a sexual context. This still isn't an uncontrollable urge, more like something nice and slightly tempting I can resist if I want to do so. For me fetishes will not make somebody suddenly attractive, the whole phenomenon is more like those multiple charisma points by 2 items in RPGs? So an unattractive person having some of these things on is still meh, whatever. But others do go from hot to hot damn...its just the cherry on top. But its still great without the extra thing. Does this answer the question?

Not a problem, I'll just buy a huge piece of land and grow some food together with my friends. I'd take it. :is a goddamn hippy at heart: You get 1 millon dollars, but you can only shop online?

I'll just ban myself for epic fail of an attempt of sarcasm then.

Banned for bullying Zema and calling him dirty.

"you are just playing hard to get" (@unwanted suitor) Consider this: I do not want to date you. When I say no, its not a game. Its not code for 'convince me'. "I you can't get a relationship, maybe just try having casual sex, the Feelings will soon follow." (@motherly advice) I kid you not. I got this exact advice when I mentioned my general frustration with the impossible quest of looking for a QPP/intimate friend/non-romantic companion in an amatonormative society. (I did not use the terminology, but I explained the concept). Wow. Brand new information. Guess what, alloromantic people are likely to follow you around like lost puppies if you touch them in an intimate manner...that's why I generally avoid doing so. Its just hilarious that alloromantic people expect us to be socially inept and completely oblivious to the workings of a romantic relationship. Its not like the school system and the media spoon feeds us romance since infancy or something. How would have I, the naive aromantic adult, figure out how to attract a (completely unwanted) suitor?

Is it true that people can't help falling in love? How does that even work for alloromantic people? Is it quick? Is that love at the first sight really a thing?

That's true about the majority of south Europe, cos when wine making is the family business, its not seen as a recreational indulgence but as tradition and an art form. The culture is a bit different. I was introduced to the real deal quite early, fruit, juice, and the whole production process and all, so I don't think I was ever scared by it. I was more disappointed by the bland store bought grape juice. (Not that we had it often...home made cordial ftw.)

@aroMa(n)tisse well, non alcoholic wine is the unfermented grape juice. All wine is grape juice...(except for the very bad ones, but those usually are a quality that may cause blindness so lets not talk about those) But 'tastes like wine' is kind of a vague concept, as there are lots of varieties. I'm by no means a pro wine taster, but the differences are quite distinct.

Yes, I like wines, ales, cider, vodka, cocktails...I don't drink much, as for me it is a part of the gastro culture, and not a tool to knock myself out. I guess its a cultural thing, some dishes just have to be paired up with wine (and fresh bread), otherwise its just not a proper meal. I also consider cocktails a type of dessert, so I usually have only one of them.

I absolutely love hugs and cuddling. Kissing is not so straight forward. Kissing anywhere but the mouth is great. On the lips I like short kisses, and french kissing is okay, but but after a while, I'd probably move on to kiss her neck or start biting her lip or something. It just gets really boring after a while.

I think it's important to distinguish between gender identity and gender presentation. I'm cis af, but I do fluctuate on the femme-butch spectrum. But I'm not more or less of a woman when I present more butch than when I am feeling more femmeish. (the pronouns are more like an accent/language politics thing)

Sounds great. other topics = intersectionality? also, maybe Romantic allies and partners of Aros?

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So basically we need a Sexuality and Gender and Romance subforum?

Change

I think a sexuality subforum would make sense, and then we can open threads for all the varieties...

tw /tw

THEY SAID THERE GONNA BE A LOVE TRIANGLE ON SENSE8 SEASON 2. HAVE THESE PEOPLE EVEN WATCHED THIS SHOW?

Yeah I had/have the same... I lt just did not describe how I felt, so it felt like a lie. That is super awkward in a relationship. Anyway, I usually say something similar like "you are very important to me" or "I'd trust you with everything" or "thank you for being who you are, you mean a lot to me".

Shall we add it to the list of words we need? Is there any word that would fit better? Meeting sounds too formal to me. Any other suggestions?