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Showing content with the highest reputation on 07/14/20 in all areas

  1. 2 points
    I would like to see an allo aro character who's romance repulsed. One thing that both aroaces and allo-allos don't get is that sex is so heavily tied to romance that if you're not willing to at least perform romance for someone else's benefit, you're going to have a really hard time with any sexual relationships. How do you even find sexual relationships without first dating someone romantically, if you're not someone who's interested in the usual things like nightclubs or dating apps? Or, let's say you are open to those things. How do you sort out the people who are willing to have a no-strings-attached sexual relationship from the people who expect it to develop into something """more"""? What do you do when your partner """catches feelings""" and it's seen as your responsibility and your fault, and you're expected to reciprocate out of obligation? What do you do when they spread rumors about you being a bitch for refusing to date them, even when you both agreed at the start of your relationship that it was going to be purely sexual? What do you do when your partner wants to kiss you, or call you pet names? How do you find smut you can enjoy reading, when the best written stuff always ends in an "I love you for real"? So many people think being allo aro is as simple as "Well you just have casual sex". It's not, especially if you're romance repulsed. And sometimes I see people treat us as like, Alloromantic Lite- Basically the "aro" part ends at "well they don't have a long-term partner", without thinking about how our lack of romantic attraction affects our lives. I'm sure you understand how much it hurts to live in a romantic society as an aromantic, right? That happens to a lot of us, too. Sure, some aros might be romance-favorable, but we're not necessarily totally unfazed by the existence of romance just because maybe we're ok with kissing sometimes.
  2. 1 point
    "That's just how the world is".... god, people just don't have any respect for us, huh? What's the point of playing a game if we're just forced into the same shitty reality we're already living? I'm sending strength for you to talk to them about it!
  3. 1 point
    IME perioriented people tend to conflate romance and sex. Often without being aware of it. There can also be conflation between romance and interest in other romantic coded activities. In theory allo-aces get this. Though practice not so much. Also worth noting that someone's feelings towards performative romance can differ from how they view romance in fiction or popular culture. Often "relationship" and "romantic relationship" are seen as synonyms. Thus there's little cultural context in terms of what a non romantic relationship (sexual or not) might look like. These don't work for everyone. I'm not sure any relationship is "no-strings-attached" more "no-romantic-strings-attached". Even for a non romance repulsed aro that "more" could equate to "less". This is where romantic privilege comes into play. Part of this is likely to be that whoever ended the relationship it's likely to be seen as the aro's fault. This assumes that a) all aros want casual sex. b) all aros can easily find people who they find attractive and are interested in casual sex with them. Which can also be expressed as "aros are satisfied with (platonic) friends". There's a lot of social interaction which is romantic coded. Someone being a romance-favourable aro does not mean that they know how to roll play being an allo. It's not that hard to find existing examples of non-sexual romantic relationships. Even involving allo allos Whilst it's hard to find examples of non-romantic sexual relationships.
  4. 1 point
    1. Thanks lol love the profile pic. We stan a pretty setter 2. I was wondering about qprs, they sound like something I might be interested in but at the same time I’m still worried that whoever I’d over up the idea to, would be offended or upset that I wouldn’t be able to feel for them in the exact same way. Idk, life’s complicated. I’ve still got things to leave about my comfort levels. All I can do is do whatever feels right in the moment. (Which is way easier said than done but it’s the thought that counts lol) It is nice to actively know that people have felt close to what I’m going through That’s exactly what I’ve been wondering for a while!! I still don’t exactly know. It does sound nice but, in the one relationship I was in, I felt off. I assumed it was because I didn’t know this person enough to actually like them yet but I honestly don’t know if that’s really it. Of course, logically I know that there are tons of people in this community that can relate to things I feel but it can be hard to genuinely feel it. This is nice though, I really appreciate you and all the others for taking time out of your day to reassure me and make me feel valid. ❤️ It wasn’t a mess lol don’t worry
  5. 1 point
    ***I’m sorry if this isn’t formatted well!! I’m just writing down my thoughts/concerns as they form in my mind*** I’m 17 and I’ve never questioned my romantic attraction before, I always assumed I had it- that I experienced it in the “normal” way- because I love sweet things and I like way too many fictional characters. (As well because I’m pansexual and polyamorous) I do know that I find people of all kinds sexually attractive and I do know that, when the right people came, I would be into having a relationship with more than one person. But lately I’ve been wondering if I actually do experience romantic attraction. My main question is: Is it possible to be on the aromantic spectrum if I like the idea of/want all the things that happen in a relationship? I do want to kiss, cuddle, hold hands, have dates, make out, maybe have sex etc. with people I’m close with but I don’t really feel anything aside from “aw that’s a sweet/cute/neat thing to do”. I keep looking up what “romantic love” and “attraction” are supposed to feel like but I still have no clue. I do get excited and happy reading, watching, thinking of my self in romance situations but when placed in a scenario where I would experience it, it just feels off. I don’t think I’ve ever gotten “butterflies” before. I’ve seen people describe it as “you‘re weightless, floating, nervous, giddy, warm and fuzzy” but the only thing I’ve ever felt towards a person irl is stress, a bit of anxiety and slight excitement (because “omg, I’m finally having a sweet moment!”, yes that’s what I thought) I don’t get any of those butterfly feelings when I think about people I’d be interested in doing relationship stuff with. Idk maybe I just haven’t been in enough relationships to know but don’t people feel all of that even when they’re not in a relationship??? That’s what I’ve always assumed after consuming all that lovey-dovey media. I’ve had a few what I assumed were crushes (two friends, a few celebrities and several fictional characters) but, after reading into aro terminology, they could very well be meshes. I got into in my first relationship at the end of last year but it only lasted about a month or so because it didn’t feel right to me. I liked this girl but we jumped into a relationship way too quickly. We didn’t know all that much about each other so it felt really wrong to me- really insincere. And I was starting to feel guilty since the main reason I said yes was because I wanted to be in a relationship, I wanted to be able to say (not really outright but still) that I had a gf. I feel bad because she says that she actually likes me and still would like to be in a relationship if I’m down. I told her I felt something for her, which is true. I care about her a bit more than other friends but I don’t think it’s the same thing that she’s feeling. I think I just think highly of her and want good things for her. I do want to do cute relationship stuff with her but not because I’m in love with her. But because I just want to. Because that stuff is sweet and cute and it sounds nice. I’m not certain in very many of my emotions. In general, I don’t think I feel things the way I’m “supposed to”. (But that’s a problem for another time) I want to be loved romantically. Though, Idk if that’s because I really want that or if I just want the reassurance that I’m capable of being loved. I feel bad that I think I’d be okay with a single sided romance. Again idk, feelings are really complicated and I really wish I felt things very obviously.
  6. 1 point
    Thanks @nisse! I'm thinking I'll start posting them in the Aromantic Discussions topic as I write them for people to share their thoughts on as well. They're for practicing writing more than anything (if my 0 followers doesn't tell you I'm not after clout, I don't know what does lol) but if enough people ever actively enjoyed them, I'm always happy to do more or take requests!
  7. 1 point
    figured i should introduce myself as well, and not just write a post and run hahaha. Hi! I'm Pigie/nisse, i'm 24, soon-to-be art student, and i have known i was aroace since i was about 17? took a bit longer to accept it tho, lol. I have always felt a much stronger connection with the aro label than the ace label, however i recently discovered some people use aroace as a whole label (and there's a flag! a much nicer looking one than the aromantic one - i know, i'm sorry. i'm just not big on green 😅 ), as opposed to aro/ace - and honestly that's me!! same hat!! i am the whole thing. i also heavily identify with queer as a label - i am hella queer, and it's nice to use that when i want to make clear that i'm not straight, but i'm not up for educating people on the whole aroace thing lol. i'm also toying around with some gender labels - hence the mess of pronouns. i'm trying to figure it out, as it's been on my mind a long time. so if you're NB and would be willing to chat gender with me, please say hi! i have many thoughts. so hello, fellow aromantics! i'm so happy to be here.
  8. 1 point
    Oh boy, I feel you. I'm also 17, and while I consider myself also asexual, I can totally understand your feelings about relationships. Right now, I'm trying to figure out whether it's cuz society expects me to have a relationship, or because I actually want one. Whatever you decide to label yourself as, just know you're not alone! I'm going through the same thing and it's really freakin hard, but I'm glad that I have this community and countless others on the internet. And in the end, it's ok to not use labels either! You wouldn't be less aro if you decide that maybe you don't want to identify with any specific microlabel. (wow, this post was a mess, sorry for the rambles)
  9. 1 point
    i just read it there and - yes, yes yes. you nailed it!! for sure bookmarking your blog for future musings - i've missed having the same kind of blogs and articles to read about identity within romantic stuff as there exists about gender and the complexities of that.
  10. 1 point
    For me, personally? Yes and no. Would I like someone who I get along with well, who I know would generally be open to having sex, without any fear of it being romantic? Sure. Would I want to have an actual committed Relationship, even a sexual-only one? Ehhhh, not really. I don't like being tied down and I don't wanna tie anyone else down either. If someone decides they don't wanna have sex with me anymore they should be able to just be like "Eh, no thanks" without having to formally Break Up With Me, and I would like the same for myself.
  11. 1 point
    an excellent point, if kind of sad (that there is so little). honestly, this is kind of why i asked for headcanons. i only have one character i view as aro-allo (Miranda, from Black Sails), and she is excellent, but the text for sure wants her to be allo-romantic as well (and this is in a show with many queer characters, including one ace one, that shows that without using modern labels (as it's set in the golden age of piracy)). i guess i could lay out what i have of them so far? they are NB, and aro-bi. very outgoing and flirty (as an opposite to their android friend), who likes their encounters but doesn't want serious relationships. i'm toying with the idea of giving them multiple, long term partners. they're not sex-crazy (and as you say, some allos are, and that's extremely valid!), but they enjoy sex and they know what they want, and they're very comfortable with not co-habitating with a partner or having a QPR. i'm still drafting their background and such, but they're the daily manager at a cafe-bar (hence the barista/bartender title), one of those extremely ~ cool ~ people who is also very likable, simply bc they like people. they can have difficulties realising when people aren't interested in socialising, and can be a bit too blunt at times. I'm thinking their family culture is such that that's necessary; when they grew up there wasn't room for subtext and interpret actions. kind of based off of my sister, in that whenever we go out together she always bumps into someone she knows.
  12. 1 point
    (speaking as a person who mostly call themselve just aro, but who is not ace and i can call myself aro allo in some case) The thing is : the aro allo experience is varied. They can be very sexual, not be, not liking sex that much, not be actually sure of their sexual orientation, young and old. And the other thing is: nothing of this is actually bad. I suppose a "cliché" i am not fan of would be that being aro allo *automatically* give you a higher sex drive and that you want sex with everyone you see and that it's always on you mind (automatically is the key word. Because some aro allos may be like that for all i know, and they are not bad for it ). But i am not sure of how popular that "cliché" is. There is, of course, the "aro allos are manipulator" thing i hate. Well, i would need to see actual representation to really be sure of what i don't want haha !
  13. 1 point
    People have already said this, but yeah it's completely okay to desire all those things and still say you're aromantic. I want all of those things (except for maybe kissing on the lips in a non-sexual context, unsure about that) and it doesn't make me any less aro, and there's no reason for it to make you any less aro either (unless of course you prefer to label yourself as such because of those feelings). As for wanting to be in a relationship, of course that's okay. Just make it clear to any partner that while you're interested you may not experience romantic attraction the same way they do; openness and communication is good in any sort of relationship.
  14. 1 point
    1. loveeee the username 2. I literally felt the EXACT same way! For me, I think it's really important to note that societally defined "romantic actions" aren't really exclusively romantic. Like, I've held hands and cuddle with someone platonically. Which also means that you can have sex with someone meaningful without it being romantic. I guess what I'm trying to say is that everything we define as "relationship things" doesn't have to be romantic. You may want to look into what a QPR (queer platonic relationship) is! In a QPR, like all relationships, you get define how you want to show/receive affection (inclusive to all the typical "relationship things" but non-romantic)
  15. 1 point
    Yes, it is possible. There is even a word for aromantic who still want to be in a romantic relationship : cupioromantic. Though in the aromantic community, you find a lot of people repulsed by romance, it is not always the case. Personally, I can enjoy romance in books and movies, for instance, even ship characters sometimes (though I am not crazy about my ships). Also, you list sex in the romantic things, but sex don't have to be romantic. Aros are not necessary asexual. The same way, all your desire for doing these things are not necessary linked to romantic attraction. Maybe you just enjoy physical contact.
  16. 1 point
    Short answer : yes absolutely, it's possible. There is no monolyth in aromantism. There is also many kind of relationships, and none of them are exactly like the other,. And peoples can use the same word for differents "results", or different words for what would be the "same" thing for someone, if that make sense. What you describe don't have to be tied to romantic feelings, even if it has this connotation. Aromantic peoples who like romance and are in a relationship (even in one they would call romantic) also exist. Hope it help? I got them sometime, it's not romance for me. It's either excitement for various reasons or anxiety. I suppose that romantic attraction (or other attractions) can be a form of excitment?
  17. 1 point
    Just laying around. Might be mutually playing video games or saying something now and then.
  18. 1 point
    Same. And it's even worst when it is about characters of the same gender, or who have different origins, because then if you don't ship them, it is necessary because you are homophobic or racist. I recently see people that homophobia is the only reason why some people don't ship Sherlock and Watson, for instance. The same way, I am a lot in a TV show named Merlin. The main character never dated anyone, and I canon him as aro, but I felt alone because any video I see on youtube is about how he and Arthur are totally in love. But I see them in a QPR or an amazing friendship, and I feel so alone. Same for Good Omens that I am reading.
  19. 1 point
    Mess around, play videogames, eat junk food, hugging all day and kiss each other on the forehead. Luckily my friends are awesome and we do this a lot ❤️
  20. 1 point
    An old grandpa acts like an asshole to everyone, especially his son in law. Spoiler
  21. 1 point
    I like to headcanon Anna from Frozen as aromantic (Elsa is an asexual lesbian), though I might just be projecting. But ok hear me out, it's been a while since I saw the movie. She has an idealized view of romance, like most Disney princesses. But when it comes down to it, she actually doesn't know the difference between romantic love and platonic love. She's desperate for attention after being isolated for most of her life and probably just wants someone to chill with, especially after being rejected by sister yet again. Rewatching her duet with Hans (Love is An Open Door), nothing about this song actually feels romantic (actually feels very platonic). It's upbeat and matches Anna's excitement about finding someone who will spend time with her, but it's not a "finding the love of your life Disney ballad". She comes across as immature and naive about love (insisting to Kristoff that's it's true love), though part of that probably does come from the fact that's she's a sheltered 18 year old. This is most evident in the scene where Olaf helps save Anna from freezing to death. She even admits "I don't even know what love is" and then immediately goes on to concludes that Kristoff must love her (a guy she's known for one day vs. like 2.5 days). I think the only time where she really is certain about loving someone is when she says "I love you" to Elsa. Plus, all of her interactions with Kristoff (the surprise love interest) come across as more platonic than anything and they feel forced as a couple, especially after the movie goes on about how love at first sight isn't real and that you should get to know the other person more. Anyways, that's my longwinded crackpot about aromantic Anna
  22. 0 points
    Personally, I canon Gypsy from the show Flash as aro allo, but that's personal. She is there only in a few episodes of season 3 and 4, and is the girlfriend of one of the main character, Cisco. In season 4, they break up because they realized they don't want the same thing. The way I interpret it, Cisco wanted a long-term romantic relationship. But Gypsy enjoys his company, she enjoys having sex with him, but she is not in love and she doesn't want a real romantic relationship. Their break-up scene is very touching for that : it shows that though Cisco did nothing wrong, Gypsy just can't love him, she felt broken for that but as Cisco says to her, there is nothing wrong with her. Another version of that is : a man (usually it's a man) who have sex with a lot of women but never fall in love. Until the female character arrives and "fixes" his behavior.
  23. 0 points
    Good point. i feel that a *lot* in fiction, somewhat. It begin by a sexual non romantic relationship , but it's always depicted as "not good enough" to "bad" so the "only" good ending possible is to make it romantic This is of course more of a big deal when it happen in real life. Because fiction is one thing, but the stigma is very present I was thinking about that
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