Cassiopeia

On 1/17/2017 at 8:45 PM, SoulWolf said:

I've just recently realized that I think I understand why I've had so much trouble with people staring at me oddly....people stare more. It's like they're trying to figure out what the hell I am (why do they even want to know that badly?

That's so awkward from the other way around as well. I don't know how many times I had to explain as a teenager that no, I'm not hatin', I'm just really gay.  

Since then I have learned how to admire people a bit less obviously.

On 1/18/2017 at 11:43 AM, aussiekirkland said:

As someone who was bullied into shaving at only 11 I second this.

cw: razors

Parents are tricky to come out to.

There are a variety of reactions, they may not be condescending. They may brush it off and go into full on denial. They may get angry. 

I'd suggest try doing it individually, one on one, and find a calm setting where none of you are disracted. 

Good luck 

Oh, the never ending shaving debate. Treating shaving like an effort to cover up a secret is really harmful, especially for children. Pre teen kids should not be bullied into messing with razors and hot wax. 

Hair removal can be empowering though, especially for transfeminine people. If its something that makes you feel great then go for it. 

 I did this experiment, if I started to pluck my eyebrows in the ladies room, nobody gives a second look. If I tidy up my upper lip, some people get so offended.

There is definitely a stigma, some types of body hair are just more socially acceptable. Also its kind of funny how some feminists stop at leg and armpit hair.

Being some mix of femme and butch, kind of like a peacock, I do a lot of femme things because I enjoy them, but when I notice it turning into a restrictive thing, i stop.

With shaving its weird.I would not necessarily consider it to be a feminine thing, people shave, end of the story. 

Personally I kind of enjoy it in an aestethic way, because it makes me feel more dapper, and its one of my self care things I do as a ritual of self reflection and its a way to be okay with my body. Not really in a way to try to control it, but more like being familiar with how it is.

 I guess its because I'm quite pale, but my hair is dark, so its really obvious when I do some grooming. Also, I kind of figured out in my teens that no armpit hair means having less sweat, at least on me.

But I'm not really bothered by the existence of it or feel too much pressure to maintain a perfect clean shave anymore.

TL;DR

Statistically most AFAB people naturally do look like Frida Khalo, especially if they are from an ethnic group near the equator. They do have facial hair and nipple hair and unibrows, hairy bellies, hobbit feet and thigh hair and all that jazz. Just shave from the age of 12 on. That's pretty depressing if you think about it.

On 1/9/2017 at 10:40 AM, Mark said:

Since the definition of cupioromantic is someone who is aromantic and wants a romantic relationship.
I'd make a distinction between them and someone who is seeking to do things which are romance like/coded.

Well if someone aro dates a person romantically, hopefully they made that choice because they want to do so.

Unless they were forced to do so, there is not really another option. Its quite unlikely that someone would maintain a relationship by accident...

5 hours ago, Ace of Amethysts said:

@Cassiopeia Don`t forget age!

In relation to what?

2 hours ago, Mark said:

It seems that supporting (even passively) the status quo is always likely to be easier than challenging or questioning it.

Part of the problem is that people would not even think to question it. Unless you are part of the group that is negativey affected by it, you don't really notice when you say or do something that perpetuates these stereotypes. Because lived your entire life in a society that promotes these bs, you think of them as normal, its so pervasive you don't even notice it.

Even after you were told you should question certain things, you slip back into the old routine, and the system benefits you. This is what they mean when they say that all white people are racist. This is what they mean when they say all cis people are transphobic. This is why feminists flip the table when someone starts the not all men discussion again.

Getting defensive is not helpful, this isn't about privileged people having to feel guilty or apologising. Sometimes you have to sit back and listen, and consider and admit the fact that you haven't lived through something others in an oppressed group have. Using your privilege to stand up for them is what this is about. Tell other privileged people that their hate is unacceptable. For you its easier to shut down the abuse, because your privilege protects you. This is what being an ally supposed to mean.

2 hours ago, Mark said:

Typically used in the context of sexual attraction being normative. Equally applicable to the idea of romantic attraction being normative.

And also the act itself. Rape culture and allonormativity are usually a package deal, because they stem from the same harmful misconceptions and beliefs.

No matter what gender you are, you will be ridiculed, mocked, groped, infantilised, etc. if you admit you have not done anything sexual yet or lack any interest to try in the future.

It's still Saturday and 2016 in quite a few places...

2 minutes ago, Ace of Amethysts said:

Allonormativity?! Ugh...

Yes. I'm a sexual person, but I'm so done with it.

On 12/24/2016 at 11:48 AM, Mark said:

What about the z/zed/zee alternative?

I think it may be confusing to some.  I think 'zed' can be easily misunderstood for zero, and that's pretty much like another way of saying aromantic. 

Also, if zed was choosen because its on the other end of the alphabeth, that's another can of worms. Other sexualities and romatic orientations are not the opposite of 'a', because that's just not it. Zed to me kind of suggests that its an extreme, its just too all-or-nothing. 

There will be people who dislike the term because of some reason, but these words were not really meant for them. They were created by a minority, to talk about minority issues.

As @Zemaddog said, people are pissed off because trans people, aro people and ace people rant online, and they took it personally. 

What they don't realise is that no matter how many trans activists post a very mean image with a pastel background that says 'down with the cis', these people will not have and have never had any power to discriminate against cis people. You don't get beat up because you are cis. You don't loose your job, your family, your friends... They aren't saying f.ck the individual people who are happy with the gender they were assigned at birth. They are saying f.ck the concept of being cis, this pressure to live your life a certain way, and the consequences you have to face when you do not conform to the norm. Also the mindless, oblivious herd that maintains amatonormativity, allonormativity, transphobia, racism, etc. without even questioning it.

I choose to use these words also to show solidarity, and to empower these groups. It can be way of saying that I'm aware of my privilege, and I don't expect all people to be like me. By normalising the use of these words, we also normalise the people who created them. In a world where it normal that your blogs says that you are cis,  its not taken for granted, maybe trans kids will feel more normal when they choose to be visible. Maybe this way trans people, ace people, aro people will find each other more easily online. 

Oh just get it over with. It was an awful year for most people, let's not make it any longer than neccessary. 

@Mark

I don't know then, it was just a theory.  Maybe just we are a too new forum, and it doesn't come up in google searches too often, so allies don't find it. Hopefully they will in the future. 

7 hours ago, Zemaddog said:

I think it is an interesting idea. I don't really care either way, but if it does get made, I'd like it to do well. My biggest concern is it ending up like the "romantic allies" forum.

Sorry, I forgot to copy this part. @Blue Phoenix Ace said something very similar.

In my opinion that particular subforum is dead because aromanticism works differently than asexuality. 

Its sibling forum is needed and it works well on AVEN because romantic aces are dating sexual people who have no idea how to handle that situation. 

Aros in general aren't too keen on getting into any relationships with romantic people, or to have exclusivity with them.  

Or if we do, sexual friendships aren't such a new concept, they are not going to come to this forum to ask about why they are being "friendzoned"...   Basically the way we feel or don't feel is not as obviously performative like sexuality, and we are a lot less likely to get into a situation where we are expected to romance someone.

Proposed description:

Quote

 

Aromantic Pride and Culture

description: Would you like to see your orientation represented in the media? Have you found an aro themed video, fanfiction, have new a headcanon or would you like some aro friendly book, movie, webcomic, or music recommendations? Want to talk about flags and other ways to show your pride? Would you like to get creative?

 

We have talked about it in the mod forum, and we came to the conclusion that other users should have a say as well. 

Short summary of the collected pros and cons so far:

Pros: 

-it would be a great way to promote cultural activities and projects to bring the community closer to people
-engaging in minority cultures is fun, but also can help people who are questionng or dealing with self hate, loneliness, and helps to build a community
-inspiring topics that are currently scattered all over the forum, mostly burried in the Off Topic (technically they aren't really off topic) or similar places would get more focus, such as the Movie Club thread.
-we already have plenty of content that could go there, for example:

Cons: 
-making a new subforum every time someone has an idea about something may eventually make it a tad cluttered
-it's hard to delete an unsuccessful subforum
-possible  dilution of the content and dead forums (see the "romantic allies" subforum for example)
-making a new sub forum when everything is fine isn't strictly necessary

So what do you people think? Is it a good idea? Do you find it interesting? Would you use it? Would you read it? Any comments or suggestions content wise?

(Poll is going to be locked in a weeks time)

8 hours ago, aihpen said:

I don't know if that could be called dysphoria though? Isn't that something many cis women feel? I don't know, I don't feel like I can answer that, I don't know enough about the topic. At least I don't think it would be gender dysphoria, since the reason why you feel that way doesn't really have something to do with gender, but more because it's physically uncomfortable? I don't know, I still don't understand anything

I did not say I have gender dysphoria, and I'm sorry if it sounded insensitive. What I was -perhaps a bit awkwardly- trying to say is that I can relate to what @Untamed Heart describes there. I think its more than a simple insecurity, but I'm not sure how much of it is The Gay^tm or perhaps a reaction to sexism and objectification. Who knows?

But we can agree, gender dysphoria would not be an appropriate term, at least not in my case, because as I said earlier, it is not a gender thing. 

Anyway, there is a thing called body dysmorphia, and it can fit the category of something similar to gender dysphoria but its not a gender issue or an ED.

(And no, this part is not really about me, just brain things in general)

On 11/30/2016 at 8:09 PM, Untamed Heart said:

I think I've experienced it very mildly in the past. I have fairly ample breasts and used to sometimes not be comfortable with having them at all, particularly when they were drawing unwanted male attention. I did used to fantasise about binding my chest up instead of wearing a bra, to minimise them (they're saggy when not contained, so it would have been uncomfortable for me to just not wear a bra, not to mention probably also obvious if I was only wearing a T shirt).

Same here. I have actually considered getting surgery. Its not just the unwanted attention but also its inpractical, being inbetween sizes, not being able to move etc.

I am prefectly happy with being a woman, I just want to have a slightly different bodytype, to look smarter in clothes and be more comfortable in the gym.

On 11/29/2016 at 2:02 AM, Blue Phoenix Ace said:

He bears (bore) a striking resemblance to Adam Sandler.

Thanks for that, that's one of those things you cannot unsee. 

I meant in this game, not in general. 

We could also play I dunno, a game of Uno but without the +2 and +4 cards, but it will be rather boring.

17 minutes ago, Zemaddog said:

No it's time the mods let us continue uninterrupted. 

We could, but then where would that sense of achivement come from? 

6 hours ago, Zemaddog said:

10 hours late though! 

Is this what's the time mr wolf now?

I am awake though

Well...

Sticky table

Will Riker and his ridiculous clothes

Do I carry kiwi yogurt?

KPBMC