Bren-Ae

I'm a Unitarian Universalist!

Yeah I like Billlie, Ive, Illit right now. Also Black pink.

I'm new

Yeah I was often doing a lot of things to seem normal; I thought I had to prove I was bisexual enough so I read from every orientation as if it was really what I experienced and when I realized I was aroace, it made more sense. I see the characters in my ships as my own friends if anything other than book characters but I will definitely not try to fit into the rabid-itty of fandom r Moore like trying to be as diverse as possible. I still enjoy a lot of ships but I will probably focus on them. I was before scared that I didn't have a ship from every gender identity or orientation you know? Because I was struggling with mine. I basically appreciate every story for what it is not my orientation.

You were horrified by the concept of the character in your book randomly feeling romance for her opposite gender friend at the end of a coming of age story (it was literally not developed it was just boy and girl friend equals dating eventually) and you became horrified of that happening to you. The concept of falling in love being inevitable horrified you to your core combined with the random actor in TV show who said men and women can't be friends. Romance with the opposite sex or same sex being innate to being human horrified you combined with some people saying they feel attraction to everyone within your orientation. Dating people because you were scared (or wanted to feel like you were stupid enough to believe) that boys always fall in love with girls upon being friends. So you dated someone of the opposite sex only to feel like animal being pet rather than falling in love like the stories. More feeling horrified around every opposite sex or anyone between your pressured-ly labeled romantic attraction because someone said "You'll just know" so you're waiting for it. You've picked another "crush" because they probably like you because they interacted with you positively but then someone finally says that it doesn't make sense to see it that way and you realize your feeling make sense. You realize alloromantic queer fandom can be equally as hard and gay jokes are equally as stereotypical as straight ones and it still makes you uncomfortable like the common "If two people are enemies or rivals for more than 7 years it's not rivals anymore just gay". You like romance stories but the story itself is what explains the romance not anything as simple and nonsensical as that. You know romance is an actual thing the character has to feel and has to be written. Realized that the fear you feel toward society's idea of who might feel is your significant other is not butterflies or nervousness; it's not wanting to imagine them as your partner. You realize just like any other genre, books are just books, therefore someone else's story, so it makes sense that you're aromantic and read romance; it is in no way contradictory. Realize the concept of reading romance as cheating in a relationtionship is equally as bogus as assuming someone likes the characters they're reading about in any context. Soulmates and romance are nearly fictional concepts that you act out in your eyes. You realized you can enjoy acting them out like being a callous being but actually not approve of people acting like that (not that I don't understand people feel the mysterious but simpler version of love in real life)

The relatability of this. You like fictional romance exactly because it is so different from romance in real life. You thought liking romance fiction made you alloromantic. You like or even don't mind romance because it's the driver of like every single song but you were so surprised when you found non-romantic music and appreciated it. You confused how people think you're alloromantic for listening to romantic music or relationship music because 90% romance anyway. Songs about breaking up are equally as relatable as the romance ones because you experience neither or a friend. You realized being bi or panromantic also felt you were being forced to choose someone you liked. You pretended to be in love with characters in ship fandoms because everyone else did. (You genuinely enjoy being outside of them as a book is supposed to be).

The "Aren't you too young for that" was similar to my experience. I sort of realized that I related to queer people but I didn't understand in what way. I thought pan romantic or pansexual but really meant was that I was not attracted to people based on gender and as a whole. So many people online romantically "like" the characters the read about in romance and people have discourse about it, so I was thrown off for a long time because I thought I had to naturally innately feel that way.