Tired-Sparo

5 hours ago, Autumn said:

You're definitely not just being dramatic, your friend is being an outright jerk, just the passive-aggressive variety. Her text response was definitely dismissive, if you don't know how to respond to something so big you take some time to think it over and sort your thoughts before responding properly (if you think it might be a bit it's also better to actually tell the person you're taking some time to think it over so as to not leave them hanging). And whining about someone being uncomfortable with certain acts of affection as if they're a victim is extremely self-centered at best and manipulative at worst. She isn't trying to be understanding at all, she just doesn't want to acknowledge anything is different and keep having things go her way/ stay the same. (Ignoring you until you drop the subject whenever you have a complaint with her behavior is another red flag) Yes, the whole aro thing can be hard for allos to Understand, but that's not a free pass for selfish or insensitive behavior. I'd either have a serious talk with her and/or start distancing yourself if possible, you deserve better than that.

100000% this.

Not knowing how to respond to big/personal info is one thing but like Autumn said there's a respectful way to handle the situation even if a person doesn't know how to respond, and the way that your friend repeatedly responds to you bringing up aro things is pretty rude. It's also concerning to me that your friend seems to have no regard for your boundaries when you told her you were uncomfortable with something. Regardless of it being about romantic affection, if a friend mentions they are uncomfortable because of something then that thing should stop period end of story, and true friends will respect that.

Welcome!

7 minutes ago, nonmerci said:

I think no action are romantic or platonic on itself. It is the intent behind it that is, the feelings. It changes the way we perceive things.

I 100% agree with this and I think that's why communication is such an important part of any relationship platonic or romantic. I think that the line between what is platonic and what is romantic is different for everyone because everyone feels emotions and perceives emotions in different ways, so because of this we have to maintain healthy communication in our relationships so that we can be on the same page with other people about what we're feeling and they can tell us their feelings and thoughts in return. I don't think there has been or ever will be a solid line that everyone can look to for what is and is not romantic because it's less about actions and more about feelings and how those feelings are perceived.

I havent had much experience trying to explain it to someone not part of the LGBT+ community in some aspect but usually before i try to explain it at all i ask if they know what aromantic means. Ive only ever had one person fully know (cuz they had researched the community when they thought they might be aro) but most often i encounter people that say "sort of. isnt it like-" and then theyll give whatever half definition they have. I like doing it this way cuz its generally less work in that they have a vague understanding and then you can be like yeah thats sort of right and then add a bit of info to clear up their definition. It can also sometimes turn into an interesting convo where they might ask a few questions to get a clearer understanding and i might explain some of my personal experiences/feelings/views on things in relation to my aromanticism.

5 hours ago, Apathetic Echidna said:

Your situation sounds seriously hard. You supported them while laying down boundaries which they didn't respect. It is a shame, and it sucks that it was a friend doing this . I hope some opportunities to get away come up soon. 

I had a friend who did that. They moved to a large city in another state and cut all contact with everyone they knew before. Apparently there were lots of hurt feelings and burned bridges, so when they visits family here there is no one willing to catch up. Must be fairly isolating but it was a bitchy thing to do so I'm not going to make the first move...even if I did have contact details. 

 

Thanks so much. Yeah what your friend did was definitely a bitchy thing to do. If they had already created separation between them and their friends that would be one thing but to drop everyone with no warning is another. I wouldnt make the first move to talk to them again either. Coincidentally thats similar to how i lost another friend last year. She suddenly got mad over random things in our friendship that had never bothered her before (i knew her for ten years) and then she didnt tell me she was mad about anything she just ignored me and was petty. Then she cut all contact. 

Totodile and bulbasaur because i cant pick between the two

1 minute ago, bydontost said:

huh this sounds like a complicated situation and friends using friends as therapists is really unsustainable in the long run, so good call on trying to end that. it sounds like some distance could help right now, except that living with friend 2 doesn't make that entirely possible. can you find more support in this situation in other friends...?? 

Yeah i have support from another close friend and my family so its made it a bit easier but they live in difference cities than me cuz im in college so sometimes its a but hard but im lucky i have that support and ive made a few new friends so slowly but surely things are getting better i think. Once summer hits and i can put more distance between friend 2 and myself i think ill feel better.

3 hours ago, bydontost said:

I mean I guess sometimes, but what happened that there were so many falling outs?? 

Trigger warning: mention of self harm/suicide

I say a lot but my close friend group was pretty small to begin with. I had about 4 close friends and i lost two of them lets call them friend 1 and friend 2. So friend 1 was treating me and friend two like therapists and we confronted friend 1 and said hey you cant do this and then we proceeded to provide friend 1 with support and an abbundance of mental health resources that we offered to go with them too. Fast forward a bit and friend 1 is still treating us like therapists so im pretty worn out mentally and we (friend 1 and i) were having a serious convo because they were having some problems again that they really needed to talk to their parents (which we also encouraged them to talk to) and some mental health professionals about. Friend 1 told me they had been moments from killing themself and that they might have done it if i hadnt comforted them when i did. That scared me especially because they had mentioned being suicidal before but this is the closest id ever known them to getting to that point and so i decided friend 1 should be baker acted. In my state baker acting is when if you think someone is a danger to themself or others you can call to have them get taken to a mental health facility and they hold you there for 3 days minimum while you get help. So friend 1 obviously didnt like that (i didnt expect them to) and friend 2 disagreed with my decision too. They somehow couldnt grasp the fact that telling someone that you were moments from suicide is a large cause for concern that i think called for some form of action because friend 1 refused to get help after we had offered resources and offered to go with her for months. It didnt really matter that i had called anyways becasue they didnt end up taking her to the mental heatlh facility. The way my state does baker acting isnt exactly the best because its cops that come pick you up and they just ask are you suicidal right now? And friend 1 said no so they didnt take her. So as far as i know friend 1 still hasnt gotten help and i havent cut myself off enirely cuz i dont want them committing suicide but i also dont really talk to them much anymore either for my own mental health. As for friend 2 she didnt have to agree with my decision to bakeract friend 1 but she was very rude to me about my decision when i was the one that got told she was moments from suicide. So id like to not talk to friend 2 much either but i live with them in a dorm so i kinda have to.

TLDR: friend 1 needed to see mental health professionals but wouldnt after months of encouragement and provided resources so i decided to have officials force her to get mental health help when she told me she had been moments from suicide and friend 1 and friend 2 disagreed with that decision.

figuring out your orientation or even just yourself as a person takes time. it will be hard but try and remind yourself to be patient with yourself because feelings are confusing so it takes time and patience to figure it out but one day youll get there. Also im not trying to define your orientation for you because only you can do that but just a suggestion maybe you could be grayromantic or somewhere else on the aromantic spectrum. But no matter what you will figure it out one day and whatever your orientation is youre an awesome person and i wish you luck with your dating endeavors. also even if talking to that guy seems like its too late you should talk to him anyways. just be honest about it an be like hey im confused but this is how i feel and yall can decide what you wanna do from there. you never know anything can happen.

I had a falling out with a lot of my close friends in the past 6 months and ive pretty much only been left with 2 close friends altho i have to be around one of the friends i had a falling out with because shes my roommate. Sometimes i wish i could just move somewhere else and start entirely new with my friendships. has anyone else ever felt like that?

I headcanon Aloy from the video game Horizon Zero Dawn as aro because almost every character in the game flirts with her at some point but she's always like thanks not interested and she has a large group of friends she cares for immensely

I would rather own an animal shelter than get married

2 hours ago, Naegleria fowleri said:

 

Wow... I really like this. How long does something like that take to write?

For me it took 3 days but I didn't work on it non-stop. It was a good few hours each day though.

I usually write poetry/prose and recently I wrote a poem for class where we had to find a place in nature and describe that place without directly describing it. It's really long but I think it turned out pretty good so if anyone wants to read it:

Hi!