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About snapesonalane

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  1. Lol as an aroace I can attest to this. On an ace discord server I'm in they were talking about cuddling and bed sharing for like 15 minutes straight. It's funny because I've never been into bed sharing much. Whenever I would imagine being married I wondered if they would be offended or take it as a bad sign if I insisted on separate bedrooms or at least separate beds.
  2. I also look at people with an almost artistic eye. The curve of a cheekbone, the fluid way in which someone moves, etc. But because I find them so aesthetically attractive I do get nervous as well. It's almost like I put them in a pedestal and feel I am "not worthy" of speaking to this beautiful person. Lol since I get nervous I get teased by less perceptive people who assume I'm interested romantically. I hear ya! I also used to think I was bisexual because of that aesthetic lens. This happened more so with celebrities but yeah, I used to think I was bi because I equally admired Natalie Portman and Dylan O'Brien hehe. Only now in retrospect do I realize I've only ever admired their beauty and nothing else. Yes to all the bold! I get so worried when I have a squish or just really want to be friends with someone because it'll be taken as romantic. I worry especially when making straight male friends the most (I'm also a cis woman and gay women in my experience are understanding so I worry less, although I'm not without worry) because how do you say, "by the way don't get any ideas about this because I'm aromantic" without 1) seeming like you're very into yourself and 2) having to explain something very personal to a person you don't know well enough yet which leads to 3) will the prospective friendship dissolve because of the previous two reasons? I totally get what you mean about your only frame of reference being romance so you mistake aesthetic attraction as romantic. This has been basically all my "crushes". I once shyly told a friend I had a crush on this girl in one of my classes only to realize later I was just fascinated by her face and wanted to be friends because she had interesting opinions. Unfortunately that thought process of feeling like strong feelings can only be attributed to romance is what I believe makes it so hard for aros to realize they are aro. Amatonormativity at it's peak. Also, yay! I'm also aroace ☺️
  3. I remembered this little anecdote of when I was around 4 or 5 (so a very very early sign I was aro). It was my aunt's wedding and I was all cute in a little blue dress, an adorable little toddler. So there was this boy, the son of one of my aunt's friends. He was around my age and they would joke about us being very cute together even though we were fucking five (because, y'know, heteronomativity). So fast forward to the reception. This little boy some how got it into his head that he absolutely needed to dance with little five year old me. He threw a giant tantrum and in the end they forced me to dance with this teary eyed snotty little boy. My older cousin, probably 13 or so at the time, was filming the whole thing in one of those giant early 2000's video cameras. I remember looking up at the camera as everyone teased me about this little boy, holding back tears because I hated it. Years later I saw the video along with my family and I remembered that that part was somewhere in there, and I sat through it dreading the moment when the clip would show. So yeah, that's a very early sign I was aromantic af.
  4. Faith from Buffy the Vampire Slayer! Yes! I second this! She likes sex and flirting but whenever a character gets romantically emotionally intimate she seems uncomfortable. Of course, the narrative seems to imply it's because of emotional intimacy issues, but she doesn't seem to have those problems with platonic relationships such as her friendship with angel whenever she appears in angel the series. Also, isn't it just more fun to think of her as aro instead?
  5. Lol saaaaaaaame! I just loved the idea of having a friendship as close as Bella and Jacob's, although admittedly I only ever saw the movies so I'm sure I missed out on their friendship. Things got way boring for me once the love triangle came in, I was not into it. I always used to think those kinds of friendships were what romance should be like, oh how naive my aro ass was. I was always so confused when they told me I must like someone. I just didn't get it. I would think, well who made that silly rule? When pressed I would actually say I liked someone from "my old school" so they wouldn't tease me about a real person because I just loathed teasing. Still makes me cringe and I'm 23.
  6. Yes for some reason it's important to me too. It doesn't hurt me in any way but I guess it's that almost responsibility to explain the split attraction model and not create misconceptions that makes it really important that I explain.
  7. Much like @Falcon7 I also add a short explanation. I feel like it confuses people because I'm basically say, "not all aces are aro," when they say something implying that assumption. Then they ask me what I am then I have to sheepishly reply that while not all aces are aro, I certainly am.
  8. I should have mentioned I experience next to zero sensual attraction towards any gender, although my touch aversion and aspergers might be a big factor in that. I'll get an urge to trace the lines of their bodies with my eyes, almost as if for reference, but never any urge to touch. I do agree though that action (or rather the urge to take action) and attraction are very different. Perhaps that is why we have such a hard time defining our attractions, because we base them so much on whether we experience attraction and not on whether we experience an urge to act on that attraction. For example, I'm ace and have no innate desire to have sex but I get aroused with porn. Does that mean I'm sexual or that I want to do the acts in porn? Not really, because I still don't have an urge to have sex. However I also think there's room for overlap in different kinds of attraction. For example for romantic people sensual and romantic attraction are often hand in hand. I get how confusing it can be though and sometimes I think I would just like to give it a rest and stop thinking about it too much. Especially since I personally don't see the benefits now that I'm sure I'm aro/ace and never wish for sex or a nonplatonic relationship. But of course, this isn't the case for everyone. I am interested in knowing how other aros used to confuse different attraction types for romantic attraction, hence this thread.
  9. I'm the opposite. I'll look at a girl who I like the look of and wish I could look like that. If she looks effortlessly cool I want to exude that kind of effortlessness as well. With guys it's a lot more of how they move, their gestures, their forearms are kind of a thing for me. Long fingers, the way tshirts settle on their shoulder blades. Its simple aesthetic attraction and since I'm a writer I find I often shape characters according to those characteristics I like. But yeah, when I want to emulate a girl I think looks aesthetically pleasing it's generally not good for my self esteem 😅 since I don't have the body type I usually like in others. Where I like the small chested, petite silhouette I'm neither of those. So when I buy clothes similar to those I like on someone I find aesthetically attractive they never make me look like them simply due to body limitations. So of course, you're smarter than me here since you avoid just that.
  10. Yeeeeeeees! Like an itchy throat that could escalate to dry heaving.
  11. I'm the same. I won't turn down a greeting hug (even if I don't really like hugging and it doesn't feel natural to me) because I don't want to be rude. I only ever hug my mom or my siblings, true hugs I mean. Not greeting hugs. Kissing is as you said: meh. And I don't even think I've ever even cuddled in my life with anyone that wasn't family and even then I can only take like 30 seconds of that. I can't even fathom cuddling with someone, it just seems so weighted in romantic interest. Even if it weren't no thanks.
  12. @Apathetic Echidna I tend to dislike other more possessive petnames ever more. My love, my darling. Ew! Put that shit back where it came from or so help me god--
  13. Me too. I try not to use sexually weighted words because I don't like it when people sexualize my experience. Suddenly it'll feel tainted. For example I've always thought vocalist Brendan Urie to be very sexy. But what I mean by sexy isn't based on sex, just on the way he moves and acts which I like watching because it's aesthetically attractive. But I don't say much of this out loud because what other people hear is, "you're thirsty for Brendan Urie" (I heard those exact words once when I did describe him as sexy). I often joke that if I were sexual Brendan Urie would have been my sexual awakening but I digress. By mini me do you mean you want to be/look like them? Because before I knew I was aro I would experience this with girls which made me think I was bi/pan/gay because I liked a certain type (small, androgynous, mainly celebrities) but I now realize probably is just me liking the look and wishing I could emulate it. This never happened with men but maybe the aesthetic attraction towards men was more: if I were a guy that's how I'd wanna look. But more than any of that I probably just liked looking a pretty people. At the end of the day I now know I've never experienced romantic attraction towards any gender which is sort of a weight off my shoulders. But the whole confusing aesthetic for romantic attraction sure delayed my epiphany lol
  14. I had a similar experience with women I found pretty. With men it was just the whole heteronomativity thing at play so I never questioned finding men aesthetically attractive. But when I realized I found women aesthetically attractive and since at the time I had to frame of reference to realize what I was feeling wasn't sexual or romantic attraction (because I also confused aesthetic for sexual before I knew I was ace) I assumed it must mean I'm bi. I played around with a lot of labels before I realized I just wasn't feeling any "I want to fuck" OR "I want to date" feelings for anyone. Now I just know that aesthetic attraction is the only kind I feel towards people, since I don't have any kind of sensual attraction (kiss, hug, cuddle) either. I used to think I was shallow because if I had to think of dating I only wanted to date good looking people. I could never get past that appearance barrier so I would pursue aesthetically pleasing people because I didn't realize at the time that the reason I couldn't bring myself to date people who weren't up to my "standards" was because of my being aro as fuck. I agree with you here, although I also think sometimes it's comforting to have a label you can use to describe your experience through the world. Like, sure I've had maybe one "crush" before so I might be lithromantic but since that was the only instance I'm comfortable saying I'm aro. While I think I understand what you mean by this I might define it as: innate interest in another person, i.e. a kind of interest you can't control which for most romantic people is based on that romantic attraction. If it were a sexual attraction then asexuals would never have crushes. Possibly what you are describing could be closer to a squish (yes I hate that term but it's the one used) since I'm positive sexual aros can experience those while accompanied by sexual attraction.
  15. YMBAI you've never wanted to kiss someone and were surprised to learn that when people say, "I want to kiss [x]" they aren't just conciously deciding they want to kiss, it's an actual urge for them.
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