Rising Sun

Because they can't decide to like somebody or not. And they have no control over the things they like. Crushes are an involuntary visceral experience, and I'd say even much more than simple physical attraction as they trigger feelings of attachment. The person has a list of things they like in a person, including things that they never consciously chose, and even things that they wish weren't in the list. A crush is merely their instinct saying "you've got a match" in some kind of harsssing way and forcing them to get attached to the target. Mind spamming. I can imagine how it can be annoying to have it. I'd say it's like hunger or pain, it's almost impossible to suppress it once it's there.

For those who like ambient :

I agree about lifelong bonds in general. I think it's natural to desire having life companions who never stop loving us. However, this desire being restricted to romance and viewed as abnormal in friendships must be the cultural element here.

This should be a basis for making THE aromantic meme.

Honestly this test has more stereotypes than true characteristics of romance. There are items that can make the difference, but the majority of items is more associated to cultural influence on romance and delusional mental disorders.

Heat is horrible. Any temperature above 25°C is too much for me. And anything above 20°C in my bedroom. 15°C must count as "cold" in tropical countries Or maybe it will count as cold in 2100 with global warming LOL. Here, true "cold" is -10°C and less. It was -28°C when I was born, with a good snowstorm and blizzard. I like snow, ice, and how it's ideal to go outside with my telescope during windy cold nights because atmospheric turbulence is reduced. It's perfect for exercising too.

Same thing with love. I've had the same comparison or almost, with food and spices. About the words, I still think it's possible to reclaim them. After all, the LGBT+ community successfully managed to reclaim "queer", and despite being relatively invisible right now, I don't think that being aromantic is that rare, so I'm more optimistic about the future and giving some words a more positive meaning as well

This is something I've thought about for so long, and after being inspired by this thread, I decided to make it a thread as well. http://www.arocalypse.com/forums/topic/216-importance-of-platonic-relationships/ The article mentioned "friendship affairs". When a bond is emotionally deep, people feel the need to compare it to romance. But the thing is that this isn't something only romantic people do. Aromantic vocabulary is full of comparisons with romance, and therefore unconsciously implies that our friendships are actually romance in denial. What are "queerplatonic", "platonic attraction", "passionate friendship", "squish / friend crush" implying at an unconscious level ? People who are skeptical of the nature of deep friendships are jumping on the occasion. We're using romantic vocabulary ! We're implying that everything is made of attraction, of desire for passionate intimacy. This is confusing to say the least. Isn't the aromantic community involuntarily taking a wrong direction with using words that constantly make references to romance and other relationships based on attraction and desire rather than "plain" affection and fondness ? To make it short, isn't current aromantic vocabulary dangerously amatonormative ? Isn't it the time now to reclaim the right word : giving a deeper meaning to friendship, affection, love, a much more serious and deeper meaning than what society wants to enforce, and being proud of it ? I'd like to know what others are thinking of the current situation, and if there is indeed a problem, or not. PS I'm sorry if the thread seems a bit asexual-centered, but I haven't taken the time for implications on romantic references with FWB situations, and I'd like to hear an aromantic sexual perspective too.

I love hugs and cuddles but my sensory issues mess with my touch starvation So I want them but only with very close friends, more of the QP kind. As I'm on the limit of sensory overload every time I hug (and sometimes worse), physical contact is something rare and precious, it has a lot of emotional value.

No, you aren't alone I'm very intuitive, for the rest I'm moderate (I was INTP when I was younger), and I'd say I'm more ambiverted than introverted as I'm just really shy IRL. I don't take the test very seriously, but I've noticed that there are some profiles that I appreciate more as friends, and some other profiles more compatible as coworkers. It's a fun way to make teams !

I don't experience aesthetic attraction and I find intimate contact without attachment uninteresting. I just have no interest for strangers and all contact I want is simply expression of affection for somebody I'm very attached to. If there is no attachment, there is no reason to be sensual, for me. So, I don't think that it's the result of culture, for the most part. Various studies seem to show that this kind of behaviour is largely genetic in origin, some species have it, some don't and I can imagine it must be the same on an individual level for humans, as there is much more natural variation in the human species than in other species when it comes to monogamy / polyamory.

It's quite enjoyable as a sophisticated way to torture people you don't like. (Edited as the gif doesn't want to show) http://giant.gfycat.com/UnhealthyPlasticHarborseal.gif

I just watched a documentary about animal reproduction. One part was about stag beetles, and it was filmed to look really funny. One male stag beetle wanted to reach a female, who lived among the highest branches of a huge tree. For this, he had to fight many other males, which he violently threw one after another to the ground, for a fall dozens of feet deep. After his victory, he ran after the female, who wasn't really willing at first... And once he eventually got what he wanted, he treated the female exactly the same way as his rivals, he threw her without any pity. I thought how much human relationships are often the same. We aren't very different from stag beetles in love, after all.

I've played with my simself for years (yes, totally egocentric but it's fun ) and I intended to keep her single. But I didn't give her the unflirty trait because I wasn't really opposed to anything in general. So after a few weeks, she started having fantasies on her coworkers and friends, and the fantasies got wilder and wilder with time, like passionately kissing her coworker who is a married older lady with plenty of kids, or woohoo with her male gay friend, so I eventually gave her a husband to avoid possible disasters due to her growing desperation. She isn't quite like me in that regard

YMBAI you think that the older sim in the background is thinking "Ewwwww gross, get out of MY sandbox !" rather than "Mmmmmh, this reminds me memories " He doesn't seem very happy to see passionate younger adults invading his favourite sandbox anyway

I squished a bug today. There was bug juice on the wall, it was disgusting.

I know that this might be off-topic, but take attention to your body language, voice and attitudes. Whatever you look like, this is the most important sign of gender expression and people are extremely sensitive to it, even more than to clothes. Does your body language show stereotypical femininity, masculinity or something in between that confuses other people ?

I strongly suspect that in my case, it does. I noticed that my gender perception shifts depending on the hormonal treatment I take, not suddenly, but it takes about a year or more to shift like that. And the first time I took a treatment, after that first shift, I started feeling some romantic attraction, and sexual attraction much later. I noticed that they get stronger or weaker after a "gender shift".

I agree. It describes only the limerent stage, not how people feel after the limerent stage is gone, but which isn't any less romantic, simply more rational and much more relaxed. Alloromantic people, I don't know. Personally, I can't fall in love if I also don't allow my feelings to expand first. I can also hold them back if I feel I'm starting having them. There is the potential for aborting feelings, but only at the very beginning. It's a short window to take a decision. Wait too long, and it's too late... Love at first sight isn't a thing, other than compassion at first sight as I guess we can count this as a form of love. But from what I've seen around me, very intense attraction (like, obsessive crushes that can last a lifetime) at first sight is definitely a thing, although a thing I don't get at all. The thing is that people call these intense crushes "love" and don't make a clear difference between them.

Well... This is a very complex question for me, because I'm both hypersensitive to touch (so I'm sort of touch averse) and very sensual. In an intimate context, I crave cuddles and hugs but I need to overcome very painful sensory overload, so I actually need to be spiritually extremely intimate with someone in order to not actively avoid touch and to focus on the enjoyable aspect. I'm a bit repulsed by kisses in general because I'm somewhat germaphobic, but I can enjoy them if my partner is a good kisser.

Same. That said, in a romantic sense only. Since I was little, I always had these dreams about one very special friend, a life companion, but it never was romantic in nature (imagining it as something romantic was rather repulsive). This is the reason why I tried dating, because I always knew that people don't want this kind of companionship if it isn't romantic, and the few exceptions are too rare to expect a miracle (that was before Internet somewhat solved the problem though).

You should go to France if you want to drink under 21 / 18, it's theoretically illegal but people don't care, when they don't sort of encourage it LOL. Kids start drinking at 12 or 13 and are initiated by their own family on holidays most of the time !

It's really not cool to do that. Others don't realize that all they're doing is making the person ashamed to say "no" and makes them feel forced to say yes just in order to not seem like a jerk.