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  1. 6 points
    I think you need to ask yourself why everything coming out of your mouth on this thread is something you could read on an aspec exclusionist's discourse tumblr lmao. I could get into how aros didn't 'decide' we're privileged. I could get into the social and legal oppression we face, regardless of other labels we have. I could explain how your experiences of being bi versus being aro are just that, yours. I could try to get you to understand, as someone who only ids as aro myself, how gross it is that you assume me straight by default and how invasive it feels that you assume you're entitled to know the ins and outs of my experience with attraction. Frankly I don't think you're worth the effort. If you reflect on the hurt you're dealing to your own community, it will be because you yourself realise you're in the wrong. Let me instead tell you that I feel empowered as a queer person by opting out of sexual orientation. It's not a concept that helps me understand myself. Maybe it will one day, but for right now it just doesn't apply. I have no sexual orientation. I am not asexual. I am not anything other than aro. The fact that makes you so uncomfortable is honestly part of the appeal I'm 'just aro' as in fuck you.
  2. 5 points
    No, it doesn't bother me. Why is it any of my business who they are and aren't attracted to? Fuck am I, a cop? If they don't want to label that experience, then they don't have to. I also find it deeply concerning that you would assume they're straight by default...
  3. 5 points
    My guy, i think i might know how u feel. i use a microlabel on the aro spectrum (lithromantic) and my god it's annoying. I worry that I'm seeking attention or that it's fake, i worry that other people are gonna judge me or question it, it's just hard and embarrassing. Half the time i say i'm "aro-spec" because i don't want others to say "that's not a real identity" or ask "are you sure you're not just [insert other identity/condition/normal thing]?" And it also makes it hard to find others who use the same label. it sucks But i think that's a problem with other people. The idea that "microlabels" are invalid and made-up is a very right-wing idea, a demeaning and mocking way for them to bash lgbt+ people. U hear them make shitty jokes about "5941 genders" and "attack helicopters," and it's literally just a tool to discriminate. If u turn ur opponent into a laughing stock, into cringeworthy content, u reduce their power and undermine their self worth. This causes people to feel imposter syndrome, internalize the prejudice, disbelieve their own feelings, force themselves into uncomfortable labels to avoid ridicule, and be afraid to say what they're really feeling. It can cause them to hate themselves the way the oppressors hate them And unfortunately, this right-wing rhetoric exists within left-wing and lgbt spaces too. The people in my life who have said my label isn't valid have all been left-wing and/or lgbt. It's messed up. But honestly, they're wrong and they're projecting internalized homophobia onto others, because mocking or invalidating another group makes their community feel safer or more special or more valid. They're insecure and unaccepting. Legit, fuck them. Someone created ur label because they felt like u do, just like someone created the labels gay and bisexual because they needed a word to describe themselves. Labels are meant to describe feelings, not appease others. U belong to a fantastic community that is inevitably going to gain more visibility, because that's how time works. If ur able to surround urself with those people, online or even irl, and also maybe purchase a pride flag or expose urself more to ur-label-positive content, do it dude. That can encourage self acceptance and remind u that ur beautiful
  4. 4 points
    Making judgements against the validity of people's identities is not permitted. People identifying as non-sam aro/just aro is perfectly valid, people are allowed to identify in the way that is comfortable for them. This thread is locked because it was never a productive conversation so it is best to prevent escalation.
  5. 4 points
    I thought this article about choosing friendships over romantic partners is well written and engaging.https://www.theatlantic.com/family/archive/2020/10/people-who-prioritize-friendship-over-romance/616779/
  6. 4 points
    ok, here's what i would say, i dont mind whether you would use it or not. Accuracy: From the small amount of media I have seen that involves aro characters I have found it to be fairly accurate. Generally the characters behave in a way i would say is sensible and i cannot think of a moment where i have seen aro representation and thought, wow that's silly, or found a glaring problem with it. However accurate is not the same as extensive, and I definitely think it is slightly dissapointing how little aro representation have seen that explores, say allo aro experiences, or aros who enjoy romance in fiction, just showing some of the variance in aro experiences. One thing that seems to happen all the time in aro spaces is people questioning their identity simply because they have these slight variations in their aromanticsm. like, doubting because they desire sex, or shipping fictional characters, or can enjoy some actions which are often seen as romance coded. I suppose this is just a side effect of having such small amounts of representation but it can get frustrating. Amount: Having little representation in media is very annoying when it comes to explaining who you are. there is no moment where you can point to a character the person you are explaining too and say, like that. having a common reference point is really useful. I suppose the bigger point though is that it is much easier to find out about aromanticism if you hear the term than if you try hopefully searching your experience on your own. This finding out about aromanticism is really good, I reckon I would be far happier if I had found out about the identity earlier rather than going through my late teens/early 20s just thinking I could power through and make romantic love work for me. This is also something which I think has more of an impact on mental health than many give credit for. certainly I feel that my level of comfort in life was far greater after I came to terms with the idea that my lack of romantic attraction was not some terrible failure on the part of my personality. On the other hand I am in a way happy. Little representation of generally decent quality is not a bad position to be in. I would rather that than a large amount of negative representation. Lastly I suppose I am happy that representation in media is lacking rather than outright hostile, this is a much nicer situation than many identities have or have had.
  7. 3 points
    I've spent so long wishing for a relationship that I didn't realise romance actually kinda sucks. I thought a romantic partner would be cool, but I only ever fantasised about scenarios in which we'd be rebellious and go out and do crazy stuff bc that's all romanticised in movies, never just lying around cuddling in bed (the weird ideal allos seem to obsess over) which, first off just sounds sweaty n gross, and also so boring I'd probably be forced to jump out the window in search of an escape lmaoo. I'm a stimulation seeker not looking for romance haha, so after the beginning with the hormones havin a rave is over i'd lose interest. Thinking about it i'd be the WORST boyfriend; I hate people being clingy, I lose interest in things way too quick, I hate being touched in 90% of cases, and my personality changes monthly p much, so chances are one of us nopes tf out. Ik I sound like an awful person but i'm actually a p decent guy rip (blame my adhd) Also I haven't been on here in a while so i'm sorry if this is the wrong place to post this, I just wanted to get some thoughts out
  8. 3 points
    Is it possible to be aroace and lesbian at the same time? I'm not interested in sex or romance in any way, but I still feel attracted to women pretty strongly in a platonic (sometimes queerplatonic) and aesthetic way. What does this make me?
  9. 3 points
    Lesbians experience attraction to womxn, and that extends beyond romantic and sexual attraction. As was mentioned above, "oriented" aroaces are those who experience some other attraction that is strong enough to cause them to identify with something other than aroace. Platonic and alterous attractions are commonly at play in those scenarios! "Angled" aroace is a related term for those who are grey-, demi-, or some other aroace-spectrum identity. I'll use myself as an example - I'm greyromantic and grey-ace, but when I do experience attraction its towards any gender, so I'm bi (angled) aroace. In those situations people may also say grey-bisexual or bi/grey aroace.
  10. 3 points
    Reassuring others. When members of their own community keep shitting on them, it's good for people to see others acknowledging what scaldingly cold takes those are. For every dipshit who thinks it's cool to gatekeep, I want people to know that there's still those out there who recognize that gatekeepers don't deserve anything more than a Wayne's World meme. Hope all the non-SAM aros and aces out there are having a good day! Y'all keep kicking ass!
  11. 3 points
    Yes, in fact, I am a community activist who has spoken at World Pride and an active member of TAAAP. Thank you for asking!
  12. 3 points
    Hello i use only "aro", am not because i am privilegiate at all (sometime i id as aro allo, it's complex but i have the right) and i think that you should let peoples identify as they wish, you assume too much about them. Peoples can be "only ace" or "only aro" and it's not just bc they are privilegiate. There is many possible reasons. It's not because they are het. In fact, i find it disrespectful of you to slap "het" on someone who don't label their own orientation. I don't label my sexual orientation bc it's blury and i CHOOSE to not. And it's fine. It's not bc i am questionning. As a non binary "only aro", let me tell you that you are wrong on all the line there. Sorry if i get annoyed too, but wow. Hope you understand why it's not great If you get annoyed at peoples for an harmless self label, then it's on you. It's about us, how we decide for our own label. Not about you.
  13. 3 points
    Careful with that. Many trans and/or non binary peoples don't like it, as it often slip into fetishism. And it's better to use "transgender" than "transexual" for the whole community (even if some trans peoples use it, which is fine). Something about the etymology too? There is also the matter of separating trans men and women from cis men and women with their gender whish is...not great.
  14. 3 points
    Like you, I relate to barely any "common" aro experiences. I actually love romance. I read romance stories, I ship fictional characters, I'm not at all uncomfortable with PDAs. I didn't even start thinking about my romantic orientation until I was 24 because I didn't experience any sense of being "different" from any of my friends, plenty of them didn't really date due to concentrating on studies and career. None of that makes me any less aromantic though, I still don't experience romantic attraction, I still don't want a romantic relationship.
  15. 3 points
    I've always struggled really hard with telling close people "I love you"-- I can tell my friends "I love you" just fine, but once I get closer to someone, this wall just comes up and I can't say it. I even struggle to say it to my family. I have a close friend with whom I have a sort of unofficial QPR (we're strictly non-romantic, she's not looking for a relationship and she knows I identify as aro, but we're still good close friends and we can cross non-platonic boundaries comfortably), and for a while I kept wanting to tell her "I love you", like I do to my other friends. But I didn't want to give her a mixed signal-- telling "her oh, hey, I'm aromantic and I don't want a relationship, and also, I love you!!!" So I couldn't tell her, and it felt kind of bad because I tell my other friends I love them all the time, and she's a really good friend so I wanted to give her that kind of love too, but I was too scared. Anyway the other day we were talking about a coworker's recent marriage and chatting about marriage in general and she said something like "I think I'd only get married for tax purposes honestly" and I just said "Oh my god, I love you so much right now," and she went one one knee and said "..... for tax purposes?" It was just so great, and I'm happy that now I've gotten past that barrier and I can give her the same kind of love I give the rest of my friends! Bwaaah!
  16. 3 points
    I'm like that too. Though a lot of aros are romance repulsed, some aros are not. My friends didn't talk a lot about crushes. Except some game we play as teen, I was asked only once who my crush once. My friends didn't talk about crushes and didn't date. It changes now that I'm older but most people I know now are already in couple so we don't talk about attraction. Also even if discovering my aro identity changed it a bit, I don't mind romance in fiction, if it's not amatonormative. I can ship people too even if I'm not crazy about it. I even write romance in my fiction. I like that. I didn't realize I was different from people around me too. That's more linked to my ace side but it could have been the same with aro : I was very surprised to discover that people actually feel sexual attraction frequently. I thought I was in the norm. Though I didn't think about it for romantic attraction because we talk less about it (or at least on these terms), it never occurs to me that I was not in the norm. That's why I discover my identity when I discovered the words I think. Because before I didn't realize most of people were different. There is a lot of was to experience aromanticism. What unites us is the lack of attraction (in multiple forme for the grey area), but then, our relationship to this lack and the consequences differ for everyone. So don't doubt your identity because you can't relate to everything you heard.
  17. 2 points
    quick disclaimer: I vaguely remember there was thread a while back addressing controversy about whether aro or ace people coined the term queer/quasiplatonic relationship. I'm really not interested in continuing that conversation. If someone has brought this up before, I apologize for being redundant, but I couldn't find anything because the search bar on this website seems kinda inefficient. Also, I'm in no way implying that we have to have unified terminology as a community. Label yourself and your relationships however makes sense to you. That being said, I'm really tired of the ambiguity surrounding what "platonic" actually means. For one thing, I don't even like Plato, and for another, it's a word originally coined to simply describe love without sex/sexual desire (see here, the etymology: [link]). To me, it sounds like regardless of who came up with the idea of a qpr (like I said, not interested in that convo), platonic seems to ultimately describe allo aces in romantic relationships better than it does us. While it's true that colloquially platonic often = friendship, I think that might just be a result of a false dichotomy society created (if you're not having sex, you're "just friends"). Instead of a qpp, I might call someone an aromantic partner? Lol, I kinda wish "friends with benefits" didn't just refer to sex, but also like, domesticity, commitment, closeness, etc. The "benefit" is my need for constancy is satisfied 😂
  18. 2 points
    How do alloromantics deal with this wildly unrealistic portrayal of romance??? It's on par with Hollywood hacking, but most people aren't hackers. Most people are allos, though, which makes it really surprising. Even if a romantic relationship is shown to begin realistically in a normal boring setting and not when fighting an alien invasion, the other tropes which are used are still insane. Except for comedy the romantic interest is ... mostly ... super, super special. E.g. the mysterious alternative, artistic, sophisticated, charisma demigodess, intellectual French girl who lives a bohemian lifestyle and is so deep that everything she says opens up new vistas of thought. Most French women HUMANS aren't that interesting. Even the person with the most fascinating personality, dazzling intellect, ... on this planet needs some time to recharge and can't hold up that level 24/7. ... do allos see their romantic partners in this way? I've bothered so much trying to understand romance but there are still new disturbing questions coming up!
  19. 2 points
    Yes omg I think going on badass adventures with would be cool! Definitely doesn't have to involve romance like it always does in books/movies smh. Though I don't really mind a romantic undertone in action or adventure if it adds another layer rather, than feeling forced and slowing down the plot People on here are super accepting and positive! It's not something easy to find in other communities and it's pretty neat not feeling abnormal for once
  20. 2 points
    I relate to what you're saying. Media venerates romantic relationships and make them out to be some grand, amazing thing that everyone wants, and then people are bashed for not wanting a romantic relationship. I used to think I was romantically attracted to people, too, because literally everybody else around me was obsessed with romance. So, I thought, "meh, I must be romantic, too." I also relate to fantasizing about going on adventures with my friends. I'd think about what it'd be like to fight off a zombie apocalypse with my closest friends, stuff like that. But none of it was ever inherently romantic. I'm glad though that I am a part of communities that accept both my asexuality and aromanticism. It's nice to have a family like this.
  21. 2 points
    Hid posts in this thread due to a discussion about the validity of sensual/platonic/aesthetic attraction. We do not debate the validity of other people's identities.
  22. 2 points
    Two issues I run into being straight-ish and alloaro: 1. As @NullVector describes, I'm wary of whether I'd be welcome in queer spaces solely on the basis of being aro. (Setting aside my ongoing journey with gender identity, and complications with sexuality described below.) I know logically that it's all bullshit but I've internalised, to some extent, the ideas that "a straight person who prefers being single doesn't count as queer", and that I don't share experiences of being discriminated against to the extent other queer people have, and therefore I'm not "queer enough" to really belong. Those are my own hang-ups to deal with, but what I really fear is that if I try to involve myself in queer spaces I will run into people who do genuinely believe these arguments and will tell me I'm not welcome on that basis. 2. There doesn't seem to exist language or terminology to describe what my sexuality is. I don't know how much of this is an alloaro thing, but sexual attraction for me is entirely about bodies, and has nothing to do with gender. (Often, it even has nothing to do with personality!) And all of our terminology about sexuality seems to be defined exclusively in terms of gender. I don't seem to have a way to say that there's only one kind of genitalia I'm interested in getting intimate with, without sounding or being transphobic. And I do feel like the fact that sexual attraction for me is so utterly separate from any notion of love or even like for a person or their identity is probably a factor in this. It's possible that this is also related to my "I fundamentally do not experience gender as a significant part of my identity" thing but like I said, ongoing journey.
  23. 2 points
    I'm a bi gray aro and like on the one hand I recognize questioning people exist and also using just ace or aro by themselves makes sense for some nonbinary people and I can't force anyone to identify as anything, but it annoys me so much sometimes when aros who aren't attracted to their same gender identify as "just aro." First of all that tells me absolutely nothing about who you're attracted to since you can be a gay ace or a het aro. When I and most other people ask what your sexuality is they want to know who you're attracted to, not how you experience attraction. Second, to me it's - and I say this as a nonbinary person - the equivalent of saying "I'm not cis, I'm normal" or "I can't have cis privilege because I'm a woman/gay/don't like gender roles." Or when straight women will call another woman their girlfriend when they'd never call their male friends their boyfriends. Or like, if I tried to say that I'm not white because I'm half Irish and my ethnic group has faced colonization and oppression (even though that doesn't negatively affect my life personally today) or if I tried to say that because I'm pagan I'm somehow just as oppressed as someone Jewish or Muslim. I think if you're cis and not attracted to your same gender you hold privilege for it even if you're aro or ace. And while it's fine to prioritize being aro or ace as an important part of your identity it's also important to acknowledge when you're in a position of power - in this case due to lack of same gender attraction - and not treat your own life experience as the default, which is what I feel like aros and aces who aren't into their same/similar gender(s) might be (consciously or unconsciously) doing when they try to just call themselves aro or ace and just leave it up to interpretation who they're attracted to. It promotes the idea that aros just inherently feel no attraction at all or that we're all straight, which marginalizes aros who are gay/bi/lesbian/etc and ignores how we're more at risk because of homophobia. As a bi gray aro I need support from other aros and that includes prioritizing the marginalized in our community. EDIT: I'm not talking about people who are strictly aroace and openly call themselves aroace here, but instead more like someone who's a cis het aro and says just "aromantic" when asked their sexuality.
  24. 2 points
    It's more like I respect myself more than to waste my time and energy holding your hand while I explain queerphobia and heteronormativity 101 to you, lmao.
  25. 2 points
  26. 2 points
    My bff is straight but she says the bond she has with me is something special. She also said that this song is a good description of our friendship:
  27. 2 points
    I just say attracted to men. A lot of other terms bother me because of how they conflate gender identity and expression and because of how they can be used to fetishize trans people. I'd say the only exception to that rule is when nonbinary people use them.
  28. 2 points
    I've found these Androsexual/Androphilic: attracted to males, men, and/or masculinity Gynesexual/Gynephilic: attracted to females, women, and/or femininity Skoliosexual: attracted to genderqueer and transsexual people and expressions (people who aren’t identified as cisgender)
  29. 2 points
    Recently I've been casually trying to research potential examples of non-romantic relationship ceremonies, but I haven't had much luck, partially because in using the search term "friendship ceremony" I discovered that it actually refers to a non-legally binding marriage (who's idea of a sick joke was that? I'm annoyed), and "friend/platonic marriage" turns up a lot of articles about people unhappily stuck in sex-less relationships. The only relevant bit of information I found was on adelphopoiesis/adelphopoiia, or "brother making," a religiously recognized relationship between two men that once existed in the Greek Orthodox and Catholic churches. There's been debate as to whether it was either intentionally or unintentionally accommodating to gay men, but either way, it's not that useful to us I think. It's religious and limiting gender-wise, and even though it could potentially apply to me, a guy who was raised Catholic, it's extremely obscure. Anyway, I just happen to think it would be really cool if there were ways of making a big deal out of a non-romantic relationship either by demonstration in front of other loved ones or in private confidence. It might go a long way toward putting romantic and non-romantic relationships on equal footing, culturally speaking. Not sure if I'm looking in the wrong places, or if it's really that uncommon through history/in other cultures. Avoiding cultural appropriation is important of course, but I do want to take a stab at coming up with something new, and having other examples to learn from would help. All I've got to go on so far is something from fiction. There was a book series I read as a kid called The Underland Chronicles, in which there were "bonds," characters who made a pact to be close companions who protected each other to the death. A *lot* of characters died or almost died in this series, so it's a practical thing in their world, but there's more to it than that. Bonds are basically inseparable, the closest of friends, and it's taken so seriously that breaking the terms of a bond lands a person in exile as their court-ordered punishment. The ceremony is done by holding hands and reciting a short poem: "[insert name], I bond to you. Our life and death are one, we two. In dark, in flame, in war, in strife, I save you as I save my life." I think there's an intentional reference to marriage vows, but the similarity ends there. Growing up, I really really appreciated this. I guess you could call it representation in a way. Anyone got anything else?
  30. 2 points
    Hi! Although I cannot speak for you or know exactly how you feel, I do know that I feel similarly to how you are describing. However, I do enjoy romance stories, I ship many fictional characters together, but the think that I think made me interested, was that you said you don’t think you’ve had a crush since you were 9 and that you don’t really think about romance a lot. Although I do not know all of your emotions or your age, I know that, from talking to an alloromantic (non-aromantic) friend, most people have crushes many times after age 9 before their current age. Also, many people who feel romantic attraction think about it a lot from what I understand. In fact, the lack of crush and not thinking about it actually was what helped me come to terms and realize I was aro. Hope this helps!
  31. 2 points
    To be honest what you write about not sharing some common aro experiences has very little to do with whether you are aro.that main problem you write about fits in fine with being aro. fine with romance stories, plenty of aros are. fine with shipping, plenty of aros are. didn't feel pressured to get into a relationship, theres a fair few aros in that situation as well, it just depends on your upbringing. the key questions are about whether you experience romantic attraction. Also not feeling like you are different from those around you does not mean you are alike. I do not know how old you are now but I can read that school is a thing from your past. not many people from that age would say the last time they wanted a relationship was aged 9. So no worries, doubting your aromanticism is fine but the fact that you dont share common aro experience doesnt invalidate you.
  32. 2 points
    Welcome. On AVEN you're offered cake, but here it's ice cream.🍦 You may notice a mascot called Papo.
  33. 2 points
    Feelings are valid and don't have to make sense. To me your feelings make sense because losing touch with any emotion (even a "negative" one like loneliness) is a form of loss and could be making you feel "less human". I experience "emotional flatlining" where my emotions are muted or delayed, and on the one hand I like not dealing with emotions //which is possibly why this is happening //, on the other hand I feel like I "ought to fix" my emotional health. It's not a perfect comparison and I don't have an answer, but you aren't alone. I recently found the word aplatonic and I love it. (There's 3+ definitions out there, and I sort of mush multiple definitions together for myself.) There's certainly that voice of doubt going "Really Char? You think it's okay to not have any kind of deeper human connection?". But this is about being happy. Yes, a deep human connection with someone is a piece of being happy for many, but feeling obligated to fake or seek out deep connections wasn't making me happy. I'll just have to find happiness elsewhere
  34. 2 points
    1.How do I feel about the little representation? Do I feel the representation is accurate? -Whenever I see aromantic representation, or a character has been confirmed to be aromantic, I always am really happy. From the media I've read and watched, it has been rather accurate. It's always appreciated whenever the word aromantic is used explicitly in the piece of media. A show that confirms their aromanticsm on the side is nice, but if the character says it that's the most ideal situation because it's raising awareness. I would like it if some media took more effort to show the struggles of aromantics, however. I don't want aromantics to look like gloomy people who are sad all the time, no no no. I simply want our struggles to be realized and sympathized with by others because that is something I feel like doesn't get communicated at all by most pieces of media with aromantics. We are shown as happy people who don't need romance to be happy. And while that can be true, it's not always true! Many aromantics often struggle to find their place in a world that so highly prizes romance and I want that to be shown and understood. It'd also be nice to show a range of romance repulsed to positive aros. I haven't seen many romance repulsed aros in the media, probably because they would receive more negative reactions from the viewers. Basically I'd like to see more varied aromantic representation. (Ya it's cool to use my comments on this project. I hope my thoughts are concise enough!)
  35. 2 points
    To be frank with you, i would call them a "close friend" probably. I mean, i am already disturbing the norms so why a friend could not be that? I like the word. C'est mes amis, mes potos. I am generally disinterested from qpr (no offense to anyone of course) and the "who was first" debate is...meh. Not one i will fight for. I used to be in the need of specific labels, but right now i am just... Eh 🤷‍♂️ But yes, the etymology is another debate. Peoples use it to describe a non romantic relationship, but norms are norms and they often think about no sex with it. I think.
  36. 2 points
    I don't know if I said it before but... YMBAI listening to "can you feel the love tonight" from the Lion King, you relate to the par of Timon and Pumbaa, not Simba and Nala.
  37. 2 points
    Alternatively, assumed you were bi or pan because you felt equally towards all genders.
  38. 1 point
    Very late reply, but this is a known issue. I've tried to fix it a few times but I haven't found anything that works yet. jpeg should be supported, Invision itself says that it should be working but whenever it tries it just fails.
  39. 1 point
    Maybe it doesnt't tell you about who they are attracted to because they don't want you to know!!! Aro people don't owe you jack shit. Why are you mad? There are many reason someone might want to use aro as their only label. Maybe their sexual attraction just isn't as important or relevant to them, maybe they're questioning, maybe they're not comfortable with their sexuality or they just don't want others to know. All of them valid and perfectly fine reasons. I don't understand why you are mad!
  40. 1 point
    [[Super hoping this post is in the right place. Also, if a topic like this already exists let me know and I'll just head over there instead.]] As an aromantic, when I scroll through media sites like Buzzfeed, Tumblr, Facebook, etc. I see a lot of the articles, quizzes, memes, and things are about romantic love. There are plenty of things like, 'a quiz for couples,' 'you know you're in love when. . .' etc etc. I'm sure you all know what I'm talking about. Obivously these things don't interest me, so I get really excited when I come across things about platonic love/relationships! I've very very rarely seen things that are specifically for aromantics or even use the word "aromantic." But, I'll take what I can get. I found this post today [https://www.buzzfeed.com/jasminnahar/tumblr-posts-to-send-to-your-best-fri?bfsource=bbf_enuk&utm_term=.jrxmJppxZN#.iivZJwwgR1] that I actually related to and wanted to share with you all. It inspired me to make this thread where anyone can share silly things like memes, tweets, tumblr posts, articles, or whatever that is specifically for aromantics or about platonic love/feelings.
  41. 1 point
    I've had these thoughts for awhile now but. I really hate my identity. I hate my labels. I called myself bisexual for MULTIPLE YEARS, and yet now, bisexual doesn't feel right at all. I can't use pan either. So I'm stuck using microlabels. And i really like the term i use, I think it suits me really well, but at the same time I despise it because I always feel like people are judging or bashing me for using microlabels. Even tho there's nothing wrong with them. I feel content with my labels. I feel comfortable with my labels. And they're MY LABELS so it shouldn't even matter what other people say about them and yet. I wish I could take my anxiety riddled brain and s c o o p. Trash bin.
  42. 1 point
    I feel like it would have been easier for me to realize I was aro, and then for me to be comfortable being aro, if I had examples of people being aro in the world (or fiction). If I had known I was aro, I could have made different choices around dating and avoided painful experiences. Therefore lack of representation can be harmful to aros. I feel like what representation there is looks a lot like a character who happens to not be dating during the story. While lines like "I'm aro I don't date" can help spread awareness aromanticism exists, I don't feel my aro identity is explored and reflected in the media. Aspec representation is one of my interests. I want to make life a little better for people like me who don't know it yet by promoting aspec titles and lists. You can use my comments in your project. Here is a list of aspec fiction (and other media) databases and lists. https://docs.google.com/document/d/1Yl1xsU2V_uXNfcw2g1iut6gBAizuQ4NxGDjqcO7tCaQ/edit#bookmark=id.nlntcw23pelm
  43. 1 point
    My relationship with romance in media also changed when I accepted myself as aromantic. I used to love shipping characters and watching romantic plotlines unfold. I mostly liked them because I enjoyed the idea of a "special" and deep connection between two people and I always had a sense of expectation that it would happen to me too. When I realized I was aro, romance lost a bit of its shine for me, because it felt like something I could never reach and that made me feel lonely. I spent some time being sad about it and then I realized that what I actually wanted wasn't a romantic relationship, just trust, and connection with another human being, and I was made to believe by our amatonormative society that the only way I could ever have a meaningful connection was through romance. So now I don't enjoy romance as much because I can't help but be annoyed at the amatonormativity but I can still enjoy a well-crafted storyline and now I like shipping characters as friends or platonic partners (I get super mad when they inevitably "fall in love" in the end).
  44. 1 point
    I wish there was a term that could be used for a committed sexual non romantic relationship. It feels strange to use the term queer platonic relationship for that since most people associate platonic with non sexual.
  45. 1 point
    Hey I'm super new to this party but honestly-- I've toiled and hemmed and hawwed over what romantic attraction is supposed to be, since literally no one can give me a solid definition (as opposed to sexual attraction, which is pretty easily described and physically experienced) but, like, honestly? This is a pretty solid definition. I've felt a lot of things for people, and they've been really confusing feelings because they fit the standards for romantic attraction. I like people a lot, I tend to worship people if I think they're cool, I get nervous around people I like, I find people attractive and get giggly when I do, I give people I like gifts, I go out of my way to spend time with them or help them out, and I spend time alone thinking about them if I like them or think they're attractive-- And none of those feelings or impulses are the result or or result in a desire for a romantic relationship with someone. That's the bottom line, and that's helped me out a lot when trying to figure out my identity. I'm sorry, I know this is more of a personal comment than a constructive one in terms of pinning down a definition like the rest of yall, but I just wanted to chip in my two cents.
  46. 1 point
    Allosexual means “not asexual”- So, someone who experiences sexual attraction. For example, in my case, I’m aromantic and bisexual. So, while it is true that my experiences as an allo aro (allosexual aromantic) are very different from the experiences of an aroace, calling aroaces “full A” has a connotation of allosexual aromantics or alloromantic asexuals being “lesser”, like we’re not “real” aspecs or like our experiences aren’t as strong. I’m sure that wasn’t your intention, since it sounds like something you just weren’t aware of, so I don’t hold it against you or anything, don’t worry. But it is something to be aware of in the future, now that you know.
  47. 1 point
    I would say it definitely affects the experience of aromanticism differently, or at least the experience of the aromantic community. I've noticed that allosexual aros, myself included, tend to have a more prolonged questioning period than most aroaces even after exposure to LGBTQ+ communities, because aromanticism isn't often talked about outside of asexuality. Aromanticism is still thought to go hand-in-hand with asexuality in many ways, and aro resources communities, or pride-related things are often included as a part of ace things, which can feel isolating to allo aros. (One example I recently saw: A Picrew, aka doll maker, that included pride pins. Some were combos, and although there was a combo pin with the aro and ace flags, there were no combos for the aro flag with any sexual orientation other than ace, which made me feel very left out and like I had to "choose" between my aromanticism and my bisexuality when aroaces did not. Even if it's something as trivial as a dollmaker, little things like this can really add up.) The prejudices we deal with from outside are different, too. Aroaces are more likely to be thought of as being naive, child-like, "innocent", or completely detached from all emotion, while allo aros are more likely to be thought of as predatory, perverted, manipulative, slutty, or just making excuses in order to use others- Even by people who might have no awareness of someone's sexual history, or if they even HAVE a sexual history at all.
  48. 1 point
    Just pretend you know what is going on and run with it thats what I did
  49. 1 point
    How about Voldemort? He doesn't seem like a particularly romantic individual...
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