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  1. 6 points
    I would like to see an allo aro character who's romance repulsed. One thing that both aroaces and allo-allos don't get is that sex is so heavily tied to romance that if you're not willing to at least perform romance for someone else's benefit, you're going to have a really hard time with any sexual relationships. How do you even find sexual relationships without first dating someone romantically, if you're not someone who's interested in the usual things like nightclubs or dating apps? Or, let's say you are open to those things. How do you sort out the people who are willing to have a no-strings-attached sexual relationship from the people who expect it to develop into something """more"""? What do you do when your partner """catches feelings""" and it's seen as your responsibility and your fault, and you're expected to reciprocate out of obligation? What do you do when they spread rumors about you being a bitch for refusing to date them, even when you both agreed at the start of your relationship that it was going to be purely sexual? What do you do when your partner wants to kiss you, or call you pet names? How do you find smut you can enjoy reading, when the best written stuff always ends in an "I love you for real"? So many people think being allo aro is as simple as "Well you just have casual sex". It's not, especially if you're romance repulsed. And sometimes I see people treat us as like, Alloromantic Lite- Basically the "aro" part ends at "well they don't have a long-term partner", without thinking about how our lack of romantic attraction affects our lives. I'm sure you understand how much it hurts to live in a romantic society as an aromantic, right? That happens to a lot of us, too. Sure, some aros might be romance-favorable, but we're not necessarily totally unfazed by the existence of romance just because maybe we're ok with kissing sometimes.
  2. 4 points
    Q: "But don't you want somebody to share your life with?" "No, it's all mine. They can go get their own." "Every time I share something with someone, they break it. Life included." Q: "But how can you not feel love?" "Look, in this language, you can love pizza. Pick your goalpost." Q. "But starting a family..." "What's wrong with the old one?" Q. "There's gotta be someone in your future" "Right. Because I just said 'When the World is Running Down' is what I want" (reference to a song by the only good police, the band called The Police) Q. "Your other half" "Yes, I only exist to my waist. I don't walk; I float." I'm most proud of the responses to lines one and three, but I thought I'd share. Mods are welcome to move this if this isn't the right place. I'm new here.
  3. 3 points
    ***I’m sorry if this isn’t formatted well!! I’m just writing down my thoughts/concerns as they form in my mind*** I’m 17 and I’ve never questioned my romantic attraction before, I always assumed I had it- that I experienced it in the “normal” way- because I love sweet things and I like way too many fictional characters. (As well because I’m pansexual and polyamorous) I do know that I find people of all kinds sexually attractive and I do know that, when the right people came, I would be into having a relationship with more than one person. But lately I’ve been wondering if I actually do experience romantic attraction. My main question is: Is it possible to be on the aromantic spectrum if I like the idea of/want all the things that happen in a relationship? I do want to kiss, cuddle, hold hands, have dates, make out, maybe have sex etc. with people I’m close with but I don’t really feel anything aside from “aw that’s a sweet/cute/neat thing to do”. I keep looking up what “romantic love” and “attraction” are supposed to feel like but I still have no clue. I do get excited and happy reading, watching, thinking of my self in romance situations but when placed in a scenario where I would experience it, it just feels off. I don’t think I’ve ever gotten “butterflies” before. I’ve seen people describe it as “you‘re weightless, floating, nervous, giddy, warm and fuzzy” but the only thing I’ve ever felt towards a person irl is stress, a bit of anxiety and slight excitement (because “omg, I’m finally having a sweet moment!”, yes that’s what I thought) I don’t get any of those butterfly feelings when I think about people I’d be interested in doing relationship stuff with. Idk maybe I just haven’t been in enough relationships to know but don’t people feel all of that even when they’re not in a relationship??? That’s what I’ve always assumed after consuming all that lovey-dovey media. I’ve had a few what I assumed were crushes (two friends, a few celebrities and several fictional characters) but, after reading into aro terminology, they could very well be meshes. I got into in my first relationship at the end of last year but it only lasted about a month or so because it didn’t feel right to me. I liked this girl but we jumped into a relationship way too quickly. We didn’t know all that much about each other so it felt really wrong to me- really insincere. And I was starting to feel guilty since the main reason I said yes was because I wanted to be in a relationship, I wanted to be able to say (not really outright but still) that I had a gf. I feel bad because she says that she actually likes me and still would like to be in a relationship if I’m down. I told her I felt something for her, which is true. I care about her a bit more than other friends but I don’t think it’s the same thing that she’s feeling. I think I just think highly of her and want good things for her. I do want to do cute relationship stuff with her but not because I’m in love with her. But because I just want to. Because that stuff is sweet and cute and it sounds nice. I’m not certain in very many of my emotions. In general, I don’t think I feel things the way I’m “supposed to”. (But that’s a problem for another time) I want to be loved romantically. Though, Idk if that’s because I really want that or if I just want the reassurance that I’m capable of being loved. I feel bad that I think I’d be okay with a single sided romance. Again idk, feelings are really complicated and I really wish I felt things very obviously.
  4. 3 points
    figured i should introduce myself as well, and not just write a post and run hahaha. Hi! I'm Pigie/nisse, i'm 24, soon-to-be art student, and i have known i was aroace since i was about 17? took a bit longer to accept it tho, lol. I have always felt a much stronger connection with the aro label than the ace label, however i recently discovered some people use aroace as a whole label (and there's a flag! a much nicer looking one than the aromantic one - i know, i'm sorry. i'm just not big on green 😅 ), as opposed to aro/ace - and honestly that's me!! same hat!! i am the whole thing. i also heavily identify with queer as a label - i am hella queer, and it's nice to use that when i want to make clear that i'm not straight, but i'm not up for educating people on the whole aroace thing lol. i'm also toying around with some gender labels - hence the mess of pronouns. i'm trying to figure it out, as it's been on my mind a long time. so if you're NB and would be willing to chat gender with me, please say hi! i have many thoughts. so hello, fellow aromantics! i'm so happy to be here.
  5. 3 points
    (speaking as a person who mostly call themselve just aro, but who is not ace and i can call myself aro allo in some case) The thing is : the aro allo experience is varied. They can be very sexual, not be, not liking sex that much, not be actually sure of their sexual orientation, young and old. And the other thing is: nothing of this is actually bad. I suppose a "cliché" i am not fan of would be that being aro allo *automatically* give you a higher sex drive and that you want sex with everyone you see and that it's always on you mind (automatically is the key word. Because some aro allos may be like that for all i know, and they are not bad for it ). But i am not sure of how popular that "cliché" is. There is, of course, the "aro allos are manipulator" thing i hate. Well, i would need to see actual representation to really be sure of what i don't want haha !
  6. 3 points
    Yes, it is possible. There is even a word for aromantic who still want to be in a romantic relationship : cupioromantic. Though in the aromantic community, you find a lot of people repulsed by romance, it is not always the case. Personally, I can enjoy romance in books and movies, for instance, even ship characters sometimes (though I am not crazy about my ships). Also, you list sex in the romantic things, but sex don't have to be romantic. Aros are not necessary asexual. The same way, all your desire for doing these things are not necessary linked to romantic attraction. Maybe you just enjoy physical contact.
  7. 3 points
    Okay good news so the talk with one out of the three went well we'll see how the other two go
  8. 2 points
    For me, personally? Yes and no. Would I like someone who I get along with well, who I know would generally be open to having sex, without any fear of it being romantic? Sure. Would I want to have an actual committed Relationship, even a sexual-only one? Ehhhh, not really. I don't like being tied down and I don't wanna tie anyone else down either. If someone decides they don't wanna have sex with me anymore they should be able to just be like "Eh, no thanks" without having to formally Break Up With Me, and I would like the same for myself.
  9. 2 points
    I'm happy to find someone who agrees! The "We're not cold, we can still love" mindset is too common for me to be entirely comfortable in certain ace spaces. Also, I saw this poll on AVEN where some people had filled in that aces are a part of the lgbtq+ community but that aros are not. Like.......what. You would expect a community that gets so excluded to be less ignorant. ayyy, we're having a big validation party here! And yes! Love is what makes us human. Everyone knows this! Who needs consequential thinking or passion or creativity since none of those things defines me as a person :))) Without love I might as well just wither away. Disappear on the spot because I don't actually exist.
  10. 2 points
    Short answer : yes absolutely, it's possible. There is no monolyth in aromantism. There is also many kind of relationships, and none of them are exactly like the other,. And peoples can use the same word for differents "results", or different words for what would be the "same" thing for someone, if that make sense. What you describe don't have to be tied to romantic feelings, even if it has this connotation. Aromantic peoples who like romance and are in a relationship (even in one they would call romantic) also exist. Hope it help? I got them sometime, it's not romance for me. It's either excitement for various reasons or anxiety. I suppose that romantic attraction (or other attractions) can be a form of excitment?
  11. 2 points
    And I think another one has gotten it! One more to go, but they're not responding rn unfortunately.
  12. 2 points
    Hey guys, My name is James and I turned 23 years old today. I'm very new to this whole aromantics thing. I literally just signed up to this site. I am very confused on whether I am aromantic and I am curious if people here can relate to my story. Writing this out for the first time, so bear with me: I enjoy seeing rom-coms and romantic stories, but I have never been in love. I've had a few crushes and those feelings always went away after a short time. My crushes were superficial, I was attracted to somebody's looks or charisma, but as soon as I got to know them on a deep level the crush would fade. I love going out on dates and I started dating a lot of people as a teenager. Girls at first, then I accepted I am gay and started dating guys. I dated a different guy every month, because of how quickly I got tired of them. I am a people person, I have no problem spending lots of time with my friends and family. When it comes to romantic relationships I'm completely different. I have the hardest time being vulnerable with my partner and I also don't enjoy romantic stuff like cuddling. I like giving hugs and kisses, but I see no appeal in cuddling at all. It just bores the hell out of me. This makes relationships very hard for me. I tell the other person I don't want to cuddle (because communication is key and all that) but I can tell my boyfriends are always disappointed. What also happened with three of my boyfriends is that they wanted me to move in with them and that SCARED me so much!! I straight up panicked and broke up with them. Breaking up with people is the worst, it makes me feel like a jerk when I look them in the eye and tell them I don't love them back. After a few months of dating they have often fallen deeply in love and I'm like 'Nah let's be friends'. It's honest but harsh. My friends know that for years I never shut up about meeting the man of my dreams and the wedding we would have (and I mean I've even thought out DETAILS of my wedding lmao). Yet commitment has always been an issue with me. I never date a guy for more than a few months, usually no longer than 2/3 months, and then I break up with him. Because I get scared of being vulnerable and committing to something I don't want. I always thought I'm scared because my dad abandoned me as a child (I'm not kidding lol I have some real daddy issues), but lately I have been thinking I am just not capable of romantic love. Platonic relationships can be equally as meaningful and powerful and with the love of my friends I don't feel like I am missing out. It's just my environment expects me to be in a long term relationship with a partner. Everyone I know craves a romantic partner, but I just don't. I went on dates because I like meeting new people and having fun, not because I was looking for romance. Now I am realizing other people are looking for romance and apparently that's the normal thing to want. And that makes me feel like there is something wrong with me. Just last April I broke up with a lovely guy whom I dated for 9 months, my longest relationship yet. My friends and family liked him a lot. I also liked him a lot, he was cute and he made me laugh. During our relationship, however, I was experiencing major anxiety. It was so bad I developed tummy aches. The stress got worse, because I had never been in a relationship this long. So the longer it went on, the more nervous I got. The day I broke up with this guy, I got some texts of men I know who asked me out because I was now single (these people waste no time!). This time I didn't say go out with them like I usually do. I turned them all down. I am TERRIFIED. I really thought I wanted to be in a relationship and get married even. But now I'm thinking I fell in love with the idea of a romantic relationship, but I don't actually want one. I just get so stressed and scared whenever I am in one. The thought of having a romantic partner gets less and less appealing as I grow older. Am I aromantic? Is this what it means to be aromantic? I just don't know. Now having my 23rd birthday today, I've made the decision to not date anyone for a while until I have this stuff figured out. What do you guys think? Can you relate? Do my feelings make any sense at all?
  13. 2 points
    I totally agree with @Blake that the most important thing right now is to take that break. Reading around here, especially other people's stories, will definitely help you find things to relate or contrast to. We are not only informed by things we understand and like but also by all the things that we reject. Blake says some really good stuff, so I will just add two points. You might want to learn the word Amatonormativity which basically means romantic relationships are prioritised above other sorts of relationships. As you have been dating you have probably been butting up against it fairly constantly, but it is also present in more subtle ways that you have been seeing all your life in movies, books, advertisements, blah blah..basically everything, which informs social expectations and personal aspirations (you don't have to agree with me here, it is just how I see things). Which brings me to the second point: We do like to make a distinction between fantasy romance and reality romance. When romance is directed at us in our minds or a story many aromantic/a-specs are fine with it (maybe they like it or maybe they are bored, but they are not particuarly negative) but those same people when presented with someone real being romantically interested can cause feelings of revulsion or dislike or anxiety basically all bad stuff. So all of your wedding planning and dream future is a 'safe' fantasy romance and doesn't particularly help you form an idea of what your orientation might be because we are taught from early (because of amatonormativity) that romance is good/universal/life goal. So think over what you really (reality) like and what made you anxious or uncomfortable, using this hindsight to work out what your boundaries are. Letting your future partner know you are aromantic-spectrum (or still questioning it) might reduce overall stress and you might find your boundaries shift simply because the underlying romantic expectation is relieved. Sorry if I rambled my thoughts too much and I wish you the best of luck @Jameseroo !
  14. 2 points
    As you don't know if it is 'normal' or not, it is possible that they also don't know how to keep things platonic in a relationship? maybe they just make assumptions about what progression happens when something becomes a relationship. This all boils down to you asserting your boundaries. Tell them when you are uncomfortable, and if they start interrogating you about why you are uncomfortable don't let them make you feel like it is your problem. If you cannot articulate why you feel uncomfortable that is fine, vocabulary and communication can be hard and some people just don't want to understand, so say something along the lines of: This action/activity/word makes me uncomfortable and I am asking you to stop, the reasons why I feel uncomfortable are not as important than respecting my wishes. This one might have to be a conversation about what the relationship really is (as compared to a conversation about boundaries, though you probably need to talk about them too). If you didn't talk about what sort of bond you had, well now is the time to go over that. If this person is truly seeking a romantic relationship you will have to make it clear that you are not the person for that. This might give you some help with boundaries if you don't know where to start, or maybe give you some new ideas On a final note, heavily biased from personal experience, if you are truly worried about them self-harming because of their possible reaction take some psychiatrist/therapist/counsellor numbers or fliers with you because if they are really in that state they need professional help. Also because threatening self-harm is a form of domestic abuse and control...so if they are holding it over you just get out of the situation and if you are still worried call the cops for a wellness check a few hours later.
  15. 2 points
    Hey there mate! First, hi ^^ hbd and welcome. Ok so you are not alone in this. Your feelings are as valid as mine. I cannot put you a label cuz that is up to you. What I can do is help you understand your situation and what it can mean. So you may be in the aro-spec. This means that you may be aromantic, lithromantic, demi, etc. In the AUREA website you can find all the terms. From what you told, i would look up lithromantic and cupioromantic to have a north and from there take your ship toward the voyage of self-discovery. That is my tip for you. Now, another thing that i saw as important is to take a break from dating to get to know yourself better ^^ (woot woot). I know is not very easy to want something but not being able to go get it. You are not alone in this, you now have an entire website full of people who are all over the world and we all have different experiences and we can help each other out however we can. So yeah, like you said, you are not missing out on whatever allos are doing. You are you, and that is what matters. Also, cherish you friends, and try to find people who you feel comfy to hang out. They do not have to represent a potential partner, just friends who have your back when you fall down and care for your mental/emotional health as much as physical one ( I say this cuz the ones that wrote you aftsr your breakup didn't sound much as friends but more as piranhas). I have friends and i have friends. The first one are the ones I like, the latter are the ones I would give my liver if they need one. ^^ finding the latter is kinda hard, but it makes you time with them fulfilling and meaningful. Cheers mate and may you find what you are looking for.
  16. 2 points
    I've also been through this, and I know it's very hard to do this. But it's important that they let them know how you're feeling (or not feeling.) Did they ever officially ask you out? If not, that's a place to start. Communication is very important in any relationship, romantic or not. If they never asked or pushed your boundaries to ask, that should be addressed. Not saying anything will just hurt yourself and potentially them as well. That all said: this is not your fault if you got pressured into this, your own feelings and boundaries are more important than letting others push yours, no matter how they feel about you. I'm sorry you're dealing with this right now and I hope it gets resolved peacefully.
  17. 2 points
    I think Diana from Anne with an E may be somewhere on the aro spectrum. Maybe that's just because I would enjoy a character from this show to be so. But she doesn't seem very interested in romance for herself, in particularly compared to the other girls who all want to date. She only noticed and showed interest in Jerry after Jerry offered to walk her home (which was considered romantic if I understood; she was suprised to find him ready to walk with her). And as the actress who played her said herself, Diana may have kissed him, but she wasn't in love with him : she only dated him because he is from a different world and be with him gave her an illusion of freedom : she escaped her house and all its rules. But when she realized how different they are, she didn't enjoy his company anymore because they have nothing to talk about. And when she compares her experience to other girls, it was clear for her she didn't love him. So she may noot be aro, but if it was revealed she was on the spectrum, I wouldn't be surprised. Also, she and Anne can be seen as QPPs, totally.
  18. 2 points
    Found this little gem. So not a direct canon neither headcannon. But worthy nevertheless.
  19. 2 points
    Doing a report on aromanticism for a school, and I need responses for a survey here! It shouldn't take too long to complete, it has sections on demographics, community interaction and arophobia (that section isnt compulsory if you're not comfortable answering those questions). Thank you!
  20. 1 point
    1. Thanks lol love the profile pic. We stan a pretty setter 2. I was wondering about qprs, they sound like something I might be interested in but at the same time I’m still worried that whoever I’d over up the idea to, would be offended or upset that I wouldn’t be able to feel for them in the exact same way. Idk, life’s complicated. I’ve still got things to leave about my comfort levels. All I can do is do whatever feels right in the moment. (Which is way easier said than done but it’s the thought that counts lol) It is nice to actively know that people have felt close to what I’m going through That’s exactly what I’ve been wondering for a while!! I still don’t exactly know. It does sound nice but, in the one relationship I was in, I felt off. I assumed it was because I didn’t know this person enough to actually like them yet but I honestly don’t know if that’s really it. Of course, logically I know that there are tons of people in this community that can relate to things I feel but it can be hard to genuinely feel it. This is nice though, I really appreciate you and all the others for taking time out of your day to reassure me and make me feel valid. ❤️ It wasn’t a mess lol don’t worry
  21. 1 point
    Good point. i feel that a *lot* in fiction, somewhat. It begin by a sexual non romantic relationship , but it's always depicted as "not good enough" to "bad" so the "only" good ending possible is to make it romantic This is of course more of a big deal when it happen in real life. Because fiction is one thing, but the stigma is very present I was thinking about that
  22. 1 point
    I had an aro-ace character who is a sociopath (though I'm questionning a bit the aro part) so I get you with th android thing. Just because there is a stereotype, it doesn't mean you are not allowed to use it if this is three-dimensional as say @Oatpunk. Stereotypes are meant to be played with after all. I don't have anything to say as I am also ace, but I am interested as I may write an aro allo character someday. So I'll look at others' responses.
  23. 1 point
    I'm also aro-ace and I totally get the android thing! I think it's a useful metaphor for our experience and I love it when queer people turn their stereotypes into something genuine and three-dimensional. I'm following this because I'd also like more insight into writing allo-aro characters and I'm fucking clueless when it comes to sexual attraction. Good luck with your comic and welcome! I hope you'll want to stay with us (we're cooler than AVEN).
  24. 1 point
    I love coming home after a trip out somewhere. Going away for a week, a couple days, a few hours-- coming home is always the best part. Even if I'm out with friends and I have a great time, it's so nice to close the front door to my house and just rip a giant fart without hesitation.
  25. 1 point
    I just need one energetic feelgood song and that's We are golden by Mika. It's about brushing off hardships, letting loose and throwing yourself at life full speed. I'm especially fond of the line "I live for glitter not you".
  26. 1 point
    I'm currently playing a bard in my dnd campaign and he's busy with, you know, trying to save the world, so there's not a single thought in my mind to ever flirt with anyone. But then I was told that it's common knowledge the bard is "supposed to" seduce everyone and I was like "ooohhh.....yeah, I don't want to do that". We ended up having a heated discussion about it where I said that I've never flirted with anyone in my whole life and I'm not about to start now, and these people retorted that dnd is my "chance to do that"! As if everyone obviously has some deeply rooted want for romance even when they have explicitly told you about their aromanticism. Another Aromantic Moment(tm) was when my character ended up under a spell so that everyone was super attracted to him and I was so uncomfortable. I knew that they were just roleplaying attraction to a character that's not even me but god did I want it to end. I have no idea how to deal with that and it just sort of made me realise how different I am. Like, what would I have done if someone else had gotten the spell put on them? I wouldn't be able to continue acting like normal without feeling really put on the spot and having to start a conversation about how my character is aroace even though I never told the DM about that because it never struck me as something relevant!
  27. 1 point
    Hey there, so help you need? Well let me try and give some. First comes you, and then comes the rest of the world. You cannot live for someone, you can only live for yourself. You cannot control what people feel, but it is in your right to say not if the new Term of Service (ToS) changes. You went in cuz it was said to be platonic, then it changed. So you should not feel bad to say this isn't what I signed up for. An example to make my point is that you signed up in your job to be a cashier, but the second day they give you a knife and say you are the new butcher. If you do not feel comfy, you can say no. Ik it is kinda hard, me speaking as an introverted with anxiety, but if you do not put up boundaries, it is bound to bite you later on the road. Your intention is not to make people feel bad. But you are not their therapist either, if your partner has some kind of illness, a doctor is the one that can help, not you. Your job is not to save people, it is to be in a mutually happy relationship. For the other one, the one that now is presenting as a romantic relationship, you should make the boundary clear too. If you like cuddles, the yay. If you don't like kisses, then nay. Just cuz your partner is changing the ToS, doesn't mean you have to accept them. This is my personal experience, but it may help you. I went in a relationship thinking A. My partner knew that, but along the way it developed into something that I wasn't comfy. And I said nothing. Time flew past and my partner, thinking I agreed to the new ToS cuz I did not say the contrary, went in deeper. And because I wasn't putting boundaries, I ended up hurting them more than if I said something from the beggining. It was my fault not to speak first, but it is not my fault the feelings that my partner felt after it blew up, cuz those I cannot control. I put the boundary and that's it. If the ToS isn't agreed by both parties, the service is cancelled. And I use ToS because it is a simpler way of explaining. It is not by any means the perfect way, but it is more physical to grasp.
  28. 1 point
    When I was younger, I didn't get crushes. I never really even realized that crushes were a big deal. I read romantic books a lot and I always expected that one day, I would date someone and fall in love because everyone feel in love sometimes. I never realized that I didn't get crushes like everyone else and it wasn't even a big deal until I found out about aromanticism. I even liked reading about romantic love and it's always felt like something that I would be able to when I got older. I didn't think I was broken or weird, I was just normal. But now that I've figured out that I'm aro, I feel so much more alienated than my peers. I keep having panic attacks about being aro and I'm not even sure if I want a relationship anymore. Even now, I don't face much arophobia, but I keep thinking that someone is going to tell me that I'm wrong. This post is a mess, but I hope that you sort of understand where I'm coming from.
  29. 1 point
    I knew I was aro at around 15, but I didn't accept it until recently, so I think that you're fine if you want to identify as aro now.
  30. 1 point
    I'm mixed, part Japanese, raised in Japan until teen, English is my third language, trans male, formerly identified as bi and really reluctant to let go of that because of biphobia including racist abusers hurting me for claming that, but I discovered what "sexual attraction" really was and that I don't feel that last year. At almost 40 I'm wondering if I even *ever* really felt romantic attraction, if maybe I'm cupioromantic, was something else aro and just lonely all along and brainwashed by amatonormativity. At the same time, I'm starting off not really trusting anyone because AVEN is so toxic and bigoted and I'm worried about a repeat. In fact, I'm ready to not post this and delete my account right now, so I'm gonna hit "post" before I lose my nerve.
  31. 1 point
    My submission for AUREA’s Aros Create Pride event (which you can read about here). This is a few of my favorite patches I’ve embroidered. I posted this on tumblr (link here) but am crossposting it here as another place where people could potentially leave comments. Patch 1: Aroace Arrow through Inverted Spade-heart This patch uses the aroace flag I made (seen here). It utilizes a spade, which is an aroace symbol, which I’ve inverted so it looks somewhat like a heart, which is being pierced by the arrow. (I’ve previously shared this patch in this post). Patch 2: Aromatic Aromantic This one has a chemistry pun; so, the basic type of aromatic molecules is a 6-carbon ring with 3 double bonds, and the simplistic way of depicting this is a hexagon with a circle inside of it. This patch has the hexagon with a circle aromatic symbol in gold. In between the hexagon and the circle is the aro pride flag. I thought inside the circle looked plain so I added a bow and arrow inside of it in silver because of Artemis. Then across the top is the word “Aromantic”, mostly in white but the “n” is green such that reading just the white letters would say “Aromatic”, thus it can be read as “Aromatic Aromantic”. (I’ve previously posted a tutorial of this patch here). Patch 3: Demiplatonic apl-apple This one plays on the pun where aplatonic is shortened to apl, thus apl apple. I added a triangle to the aplatonic flag to make it demiplatonic, which is how I specifically identify. (I’ve previously posted a tutorial of this patch here).
  32. 1 point
    I've never used the term platonic attraction so I don't know. But what else would you call being interested in making friends with someone? I feel like it should be able to encompass attraction of different levels. From an intense squish to just a general interest in befriending someone, or interest for an existent friend.
  33. 1 point
    Same. I love to write and it's frustrating when I can't because I am stuck. Also, I love when I finish something. I also say music, in particular American musical. Don't ask me why because nobody in my family is into musical and I am not American. I can't even see them live. But I love the music, and the unique way of melting songs into the story. But I know no one who share my passion for that. I also enjoy some video games, but my father says it's for little kid and I should grow up. I'd like to see him win Fire emblem Fates Conquest in the hardest mode. Then we'll talk.
  34. 1 point
    i know it sounds strange lol. it’s the fact that i don’t experience romantic attraction, but i feel like i’m missing out on something. i watched cavetown’s vid where he revealed (??? sounds dramatic lmao) that he’s aro-spec n the way he deals w this is by viewing platonic relationships and romantic relationships as equal instead of romance being a step up, but i can’t get rid of this feeling that i’m missing out. especially because i luv the concept of love. like to such an extent i’ve cried nonstop over this. i remember i once had a bf (who was toxic but let’s not talk abt that rn) and i got w him as a way to “force” myself to be alloro, n when it broke off because (of his toxicity and) the fact i felt nothing, i couldn’t stop crying because i felt like i failed. like romance was a simple easy goal i failed. is this normal lol
  35. 1 point
    Theologians of the middle ages could write a big tome on marriage and not mention love once. It was all about sex and children. The problem I have with this argument though is that marriages not based on romantic love were bad practices. They shouldn't be seen with rose tinted aro glasses. Not because of the lack of romantic love but because there was coercion involved to different degrees. They exist on a continuum of harm. Usually harm for the woman or more so for her. The most "egalitarian" practice is also the worst and modern: The forced marriages of the Khmer Rouge. People were assigned to marry random strangers without having any choice in it. If the woman refused to have sex with her "husband", she was raped. If the man refused to rape his "wife", he was killed. For traditional arranged marriages we often think just of family pressure. But e.g. the "free women" in Ancient Athens didn't get an education and were married at a very young age to a man 15 years older or so. That's again a much more sinister practice. When a 30 year old man has a subservient uneducated teenager as his wife (he probably held her in contempt). To put it very mildly... So I simply don't know historical marriage practices which are 100% benign (no coercion) and do not involve romance. For children it's different. We know cultures where it's normal that children are born and raised with no romance involved and there still isn't something bad going on. Before the last two centuries or so depictions of anything which could be "romance" were rare in literature and seen as universally tragic when they did show up. With motion pictures being too recent an invention to have existed in pre-romantic societies. I find the story of Joanna of Castile one of the most absurd ones. Historically proven is that she managed to get into a marriage based on passionate romantic love; with Philip the Handsome. That was quite rare for high nobility. Sadly he died only two years later. There are accounts (since it's not Halloween, I keep it short) that she couldn't accept this loss; exhumed her dead husband's corpse and even traveled around with his coffin and let it open from time to time, to kiss him etc. She was called Juana la Loca and declared insane, unable to govern and put into the care of nuns. Probably nothing of that Halloween story ever happened and it's just propaganda for political reasons. The point is, at those times people generally accepted this to be highly pathological behavior (if it was propaganda, it was done for exactly this reason). Nowadays you can't even be sure of that! If you tell this story, there are always some people who are like: "But.... noooo she wasn't insane!!! *sigh* 💗 She was just too struck by grief and mourning her husband. If that's insane then love is a mental illness!!!"
  36. 1 point
    Ok, the difficulties start with the basic statistic: the birth rate, which you cite. It is the easiest measure to define and calculate. The number of live births per thousand of population per year. It has a long lag. If in the recent past women didn't have a lot of children, it will still be low regardless if the birth rate in younger women has increased. There are fewer women in childbearing age that even can be mothers, yet, to put a not too fine point on it, all those middle aged and old people are still around. So if a country has a low birth rate and you look at explanations in the present, that will be misleading. As you say, regarding Japan we think of "Marriage to Hatsune Miku", but seriously – for the actual reasons you must also include at least the 90s. A woman which was 45 in 2000 is 65 now and likely still alive. So what did she do in 1975 - 2000? The same is roughly true for men. There's theoretically a lot of more leeway here, but in practice when people marry their ages are not thaaat far apart. And in the 80s or 90s there wasn't a Hatsune Miku. I'm not knowledgeable enough regarding Japan to do more than speculation. So are the stories about "salarymen" exaggerated? Like the insane shifts, sometimes with up to 40 hours overtime a week? If they're more or less true, I wonder how they even manage to date at all. it would be interesting to know more about the blue-collar workers in Japan, if it's different for them. One would assume, because for physical labor the negative effects of such overwork are much more serious. What's about the birth rate dependent on socioeconomic group?
  37. 1 point
    YMBAI you grew up thinking that romantic attraction was just platonic attraction + sexual attraction, not a unique type of attraction on its own.
  38. 1 point
    I suggest listening to Rina Sawayama's new album This entire album has nothing to do with romance whatsoever. It's about dealing with racism, capitalism, and reclamation of identity. It also touches over things like missing your ex best friend, self love and chosen family. I honestly can't recall ever going through an entire album that didn't have not one love song... it actually felt really refreshing tbh.
  39. 1 point
    Since this thread has been bumped, I have to chime in. Genitalia is not "male" or "female". It can be external or internal - or both, even. Gendering genitalia like this is cisnormative and even transphobic. (I understand why you went with these descriptions, it's a common thing to do - but it has implications that aren't great.) Attraction is not based off of what genitalia you enjoy/prefer/have a fetish or philia for. We define attraction based off of gender (and to imply that genitalia defines gender is definitely transphobic). You can find someone or parts of people aesthetically pleasing without being sexually attracted to them. You can certainly have sex with people without being sexually attracted to them as well. The answer to your question lies here: "Only sexually attracted to women". That's what sexual attraction is based off of. Who (not what!) you are/can be sexually attracted to. I see your profile lists you as "female", so it sounds like - from that quote alone - you're an (aro) lesbian. However, caveat - as aepaex said, if the label bisexual is in any way useful to you and you want to use it, then it sounds like you're bisexual! If you want sexual relationships with men as well as women, regardless of who you're attracted to, then bisexual would indeed be a useful label. This seems like a good point to throw in my usual spiel: labels are not some predetermined answer to who you are. They are for us and we should use whatever label(s) make us happy/comfortable, whatever label(s) we actually want to use, and/or whatever label(s) helps us communicate how we feel/what we want to others. I know that seems a bit contradictory. I'm happy to try and talk about it more in depth if you want.
  40. 1 point
    Hi and happy new year everybody! So, I got the feeling that we focus too much on aro inclusion in ace places. Which have sense considering that aro and ace has been tied together since the creation of ace community... but seems damaging too. For instance, people here saying they didn't realize they are aro because they thought you have to be ace : except for heterosexual aro (I don't think there exist hetero places like LGBT places?), learning about aromanticism on gay, bi, pan, transgenres, etc places would have help them a lot. Also, aro would feel more safe in LGBT communities, and it would help aro awareness more. But I don't know how to do that. I am not personnaly involved in queer places except arocalypse. I can't picture myself go on a LGBT community and say "hi! We exist!". I don't feel legitimate. I think AUREA must have a role here. So, what I'm trying to say is : we should stop to focus so much on the ace communities and look for other places too. 2020 will be the aro year!
  41. 1 point
    I love to be aro represeted as a valid identity, not something to fixed or linked to a disease, to a mental condition, to a trauma, or whatever. Even if a character could have a disease etc, make it clear that aromanticism is not linked to it. I don't have a specific wish for sexuality or gender, though I think it will be cool if the aro is not ace too, because people still think it is the same thing.
  42. 1 point
    Cool thread! I think I only really find people attractive when I'm already horny. I never get distracted because someone's attractive, but I will find certain people more attractive if I'm actively looking for a sexual partner? Of course this is also tied up with the fact that I'm pretty sure I have some level of prosopagnosia (faceblindness) , and I have to have known someone for a while before their face sticks in my mind well enough that I'm even able to find them attractive. And if by this point I've discovered I don't like them as a person, I'm not going to find them attractive. So I only find people attractive when I'm horny, I've known them for a while, and we're reasonably friendly and get along and even then I don't find most people attractive, or find anyone distractingly attractive.
  43. 1 point
    Not sure if this has already been posted here, but: http://anagnori.tumblr.com/post/69145328274/you-might-be-aromantic-if These are the ones I can relate to most :
  44. 1 point
    YMBAI you just wanted to talk to and spend time with your "crush" but not do anything romantic with them (basically you thought you had a crush on someone but it's probably closer to a squish)
  45. 1 point
    YMBAI you found kiss scenes in the middle of action completely stupid. Like, why are you kissing right now when zombies are about to kill you?
  46. 1 point
    YMBAI when asked what you want out of a romantic relationship the best thing you can come up with is "cook for her and share a meal together".
  47. 1 point
    You might be aro if you don't understand how most people seem to have crushes all the time... Or if you thought you were just picky when it came to crushes..
  48. 1 point
    You might be aro if you mistook sexual, aesthetic or sensual attraction for a crush. You might be aro if you thought romantic feelings described by others must be exaggerated. You might be aro if you never notice when someone has a crush on you, unless someone points it out to you. You might be aro if you broke somebody's heart by accident, even without realizing it, simply because you underestimated the intensity of their feelings. You might be aro if you felt suffocated and overwhelmed in a romantic relationship. You might be aro if the pet names people gave to their partners, always felt artificial and ridiculous to you.
  49. 1 point
    Dated someone because you felt like you were supposed to.
  50. 1 point
    Every time I see a cheesy, cliche, or badly written love story in movies and am torn between constant facepalming and trying not to fall asleep. And then some of my alloromantic friends keep going on about how cute the story is and I am just so confused sometimes.
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