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  1. If you have thought your squishes were crushes or have had to make up crushes to fit in.
    16 points
  2. I have no villainous schemes but I do have memes!
    15 points
  3. You might be aromantic if when you think about marriage you don't imagen who you will get married to, but other things instead e.g. getting to wear nice clothes, how nice the food will be, having the opportunity for a big family get together You might be aromantic if when people look down on marrying for visas, marrying for tax breaks, etc. you wonder why they do because those sound like very practical reasons to get married
    15 points
  4. You might be aro if you mistook sexual, aesthetic or sensual attraction for a crush. You might be aro if you thought romantic feelings described by others must be exaggerated. You might be aro if you never notice when someone has a crush on you, unless someone points it out to you. You might be aro if you broke somebody's heart by accident, even without realizing it, simply because you underestimated the intensity of their feelings. You might be aro if you felt suffocated and overwhelmed in a romantic relationship. You might be aro if
    15 points
  5. I posted this on reddit yesterday and figured hey, why not post it here too? This isn't a call to action or anything, I'm was just excited about all the little discoveries about myself I've been making in the past three or four months, and I wanted to write them down somewhere. If yall have anything like this-- something that realizing you're aro brought to light-- then I'd love to hear your stories too! I learned why I'm really picky about what kind of romance I like to read. I like reading about couples if their platonic or physical relationships are interesting, because as an aroallo
    14 points
  6. I would like to personally challenge my non-aro ace friends to stop thinking that I, a non-ace aro, am like them and share their interests. I don't understand, they know I'm not ace?? And you'd think bc of their orientations they'd know that aro and ace aren't the same thing and yet?? No, I will write sex in my fiction thank you very much. No, strangely when I was brainstorming what word to put on the back of my jean jacket "ACE" didn't make the list. No, the ace pin you bought me isn't a good gift and no matter how embarrassed you are rn blurting "its close enough" doesn't work in your defenc
    13 points
  7. I've always struggled really hard with telling close people "I love you"-- I can tell my friends "I love you" just fine, but once I get closer to someone, this wall just comes up and I can't say it. I even struggle to say it to my family. I have a close friend with whom I have a sort of unofficial QPR (we're strictly non-romantic, she's not looking for a relationship and she knows I identify as aro, but we're still good close friends and we can cross non-platonic boundaries comfortably), and for a while I kept wanting to tell her "I love you", like I do to my other friends. But I didn't w
    13 points
  8. this one is such a mood.
    13 points
  9. I would like to see an allo aro character who's romance repulsed. One thing that both aroaces and allo-allos don't get is that sex is so heavily tied to romance that if you're not willing to at least perform romance for someone else's benefit, you're going to have a really hard time with any sexual relationships. How do you even find sexual relationships without first dating someone romantically, if you're not someone who's interested in the usual things like nightclubs or dating apps? Or, let's say you are open to those things. How do you sort out the people who are willing to have a no
    13 points
  10. I think no action are romantic or platonic on itself. It is the intent behind it that is, the feelings. It changes the way we perceive things.
    13 points
  11. More specifically, I'm reading Straight: The Surprisingly Short History of Heterosexuality by Hanne Blank. As the author points out time and again, you can't understand sexuality without looking at heterosexuality and what the so-called "standard" was considered to be, so I took a chance and borrowed the e-book. Even then, I never expected to find vindication in the written form! It's been a wonderful read all around so far. Just tonight, I got so excited when I reached "Chapter 4: The Marrying Type" and came across this paragraph that had me SCREAMING (emphasis my own): "As difficult as
    12 points
  12. Alternatively, assumed you were bi or pan because you felt equally towards all genders.
    12 points
  13. Dated someone because you felt like you were supposed to.
    12 points
  14. Since I've realized I'm Aro I feel so much happiness and affection for this piece of me and I hope others here feel the same! So please comment why you love being aro or what makes you love your Aroness! I'll go first! I love the way I love unromantically. I feel like I get to experience more varieties of affection and intimacy that alloros may miss. That makes me really excited. It feels like more colors were added to my life! I hope this will spread some aro self love as well! So please go wild and let me know all the good feels!
    11 points
  15. One great thing about being aro is that we give the best relationship advice (aka break up). Or, we actually give really well articulated advice because of how unrelatable some of the situations are, so our perspective isn't muddled with emotion.
    11 points
  16. I love how I can focus on other things in life. Alloromantics seem to put to much effort in finding a partner, then keep their partner, having their relationship works... It seems like a lot of energy is give for that. But as I am aro, I can put this energy in other projects and I have more time for myself. I love to not go crazy about shipping and enjoy shows for their plot, not for the couples. I also like how I can look to romantic relationships in a more analytic and logical way.
    11 points
  17. I'm feeling a bit adrift at the moment. Maybe you fellow aros can help me. Sorry if it's coming of as a bit of a rant. Feel free to comment about relating experiences, it doesn't have to be about my own personal musings. Ever since I moved away from my parents home, ten years ago, I've lived this kind of temporary life where everything I did was somewhat fleeting. Whatever I did it was always in my mind that it wouldn't last, college, the places I lived, my first job, my second job. I was always looking forward, feeling like the present was a preparation, a saving up for the future where my
    11 points
  18. This is an attempt to form a megathread, a union of the aroaces across this site. Come here to chat, to share your experiences, send memes, and plot your villainous schemes while the others are busy falling in love/having sex. With this, the alien invasion can truly begin, MWAHAHA! On a more serious note, a discussion about aromanticism in relation to asexuality made me realize we do not have a dedicated space to talk about our own experiences, so I'm making one! Feel free to talk about anything you want here. Aroallos and others are welcome as well!
    10 points
  19. ...With all due respect, I would... Possibly avoid trying to give advice on how to write bi aros if you've never felt attraction. I know you mean well, but I would say that's not really accurate to the experience. That being said, here are some ways my bisexuality and my aromanticism affect each other: -Because I don't experience romantic attraction, I often struggle to relate to other bi folks, and avoid larger LGBTQ events or resources unless they make it very, explicitly clear that they're welcoming to aros, which few do. However, because I do experience sexual attraction, I often feel
    10 points
  20. I think we need both. We absolutely do need ace spaces to become more inclusive of aros, but we need aro-specific spaces as well. The other, perhaps more pressing matter, is that we need everything labeled as "ace and aro" to show that it's not just a name. Sure, anyone can slap "and aro" onto a title- But will they make space for romance-repulsed folks? Will they make space for allosexual aros to talk about our sexualities? Will they actually do anything to welcome aros, or is it an ace space in all but name? In an ideal world where both orientations are treated with equal respect,
    10 points
  21. When the question "What is your type?" really confuses you and you just answer with what you think would make a good friend.
    10 points
  22. Assumed you were straight, and then realized you felt nothing towards any gender.
    10 points
  23. I feel like people only ever ask about progress for romantic relationships. Every time I meet with a friend I have to go through the obligatory update of their dating progress. Don't get me wrong, I'm rooting for them and hope they find someone, but it's annoying that they don't seem to find any other relationship worthy of discussion. For example I've recently moved in with a friend (who I've not been particularly close with), cause I needed somewhere temporary to live while I'm selling my apartment, and I don't get any questions about our friendship and how it's working for us to live togeth
    9 points
  24. Heyo! I'm a 22 year old greyro ace who stole my name off a very angry package of oat milk. I've been stalking around the aros on tumblr for a while but never took the step to make an account here until now. I'm not sure why, because I've always considered my arospec identity to be a much larger part of who I am than my asexuality. It feels like my lack of romantic attraction and my lack of wanting a relationship is a lot more difficult for people to accept and understand than other parts of me. Like people have been taught that you always need to respect someone's sexual boundaries, b
    9 points
  25. Definitely. I'm very loyal to my friends and I don't like the idea that someday I could become second tier just because someone else is willing to kiss them or whatever. To me, a friendship is a commitment, and I'm always willing to go out of my way to support friends if they need it.
    9 points
  26. There's a lot of cooperation between aro and ace activists, initiatives, orgs. There's also hostility in some aro and ace spaces, which is usually aimed at one identity. So it can be aimed at aces, at aros, at alloaros or at alloaces, maybe to a lesser degree at aroaces (they deal with being caught in the crossfire of aces vs aros antagonisms instead), but that happens too. There's a lot of hurt and bitterness, and the communities are linked (by people, by history), and it creates tensions, because we have our differences. Some people would like to be separate - alloaces were vocal about asexu
    9 points
  27. I wrote an aromantic poem. I dont consider myself a very creative person and this is the first poem I've ever written but I wanted to write it to convey some of my feelings. Anyway, here it is: Space Aro I feel lost. Like an astronaught drifting through space. All I can see are spaceships. But I am floating in the endless void. I don't have a spaceship. I can't experience the wonders of stars. Am I destined to stray like this forever? Alone. Or will a comet streak across the sky? Answers will only come with time. Only then will my planet arrive.
    9 points
  28. Ask her. Does she want to be in one? How important to her is romance? Can she be in a QPR and have a romantic partner, or do you want this to be her only partnership of any variety? We can't read her mind. Alloromantic folks are not all identical in their desires, and not every QPR is the same by far. If you don't know how she would feel about something, ask her.
    9 points
  29. That person would be me. Hello! I definitely do recognize that allo aros need to be careful not to repeat acephobic rhetoric, and some people are... worse about that than others. 🙄 It's something I've been trying to keep in mind lately. That being said, I definitely agree that aces also need to recognize the line between "this is genuine acephobia and I should ask this person not to talk like that" and "This person is angry about legitimate injustices done to them and I Am Feel Uncomfortable When We Are Not About Me so I'm gonna tone police them". It definitely is a very diffi
    9 points
  30. I understand that, like, we've been told all our lives that the ultimate goal is marriage and kids, which I do not want. So, how do either of us proceed? I'm thinking of having like a close friend that I can live with but that also wont leave me for a romantic partner. Thats hard to find though.
    9 points
  31. me: *is happy* all of my family: "so who's the lucky lady?" NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
    9 points
  32. sometimes i really wish i wasn’t aro. i’m so lonely all the time, and i’ve always found myself wanting a relationship. maybe i want a qpr, i’m not certain. i just wish i could feel romantic attraction, it seems so much “easier” to form meaningful relationships that way. i want someone to live with, to hold my hand, hug, and cuddle me when things get rough. someone to read books to and make hot drinks for. someone for me to support and to support me. someone who will notice when i’m not feeling well. someone, anyone, so that i won’t die alone. i don’t know what to do. i’d love to
    8 points
  33. For those times when you suddenly realised not everybody around you was aromantic. So we were watching a video on Youtube in French, but before it played an ad popped up. It was one of those ones you could skip after five seconds, but instead we ended up watching the whole minute of this random love story between a guy and a girl in highschool. It eventually turned out to be a Coca Cola ad... because those two things are related somehow?
    8 points
  34. This is something I've thought about for a time. I will preface it with that I have no concern over anyone's personal choices. When I was younger I used to feel empowered by the narrative of being single. That you're strong and independent and don't need anyone. That you can focus on your career and move anywhere you like without being tied down by a partner. However, as the environmental crisis has worsened I've begun to look at this narrative with critical eyes. To me it seems like just another part of this toxic individualism that so many societies today favors. I feel like it sh
    8 points
  35. I love that the journey to finding out I am aro has led me to interesting thoughts on friendship and the weight put on people by our ideas of love and what a relationship would do. If I wasn't aro I would likely never have heard of the idea of amatonormativity for example, despite it explining so many things even for people who aren't aro. I probably wouldn't have heard of relationship anarchy either, or basically any idea of how to live life besides grow up, get married, have a couple of kids. Also while there is a cost to being single it is freeing to be in control of my own income in
    8 points
  36. Allo's say they 'can't focus on stupid work bc I am thinking of themm <3' which to me sounds awful, especially as I have ADHD, meaning I already have problems with productivity. But I am also not trying to impress people I don't like, on dates I don't enjoy. I am not constantly having to sacrifice things for my parter, telling them everything I intend to do so as not to offend, or stepping round their emotions, always wondering if I said something wrong. And thank god; I find my companions not based off of oxytocin and dopamine releases, chemicals which will inevitably fade
    8 points
  37. I don't have to worry about suddenly becoming irrational & obsessive over someone. I won't act like a pervert or abandon a friend for a chance to get closer to someone I just met. You know, I'm glad we can talk like this on Arocalypse. At AVEN the rules are like "don't say it's an advantage to be ace, that's discrimination!" But from a minority perspective:
    8 points
  38. Agreed about identity politics and "humanity" playing a lot into it. Romance is everywhere in a way that sex isn't. Hell, think about this: One of the nastiest ways asexuals are often treated is infantilization, where they're compared to children because they- like children, supposedly- aren't interested in sex. But kids are still people, right? After all, even kids fall in love. Everyone knows tales of puppy love, of the childhood friends who have been together for as long as they can remember... But who doesn't want romance? Well... In the eyes of society, no one, not even kids. Which isn't
    8 points
  39. Doing a report on aromanticism for a school, and I need responses for a survey here! It shouldn't take too long to complete, it has sections on demographics, community interaction and arophobia (that section isnt compulsory if you're not comfortable answering those questions). Thank you!
    8 points
  40. AUREA was founded independently of the forums and combining them isn't possible right now. We're however talking to other groups about how to save the forums if no one takes over the responsibilities of Phoenix by March 29th.
    8 points
  41. Just wanted to thank you, @Blue Phoenix Ace, for doing the work of hosting and managing these forums for as long as you have! < 3 I wish I'd found this place sooner, but I'm glad I got a short time here, at least.
    8 points
  42. courtesy: kirstendraws.tumblr.com
    8 points
  43. You had a crush on someone, though! (As lots of aros make up crushes or were just simply confusing them with squishes like me) But you watched a rom com the other day/romantic book etc.
    8 points
  44. YMBAI you decided as a child that you needed to "find" a crush, because everyone else had them, so you just picked the nicest boy/girl in your class and became truly convinced that you actually had a crush on them.
    8 points
  45. You had to lie about having a celebrity crush or having crushes in general.
    8 points
  46. So I know that in the US today is National Coming Out Day and I’ve seen a ton of posts about “Love is Love” and “No love is wrong”. And don’t get me wrong, I completely agree and think that it’s all amazing, but am I the only one that gets kind of upset because everyone associates the LGBTQ+ community with “letting people love whoever they want”? I feel like everyone just thinks that it’s all about letting people marry and love when there’s also all of the aro, ace, enby, and trans communities who’s LGBTQ-ness is not about who they love. So is it just me?
    7 points
  47. No, it doesn't bother me. Why is it any of my business who they are and aren't attracted to? Fuck am I, a cop? If they don't want to label that experience, then they don't have to. I also find it deeply concerning that you would assume they're straight by default...
    7 points
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