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  1. I remember that feeling. Discomfort, telling myself that there was no REAL reason for me to feel this discomfort, trying to pretend I didn't. That lasted for a bit over a month before I wisened up and realized that the discomfort itself was the only answer I needed. The push that finally made me break up was realizing I started wanting to avoid my friend, and if I was to retain any warm feelings, then the romantic side of the relationship had to go, before all my affection had been replaced by that ever present discomfort. You asked to do this to try it out, and from the sound
    6 points
  2. You seem to have a great idea, nothing about that sounds hurtful to me. Don't know if it will work with your story, but I think one thing that is exclusive to aroace is thinking that we are bi or pan because of equally lack of attracted in all genders make us think we are equally attracted to them both, instead of unattracted. On the other hand, some aroaces know very young they are not into relationship at all. It depends. But it sounds different than what I heard from allo aros, who can confuse their sexual attraction with romantic attraction. Something you can think about too i
    5 points
  3. Pretty much... Source: r/aromantic
    4 points
  4. I'm Ash. I am fairly confident that I am aromantic or cupioromantic. I am 25 and work a regular office job. Hobbies include EGL fashion, art, houseplants, reading sci-fi novels and chess. A few years ago I began to accept that I will probably never live a typical allo life. It is still a struggle for me though. I think putting these feelings into words on this forum will help me further know myself better. Nice to meet you all :)
    3 points
  5. I just came over from AVEN, I've decided this is the year I embrace my aroaceness and find a community that accepts me for who I am! 👋 I don't know anyone irl to talk about LGBT+ subjects with (conservative area, etc.). I like to write YA/New Adult fiction with aro/ace main characters, and talk about writing. My other hobbies include rock collecting, learning survival skills, and researching cool science stuff.
    3 points
  6. If you have thought your squishes were crushes or have had to make up crushes to fit in.
    3 points
  7. I think it is difficult to write a song about a strong bound that isn't romance because allo will romanticize them anyway. For instance the other day, on the youtube section of the song "Unsaid Emily" from Julie and the Phantoms, I saw someone say "I wish my boyfriend would sing this to me". Which is weird because in the show, the guy sings this to his mother. How can she saw romantically something a guy wrote about his own mother? I'm not saying that it can be interpretated as being about romance (in a show, a character thought it was), but this girl watched the show so she knows what it was
    2 points
  8. I guess on one hand (at least in Germany), for pop songs, most people tend to not exactly listen to or process the actual lyrics of a song and thus might not even realize how much music is about romantic love. The second reason I can think of is that for a lot of people, romantic love is inherently connected to huge amounts of dopamine released in the brain. Music does a good job of activating these memories, prompting a new release of dopamine and leading to a happy feeling.
    2 points
  9. I know that lots of people have found songs about aromanticism, but I was wondering if anyone has any good songs about friends? I love my friends to death, and I get especially angry when people say that romantic relationships are more important than platonic ones, and honestly with so many songs about romance it definitely feels that way sometimes.
    2 points
  10. meetings, especially now with lockdown I have had far too many pointless meetings. paperwork commuting mornings, especially any time before 8am
    2 points
  11. Oh jeez. I relate to basically all of these posts. 😂 Also, YMBAI you didn't date anyone until you were 16/17 and then felt nothing and/or relieved after breaking up with them... (This is my personal experience that made me question my orientation and then discover and identify with the words "aromatic" and "asexual")
    2 points
  12. Ok, so I have been identifying as gray-ro for like barely over a year now. But recently I've started questioning my romantic orientation again. So lets start back before I even thought about being on the a-spec. Around March of 2018 a good friend of mine had told me that she had a crush on me and asked if I wanted to be her partner. I had never really even thought about being in a relationship at all but she was nice and so I told her I'd think about it. I ended up convincing myself that I did in fact like her in a romantic way and proceeded to agree to date her. This was fine until about a mo
    2 points
  13. First things first, happy new year, y'all! Hope everyone at least had a moment to enjoy to close out 2020. Cause for real, screw 2020. I know there's still so much up in the air, but I wanted to see if y'all had any goals, dreams, whatever you were looking ahead to doing for the year. Doesn't matter how minor or small it is. I'm starting with some basics before I try and tackle the bigger ones: cut out sodas, try and be more mindful of my health, and catch up on practicing more spoken word and poetry...which was a resolution from last year I never got around to. XD What
    2 points
  14. Those sound like some nice plans, folks. All the best, I hope you all can accomplish your goals! My plans/goals for this year are to become more involved with activism and building the skills required for this, get back into music (I completely stopped listening to music and playing the violin/piano because I felt "emotionally constipated"), be more patient and accepting of where I am in life now even if it's not my ideal situation, and to put myself out there more (instead of only lurking online and not interacting 😅). Also to finally publish a research paper I've been working on
    2 points
  15. Aside from the various art projects I told myself I was gonna do, I think I wanna work on being kinder to myself. Last year really took a toll on me and my already horrible self esteem. I was still in deep denial of my aro identity and suffered because of it. I had also just gotten out of an emotionally/mentally abusive relationship that year, and the gaslighting that person did made me think horribly about myself. My goals are: 1. Be more open/accepting of my aro identity, 2. Continue to learn more about the aroace community, and 3. Improve my overall self image.
    2 points
  16. Hey, your plans and goals sound really good. It's always good to look after yourself 😊. My first and biggest goal this year is to change my current major (pharmacy). It is okay, but I'm not really happy or satisfied with it. I'm playing with the thoughts of starting med school or becoming an elementary school teacher (I can imagine both very well). I want to start all over again, the desire is very strong to do so. Maybe also because of 2020. My second goal is to accept my orientation. I had been struggling with accepting it in the real world (online I'm all about "everyone is valid, be p
    2 points
  17. A nice chat this evening :-). For those who are not able to make this time on a Sunday evening (I find it easier to organise in UK time but google tends to be quite helpful for time zone variations), are there any better times/days for you? I can't personally promise anything, but of course that doesn't prevent anyone else organising a different time without me if my UK-time limitations are difficult. I know many people aren't keen on such a responsibility, but it really isn't much to organise to be honest if it's something you are interested in doing? From my perspective, I'm planning on
    2 points
  18. Thank's for a nice meeting today :)
    2 points
  19. I've been struggling on this for sometime. I've been thinking of a QPR/sexual relationship of some sort, but it feels super difficult to find one that is amenable to what I want out of a relationship. I don't want to try anything with an alloro person, as frankly the stress of them potentially generating romantic feelings for me would just turn me off of the QPR completely, but it seems as if there's no way to find another aromantic and/or aroallo person easily. As I'm autistic it's double hard for me to form meaningful relationships with people/make friendships with those who aren't neurodive
    2 points
  20. I get the struggle. I haven't used it myself yet, but I was recently recommend an app called Lex, in which you post short personal ads. It's for queer people and there are people looking for a variety of relationships/connections (romo, friendships, fwb...). Perhaps that's another option to try out!
    2 points
  21. Cause I don't wanna marry em, I wanna fuck em. That's about the only way I can put it really.
    2 points
  22. I’m 37 and I’m in the process trying to figure things out. I’ve just recently, this month in December read about asexuality and aromanticism in the books “the invisible orientation” by Julie Sondra Decker and “ace” by Angela Chen. If has a been very mind blowing and emotional read. I wanted to learn more because I want to learn more about every lgtbq+ Orientation of course. I’m Christian and work in church (I’m swedish) I don’t work much with lgtbq+ including work at the moment but I really want to, so I need to learn more. And I’m always interested learning about different people on
    2 points
  23. I'm looking at you, YA authors (and TV/movie producers, and basically everyone apparently)
    2 points
  24. Somebody asks you what a non-platonic relationship would look like and you genuinely have no idea because it's just not something you can really conceptualize.
    2 points
  25. No problem YMBAI you started dating someone who you should be really good with on paper and you genuinely like, but once you're in the relationship, you feel uncomfortable or trapped.
    2 points
  26. What characters in books, movies, songs, games, mythology, etc. are or seem to be non-binary? I was inspired by an article about the game Call of Duty: https://www.yahoo.com/news/call-duty-lets-gamers-play-222947450.html I'll also mention my all-time favorite Final Fantasy character--Quina Quen. And Mogumo from Love Me for Who I Am.
    1 point
  27. I grew up in the Alaska wilderness. We were far from people but some animals would eat out of my hand, & my best friend was a wolf. Since then I've lived in towns & now a city; I've taken care of dogs, cats, rabbits, goldfish, parakeets, cockatiels, & chickens. I also remember the forget-me-nots & sitka spruces in Alaska & have had various houseplants, particularly aloes. Which non-humans have been important to you?
    1 point
  28. In Sweden there's a radio show in which various people each gets an hour to talk about whatever they choose and pick music to go with it. I was listening to one about a opera singer who in one segment talked about her experience of finally finding a song teacher who could help her develop her voice. The song that went with this story... a romantic love song of course, about a woman finding her perfect man who brings her coffee. How come there aren't a doussin popular songs about someone finding their teacher or mentor? It's such a common experience.
    1 point
  29. hi roboticanary- thanks for the reply! societal and physiological expectations can really have a grip i think and being able to let those go is so freeing. it is interesting to think of all the different experiences people have of what it means to be aroace. look forward to chatting more! what has your experience looked like?
    1 point
  30. Oh, nice! I lived in Maastricht for a bit, did my master's there. I miss the hills
    1 point
  31. Hey, I'm new also! Welcome to the forum. What's an EGL? I'm also struggling with not living a normal alloromantic life as well, didn't come to terms with that until recently.
    1 point
  32. Yes. Shugo & Rena were the main characters of .hack//LEGEND OF THE TWILIGHT BRACELET, a 3 volume graphic novel that also had a TV series & a music CD. It's part of the greater .hack multimedia franchise created by Hiroshi "Piros" Matsuyama. https://dothack.fandom.com/wiki/.hack//Wiki I've added images to the previous post.
    1 point
  33. I found an in-depth guide once but I can't remember the blog. (I'll try to find it again) From an aroace perspective, it doesn't sound like you're doing anything wrong. We need ace romances, QPRs, and characters who don't want relationships. I've read that your aro or ace characters shouldn't be robots, aliens or villains (the whole 'don't feel romantic attraction = evil and heartless' stereotype). And having an emotionally distant, traumatized or socially awkward ace character could play into stereotypes too. A helpful quote from https://simplyoriginalcharacters.tumblr.com/po
    1 point
  34. For me, I suppose it's the notion that autistic people lack self awareness? I guess some people conflate my inability to understand social cues (like how certain types of emotional closeness, mainly in the form of disclosing personal details between a male presenting person and a female can be perceived as romantic intent, not to mention that due to my cultural background and despite being read as "female" by society, many people are threatened by me for no good reason) to mean that I couldn't possibly know if I'm feeling romantic attraction to someone or not, because autistic people are only
    1 point
  35. Saw some acephobia on my tumblr dash today and felt disgusted. I'm not even ace, but this community has made me love ace people more than ever. Unfollowed immediately.
    1 point
  36. For me, with romance repulsion, I don't mind if other people are doing things like PDA or talking about their SOs IRL. It's not in relation to me, so I'm pretty much indifferent, and very much supportive. When romance is directed towards me, can't handle it at all, IRL or online. It makes me super uncomfortable and if it's really up there can even make me panic. I get this mixed feeling of awkwardness & guilt, because I really don't like hurting people and it's stressful af, and an overbearing sense of "RUN". So yeah lol. In fictional media, it's a lot more fluid. Music? Literally don
    1 point
  37. That is a good one, would love to play this in an orchestra!
    1 point
  38. Endrance in .hack//G.U. plays online as a male character with feminine characteristics. The novel describes Endrance as someone to whom the concept of gender has no meaning. About .hack//SIGN:
    1 point
  39. I really wish that stuff wasn’t expected of people. It sucks that we can’t just say: I don’t want to do this, and others think we have to or whatever
    1 point
  40. For me it's not so much what we're doing as why we're doing it. I like kissing as a part of sex but generally not for romantic reasons. I think you can and should do things like get chocolates and flowers for your friends and celebrate Valentine's day together. I think you can go on dates without romance being involved, plenty of people date casually just for fun or because they want sex. But for me it doesn't (usually) come with romantic feelings and it can make me uncomfortable if someone does those things to try to be romantic with me or saw them as romantic, rather than seeing it as a frie
    1 point
  41. mid twenties now and discovered it a few months ago. I feel a bit old now.
    1 point
  42. Yes, I'm in High School and I'm on the aromantic spectrum! Discovering that was a very interesting experience, but I'm glad it helped me rethink some things about myself. There are many other teens on the forum, and I hope you'll feel welcome here!
    1 point
  43. There was a historical moment in Polish translations of the games, because the person who was doing a translation for ’Bugsnax’ decided to keep a nonbinary character (Floofty) as nonbinary. The translator decided to use dukaizm forms for them. Polish is very gendered language and it’s very common that translators are doing ciswashing. There was also a very long discussion about Polish translation of ’She-Ra’ where nonbinarity of Double Trouble was erased. I don’t know if they corrected it or not.
    1 point
  44. I wonder if it's more likely that minority stress is a factor here. Especially given that aros are, typically, an invisible/unrecognised minority group. A big flaw in attachment theory is the assumption of a "dyadic model" which isn't always applicable even to children. When it comes to adults the majority of "relationship research" is about romantic relationships. The typical attachment style test assumes some kind of "primary relationship".
    1 point
  45. I got an 8..... This is seriously scary. If I didn't consider it something natural, I'd say that sounds like addiction and withdrawal symptoms... Is this srsly how love feels? This is frightful.
    1 point
  46. You might be aro if you mistook sexual, aesthetic or sensual attraction for a crush. You might be aro if you thought romantic feelings described by others must be exaggerated. You might be aro if you never notice when someone has a crush on you, unless someone points it out to you. You might be aro if you broke somebody's heart by accident, even without realizing it, simply because you underestimated the intensity of their feelings. You might be aro if you felt suffocated and overwhelmed in a romantic relationship. You might be aro if
    1 point
  47. You had to lie about having a celebrity crush or having crushes in general.
    1 point
  48. Dated someone because you felt like you were supposed to.
    1 point
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